Thursday, December 30, 2004

Candy Diet ....

Doesn't sound so bad to me actually!! AOL News - Astronauts on Candy Diet After Pantry Raided
This is interesting. The astronauts on the space station had to cut their rations because the previous astronauts ate more than their share (apparently with permission). I feel badly for them! Not only are they away from their family, friends, their home ... well everything including civilization .... then they get screwed on food too! Poor guys!

All dressed up ....

and nowhere to go!
Not entirely true. I was invited to a tea party. I was informed that this is a tea party in which you must dress up for (a skirt or a nice shirt).
The party is taking place at my kitchen table, whenever my 5 year old is finished setting up.
She is currently changing into her party dress.
I changed into mine. I decided to go all out for her. I put on a formal dress I wore to my dh's work party when my 5 year old was 2 years old. Surprisingly, it still fits! Maybe not quite as nicely as it did back then .... but it still fits!
My dd was so excited when I got dressed! I don't think she thought I would actually do it. But, I figure what the heck. We've nothing else to do today. So I got all dressed up! And I'm ready to go to her tea party ....


Resolutions ... again

Yesterday I reviewed last year's resolutions. Now I must make some for the new year. This will be hard. Since we are not living in our own home, we do not have the freedoms we had before. And this is more than just resolutions per se, but more of a to do list for the entire year. Not to mention, I want my list to be reasonable, not some ultra-high standard I could never live up to! And this year, I have to remember to occasionally check the list LOL!
*Finish A's baby book (100%)
*Start M's baby book (100%)
*Finish Disney scrapbook (50%)
*Go to bed earlier (50%)
*make puppet stage for kids (75%)
*Organize some distinct spaces in basement for us (25%)
*drink more water (50%)
*gossip less (30% LOL!)
*read more (60%)
*label pictures (80%)
*journals for kids (25%)
*worry less (25%)
*relax more (25%)
*get wallpaper off the walls (100%)
*less time on the internet (20%)
*work out a few times a week (20%)

There you have it ... I might have to revise this page over the next few days though as I work all this out in my mind! I really do put way too much effort into this!

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Farewell Friend ....

I was sitting down to watch TV tonight. Law and Order was on. And at the start of the show I saw it "Dedicated to Jerry Orbach." What? I thought.
It is true. He passed away last night. I didn't realize it. I'm so sad. I enjoyed him. I liked his character. I even used to watch him on Murder She Wrote! I liked him then too! He was a bit crazy in that show ... but a fun crazy.
His family will be in my thoughts and prayers ....
AOL News - 'Law & Order' Star Jerry Orbach Dies at 69

In more sad news, the death toll from the Earthquake/Tsunami's is climbing rapidly. They are now saying the numbers could top 100,000. Just terrible. It was such a tragedy. It's a shame we couldn't have done more to prevent this to limit the amount of people hurt and killed by it all.
AOL News - Asia Tsunami Death Toll Tops 77,000

To put this in perspective ... the deathtoll for Americans in WWI was 136,616. What was that over a period of 4 years? And it includes (I beleive) the number affected by the influenza. They lost that many people in a day.

Awww ....

My dh went shopping with our oldest child tonight after dinner. When they arrived home he came in the house and told me "you child would like to see you in the garage."
But he said it with a tone of voice that implied something had gone wrong. Maybe she was upset and refusing to get out of the car for him? Maybe she was crying because he didn't get her something she wanted at the store. It was 15 minutes past bedtime and maybe she was just over-tired and needed a mommy hug. So I walked in the garage where she yelled "Stop. Don't come any further. Close your eyes."
I did as I was instructed. A few moments later, after hearing her footsteps coming to me, I was told I could open my eyes again. There, my precious child stood, holding a bouquet of flowers that she had picked out just for me.
:::sniff, sniff:::
Dh says the idea was 100% hers. She asked on her own to pick out flowers. She picked them out. And she gave them to me.
I am so touched.
How on Earth did I get the best children in the entire world? I'm sure it's not becuase I "earned" it, but I sure do appreciate it!

La la la

Here I sit. I have one child sleeping. One watching Lizzie McGuire. A load of laundry in the dryer. The dishes are moments from being ready to be put away. Approximately 12 minutes until I have to start dinner. And here I sit. Blah. Just one of those days today ... no motivation to really do anything more than what I've done. And I'm fighting that urge to flee and run and hide for a few days.
One day I will not be able to run and hide every time I feel a little bit of discomfort. And that stinks. Because I like being able to flee .....

Hehehehehe ....

Ya, I'm laughing becuase of what I'm about to post! LOL! You can see in this wonderful picture a arrow pointing at a butt. But, it's not just any butt. It's my dh's butt! My dh's butt is probably my most favorite part of his body! I admit it! I love his butt!
He was in a swimming competition (not a serious one) and I just happen to snap this picture - not on purpose either!
It's not a great picture of his butt, but, it's his none the less and I love it! LOL!



Resolutions ....

Here is the list of things I wanted to accomplish this year! I made the list on 1/14/03. I even put the percent of it happening on the list too!!!

* Organize photos into chronological order and to mark on the back who is in the picture and a date. (80% chance)
I did put them in order. I have not marked them.
* do both kids scrapbooks as well as my wedding book (50% chance)
no progress on this!
* make journals for both girls (20% chance)
no progress on this
* finish a very long on-going cross stitch project (80%)
I completely did this! YEAH
* help my sister with her girl scout badges (25% - I think I am more motivated than she is LOL!!!)
Nothing done ... my sister had no interest
* pretend I am on the show "Clean Sweep' with all the crud in my basement LOL!!! (35% chance)
Did this but only because we moved!
* really organize some very distinct play areas for the girls, especially Abigail (90% chance as my dh is pretty commited to this too)
Not done but becuase we have moved ... we need to do it at the new house now
* save money!! LOL!!!! (100% chance - provided I stick to the budget we made)
We did save some, not as much as we had hoped, but that is becuase we wiped it all out when my dh started a business!
* I have several very important craft type projects that I need to do this year .... 2 blankets for some very important people in my life and a ring bearers pillow for my cousins wedding in July (100% for one blanket, 50% for the other one, and 100% for the pillow)
I did 2 blankets, several booties, 2 ring bearer's pillows!
* Finish the book Les Miserables (I have started it twice and loved it, but about half way through something comes up that sidetracks me so I put it down for such a long time that I have to start over) and read Gone with the Wind (85% for Les Mis and 60% for Gone)
read neither
* really truely organize the entire house. (well since I say it every year and it doesn't get done as I would like it too, I give this one a 10% chance LOL!!!)
I did it in the old house. Still needs to be done here - but it's hard because it's mostly not my house!
* There are so many more little things that I need to do but are important, like cleaning out everyone's closets ... and depending on how much I can get organized maybe a garage sale in there. If we save more money than we planned for - then there will be some home improvement projects to add to the list, but I don't anticipate us saving more than we budgeted for so I'm not planning those things!!! =)



Hmmm ... very interesting! It seems as if my list for the following year will look much the same as the list for the last year! Part of the problem is that I did not revisit the list at all during the past year. I guess this year I need to print it off and post it somewhere where I can see it. Also it's amazing how many things happened this year that were not anticipated last January. I would have never guessed we would be moving, that my dh would have started a business, that Emma would be in therapy, losing my grandma and grandpa etc, etc.

Overall, as I look back on the year, I am pleased with progress made. There were lots of bumps on the way - some little and some very big. And I am still in the process of working on a lot of very emotional and hard to deal with issues for me. I think the focus of the next year will be on me - how I need to change to make my life (and my entire family's life) better and to just be in a better spot emotionally in a year. In that regard I do have high hopes for this coming year as to how I internally am. It does make me a bit nervous about the next year, but overall it will be a very good thing and so I am also excited about it all.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Too many options....

I am on a search. A search to find a church for me and my family. Well, for me and my children.
I looked it up. There are 38 just in my one town. I know for sure that I do not want to attend Catholic or Lutheran churches. I am clueless about every other denomination out there. I think there are about 13 denominations represented in this town.
I tried to visit some websites to see if I could rule any out, but most of the websites were (IMO) cheesy. We are here to worship the Lord. We believe in God and that Jesus is His son. We believe in love, peace, harmony, blah, blah, blah ...
I wish that I could find more concrete information. I don't really want to visit 20 churches. I would like to try to maybe limit it to 2 or 3 to visit. And hopefully find one that I like and enjoy. And if not, I'll pick a few more to try out (maybe branching out into surrounding towns).
I just wish it weren't so hard to find a spot. I wish there weren't so many denominations to try to weed through.
Hopefully we'll figure it all out eventually.

