Monday, February 28, 2005

Weekend Wrap-up ....

The weekend was so fun, but so tiring! Last night I crashed around 9! It's the earliest I've been to bed in a long time that's for sure!

My friend's visit was so nice. We really did have a fun time, well at least I did. I wish I had more things planned ahead of time for us to do, but overall, it was pretty fun.

Had a scrapbooking party on Saturday. It went really well too. I think most people had fun. It had it's moments and I'm still upset over a comment (well, a couple of them) that were made to me by a relative, but really what can I do? Not much I suppose. Just try to keep my cool and not let it get to me.

Sunday will be my first knitting class. I'm a bit nervous, but I will survive it and hopefully have some fun! Right now there are only 2 people in the class, so it should be nice and easy and it's a good way for me to work into it.

The kdis are all healthy. I feel awful today though. Killer headache that won't go away, and despite the early bedtime last night, I feel so tired and ready to go to sleep again. I'm going to stay in all night tonight and when dh gets home, hopefully rest some more.

Have my hand going in about 2 million different projects right now!I have 2 dresses with pieces cut out and ready to be sewed together, 2 bags with almost all the pieces cut out ready to go, a poncho to make, 3 scarves to make, and one purse to make! And to top it all off, I have fabric to do about 6-8 more dresses! LOL! So, yeah, I'll be busy for a little while at least! =)

Thursday, February 24, 2005

A Few Updates ...

Went in on Wednesday and got the job! YEAH!! We talked about me doing hte summer session (May, June, July) and this am they called and asked if I could take over the March and April classes as well! So I went over there today to get the syllabi's for the classes and so this weekend I can decide what to do. I feel fine doing the knitting I class, it's the knitting II class that scares me! LOL! She doesn't mind cancelling the knitting II for March though, so it's up to me at this point!

My baby is feeling much better now and acting much happier, which is nice! LOL! Both kids are doing well. My 5 year old was very upset when she first found out I had a "job," but I think she has accepted it and isn't mad at me anymore. She was originally not going to talk to me until I didn't have a job anymore, but we are talking openly and freely these days now! LOL!

My friend is coming today ... I expect her in about an hour and can't wait. I have been cleaning this house top to bottom the last few days, so it will be all set for Saturday, although I don't know that there will be more than a few people here. Bummer :-( Oh well ... I did try! It's not my fault no one could come (or didn't want to come? who knows?)

I made a false post last week and didn't mean too! I had said last week I had been with Netflix for a month adn been through 9 movies. Ummm ... the month ends on Feb. 27. Who knows what I was thinking then? Anyway, that will be Sunday. I have now watched 12 movies, 2 more arrived today and I expect another one Saturday. So, I really feel like I am getting my money's worth from these people! LOL!

Okay, that will probably be it for a few days. Won't be on the computer with company around here!! ;-)

The Box ...

It's no ordinary box. It is special. It has been with me since I moved. I love this box. It's referred to as "The Box."
Okay, okay, so it's the box that I through all the stuff in when I don't have time to put it anywhere else or jsut don't know where to put it, or am too lazy to put it all away!
Well, lately, the box is so full, things were piled over the top of it. So tonight, for almost an hour, I sorted through all the stuff in The Box. I have recycled one paper bag full of paper. I have filed a good portion away. And now, the box stands at about 1/4th full of things. Yes, yes, I know ... why go through all of that if I can't empty the entire thing. Some papers just don't have a spot in this house yet, and so they will remain in The Box. Happily awaiting a permanent home to go to.
And hopefully, this time ... The Box won't overflow with items before I decide to sort through it again!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Poor baby ...

My poor baby is very sick. We went to see a ped. yesterday. Turns out she has a raging double ear infection, and a respiratory infection. So, we've been given 2 antibiotics to pump her full of. I know she woke up one time last night ... apparently dh got her because I didn't know she had woken up until everyone else told me! Thank goodness for dh getting her ... I'm still so tired!!!

Anyway, big news is that tomorrow I am going for a job interview. Not a big real job, more like a part-part-part time job! LOL! It's teaching a knitting class at a local craft store. I'm excited. Tomorrow I have to go and show them samples of my work and get more specifics from them. We'll see what happens with it. I really do want to get it and I hope that I can.

On Thursday (almost positive) an internet friend is coming to stay with me for the weekend. That should be fun. Also, having a scrapbooking party on Saturday. So I need to clean, clean, clean to make the house look presentable. And frankly, with all the illnesses and sleepless nights, cleaning has not been priority on the list. Oh, who am I kidding, it hasn't even made the list! But I need to get it all done tonight adn tomorrow so I won't have to waste my friend's visit by cleaning everything! I am holding off until kids are in bed at night. Something about spraying cleaners around my sick child doesn't sit right with me. She does't need cleaning gunk in her lungs right now with trying to fight off this other stuff. Maybe I'm being too paranoid, but I guess that's my choice! LOL!!!

