Sunday, July 31, 2005

Boo hoo for me ...

I have bronchitis. I was ready to wake up Friday and take on the world, but alas I woke up sick and puking. I pretty much coughed and puked all day Friday. Woke up Saturday feeling like crap (and why not, since I hadn't kept any food down for over 24 hours now?).
It got worse and worse. Today I had a hard time breathing. My entire chest and back area just hurt so terribly everytime I coughed. My chest feels like it is all bruised but if you look, you can't see a bruise, but they said it was from the coughing and bruised on the inside? I don't know, but everything hurts and aches.
Ugh. I have no energy and just feel awful. I'm up now becuase dh is out and bringing me home a shake which actually makes my throat feel better. So here I sit, waiting for my shake trying to not break a lung coughing ....
Only 25 more minutes until I can take the next dose of Robitussin! LOL!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

I am a big old ...

blob. That's what I am. I am one of those people who really does hardly anything at all.
It's not that I don't want to be doing things. It's not that I avoid doing them. I live in a house with 3 other adults. I do not cook. Someone else does (by choice and I offer to cook to help out and she wants to cook). I do not have to do all the cleaning - some, not all though, because well, like with my dh's grandma .. her neuorologist told her that any cleaning she could do, she should keep on doing as long as she is able. It's like her therapy almost and also the reason she cooks? So she does what she can and dh and I do the rest.
My kids and I play together a lot during the day, but there is also a lot of time where they have independent play or they play together and don't exactly want me with them.
I do some of the grocery shopping, but my dh also does it, grandpa also does some, and grandma sometimes goes to the store with her daughter (my aunt) when aunt does her shopping and grandma likes to go along and then will shop.
I mean like today. I woke up, got the kids breakfast (of cereal), took 5 year old to camp and came back home. 2 year old and I had a tea party, then she wanted to have a tea party with just her baby. Then we walked a few blocks to the park. She played while I half-watched her and half-read a book. Then she was ready to walk more, so we went to a garage sale where she was promptly ready to return home, so we came back. We had about 30 minutes before it was time to get 5 year old, so she rode her tricycle while I sat outside by her and read. Then we got 5 year old. We came home and I fixed them lunch, cleaned up. 5 year old fell asleep within 5 minutes of lunch (they must really wear her out at camp!) and 2 year old and I had another tea party. Then 2 year old built some block towers while I laid by her and rested. Then she went back to her tea party with about 10 stuffed animals!
When 5 year old woke up, her and 2 year old went to their room and listened to music. I went up and played around (which means I danced and acted silly) and then I left them to play and read some more. I did some straightening up in my room and in the living room. Then we all went outside. The kids played on their scooters with the boy across the street. I chatted with neighbor mom for a while and then read. Dh came home and we ate the dinner that grandma cooked. Then I had to leave so dh did dishes and played with the kids.
But seriously, I do nothing all day long but sit and read mostly. I feel kind of depressed about it now becuase it seems like every other mom does a million and one things. Tomorrow, it will be the same thing, except I will probably vaccuum and take the kids to the pool in the afternoon.
Saturday will be hte same thing, but no camp for 5 year old and we will probably go to the library and I'll do laundry. Which is another wierd thing. The four of usually create 3 loads of laundry a week, 4 on a busy week, and lately I've been doing one load midweek becuase 2 year old is potty training!
I tried to get into an exercise class, I can't find one during a time when either a)dh would be home or b)I can find a babysitter for the kids. I looked into taking a quilting class (becuase I really want to learn how to do it). Again, I can't find a sitter for the kids. There's my biggest problem. I can't find a regular babysitter. I have some people I can call for the once-in-a-while sitting, but not something on a regular basis, kwim? I know a lot of people who want to do it full-time, but I don't need full time. I got a very part-time job in the spring, I gave notice at the start of this month, although my boss is never there and I've left messages for her to call me back and she hasn't @@ I had to give my notice via a phone message (one of the reasons I don't want the job anymore - the person I would report to, is NEVER there!). I told my dh I should join the Jaycees or a Kiwanis club or something like that. The problem is he works all the time, and I can't find a babysitter!
I NEED a life. I NEED to do more things. I NEED something to do so that I can feel like I'm a productive member of society. I need a steady part-time babysitter and money to pay that person with LOL!!!!
Okay, I just have this desire to do more with my life, but yet I feel like I can't figure out a way to do that. Even my dh doesn't have any advice to offer me, and usually he can give out way more advice and ideas than you want to hear!!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Sad news ...