Awesome power ....

Amazing. The earthquake that hit was estimated to have the power of 1 million atomic bombs. CNN.com - Quake's power = million atomic bombs? - Dec 27, 2004 That is amazing. They say that the quake might even make the Earth's rotation change as well. It is amazing to think of the awesome power of one earthquake. The damage to Sumatra, the damage the tsunami caused.
They are now estimating that 44,000 people have perished becuase of this. It is overwhelming to me to think that so many people could be hurt from this one event.

Everyone affected will be in my thoughts and prayers as they try to recover from all of this devestation. Network for Good :: Tsunami Devastates Southeast Asia

Here I sit ....

still awake, on the computer, on the couch in the living room.
Across from me on the other couch is my dd. She woke up not long ago, just in time to throw up. Again. She is asking for food and water. I'm not giving them to her. :-(
I remember hearing once that if a stomach is unsettled, adding more food/drink to it will make the person throw up again, even if the illness is passed. So I did let her have a sip of water, but I'm making her wait for anything else.
And she just complained about her stomach again ... so I have a feeling that she will be throwing up again. Poor kiddo. I just don't know what to do for her. She is such a trooper though. Just hanging in there. Laying on the couch, with a bucket by her side and a her stuffed horse on the other side. And now she is saying she doesn't want any food anymore :-(
I hate watching my kids get sick. I hate that I can't just snap my fingers and make her feel all better. I think one of the worst feelings is the "I can't make it better for you" feeling. :-(

Monday, December 27, 2004

Monday, Monday, Monday!

Monday is my day to think and be introspective and all of that stuff! But before I do that ... let's talk about my trip LOL!

Made it up up there on Christmas day just fine. Well, A was not extremely excited to be in the car, but once we were at the party and she was playing, she was very happy! Sunday we drove to the waterpark (indoors as it was about 0 degrees outside!). The kids played, and played, and played. M fell asleep almost instantly. A was up later, but obviously tired. I enjoyed talking to other family members there!

This morning started out very well. Dh took kids to pool. They were playing just fine. And then A started complaining. I'm cold. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I need a break. We switched pools, to the warmer one. We didn't have food so she decided to just swim a bit more. Then she wanted a break. But once she got out, she didn't want to go back in. So, an hour before planned, we dressed and got on the road to come home. We stopped, literally 1 minute from the hotel to get lunch. A didn't eat. Her tummy didn't feel good she said. Dh and I chalked it up to her being tired and worn out and didn't think much of it. The rest of us ate and we got on the road.

About 30 minutes into the trip, she started crying about her stomach. And then she said it. "I feel like I have to throw up." and it started. Blech. Bbbbllllahhh. It came and came and came. And she cried and cried and cried. And I wanted to cry and cry and cry. And dh, the only one with a helpful thought, drove us off the interstate and to the first hotel we passed.

He paid the front desk guy 20 dollars. He gave us cleaner for the car, towels to clean and allowed us to bring A into the bathroom to change her clothes. And back on the road we were. I suggested we find a store to locate a bucket for her. But dh said "No. I'm sure she got it all up and we have extra towels from the hotel on the off chance it happens again."

2.5 hours later and 5 throw-up episodes we arrived home.

I have one very unhappy little girl, who is sleeping at the moment. She has hardly eaten today and has thrown up quite a few times. Thankfully no fever though. Poor thing was really a trooper on the way home - she threw up in her towel very well and didn't really cry too much.

But we are home: one sick kid, one healthy kid, and 2 tired parents! There are still toys from Christmas morning to put away, some cleaning to do, and laundry from the trip! But all of that can wait until tomorrow. I'd rather spend tonight doing a whole bunch of nothing! LOL!


Saturday, December 25, 2004

Merry Christmas!!

Here it is. Today is Christmas. The day to remember the birth of Jesus, and of course, open the long awaited gifts from Santa Claus!
I think we have done a good job of both today in our house. We could probably use a little more emphasis on Jesus next year, but we did sing Him Happy Birthday and talk about what he did for us.

Anyway, I'm really here to show off! LOL! I am typing this entry on my new laptop computer. Complete with wireless internet access. I'm so excited! I had no idea this is what I was getting and I'm very excited to have it =) Thanks to my dh for getting me something I wanted and did kind of, sort of need! =)

The children are happy as well. They gleeful proclaimed everything was just what they wanted. They have been playing with their toys all morning .... happy with everything and being very thankful for what they have received.

So, again a Merry Christmas to everyone!

Twas the night before ....

Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for me.

Yes, I'm still awake. It is quarter to 1 in the am. I'm still awake. My children are in bed, probably dreaming of all the fun toys Santa will bring them. My husband is in bed, probably dreaming of having nothing to do. And here I am. Awake. At a computer.

"Santa" has already come. He left the few presents he brings the kids. We had 2 parties we went to today. The kids scored a bunch more presents. I seriously believe that for the month of December we literally doubled all the toys at this house! Tomorrow they will wake up to more presents. And then we will go to another party where they will each recieve at least 2 more. There are toys everywhere! So far they seem to like all of them though, and that's something to be thankful for.

The party at our house went fabulously tonight. Thank goodness for that - I was extremely nervous honestly. Afraid it would be a disaster that would blow up in our faces. Looking back now, it wasn't that hard to get ready. Fortunatly, everyone brings something to eat, so we didn't have to prepare ALL the food, just a portion. And I was really cleaning over the last few days, so there was not a rush to get it all done this morning. I even told dh, I would be willing to do it again next year if he was. He is. And the good news is that we will probably remain in this house through next Christmas as well.

Until this week, we have had no idea where we would be come summertime. Dh talked to his grandparents, we have an invitation to remain here for the next few years (the original plan was for about one year). We will continue to help out with household items (from repairs, to general cleaning, to whatever they ask us to do basically! LOL!). I am so excited. I love it here. I really do. I love it here when his grandparents are in town. And I love it here when they are not in town. I love all the fun activities for the kids and I to do. This house is gorgeous and big and roomy. My children are happy here. I am happy here. My dh is happy here. And the most important thing is that the grandparents are happy with us here (well, at least that is what they say and I think they would tell us if they felt differently). Of course now, that opens a whole new can of worms in terms of where our priorities need to lie and all of that jazz, but we'll figure it out. I think the next weekend will be a big "thinking" weekend for dh and I. A time to do some planning, thinking, refiguring, etc, etc, etc. We'll get there though. And it will be good.

Dh and are I talking today. We still have not "discussed" what happened last night. I hate to say it, but I'm not sure that we ever will. We can't get a kid-free moment, and we most certainly don't want to do it in front of them. Not that we yell, but you just never know what they will hear or pick up on. I don't want to risk it.

Well, off to bed I should go. I don't want to be the tired crabby mommy in the video tomorrow morning! LOL! I hope that everyone else has a very merry Christmas time! =)

Thursday, December 23, 2004

The day's progress ...

I feel like I have accomplished so much today (but apparently, it wasn't good enough for some people @@ more about that later).

Here's the list I made yesterday, revised to reflect today:

- make 2 aprons
- wrap up 2 aprons (along with the one box of tastefully simple that goes with each apron).
(I've done one)
- wrap up dh's gift for his family exchange
- wrap up my gift for dh's family exchange
- wrap up my gift for my family's exchange
- wrap up 4 presents for Christmas morning
- pack to leave on Christmas day for 3 days
(I'm about 1/4th of the way there!)
- wash all floors
- dust living room
- put out last of Christmas decorations
- move all toys in the living room to basement
- hide everything I don't want anyone else taking
- do all the laundry
(one load to go)
- not go crazy!
(I think I failed this one!)
- clean and sweep basement
- get in fight with dh

I personally think that from looking at my list, you can see that I did quite a lot today.
Ieven did 2 craft projects with the kids.
And my dh came home and asked about probably the only 2 things I didn't do all day. And he was upset they were not done. Neither of which were life threatening NOR were under the Christmas deadline.
He didn't care about all that I had done. He even told me, it wasn't quantity he was concerned with. @@ Yeah right. If I had left it all for him to do tomorrow, I bet he sure as heck would have cared.

