Friday, January 27, 2006

Life updates ...

So we are doing pretty well with good nights here. Last night was rough, but all of yesterday was rough (maybe babyboy was feeling under the weather or I ate something that upset him or whatever). I'm just glad we are doing more good nights than bad nights. Although, a good night here just means that babyboy goes back to sleep after eating without too much trouble. I'm still waiting for those 4 hours stretches to start happening more than just once in a while! But for the moment I will take what I can get!
My oldest finished her math book yesterday. She was so proud of herself. It's rated prek-k. So we started the next book, which is rated 1st - 3rd grade. She's so excited to be in "first grade" math! It cracks me up!! She also only has 6 more reading lessons to go. And sh eis looking forward to finishing that as well. We are going to make cookies, cupcakes or cake to celebrate her finishing her math this weekend. And I told her next weekend we will do it again to celebrate finishing reading!
My middle child gave me a picture today she colored. She also wrote her name on it. First of all, I didn't teach her that! Second of all, I didn't know she could write letters, much less put the correct letters together to make her name! It totally blew me away and I was pretty darn impressed. She is kind of spacey a lot of the time, but she must really be absorbing things even if I don't see it! LOL!

Dh adn I had blood tests drawn a few weeks ago for life insurance reasons. The results came back today.
They were overall pretty good. However, (there is always a however), my cholesterol level was 196. His was 240! 240! (normal range is something - 200). I was worried about me being so close to the top of normal range, but he is over. Ugh. So now we have decided that we need to eat better and neither of us exercise, so we'll have to start doing that as well. He is going to schedule an appointment with the our PCP to see if she has any comments/advice to offer him and find out when he should be retested (to hopefully show lower numbers).
So now I'm afraid I'm almost a heart attack waiting to happen, that dh is a heart attack waiting to happen, and then the other day I watched the Oprah show abotu bird flu. Yeah, so much for my anxiety being under control LOL!! I gotta get it back under control again and fast. I had a mini panic attack tonight :-( Not good.
But aside from that, things are going well. I think we are finally starting to get into a groove as a family of five around here. I am feeling less stressed and less tired and less cranky and more ready to deal with things as they come up (except for anxiety).
And that, is life in a nutshell around here!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Better days ahead?

I think things here on the up and up ... at least I hope so.
This weekend I was able to get sleep - real sleep. At one point I got 6 hours of sleep! 6 hours ... that's more than I've had in a while and it felt good.
My dh took babyboy Friday night right after I nursed him. Babyboy stayed awake for dh for about an hour, then slept for 4 hours. It was so nice.
Dh and I talked and decided we needed to do something to encourage him to sleep if we could. We decided I would come back to our bed, with babyboy and we would co-sleep. We weren't going to originally co-sleep becuase our bed is not big enough for dh, me and baby. But I need to do something to get sleep. So dh moved into his grandparents bed. This will work well until babyboy is doing better at night or when the grandparents come back from Florida.
Regardless, aside from babyboy waking to eat, he pretty much went back to sleep each time. He did want to wake up pretty early but that's when I woke dh and went back to sleep myself ;-)
I also got out this weekend to do errands for a few hours sans babyboy. Didn't have to worry about nursing, didn't have to worry about what to do if he pooped while out, or started cry, or all those things. It was kind of nice.
Basically, I had the kind of weekend that I think I needed to have to start to feel better.
And it seems to me that babyboy might be picking up on this night/day thing. Although co-sleeping is helping out too. We did it again last night and it went pretty well too. It's nice becuase he falls asleep while nursing and this way I don't need to move him when he's done (which usually wakes him up).
I am still feeling tired, but I don't feel just sheer exhaustion anymore, and that is going a long way.

I am also working on things over there are exciting to me (mainly playing with my Christmas present) and it's nice to have something to do.
So, right now I'm just crossing my fingers that we have another good night and that we are through the worst of the bad nights.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Sleepless in Chicago ...

Well last time I wrote, I was excited becuase my babyboy had had two good nights in a row. And I was excited because I thought that we were on the road to good night number 3.
No such luck.
Babyboy said sorry mom, not ready to sleep at night on a regular basis for you right now.
It's a good thing this baby boy is so darn cute I tell you!!
I admit though, I'm so freaking tired it hurts right now. My dh is trying to help out as he can. I hate to wake him during the week though - his days are spent at work. If babyboy goes for a nap at 2 pm, dh can't nap with him. I can. So I'm trying not to wake him as well. But I don't know how much longer I can go like this. It was so nice this weekend when dh took babyboy at night. And of course on Wednesday he told me that he still felt tired from the weekend. I looked at him and told him I still felt tired from the last month. I didn't mean to snap back and I know he's tired too, but I'm really tired. Like really really really really tired! But, every day he gets a little bigger and a little older and I can only hope that soon he will start to realize there is a nighttime and a daytime.
On other news, my 3 year old is feeling better now - yeah! My 6 year old is still being sweet and helpful and wonderful. My girls still both love their brother, even though he needs so much of mommy's time. So that is good.
I did, however, today tell dh to go and schedule a vasectemy whenever he wanted to. I had originally told him I wasn't ready to make that decision. But I decided I was. I realize I'm very tired these days and that is affecting my thoughts, but I just decided today I don't want to go through this again. I am barely holding it together right now. I feel like I'm teetering in the edge of post partum depression. I'm tired. I'm crabby. (And yes, I will be speaking to someone about this - I want to get a handle on it before things get worse).
But more importantly, I feel fulfilled with my life. I have 3 wonderful, beautiful children. I love my husband. I enjoy my life overall. I am extremely thankful for all that I have and all that I've been blessed with in life.
I enjoy having babyboy in our life right now - but you know, I'm ready to move onto the next phase for our family.
We'll see - dh was ready to get a vasectemy done the day we found out we were expecting! He knew then three was his limit. I've been fighting it for awhile, but I'm ready now.
And now my babyboy is calling me so off I go.