Anyway, that's a pretty good wrap-up of things around here. I'm about to undertake the most amount of sewing I have ever planned to do in my life in the next few weeks (at least 7 dresses for the kids!) We'll see how that goes! Hopefully I can get it all done and taken care of LOL!!

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Long Night ... take 2

Well, last night was a repeat of the night before, only worse.
See the night before, my 2 year old was fine if she was on one couch and I was on the other. Last night she freaked out if I moved more than a foot away from her. She freaked out if we moved her from the couch to another location. Well, she basically freaked out if she was not on the couch, with tv on, with mom sitting next to her somehow touching her.
I also tried garlic oil to help the ear. She screamed both times we tried that.
Finally at about 5:30 am, somehow I convinced her to go lay in granny/grandpa's bed with me (because we could both fit and be together. She didn't want to do it at first but then gave in. Okay, I threatened her! I told her to lay in the bed with me, or I would leave the couch she was sleeping on. But I had to get some sleep. Up to that point I had maybe 2 hours?
We did move up there and fall asleep. At about 8 o'clock, my dh came in to check on us, and ended up waking her (or maybe she was awake but laying silently?) so he got up with her. I wasn't officially woken up until about 10.
But I feel completely drained. And on top of all of that, she's only getting worse. The fever is slowly edging up, her ear still bothers her, and basically she's about as crabby as they come. She is having a difficult time sleeping (she will sleep, then cry then fall back asleep then cry ... this is about a 20 minute cycle of sleep/awake).
To top it all off, we still haven't found a pediatrician around here. I'm ready to smack myself. So Monday morning I will find us a doctor. Just one that can see her asap preferable. I will have to just decide at that point if I like him/her or not and go from there.
This stinks. My dh told me to find a new one this fall. He told me that the kids would be sick this winter and I wouldn't want to drive an hour to see their doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah ... he was right. I admit it. This stinks. I think this is about the worst illness my 2 has seen in her short little life. :-( I feel badly. And I wish I would have found a new doctor sooner, becuase truth be told, if we had one locally, I would have taken her Friday just to make sure she was going ot be okay.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Long night ...

My 2 year old woke went to bed at 8 pm as normal. But at midnight she woke up - coughing, crying, saying that her ear hurt ... and just overall very cranky. So we were up for a little more than an hour before she was calm enough, and pain-free enough to go to bed. I quickly followed behind her cause I was very tired.
Fast forward to 4 am .... she was back up - coughing, crying, complaining that her ear hurt. So I moved both of us to the living room. Brought us both a pillow and a blanket. I gave her medicine, comforted her, and then I turned on the TV and layed down myself. I think I fell asleep around 5. I know she was still awake. I was aroused around 5:30 by the TV, but she was asleep. Then dh sort of woke me up around 6:30 when he was getting ready to leave, and then 5 year old woke up around 7. So from 5:30 to about 8:30 I slept off and on. Then at 8:30, M finally woke up ... ready for the day, smiling, telling me she felt great!
How is that she can wake up and act like alst night was a completely normal night, and at 11 am, I feel like I was run over by a truck and slept all of 15 minutes last night? I'm just hoping that she is actually very worn out (but still in a good mood) becuase this momma needs a nap today! LOL!

Sadly, dh had to work today. He left at 6:30 and right now expects to be home at 7. So I don't really get a break to kind of regroup myself ... okay I really wish he were home so I could just go to bed now! But, I will survive. Even if I'm dragging my butt all day. On the good side, we have no where to do. Which is good, becuase despite the good mood, given how last night went, I think the last thing my 2 year old needs is to be dragged out and about.

On a good note, I think tomorrow I am going shopping for lots of fabric and zippers, and ribbons and all that jazz to start making some little summer dresses for the kids. And I have decided that I'm going to try my hand at a sweater for myself, provided I can find yarn for it. I'm certainly going to try anyway!! =)

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Netflix Update ...

Well, I signed up just about a month ago. We have watched 9 movies in that time.
So, we are getting our money's worth! However, I'm not sure if that means I have been watching too many movies or not ROFL!!! ;-)

Anyway, that's all here ... hasn't really been teh best of weeks and I'm not in a writing mood. I hope I get some motivation back soon so that I can actually come here with things to say! LOL!