I feel like a kid again. And he is filling the role of my mom

from 8th grade:
me: Mom, I got a 92.5 in history!
mom: Oh. Is that all?
Talk about ruining the moment. Since when is an A not good enough? Apparently when it's not an A+

Repeatedly through-out chore age:
me: Done dusting
mom, after walking around the table looking from various hieghts and angles: no, there is a smudge. Do it again.

me: I've cleaned my room
mom: There is one piece of paper on your desk. This room is not clean. Get in there and do it again.

In highschool:
Mom: You're wearing that out? (with a look of shock on her face). You look so frumpy. And it makes you look fat. I don't know why you wear clothes like that.

Once in college:
me: Hey, I finished making the signs you asked me to make.
mom: oh. the numbers are too small. It's okay though, it will have to do I suppose

Just this week:
At her house talking on the phone to someone else.
Mom: who were you talking to?
Me: my aunt.
Mom: Geeze, you sound terrible on the phone. You better watch yourself from now on.


I'm sure you get the picture, but I was never good enough, my grades were never high enough, I was never pretty enough or thin enough or quiet enough or loud enough. Just plain not good enough. And that is precisely how my husband made me feel again tonight. And frankly, if I wanted to feel that way, I would have gone over to my mom's house. I'm so hurt and upset. And he doens't even (seem to) care. He thinks I'm over-emotional. I over-react. This is what he does, and I don't know if he realizes what he does. He takes the discussion and he turns it from what I am trying to talk to him about and changes it to a complaint about me. It makes me feel like he is completely blowing off everything I have just said. And it really upsets me. And I can't even get far enough in a conversation with him to tell him. And now tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I'm pissed off at my husband. This sucks.


Okay ....

Now it's 10 to 2. I have 2 aprons each half done! Progress! YEAH!
I think I can do this. I really do.
It can all get done.
I'm like the Little Engine That Could ... "I think I can ... I think I can ... I think I can"
But now this Little Engine is off to bed ....

48 hours and counting ....

Until pretty much absolutely everything must be in place for Christmas. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!
I'M NOT READY! MAKE IT STOP! LOL!

Still on the to-do list:
- make 2 aprons
- wrap up 2 aprons (along with the one box of tastefully simple that goes with each apron).
- wrap up dh's gift for his family exchange
- wrap up my gift for dh's family exchange
- wrap up my gift for my family's exchange
- wrap up 4 presents for Christmas morning
- pack to leave on Christmas day for 3 days
- wash all floors
- dust living room
- put out last of Christmas decorations
- move all toys in the living room to basement
- hide everything I don't want anyone else taking
- do all the laundry
- not go crazy!

I have decided - along with my dh, we are in agreement on this so hopefully that means we will function as a team - that next year we will be much more organized, we will be ready sooner, and there will be no last minute rush for us. I sure hope we can stick to it. I have all my lists from this year saved, so that should help. I think next year I want to do more homemade things, so I will start planning those much earlier in the year. I would like to have everything ready by Thanksgiving so I can actaully enjoy the season, instead of trying to get through it.


On another note: it will be so cold here the next few days we are under some winter weather advisory for freezing temperatures. What that means, basically, is that when I get to my mom's house for her party on Friday, it should be roughly -13/-14 degrees with windchill (only 0 degrees without windchill). What it means is that they are telling people not to go outside unless they have to. And if they go outside, to dress appropriately and cover all exposed skin areas. What that means is that is beyond freezing here, and I won't be leaving the house other than to attend the party, and I'm even rethinking that LOL! I don't want to go out and freeze my 2 kids. I HATE COLD WEATHER. AND I HATE THAT I'M NOT READY FOR CHRISTMAS YET!
But other than that, most things are good around here ;-)

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Desperately Seeking Perfection ...

It's true. I want perfection. I want to be perfect, look perfect, sound perfect, be a perfect mother, a perfect wife, a perfect stay at home mom, absolutely perfect in every single way.
Unfortunately, I am rarely perfect. I am rarely mostly perfect. Once in a while I can slightly perfect, and that is it.
I true very hard, though, to trick others and make them think I am perfect. When we go places I try to dress well. I try to dress the children well. I bring more than what's needed and I bring extra. So if someone is looking for it, I probably have it. I'm strict with my children, becuase I don't want people to see them wild and out of control! That would be horrid!
And it is probably why I like the on-line world better than the real world. Here I have time to think before I speak. I generally use that option. Sometimes I don't. But most things can be deleted. So even if a few people saw it, that's okay. I can prevent others from seeing it. And everything shared, comes straight from me. I can chose and pick what I want to say. I can tell you about the cute little craft I made with the kids today. But I don't have to tell you about the time I yelled at them. I can tell you about how I cuddled with my youngest tonight when she was upset. I don't have to tell you about a time I made her upset. It's all up to me. I get to preview what I've typed before I hit the send, or post button.
I can be anything I want to here ... even almost perfect.
And that is safe for me. I can't be that way in real life. There is no pause, or rewind, or delete there. The pressure to be perfect becomes almost overwhelming at times. Oh, who I am kidding. It becomes absolutely overwhelming many times.

What frightens me is I know that is exactly how my mom is. She wants to be perfect. She wants everyone to view her as perfect. I've even caught her lying to kept her image of perfection in tact. I don't think she enjoys being that way. I know I don't. It gets hard to pretend. It gets hard to keep up a perfect act. And I'm terrified that my children will grow up and be the same way. They will learn it from me. They will grow up and think that they have to put on this grand show of their life so that they can see perfect. And I'm afraid that it will weigh them down as much as it wieghs me down. :-(



I would like to ...

erase this day completely! Okay, not completely. Everything until 3 is good. Then not until about 8ish would I like to remain in my memory. Luckily enough for me, it will probably be that way in a few years (I hope so anyway!)
We celebrated Christmas with my parents/sisters today. The gift giving/exchange was a lot of fun. I made my mom cry with my gift ... not that I meant to mind you, but well, I'm sure her emotions are on overdrive right now. I think she would have cried if I had brought her a piece of paper that said "Merry Christmas Mom!" on it!
My children were happy. They recieved toys that they couldn't wait to get into. As a matter of fact, the oldest one cried when she found out she couldn't open her gifts becuase instead we needed to get home (only arriving here 107 minutes past bedtime). I got my first ever Coach purse today. I am very proud of it. I also got a small thingy to hold a license and a few other cards but not much else to go into the Coach purse I got. And I got a Coach Scarf. Now I just need a coat to match the scarf that matches the Coach purse I got today! LOL! My purse is brown/cream, so I think a tan or brown coat will do. I still, however, want my black pea coat though - yes, I just want. want. want.
Now it is 1:30ish in the am. Tomorrow I will have 3 extra children here. I am considering inviting neighbor boy to come over as well. Only because him and my oldest and one of the extras tomorrow get along so well. That and I might need to ask neighbor mom to babysit one day for me, so I'm racking up time if I can LOL!
[note: I need time becuase I am about to start the process of major dental work. Pretty much I need a filling in just about every tooth and a crown on a couple of them. But once we get all the decay gone I should have a pretty nice mouth overall. Now that I've left the quack-dentist that is!. end note.]
So I've been looking up some ideas to work with them tomorrow. I think if I mix some crafts and activities with just letting them play on their own (in the basement only though as the rest of the house should remain as untouched as possible by all the monsters ... I mean children), that it will work out nicely. Just enough so they don't get bored playing alone, but not too much that they want to run away from the craft table screaming! LOL!
We'll see if I survive this. Dh will be home for part of the day. That will be helpful, I think. Sometimes though, he unknowingly interupts the flow of our day and actually makes it harder to get things done. We'll see what happens. Needless to say tomorrow will be an intersting day ...

Monday, December 20, 2004

This week ...