My mom called me today. First of all, my mom does not usually call me. We both have nextel phones, so she normally just beeps me. The second she called, I just knew it was not going to be to chat about the weather. And it wasn't. My aunt has cancer. She has cancer of the lymph nodes and they found a spot on her pancreas as well.
According to my mom, the doctors are saying that the prognosis is good. They pretty much expect her to be in remission pretty quickly. They have removed several lumps already and will start the chemo in the next 2 weeks. She has some more tests to undergo this week and apparently after those tests, there will be more concrete information to share.
And here's where I get mean. This is not an aunt that I barely know. Not someone I don't see a lot. My mom has 6 sisters ... needless to say, I am not close to all of them. Really just 2, maybe 3 if you stretch it. This will sound absolutely terrible, but if I can't say it here, I can't say it anywhere ... why couldn't it have been someone else? Why her? It's not fair. She was in a VERY traumatic accident when I was about 3ish I think? Her car was hit by a train. Her car went flying in the air. She flew out of the car. She miscarried what would have been her 3rd child, first son, was never able to have kids again. She had to walk for many years with a cane, nad even today uses a cane when it starts to hurt too much. Was that not enough stuff for one person to go through in life? I know, it's not like someone is hand-picking who gets what disasters (at least I don't think someone is). But yet at the same time, I wish there was someone doing that so at least I would have someone to complain to. "No, no. Take it back. You've done enough to her for a lifetime. I think you meant to send the cancer to that person over there. Now, I demand you take her cancer back, or else I would like to speak to your supervisor!"
This just stinks. I'm very glad the prognosis is looking well for her. But you know, chemo isn't going to very fun for her. She is already feeling pretty tired and throwing up. I just feel badly. I feel cranky. I feel like sometimes life just sucks. And there really isn't any other way to say it.
Anyway, if you're a praying type, send some prayers for my aunt.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Home sweet home!

It's so nice to be home again. Granted I was only away for one night, a whole 24 hours, but I like being home.
I have to admit though, I liked being away too LOL! See, my dh kicked me out of the house yesterday. He ordered me to go to a hotel, do whatever I wanted to do, rest, relax, and enjoy it becuase it will probably be the last chance I have to go away alone until the baby on the way is around 2/3 years old! LOL!
When I came home today, I was glad to be home, but I told him next time he sends me away, I want at least 2 nights to be away, maybe even 3 ROFL!!!!
My little trip away was kind of not what I expected either ... it was actually kind of a bad 24 hours, but good becuase it was nice to be away from it all.
Anyway, first I got lost on the way to the hotel, because I missed a turn-off, but I corrected it easily. I thought I was going to a hotel by a nice outdoor mall in the area ... I arrived at a hotel NOT by the nice outdoor mall ... it was about 30 minutes from it. I actually arrived an hour before check-in time (thinking I was going to be able to just go to the mall). So I drove around and got lost again - and did not find the mall in the process LOL! Finally made it back to the hotel to check-in ... the hotel was VERY busy. Almost too busy really - but oh well. Checked in and got directions to the mall. Thankfully yesterday was an absolutely BEAUTIFUL day so it was lovely to be outside walking around. I ate a lunch/dinner combo at The Cheesecake Factory .. yum yum!!! Then I walked around the outdoor mall for about 3 hours? I got a few maternity tank tops that were very much on-sale, and then 2 jammies that are for pregnancy/nursing. I looked at lots of stores, and didn't really find anything else to buy! I was really looking at a lot of tiny boy clothes, just in case we have a boy (since I have a wardrobe for a little girl) and I just couldn't find anything cute ROFL!!!
Then I went back to the hotel and half watched a movie while reading a book. I had wanted to go swimming, but the pool was packed with tons of kids and I didn't want to listen to them all yell and scream, so I stayed in the hotel room. I ate lots of snacks (I brought enough to stay there for a week ROFL!), read, and watched TV. Then I got sick ... blech ... I think it's probably becuase of all the food I ate, but I also got sick after dinner tonight so maybe my stomach is just freaking out again on me!!!! After all that, I jacked up the air in my room, cuddled under all the blankets and fell asleep.
I woke up all by myself this morning, not from an alarm, not from kids, not from other things, just when I was ready to wake up ;-) It was nice. I hung out until the last moment (check-out was at noon). And then I walked outside. It was a mere 102 degrees today. Yikes! I drove almost home, enjoyed a nice lunch at TGI Fridays and stopped at a store to buy a body pillow. And then came home! Honestly, were it not so hot today, I would have stayed away longer. I just really didn't have a place to go, outside of a mall, that would have been cool enough for me.
It was a short trip away, with it's ups and downs, but so worth it! I'm looking forward to when the baby on the way is 2/3 so I can do it again! ROFL! I already have the hotel I want to stay at picked out, and I will definitely extend the trip ROFL!!!
But it was nice to go and I LOVE my dh dearly for "kicking me out" for the night becuase it was such a nice thing for him to do!!! Well, he has been thanked several times since he suggested it this week ;-) ROFL!!!

Monday, July 11, 2005

Memories ...

