Thursday, January 19, 2006

Sleepless in Chicago ...

Well last time I wrote, I was excited becuase my babyboy had had two good nights in a row. And I was excited because I thought that we were on the road to good night number 3.
No such luck.
Babyboy said sorry mom, not ready to sleep at night on a regular basis for you right now.
It's a good thing this baby boy is so darn cute I tell you!!
I admit though, I'm so freaking tired it hurts right now. My dh is trying to help out as he can. I hate to wake him during the week though - his days are spent at work. If babyboy goes for a nap at 2 pm, dh can't nap with him. I can. So I'm trying not to wake him as well. But I don't know how much longer I can go like this. It was so nice this weekend when dh took babyboy at night. And of course on Wednesday he told me that he still felt tired from the weekend. I looked at him and told him I still felt tired from the last month. I didn't mean to snap back and I know he's tired too, but I'm really tired. Like really really really really tired! But, every day he gets a little bigger and a little older and I can only hope that soon he will start to realize there is a nighttime and a daytime.
On other news, my 3 year old is feeling better now - yeah! My 6 year old is still being sweet and helpful and wonderful. My girls still both love their brother, even though he needs so much of mommy's time. So that is good.
I did, however, today tell dh to go and schedule a vasectemy whenever he wanted to. I had originally told him I wasn't ready to make that decision. But I decided I was. I realize I'm very tired these days and that is affecting my thoughts, but I just decided today I don't want to go through this again. I am barely holding it together right now. I feel like I'm teetering in the edge of post partum depression. I'm tired. I'm crabby. (And yes, I will be speaking to someone about this - I want to get a handle on it before things get worse).
But more importantly, I feel fulfilled with my life. I have 3 wonderful, beautiful children. I love my husband. I enjoy my life overall. I am extremely thankful for all that I have and all that I've been blessed with in life.
I enjoy having babyboy in our life right now - but you know, I'm ready to move onto the next phase for our family.
We'll see - dh was ready to get a vasectemy done the day we found out we were expecting! He knew then three was his limit. I've been fighting it for awhile, but I'm ready now.
And now my babyboy is calling me so off I go.


Sis said...

I just emailed you to see how you were holding up! I see that your um...tired. ((((hugs)))) I remember the early days with Ben and feeling so exhausted and teetering on the verge of PPD and a major breakdown. Once I got a little more sleep, I really did feel better....I hope that is the case for you. I pray it is just sleep deprivation. The third one is so hard. I have heard Moms of 6 even say the 3rd baby was the hardest.

Smoov said...

Hang in there Brandie! This too shall pass. Three kids are hard, having the twins nearly killed me (in a mental way, the pregnancy/birth was easy).