I'm supposed to work on the way I percieve things. Most natably, how I think everything is extreme, important, urgent, and a huge, tremendous catastrophe waiting to happen.
It's sounds easy, right? It isn't. Well at least not to me it isn't. It will be really hard to do! I will struggle with it a lot.
Everything seems really big and huge and just off the scale to me. If my child coughs, my first thought is that it is a life-threatening illness that will test the resove of the entire family. I can't cross a bridge without picturing going over it. A small snowstorm in the forecast really means an extremely dangerous blizzard is coming and we will be trapped in our homes for weeks and weeks on end. Every little noise and sound means something is breaking, the entire house is going to fall apart right around me.
It's laughable when I read it! And if someone else actually voiced those to me, I would probably laugh too! I would say something like "Okay, really? How many blizzards do you remember that left you trapped in our house for weeks? See, no need to panic. Just relax. So we'll get some snow. It might come donw hard for a few hours, but think of all the fun you can have playing in it when it's done!"
I'm good at knowing the right things to say to most people. The problem of course is that I don't know what to say to myself. If I could figure that out I would be a much saner, nicer, calmer person!

Speaking of big catastrophes though ... my 2 year old has a low grade fever at bedtime. Of course her sitter on Saturday was severly ill when we returned (I do not exxagerate here - 105.2 temperature, violent shakes and throwing up) so yes, I'm a bit worried. Really though, the chances of that happening to my dd is very slim. And chances are she has a little bug, the one a lot of people have, and she won't get as bad as our cousin did Saturday night. Not to mention that our cousin is feeling much better today already, she's just tired. So even if my dd did catch it from babysitter cousin, she will be okay in the end and I just need to calm down and not even worry about it unless the fever climbs or she worsens.
See ... I'm trying to do my homework! LOL!

Added all this stuff ...

I think I went a little crazy with the blog today and added a couple of new links! LOL! Oh what can I say, other than the fact that I am procrastinating LOL!

Actually, I did 2 things today that I was supposed to do! I did the grocery shopping that I needed to do (and only forgot one item: lunch meat!), and we went through the toys today. We packed up a box plus 2 larger toys to go back to storage and find a small amount that needed to be trashed (if broken or missing parts) or donated. They don't have much here, so there wasn't too much to go through so it was pretty simple. We will swap them out for one of the other boxes in storage (I think we have like 8 boxes of toys in there @@). Probably we should have just donated them all when we moved - or sold them all. Sadly, we probably sold/donated/trashed about 1/3rd of the toys we did own when we moved! They just keep on coming and I'm sure we will get inundated with a bunch more in the coming weeks!

Right now I should be working on one of the two aprons I need to make. That or cleaning. But I look at it this way ... why clean today? The kids will mess it up in five minutes and I'm having a houseful of kids here Wednesday! So I think that can wait until Wednesday night and all day Thursday.

What else ... nothing. Just another day over here. Kind of boring overall!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Counting down the days ...

Until Christmas that is! There is still so much to be done for the holidays. But once the evening of the 24th passes, life will slow down very quickly! I still have 1/3rd of my Christmas cards left to send out I did however finsih one of the things I was making (a bag for my mil). Only 2 things left to make (originally there were 6 to make, but I cut out 3 of them LOL).
Tuesday we will do gifts with my parents and sisters. Then Thursday we have Christmas Eve at my mom's house (with her entire family) and then we come back home becuase my husband's family is going to have Christmas here! Dh will stay here the entire time. We are responsible for the ham and beverages and that is all - unless you count having the house decorated, cleaned and ready for them to all be here. So I will be neurotic all week worrying about this and that with regards to the house. I will clean it like I've never cleaned it before. I will dust everything thoroughly, sweep, mop, blah, blah, just so the house will look clean for a few moments - that is until everyone else gets here and messes it up, provided my little monsters, err, children don't do it first.
I hope I can survive it! I did survive last night, so I know I can survive this LOL! ;-) Now we just have to see if I can get through the next week ... dentist on Tuesday, babysitting 2-4 kids Wednesday, big party here Friday, having to wake up early Saturday, rushing through presents that Santa left, and then driving 5 hours to another party, sleeping in a hotel and then waking up Sunday and driving another 3 hours to go to an indoor water park. Oh yeah, that is the part that I am looking forward too! LOL! =)

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Oh d-d-d-d-dear ...

Just as Piglet would say to Pooh "Oh d-d-d-d-d-dear"
Tonight is my hubby's work party. It's a mostly-formal event we attend every year. We get to eat good food, I get a Lladro bell (I'm guessing this year it's this one: LladrĂ³ Catalogue). If we get one again, it will be 6th bell ... it's almost like a true collection! LOL! After dinner is dancing - there is always a live band there, some year 2 of them! The bar is open, it's a grand time. Excpet we have to mingle and talk to people.
I hate that part. I hate smiling and shaking hands, kissing the right people on the cheak at the right moment. I have to tell them all how wonderful life is, how grand the children are, and don't dare slip up and complain about hubby's hours or talk about how much the kids miss him because they make him work too much!
It's all just grand. If I didn't have to talk to anyone, I'd be okay! Some years we get seated with BIG important costumers. At least we won't have to do that this year. Those are the worst. One year, as I was in the ladies room, washing my hands, someone commented about my lovely dress. I replied back thank you and in the back of my mind I wanted to say "too bad I don't want to be here" (in my defense my dd had just gotten out of the hospital days prior from a 5 day stay and I had just been through a miscarriage). Fortunately I didn't - I made idle chit-chat about how pretty her dress was and wasn't it nice to get out and be all dressed up, blah, blah, blah. As we exited the bathroom, we discovered our husbands chatting. I was then officially introduced to a MAJOR customer and his lovely wife. Good thing I knew enough to not complain to her! LOL!
Anyway, I'm sure once I get there I will enjoy myself. I will just have a small anxiety attack on the drive there as I anticipate talking to everyone and worry about the weather (it's snowing right now. It's supposed to be snowing until like 2 am here. Great. I just love this sort of weather. Well, I do love it, as long as I don't have to drive an hour in it. Although it will probably be longer tonight because of the weather!
Oh joy. Can't wait for tonight to be over! I mean, really, I can't wait for tonight to be over! LOL!

On the plus side, one of our presents arrived today .. a membership to the local kids museum. Just what we asked for so I'm happy! I can't wait to take the kids there. Not only that, but the pass gets us into a bunch of other area things, so it will be a present that we use over and over and over and over and over! Yeah!! Graham and pop rock! LOL! =)

Did another test ...

This one for my 2 year old! LOL!

B, your baby's theme song is Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

It sounds like you've got the kind of ethereal, easygoing babe who makes other parents green with envy. That's why we've chosen a classic, dreamy lullaby as your tot's theme song. Even if your kid's not the first to walk or be president of their nursery school class, it's clear that there's a lot going on inside that cute little head. Their favorite pastimes probably include being read to, looking at pictures, and carefully studying people's expressions.Smart, centered babies like yours probably like sitting in their strollers and car seats because it gives them time to quietly observe the world around them. In fact, strangers may often remark on your tot's alertness and intense focus. Congrats! You may have a future scientist or philosopher on your hands!
Tickle: Tests, Matchmaking and Social Networking

We'll see if this happens. Her speech therapist said yesterday she wouldn't be surprised if my 2 was a genius when she grows up LOL!

Friday, December 17, 2004

If you have the time ...

Go to this site and play their games!
http://www.fasco-csc.com/index_e.html
There are 3 of them: Viridian Room, Crimson Room, and blue room! Great games ... they might drive you crazy at first, but it's fun! I promise! LOL!

What the heck ...

is wrong with people today?
AOL News - Stolen Fetus Recovered After Mom Slain
So absolutely disgusting. Just absolutely sick. I can't even imagine what the hell went through this woman's mind that prompted her to fake a pregnancy and kill another woman and then steal her baby. Sick. Sick. Sick.
And of course the thing that caught me the most was this blip "Graves said Montgomery contacted Stinnett through an online message board, and authorities zeroed in on her using computer forensics. Montgomery was seeking to buy a dog from Stinnett, who raised rat terriers, he said." That is slightly bothersome to me as I post on message boards so it makes me nervous. I tend to assume most people are friendly and nice and won't actually find me and kill me to take my children.
I just can't even believe someone did this .... the family of the murdered mother and baby will definitely be in my thoughts and prayers. I just feel so sick over this news. I hope the woman who committed this crime gets life in prison, although with our overcrowded jail system my guess is she won't be there for too long ... probably not long enough to matter anyway. :-(

A quiz ...