Today I went through one box of baby clothes. Awww ... first of all, I forgot how small they are. Secondly I had so many memories! Looking at one outfit and a flood of memories would rush me. It just gave me a sweet, happy, loving feeling.
And then I took otu a few outfits that I no longer like to get rid of before baby 3 blesses us with his/her presence!
I know, I know, it's a bit early to be going through things, but we are hoping to have a garage sale soon so if I have things to get rid of, I'd like to do it now! Plus, I won't have to worry about it later. Meaning, I won't have to worry about it when my stomach is too big to not get in the way anymore! Although that's growing and sticking out these days, and I've decided a few inches does indeed make a difference, especially for someone as clumsy as me ;-)
Anyway, just got all sentimental going through clothes. It was so fun to do and tomorrow I'll have another box to go through! So fun!

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Another busy weekend ...

We were busy this weekend again. I'm pretty sure there is nothing going on next weekend, thankfully. And this should be a quiet week as well.
Yesterday we had t-ball trophies in the am - which was fun. Then I had to go to the doc ... bad news, I have a horrible yeast infection, good news, baby's heart is as strong as ever, I'm measuring perfectly and everything else looks perfect! Then I came home, packed up kids and I and the whole family drove to my moms. Hung out there, then went to family's farm for party. Ate, played outside, chatted, kids ran around, all fun. Dh took kids to my moms around 9:30 and I stayed late. They shot off fireworks and then mom and I hung out with an aunt and cousin until 2 am! Boy did I pay for it today! LOL!
Today I slept whenever possible pretty much. We were also in a parade. I think it was only 90 degrees out. Thankfully I didn't have to walk, I was riding, but it was hot just being in the sun! I thought I was going to melt. Then it was back to my moms to grab our stuff, back to farm to say good bye and time to come home!
This week I will (hopefully) be a busy little bee. We are planning a garage sale. We have brought home lots of boxes from storage to go through and I'm going to go through all the stuff taht is here now to decide what, if anything, to get rid of.
That's about it. Nothing else really to say!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

So frustrated ...

I am so frustrated. I'm so pissed off. And I don't feel safe enough to even say what is going on. Let's just say it's family issues and I just don't know who's reading what. It just sucks all around. I feel like a bomb is getting ready to go off and although I'm sort of afraid of the fall-out, but yet at the same time, it's SOOOOO overdue that I will be glad when it finally happens. But I have a feeling we (my dh and I) will be cutting some ties with one or two family members. Who knows what will happen though. We are worried that it will in turn affect other people in the family, who we don't want to have any of the fall-out hit, so that complicates things a bit.
Aside from all of that, things are good. I got the results from my test back today. Everything came back negative - for downs syndrome, spina bifida, and trisomy 18. Like I said yesterday I just thought taht it might come back with something so I was surprised that it didn't! So I guess it was really just my anxiety after all, even though I didn't feel upset by the feeling. Just a wierd thing I guess .. or maybe it is showing that I am learning how to control my anxiety instead of letting it control me so much? That would certainly be good news!
My 2 year old had a rough day today. I hate days like this. Everything just sets her off and puts her in a melt-down, and it's just her sensory issues were extra sensitive today - i.e. someone would hug her and she would cry that she was hit and hurt. And to our understanding, that is really how her body is interpretting the input - as a hit and not the pleasant hug most of us would feel. It's so hard becuase I still feel so ill-equiped to help her deal with it all, and yet, I want to just grab her and make it all better.
Anyway, just a run down of my boring little life! LOL!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Happy 4th!

A litte late, but it was a busy weekend around here ... it was really too busy I think. I feel so run down today, but we had fun all weekend and that was what was important.
We did learn my 2 year old HATES fireworks ... I mean hates them. She cried the entire time during our city fireworks display. Not just cried, I mean screaming cry. It was awful :-( And we walked to where we watched them, so to leave early would have meant walking where we could still hear the fireworks, so we stayed and just help her tightly hoping to alleviate some of her fears. It really broke my heart though. I felt like a terrible mom. We knew she wouldn't be all joyful over them, but we didn't know that she would react that strongly to it. Oh well ... next year we are staying home!
Aside from all the holiday excitement, not much is going on around here. Same old things. I'm still feeling pretty good most of the time, but still have my bouts of feeling awful. Tomorrow I'm calling my midwife to get the triple screen results. I suppose it's my anxiety coming through and nothing else, but I just have a feeling that something is going to come back with this test. I don't know ... I probably sound like a paranoid crazy person now, but I am going to call and ask for the results. They should have recieved them today but I didn't want to be annoying and hence am waiting for tomorrow LOL!
Speaking of baby news ... I felt the first kick on Sunday night. And it was no light flutter ... holy cow ... this was a kick. This baby has a powerful kick! I see a future soccer player in my life! Sunday night/Monday morning dh was cuddling with me and he felt the baby kicking when he had his hand on my stomach. I know with the other two, he never felt the baby this early becuase it wasn't that strong this early! I'm amazed honestly. But it's kind of neat. I've felt a few more bumps and kicks here and there, but at this point I'm still anxious to feel more activity! Dh teases that in a few months I'll be ready to tell the baby to be still hehehe =)
I don't know ... that's about all I have to share. Not much at all. Not much at all. One day I will think of some great, interesting topic to discuss, but until then I'll just keep rambling on about nothing really!