Monday, January 16, 2006

I forgot ....

I forgot about the realities of life with a newborn. I forgot how it feels to function on minimal sleep, how it feels to never sleep for more than a few hours at a time, how tired you start to feel after the high of having a baby comes down!
My first never slept. It was hell honestly. And not only did she not sleep, but she cried. And cried. And cried. And cried. And if she wasn't crying, she was eating. And I didn't sleep much and neither did she. Funnily enough, at the age of 6 she still doens't sleep that much or that well. I think it's just her and she will be one of those adults that sleeps 6 hours a night and feels great (my dh's dad is the same way - I think it's genetic).
It was hard to have a baby that didn't sleep. I can remember holding her in the rocking chair and she would be crying and I would be crying. But, she was our only one, nad my dh and I lived with my parents so when I was feeling really desperate all I had to do was walk up a flight of stairs and call for my mom!
Then 3 years later I had number 2. I was nervous about it. How would I deal with an infant and a 3 year old and not sleep a lot. My second daughter was her sisters complete opposite. She loved sleep - hey, she still does at the ripe old age of 3! She was sleeping like 8-10 hour stretches by 3 months old. Even before then she just basically slept, woke, ate, fell back asleep. She was one of those babies that you could forget was in the room. She did like to be cuddled, so she lived in a sling a lot, but she slept, and at night she even slept in a pack and play until she was about 9 months old and transitioned to the crib, no problem - if it was a place she could lay, she was happy. Heck, she wouldn't have minded if we put her on the floor honestly LOL! I think she was also about 3 months old when she stayed awake for more than 20/30 minutes!
And now to baby number 3. The entire time I was pregnant with him I wished he would be the perfect mix of his big sisters ... sleeping at night, but having some awake periods during the day. Well, I did get what I asked for, just not the way I wanted it. He is a mix of his sisters. The problem is he stays awake a lot like my first, but he's pretty content like my second as long as he is close and cuddled. Which, it's nice to not have a screaming child, but it gets hard to stay awake until 2, 3, 4 am or sometimes not even getting to sleep at night. And the first night it's okay. It's even okay the second night, but then it starts to add up. I had about 12 of those nights in a row with him. And I thought I was going to snap honestly. Don't get me wrong, I love the little guy, but I needed some sleep. So this weekend dh had him at night. I pumped milk for them and let them have fun.
The first night was not fun for dh! Little man stayed awake until 2ish, was fussy (becuase dh did not want to cuddle him, he wanted him to sleep LOL!) and then he woke up lots of times to eat. I almost felt bad on Saturday for them, but not quite! And so again, Saturday night was dh's turn to take darling boy. And at 10pm, he went to sleep. Then a few hours later he woke to eat, but fell back asleep and he proceeded to do that until about 8:30. Oh sure, decide to sleep when it's daddy's turn to take you! LOL!
But then he did it again last night for me (although 3 year old was sick so I still didn't get a lot of sleep!). And I'm crossing my fingers for a repeat performance tonight. I will be so thrilled if we can get sleep tonight! The joy of 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep ... it's more precious than gold these days!!

On another note, my boy had his one month check-up last week on wednesday. The little piggy was 11 pounds 4 ounces. I can't beleive it! So yes, he's eating quite well right now! =)
Okay, off to try to get some sleep as long as he will let me! LOL!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year ...

Here it is ... 2006.
I can't believe this year has passed, but yet I can!
2005, although a great year, has also been a long year for me. I think I spent at least half of it just sick. It was worth it in the end when baby arrived, but the pregnancy was long and I would be lying if I said I miss being pregnant honestly!
But now it's time to look ahead to 2006 ....
2006 will be a very important year for my family.
By August we would like to be in our own home. My dh would like to have a house we can stay for, well, like the next 20 years. I would like that too ... I'm just not sure our budget allows for that. Dh may also be getting a vasectemy sometime this year. Of course that means I really just had my last pregnancy. I have mixed feelings ... half of me is saying yes, do it! The other half is screaming no, I'm not ready to make it so final!
Back to the house - it's exciting, but it will be stressful. It will mean finances are tapped. It will mean packing things up again, possibly finding new places for the kids activities, all the things that come with a change of address.
And I am thrilled at the thought of being in our own house, our own space, being able to decorate how I want to, paint if I want to, deciding where to put what, etc, etc. But it is also stressful too. And to be honest, I love the house we are living in and I love the location. We are trying to maybe just buy this house, but I'm not sure it will actually happen. So it will be sad t leave this house.
So I look at the coming year with a lot of excitment, but also with a little bit of trepidation, fear and worry! LOL!!!
And then I look at my kids ... where will they be in a year? I can't even imagine! My oldest will probably be smarter than me in a year. My middle is currently developing her personality. It will be interesting to see where she ends up in a year. And my baby ... this little 9 pound baby who pretty much needs someone to do everything for him, well in a year he will be able to move himself, say a few words, play, smile, laugh, eat foods! What an incredible change for one little person in such a short time! I can't even believe he's 3 weeks old right now ... 3 weeks has flown by (well, except for the few times when he has wanted to stay awake for like 4 hoursin the middle of the night ROFL!!).
Amazing. Completely amazing.
With all that said ... happy new year to everyone out there!!! =) Hope it's filled with fun, happiness, love and good health!