I took a quiz in an effort to waste more time! LOL


20 Questions to a Better Personality
Wackiness: 42/100
Rationality: 74/100
Constructiveness: 72/100
Leadership: 40/100

You are a SRCF--Sober Rational Constructive Follower. This makes you a White House staffer.You are a tremendous asset to any employer, cool under pressure, productive, and a great communicator. You feel the need to right wrongs, take up slack, mediate disputes and keep the peace. This comes from a secret fear that business can't go on without you--or worse, that it can.If you have a weakness, it is your inability to say "no." While your peers respect you, they find it difficult to resist taking advantage of your positive attitude and eagerness to take on work. You depend on a good manager to keep you from sinking under the weight and burning out.Of the 67542 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 7.8 % are this type.
Jenny Turpish Slapped Me: Quizzes -

Maybe I'll do some more quizzes some day!

Dragging my feet ...

I don't know why I named this thing "Skipping Along!" I rarely skip along, I'm really much better at dragging my feet, procrastinating, and feeling tired!
I am supposed to be doing a million and 2 things right now. And I sit here. On the computer. Reading message boards. Reading blogs. Typing here.
My 2 year old is running around naked from the waist down. I just hope when the urge hits, she will go to her potty chair instead of peeing on the floor.
My 5 year old is upstairs playing. She got one of her Christmas presents (from aunt & uncle) and opened it last night and absolutely LOVES it. I might as well give up because I will never top it LOL! Kidding .. I'm sure she will love everything she gets.
I should be: doing laundry, cleaning, hiding things (for the party here next week), finish decorating for Christmas, finish making the gifts I have not yet finished making, and only 20 more minutes until lunch and still no clue what we'll do for dinner tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could pause life around me, but I wouldn't be paused, so I could just do all that needed to be done and then life would continue as normal! I used to watch a show where the girl could do that. She would touch her fingers together and everything would stop. She could bring people out of that "pause" by touching them. Sometimes I wish I could do that and unfreeze my husband. Then maybe we would get a few minutes to talk to each other! Between his crazy work schedule and the kids, we don't have much us time these days. But we'll survive. And the holidays are almost over! Thankfully!

Counter added!

I've added a counter to my site.
I admit it. I'm curious if anyone but me is out there reading this thing. I personally haven't given anyone the link for it nor put a link in for this on any other thing ... so it will be interesting to see what happens!

What was I thinking?

Today we had a busy day.
I knew we had gymnastics at 11 for an hour. I knew my cousin (who is 4 years old and playmate to my dd) was coming over at 2 and he would be there until 5:15ish. I knew I needed to go to the grocery store for 2 things (remember that 2).
So we wake up and do our morning thing. We get ready for gymnastics. Older dd is nervous - her first time with the new park district. We get there. It's like a real gym. Our old park district had "gymnastics" on mats in the same room that the ballet classes were in. This place has a foam pit, parrallel bars, balance beams at all heights, a real tumbling floor, etc, etc. She looked at all, and hten with big eyes turned to me and said "Mom. Am I going to have to do all of that?" I encouraged her by telling her she would probably not have to do that, and it was okay to be nervous but at least try, and all that motherly love and wisdom. (Thankfully they didn't use the high stuff but she did go in the foam pit and enjoy it!). We took her in and removed her pants and shirt (she had her little gymnastics outfit underneath) and I went to take youngest dd to viewing room to watch. Youngest had a meltdown ... crying, screaming, saying she didn't want to leave. I thought she was so concerned about her big sister being in there alone, so as I'm dragging her out I am reassuring her that her big sister will be okay and we will be able to watch her. After about 1 minute of crying in the viewing room I make out the words "drink" "water" and it clicks .. there is a water fountain in the other room and she wanted to drink from it. So I promise when big sis is done, we will get some water and she spends the rest of the time frolicing around! But the second I told her big sis was done, she immediately said "I get water now." And you thought the saying was Elephants never forget. It's not. It's 2-year-olds never forget.

Then we drive to the store, or we start to drive to the store, when I remember I forgot to get a paper from her gymnastics teacher. So we go back and get it, then go to the store. I have 2 things to get: cottage cheese and mozerella cheese. But we pass the pop, and it's on sale and Christmas eve is here next week so I grab four cases (1 coke, 1 cherry coke, 1 caffeine free pepsi and one diet pepsi). I mean, after all it's on sale and we need it. Then I pass some grilled herb chicken tortellini - sounded so good I grabbed it (Did I mention it was lunch time and I was hungry?). Then I walk around and think we need more fresh fruit so I grab some oranges. While grabbing oranges I spot spaghetti squash on sale! Yum ... I like spaghetti squash and we haven't had it since last fall. So I grab 2 for us. Then we see egg nog on sale, and well ... you get it. I did manage to get the 2 things I needed with a bunch of things I didn't need .... 85.00 dollars later (and armed with the items to make gingerbread houses out of graham crackers), I left the grocery store.

Came home. As I'm unpakcing the car, I see the neighbor across the street. Her son and my dd and cousin like to play together. So I ask if J can come over and make gingerbread houses with us later. She says yes, so I quickly get groceries put away and served lunch. As the kids were eating, I did my oldest dd's Awana stuff. We didn't look at it all week. Apparently I was supposed to read verses from the Bible every night to her to tell her the story of Christmas. So as she's eating, I'm reading.

Then aunt shows up. As she is leaving I'm dragging my screaming toddler up for nap time. Then I decide I should start the frosting. Without thinking I make buttercream frosting. Doorbell rings. J is here. So I start putting the "gingerbread" houes together so they have time to let the frosting dry. The kids watch a movie. It ends just as I decide the houses are ready. We start to add frosting to all surfaces and decorating them when they start collapsing on us. Although buttercream frosting is very good, it does not hold things together very well. So I have 3 broken, tipped, falling apart gingerbread houses. The kids decide to just eat the frosting and candy. So now I have 3 messy gingerbread houeses and 3 messy children!

As they wash hands, I clean table. And start again, this time making royal icing (which hardens very nicely and can hold graham crackers together to form a small house! They play, thankfully nicely, and finally the frosting hardens and they can build. Then I have to whip up some more buttercream frosting to use for the candy to decorate. Now mind you, I haven't really cleaned up anything in the kitchen at this point. The living room is trashed from the kids, along with the family room. As the kids work, I snap a few pictures.

They all finish and are washed up when I start to work on our dinner - lasagna. Which, although not a lot of work, more htan I was anticipating. I have the meat browning and the cheese filling starting to mix when the doorbell rings. J's mom has come to check up on our progress. Although I would have rathered she waited outside in the freezing cold weather, I invited her in to the messy house! She did say that my house looked much like hers and it was so hard to keep it clean with kids which made me feel better. But I still wish that the house would have been not so messy. Oh well! They leave.

Then my dd leaves with cousin and his mom to go to Awana with them. My dh comes home with 25 more minutes until dinner and life seems pretty calm after that. It just feels like I had a crazy day! Yikes! Actually, I liked it! I wish I could have tons of kids over here to do all these neat fun projects with! I do think I would enjoy having an in-home daycare, other than the fact that I can only fight one extra carseat in my car. It would be fun to have lots of kids underfoot to do all these fun art projects! ;-)

Maybe someday!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Checking the news ...

And saw this: TIME.com: Why We Sleep -- Dec. 20, 2004 which reminded me that last night I promised I would go to bed at a decent hour tonight (and it's already way past a decent hour!) and 2 why am I paying for a subscription to Time when the main article is right there for me to read free? Hmmm ... food for thought.
Back to the sleep subject .. I know why I sleep. 1) I feel tired 2) I'm crabby if I don't and 3) If I tried to pull an all nighter right now, I'd literally get sick to my stomach!
I'm happy with that knowledge. I don't need to read about all the neurons and the REM patterns and the non-REM patterns (which funnily enough, I knew a lot of that stuff in the article a few years ago so it was all old news to me - which again makes me wonder why I pay for it! LOL!). Anyway, maybe I was supposed to read this article about how my reaction times would drop if I stayed up for 24 hours and continue to drop after that .. that isn't helpful for me. I don't often stay awake for 24 hours. I often wake up at a normal time and stay up way too late, and then get not enough sleep. I have no scientific basis for this, but I'm assuming most Americans do what I do and not often stay awake for days on end, so I would like to see an article about how depriving yourself of sleep, for even an hour or two a night, over a period of time will affect me!
Maybe, just maybe, if I read that, then I would go to bed at a normal time one of these days! LOL!

Parents on Strike?

This Florida mom and dad have gone on strike ... no cooking, cleaning, driving, etc, and have driven the point home by sleeping outside in a tent in the driveway.
AOL News - Two Florida Parents Go on Strike
The kids are 17 and 12, and as insensitive as it may sound, why didn't they do this sooner?!?! I know it says they sought other ways to manage it - charts with smileys and stickers and even a psychologist. I wonder though, what was the psychologists specialty?
I don't know. It is always easier to judge when you are on the outside looking in. And I feel like my oldest is someone who thrives on structure, activity, firm and clear guidelines and swift and predictable discipline. So it's not like I am raising 2 lumps over here and I've never heard complaining over chores or never had a child cross her arms, stomp off, all the while mumbling under her breath before ... believe me I have!
I guess for us, we started early. My youngest, 27 months is required to pick things up, she has to help us clean up, she sees clear and very predictable consequences for her actions. She says please, thank you, and even asks to be excused from the table! She still cries, she sometimes doesn't want to go to bed, she sometimes steals toys from her sister - she is 2 afterall and certainly not perfect! But at the same time, I don't say she's only 2 so I can't tell her/show her that her actions are not appropriate either!
My oldest, 5 years 2 months, also has to clean up - sometimes she has to clean up after other people, but she knows not to say "but I didn't make that mess becuase as a family we all have to help each other out. Somedays she makes my bed for me as a surprise (which I love) and sometimes I do one of her chores for her! Becuase that is how we operate. She knows that she has to share and if she doesn't want to share then she needs to put the toy away so as to not "tease." (Although we are still working on grabbing things out of her sister's hands if she gets them), but she has manners, and most importantly she has compassion so deeply sometimes I wish I could be more like her! And I think that is the key right there. She has a sense of empathy and sympathy and compassion. So even though things in her world aren't always right, most of the time (notice not all of the time) she deals with it becuase she can figure out how other people are feeling! I hope that she can remember all of this when she is in her teen years, and in her 20's and 30's and even her 80's, 90's, etc! I hope that her younger sister will follow in her footsteps. She is already showing us that she is. I have 2 pretty sweet girls, but I still expect them to behave!
And I can honestly say I doubt that in 10 years I will have to live in a tent in my driveway to control them!

A Movie I'll not be seeing ..

In November a movie was released. Moviefone: Kinsey
This is NOT a movie I will be seeing or giving my money too.

How the heck can they make this movie about a guy that did some IMO sick, sick, sick things.
Issues & Views: Kinsey: Science or Crime
CWA - The Truth about Alfred Kinsey
I admit, many sites about him are very extreme - either very for or very against him.
I want to know how he got his data on children? What did he do to those children? Did their parents know what was happening and what the research was for? Why are we not looking at the fact that he used known pedophiles for research? I don't think it's a stretch to say they think about sex in a different way than say someone who does not prey on innocent children to take advantage of, trick, screw around with, etc.
Ugh.
I have a feeling his studies would not be allowed to be replicated exactly today becuase they would violate some sort of ethic standards or maybe even the law.
And someone decided to make a movie about him and make him seem like a nice guy? @@ Sick. Sick. Sick.

And how come no one is asking the hard questions? The actors come on talk shows and, well I have yet to see it so if it has happend I didn't see it - they talk about fluff. No one is talking about that I can hear all this bad stuff this guy did. Probably because right now it's all "speculation." But I think it's only fair to portray all opinions of him, and they aren't doing it.

blech.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Word of the Year!

Is blog! how fun is that!
Although not here, my first blog was started a year ago. I recently deleted it from tripod and began blogging here instead! Most people I meet IRL don't know what blog means so maybe this means I won't have to explain it as often LOL!


BBC NEWS Technology 'Blog' picked as word of the year
'Blog' picked as word of the year
The term "blog" has been chosen as the top word of 2004 by a US dictionary publisher.
Merriam-Webster said "blog" headed the list of most looked-up terms on its site during the last twelve months.
During 2004 blogs, or web logs, have become hugely popular and some have started to influence mainstream media.
Other words on the Merriam-Webster list were associated with major news events such as the US presidential election or natural disasters that hit the US.
Creative surge
Merriam-Webster defines a blog as: "a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments and often hyperlinks".
Its list of most looked-up words is drawn up every year and it discounts terms such as swear words, that everyone likes to look up, or those that always cause problems, such as "affect" and "effect".
Merriam-Webster said "blog" was the word that people have asked to be defined or explained most often over the last 12 months.
The word will now appear in the 2005 version of Merriam-Webster's printed dictionary.
However, the word is already included in some printed versions of the Oxford English Dictionary.
A spokesman for the Oxford University Press said that the word was now being put into other dictionaries for children and learners, reflecting its mainstream use.
"I think it was the word of last year rather than this year," he said.
"Now we're getting words that derive from it such as 'blogosphere' and so on," he said.
"But," he added, "it's a pretty recent thing and in the way that this happens these days it's got established very quickly."
Popular press
Blogs come in many different forms. Many act as news sites for particular groups or subjects, some are written from a particular political slant and others are simply lists of interesting sites.
Other terms in the top 10 were related to natural disasters that have struck the US, such as "hurricane" or were to do with the US election.
Words such as "incumbent", "electoral" and "partisan" reflected the scale of interest in the vote.
Blogs also proved very useful to both sides in the US election battle because many pundits who maintain their own journals were able to air opinions that would never appear in more mainstream media.
Speculation that President Bush was getting help during debates via a listening device was first aired on web logs.
Online journals also raised doubts about documents used by US television news organisation CBS in a story about President Bush's war record.
The immediacy of many blogs also helped some wield influence over topics that made it in to national press.
BLOG DEFINED BLOG noun [short for Weblog] (1999) : a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer Merriam-Webster definition
This is despite the fact that the number of people reading even the most influential blogs is tiny.
Statistics by web influence ranking firm HitWise reveal that the most popular political blog racks up only 0.0051% of all net visits per day.
One of the reasons that blogs and regularly updated online journals have become popular is because the software used to put them together make it very easy for people to air their views online.
According to blog analysis firm Technorati the number of blogs in existence, the blogosphere, has doubled every five and a half months for the last 18 months.
Technorati now estimates that the number of blogs in existence has exceeded 4.8 million. Some speculate that less than a quarter of this number are regularly maintained.
According to US research firm Pew Internet & American Life a blog is created every 5.8 seconds.
Another trend this year has been the increasing numbers of weblogs that detail the daily lives of many ordinary workers in jobs that few people know much about.
In many repressive regimes and developing nations, blogs have been embraced by millions of people keen to give their plight a voice.
TOP 10 WORDS OF 2004
1. blog
2. incumbent
3. electoral
4. insurgent
5. hurricane
6. cicada
7. peloton
8. partisan
9. sovereignty
10. defenestration
Story from BBC NEWS:http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/technology/4059291.stmPublished: 2004/12/01 16:40:39 GMT© BBC MMIV

Okay, from the top 10 list I know all but 2 of them! I guess I should be looking those two up so that I know them all! =)

Jay Leno ...

I was watching Lay Leno tonight and they did their Jay Walking Tournament. I admit I laugh. It's funny. But it's also sad. Most of what he asks are very basic questions and they can't answer them. I sometimes wonder if people are faking how stupid they are!
I hate to say it but this is why I want to homeschool my kids! I don't want them to have the same sort of education as the people on that show (although I do realize some of the people there were probably homeschooled as well). However, when people tell me my kids won't learn if I keep them home, I think in the future, I will tell the people to watch Jay Leno Jay Walking bits and then tell me how uneducated my kids will be!
Anyway, I'm just ranting becuase some people (and probably not a majority, but unfortunately the most vocal) think that being homeschooled is inferior to those that attend public and private. I don't think it's inferior. I don't even think it's superior in general. I do think it's superior to my children because I can work at their level and their speed and the way they want to work. And my oldest wants to be homeschooled! That is why it's superior for her.
Oh well. I guess I'm just ranting away these days!

Done! All done!

I bought my last Christmas present today. I am done. Finished. I absolutely refuse to get anything else for Christmas. I do not want to go to a mall again, or a toy store, or any store until, maybe a few weeks before Easter ;-)
Now I have to wrap all the stuff I just got today. And I'm done. With the shopping part that is.
I forgot Christmas is here this year. Oh. Yeah. I'm thrilled. Can you tell? Just in case you can't tell .. I'm not thrilled and it should be read in a very sarcastic tone!
I have known Christmas would be here for a while. And the family has known I won't be here - I will be with other family. I assumed that meant they would provide all the food and stuff. Today I was called and asked what I was planning on having and what needs to be brought by others. Ummm ... how about others bring everything! I'm not ready for this. I want to do nothing and let everyone else do it for me! Tomorrow dh and I will talk about it and figure it all out. He'll be very sensible about it, which is good since right now I am simply in panic mode.

Sometimes I think that next year, we will scale back big time. Fewer gifts, fewer buying. We'll give people cards that say "Instead of buying you presents, we donated money to causes x, y, z" We will sit around and read stories about holidays past as we drink hot cocoa and bake cookies. We won't run around to 2 parties on Christmas eve, drive 6 hours on Christmas day and just go crazy all around.
But I thought the same thing last year, and the year before. And instead of getting smaller and simpler, it gets bigger and more complicated. And I feel badly, becuase in the midst of the crazyness of it, I forget the true spirit of the season and all the joy, peace, love, and goodwill and all that stuff that I should be thinking about; that I want to do instead of all this craziness that is currently happening.

Which one are you?

I lied .. I didn't go to bed. I took a quick quiz, after following the link from Diary of a Homeschool Family. I'm not sure which one I would want to be, but I don't know if I'm Lynetter per se. Yes, I have some moments of sheer panic, but rarely bored, and for the most part my kids are pretty darn manageable! But then again, it's based on a few questions someone with too much time on their hands created LOL!! ;-)

DHlynette
Congratulations! You are Lynette Scavo, the
ex-career woman who traded the boardroom for
boredom, mixed with moments of sheer panic as
the mother of four unmanageable kids.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

It's the middle of the night ...

I have most of my gifts wrapped ... I would say 75% of them! Yeah for me!
I still have 6-8 to buy (2 I just found out about today). It seems like the second I think I am done, some more show up on the list! I am hoping to get out tomorrow and get almost all of it. The problem is that I need to get some for the kiddos, so they can't be with me. The other problem is that I need to get some of it from an aunt (who sells Creative Memories) but she lives an hour away so it's hard to get out there and get it all done. I am hoping maybe Sunday or next Tuesday I can do it. Who knows. Maybe I'll run up there tomorrow. We'll see. Ideally I would like to find a babysitter, drop the kids off, hit the mall, hit the toy store, hit the target, and run to get the other things I need an hour away! But, it's not going to happen that way. Oh well, I'll figure it all out someday.
I just wish I could be at the point where I could say it was all done. I got out of the gate early this year with my shopping .. I had a good portion done before Thanksgiving even! Then 2 got added, then 2 more, then 1 more, then 3 more, and now 2 more again! It's like the list is multiplying on me! Oh well ... I'm getting hte last few things on the list and stopping. For good. No more - I don't care who approaches me about it! I am done. And I'm broke. So see, I couldn't get more even if I wanted to LOL!
Anyway, I should probably go to bed now. Probably - my youngest has therapy at 8:45 am.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

I hate ...

all the people who have time to sit around and write stupid viruses and worms and all that crap taht attack people's computers.
I have one. Norton is telling me it is a "high" alert ... I guess that would be like an orange on the Homeland Security Advisory System.
Anyway, my dh promises that it can't do any danger until I open the right, well I guess in this case, wrong file folder allowing to start attacking our computer. In the meantime however, I have this box from Norton warning me about the virus. It won't go away. And it's always on top. It's annoying. So I've moved it over to the side as far as I can.
But all this stuff is annoying. And I wish people would stop attacking computers. It's just a pain in the butt. If you have that much extra time on your hands go out and help someone who needs it, instead of pestering people who have much better things to do than screw around with viruses on their computers.

Added some links ...

Well, I tried to add some links.
After changing the template about 10 times, 9 of them apparently messing up all the internal code so that the only thing that would show up was either the background or a bunch of funky characters, I think I finally made it work.
So far there are only 2 there ... I didn't want to change too much at once LOL! The ones saying "Edit Me!" are dead links.
Anyway, those are some of my favorite links .... although I'm not sure if anyone actually reads this blog to follow them or not, but here's hoping! LOL!

The words I dread the most ....

My dh e-mailed me not to long ago. The e-mail says (and I quote) "not going to be home on time or to put it differently before 9pm. You wouldn't believe my day."
Yeah, yeah ... I'm sure he's had a rough day at work. Probably all the servers died, they screwed up the data on a multi-million dollar job and his boss maybe even yelled at him for not finishing a project that should have been done 2 years ago. I almost feel badly for him.
First of all, it is hardly a night where he is home on time anymore. Second of all, I'm tired of us coming last. When there is a crisis at work, he stays late. They can page him at 2 in the morning. If something happens overnight, he goes in early. Has he not noticed how much his children miss him? Or what about the crisis going on here (most notably the fact that I NEED a break or I will completely snap and it won't look pretty when it happens). Nope, not reason enough to come home, becuase the crisis at work is apparently most important. He does not yet know that his 2 year old went to the store today and we picked out a potty chair (or a potty training as she calls it - and he doens't even know that) and that when we came home from the store, she immediately got naked from the waist down and after a few minutes yelled out "I got my pee-pee's out!" and was sooooo proud of herself. Maybe a small thing in the scheme of the world, but a big thing in this house.
And yes, I know, he works to pay the bills, and he works to provide for us. And working sucks and he has to deal with a lot of crap all day long. But here's the deal: he gets the weekends (usually) off. And I'm upset that I don't get that time off from my job, becuase my job is at home with the kids. And every once in a while I need a break and I need some time off and I need some time away - and he doens't get it and frankly, I don't think he's trying very hard to understand either.
I supose the kids and I will just have to try to find something fun to do tonight becuase I know they will both be very upset with no daddy around here to play with them tonight.



Monday, December 13, 2004

Grrr ...

jhnmbjhnhjhhyhgbhg

If my keyboard were a wall ... this is what it would like to bang my head against it.

Today I am feeling very frustrated, aggravated, upset, angry, mad, sad, pissed off, anxious, etc, etc, etc. I want to SCREAM VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY LOUDLY! But not today, probably not tomorrow either. Probably no day will I get a chance to just get it all out. Not that anyone cares mind you ... which is part of the problem ... I'm ready to ring my dh's neck. But I'm 99% positive he hasn't noticed which of course I think deserves a big fat @@. Oh well, what can I do? Well I could run upstairs, wake him up, and start yelling - but somehow I think that would make things worse.

On a less depressing note, I do believe I have finally figured out what my talent in life is: to be an infomercial person. I would be so good in one. I have down pat "But what, there's more!" or how about "But wait, it gets even better! If you order in the next 15 minutes, we'll double your order for free!" I could smile and laugh as I demo'd the product in front of my very receptive audience. I would get excited over all it does and look excited and astounded that something that does all of that costs so little! Oh life would be grand in an informercial. Here is the latest infomercial I watched: www.buythebullet.com My oldest dd watched it with me. She was absolutely mesmerized. She could not take her eyes off of it. I asked her if she thought it looked neat and she looked at me as serious as could be and said "Oh yes mom. I want one." You know, for all the cooking my 5 year old does around here, I can see how she would need that! LOL! So I told her I thought it looked neat too and wanted one as well, and lickety split she ran up to tell daddy to buy mommy the bullet for Christmas for her! It was so cute.

Who knows ... maybe the Bullet will be under my tree this year ... but wait, there's more ... maybe I could get the family sized blender too! But wait, that's not all ... maybe I can get the juicer too ... but wait, there's more! If someone buys it for me soon, they can get a second Bullet for free - just pay for shipping and handling - How fun! Who would not want to buy it when you could get all of that for free?! I just don't know!


Scott Peterson ...

The verdict was just announced.
I'm kind of stunned, but also I'm kind of not. I figured they might come out with the death penalty.
I just don't get how we can say "killing someone is wrong, but if you kill someone we'll kill you back." I just think that killing period should not be done - whether a jury decided to do it or a crazy madman does it.
Mind you, I'm not trying to debate here, or preach, this is just how I feel. But I do believe it is wrong to kill - anytime, anyplace, anywhere.
I'm sure though Scott will never make it that far. My guess is that there will be appeal after appeal after appeal - that he will have appeals going for many years to come. It would probably be easier to just give him a life-long sentence. Now, not only will he be in a jail cell using my tax dollars, he will be clogging courts up as well: judges, da, they will have to transport him to and fro I'm sure.
I have to say though, I'm glad I was not on the jury. I wouldn't want that job in a million years; not this case, not this trial, not with this publicity. I will serve a jury should I get called and picked becuase it is my duty I feel, but I can say I do not envy anyone sitting on the jury that had to decide these very difficult decisions.

Busy, busy!

I feel like I have been going, going, going from the moment I woke up!
The problem is I feel like I didn't actually finish anything, and there are still a million and one things to do! It is right now 1:20 in the am. I might get to bed by 2 if I'm lucky. And tomorrow I will have to run around some more and some more and some more. Places to go, a million and one phone calls to make, things to clean, more decorations to put out, Christmas cards HAVE to get done tomorrow night to be mailed on Tuesday.
Oh wait - I forgot. I finished one thing today, but that was mostly becuase it needed to be done by 9 tonight (the drop-off time)! And by the time I go to bed I shall have one more thing accomplished. Woo-Hoo!!
Tomorrow night I should have a LOT more things done. That will be good - another good handful of things to check off the list. Thank goodness!
And I already informed my husband we are starting in March for next Christmas becuase this big rush at the end is just getting to be too much!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

It's beginning to look a lot like ...

Christmas! LOL!
Today we went out and picked out our tree, brought it home and set it up. Right now it only has lights on it, but we're letting the branches fall before we put the ornaments on.
Today I did the girl's Christmas picture. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it looks cute and will work none the less. I wanted something more formal than what I got, but I guess fun is always good too!
I started the Christmas cards ... that means I have a rough draft of the letter, I have printed up 2/3rds of the labels (still waiting for lots of addresses!), and I have filled in about 1/3 of the cards on the inside. Now I just have to finish the letter, get it printed, stapled, folded, stuff, lick, stamp and send. My target date is in the mail Tuesday, unless some people have not responded with addresses by then - they get left out LOL!
We did a lot of decorating Thanksgiving wekend, but there is more to go. So tomorrow we will try to get all of that taken care of.
I also have some boxes to decorate (for a group my oldesst dd is part of), gifts to make, gifts to buy, and gifts to wrap.
Hopefully it will all get done by December 24.
I'm much farther now than I was when I started the day so that is a good thing. Tomorrow hopefully I will be able to cross a few more things off the to-do list.
But I have already decided, I will start in about March for next year! I have already set up a few things to make next year easier. ie. I typed out all my addresses in a word document - just ready to be printed for Christmas cards next year. All I will have to do is change anything needing that, add any if needed, and delete any (but I'm hoping that won't happen!). I think next year I will try to do some more homemade stuff so hopefully I can start looking for ideas sooner rather than later. And as far as decorating things go, I've bought a ton this year and I can't imagine needing much for next year except a thing here or there. This means that next year should be easier. I am doing a good job of tracking what works, what doesn't, what is good, what isn't, where to get x, where to get y, and leaving as much ready to go next year as possible ...
Now with that said, I must get back to cards, and then some more wrapping of boxes and if I'm lucky a chance to work on some homemade gifts tonight too!

Friday, December 10, 2004

Hiding ...

I am hiding right now. From just about everyone I can hide from!
I am hiding on-line, I am hiding here (I deleted my old blog and have given no one this new address), I am even hiding from my kids! No, they know where I am, but they are upstairs and I am downstairs, and thus I feel like I am hiding from them because I have purposefully created space between us. I just feel like hiding right now - from everyone and most importantly everything.
I'm sure it's not a good thing, but it's not something I intend to keep up forever. I just have a lot of emotions, a lot of hurt feelings and I think I feel safer with this wall of space between me and everyone else.
Although, secretly I wish someone would come through and bust the wall down so that I don't have to be the one to do it. It would be easier if someone else did it for me. I'm too scared and nervous to do it myself. I feel safer where I'm at. But I know that will be a temporary fix. That after a few days of doing this I will feel lonely, and then I will start to get upset that no one can find me hiding. Which I understand is stupid because I am hiding and the point is to not be found. But see it gives me an excuse to be upset with people. If they can't "find" me then they obviously don't care enough about me, so I should obviously not take my time and effort to be their friend which means that I will obviously not be hurt by that person again. That of course frees me up to find some other people to start pretty fake relationships with that will glide along wonderfully until of course they make the unfortunate mistake of saying one wrong thing and then I can start the cycle all over again.
Okay, well, I'm guessing that is what I do, a psychology major I have not! But it makes sense - I can sit back and see that is what I am doing. I am cutting the world off before they can really get to know me because the more people know about you, the more pain they can cause you. Even best friends have to fight sometimes, so I make friends but not on a deep, personal level. And then I set them up for failure ... I hide from them (although this time I am literally hiding, I do it often in less obvious ways)and prevent them from giving me the relationship I need the most and wham. All of a sudden I have given myself a great reason to not be their friend anymore. I feel sorry for the people I do it to. I don't know how to not do it though. It's hard for me to be open and honest with people. It's hard for me to be vulnerable and starighttalk people. I suppose it's hard because I'm always afraid that people will somehow use that information to hurt me, so to avoid the hurt (that may or may not come) I instead alienate myself and have these immense feelings of loneliness. And although in the grand scheme of things, the loneliness is probably worse, it doesn't feel worse in the moment, if that makes sense at all.

I hope someday I can figure myself out so that I can feel true happiness, if even for a few moments.

I really hate it when ...

people say "If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you." And then one day you open up your heart and pour it all out and the reply is something like "Gee, I'm sorry. So anyway, yesterday I was at the mall and I bought a great outfilt!"
People should really say "If you ever want to talk about the good things or things that don't require much thought or emotional investment, I'm here for you." because really isn't that what they mean?
No one wants to talk about the bad stuff. I know that. I hate it too. But why is that? Becuase we can't compose the perfect thing to say in response? Or because somewhere deep down inside we want to fix everything and some things are unfixable? I don't know why ... I do know that I just need one person, just one single person, to just let me cry and let me get it out - and to not reply that they are sorry, or not reply with 5 steps to "make it better." Those 5 steps only exist in thought - they are not doable nor or things fixed that easily. Just tell me to let it out and look like you are listening to me, even if you aren't - as long as I can't tell, I don't really care!
I am just feeling selfish these days. I want a whole day to be about me ... all about me - where I don't have to worry about anyone else or the holidays or the house or the cough my children have that is progressively getting worse instead of better, or how my dh and living on a very fine line between borke and having a tiny bit of money to spend, or about where we will live in a year, or fixing up this house, or getting item x to point y, or where hte missing library books are, or anything like that!
I suppose I can have that ... in my dreams tonight LOL! =)

Just Another Day

Just another day.
Soon Christmas will be here! I'm sooo not ready for Christmas it's not funny. I think this year I will celebrate mid-January instead. I'll give everyone mid-January presents, send out some winter cards and make snowflake shaped cookies!
Oh who am I kidding, I still wouldn't be ready by then so I might as well just go along with this whole Christmas thing.
I'm skipping things this year that I normally do every year, most notably the baking of about 2 million cookies. Maybe a dozen or so here or there, but doing two million is out of the question. I also think I will start working on Christmas '05 in about a month so that I don't get so crushed next December. Of course, I said that last year too ... and look where I am today!
Anyway, I just can't beleive it's December already, and it's almost mid-December. Tomorrow we have 2 Christmas parties to attend - one in the am and one in the late afternoon. It sounds fun, but I can only guess the kids will be way out of control after the second party! It will be a long day and they are both rebounding from illnesses.
Oh well ... my dh told me yesterday I needed to start finding the silver lining in things, so I guess I should just think about all the fun we will have tomorrow ....