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Don't want ...

tomorrow to come! It's going to be a long day and I don't feel ready for a long day. My dh thinks it will be great that I'm running around all day ... easy for him to say! He doens't have to do it!
Anyway the new "dilema" here is whether or not to put my 2 yer old in preschool. I don't really want to. I mean, I still want to homeschool both my children. However, I recognize she has some anxiety in new settings and around people, and I wonder if a few years of preschool will help her overcome that and then we can homeschool after that. One of her therapists thinks that being a part of a group like that is exactly what she needs, the other feels that she will be fine as long as we keep her in a park district activity or 2.
Which, is what I'm feeling is the right decision. As a matter of fact, I really think that is the way we should go. At least for next year. Besides, all the preschools around here, but 2, require potty training (which she isn't and I don't want to pay and lose a deposit if she doesnt train by then).
So I think I just answered my own question. So, this blog is good for soemthing! And if we don't see any improvement next year, then she can do preschool the year after that!
There problem solved!

Another M issue .. her PT wants us to look into samonas? Music Therapy? So I'll spend the next 2-4 weeks reading as much as I can ... making a decision on whether to persue it and then share with dh only the information I think he should know ROFL!!!!

And well, other than my busy day tomorrow, nothing really to say. I'm totally tired and should be asleep like 3 hours ago. Ah yes ... it is the same old, same old! Someday things should change! I hope so anyway ....

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Just not a ...

good day around here.
I'm feeling a bit down today. Fortunately I have a great husband who held me as I cried ... even though he wanted nothing more than to be asleep since he has to wake up so early tomorrow. Not that he reads this, but just in case thanks hun. It meant the world to me.
I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day.
::sigh:: I just wish that I could snap my finger and change a few things about my life. Things I have been trying to change for some time that just are not improving. As my husband said tonight things will get better ... not overnight, but someday and hopefully someday soon and I just have to hang in there ....
but it can get very hard to keep hanging in there when it feels like there will never be any change.

Monday, February 14, 2005

So far ...

on this blog I have yet to delete any entries, go back and edit anything I have typed or just completely delete the entire blog!
That may not seem like much, but I've had 4 other blogs before this one ... one others knew about, 2 others did not. And in all of them, I continually deleted entries, revise entries to take out what I considered too much information, or too personal, or too negative. I used to continually right out entries, then delete everything before I could post it.
I am learning to be more open with people, to be more honest - say what I really think, and just try not to always create this world of perfection around me. It is actually quite difficult for me to do. It's hard. I kind of grew up learning that it was best to not say what you were thinking, to not get too personal with people, and to simply pretend that life was happily ever after all the time and nothing was every wrong. But as time passes, it gets harder and harder for me to keep that facade up. I want to tear it down before I completely crack from it. I'm getting there - little by little, an inch here, an inch there. It is scary for me. No, nothing completely terrible has happened from me sharing, but I admit, I have cried a few times. I have had a lot of urges to just completely delete this entire blog - not just one or two entries, but the entire thing. Gone. No more thoughts to share - and to go back hiding everything I want to hide from everyone.
But alas, the blog remains. I try to open up and share every now and then.
Of course, it's pretty easy considering I get a whole 5 hits a day on the blog! That makes me feel a bit safer. I might be having anxiety attacks if I knew more people were reading ROFL!! ;-)

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Meow ....

So yesterday evening ... and not even late evening ... I watched the movie The Grudge.
Now, I don't like thrillers that much. I don't like scary movies, so why this movie was even picked is beyond me. It's no secret that it's a scary movie. But I didn't pick it, but I conceded to watch it ....
I survived the movie. Didn't like it. Probably won't ever watch it again, nor do I have any desire to see the original Japenese movie it was based on.

Anyway, last night at around 12:30 in the morning, I was going to bed. I turned off the living room light ... pretty much the only light left on as I was last to go to bed ... and the second the light went off I heard "meow, meow." I kid you not, I jumped up. I'm surprised I didn't have a massive heart attack that prevented me from even typing this up becuase I thought I was going to die.
Turns out, my 5 year old's toy cat was left on in the living room and decided to talk. This is a mystery because usually the cat only responds to touch. I slowly approached the cat, the entire time thinking of a scene in Chucky where the mom discovers Chucky was never even turned on (which is about as far as I got in that movie before I got too chicken to watch it). Thankfully, her cat was turned on and did indeed have batteries have in it.
But it took me forever to fall asleep last night. Ever little creak in the house, every sound, every noise, made me want to wake up my dh and tell him to go and check things out for me.

I admitted today to my dh what happened (he was not around to watch the movie with me). He of course chuckled and shook his head at me. I suppose I should have known better. And in the future, I think I will refrain from watching movies like that!! LOL!

Home, Sweet Home!

My parents returned safe and sound last night. And last night I came home and I LOVE being home! It's so nice ... to be in my house, with my family, and no extra children to care for!
Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the time with my sisters. I'm glad that my parents got away for a vacation. It wasn't hard. It was taxing at times, especially when the one was yelling at me some not nice things, but overall it was a good week.
However ... we have a rhythm and we have our activities and of course, at home, we have our very own things!
So yes, I am glad to be home. I am glad to be done with my care-taking duties. The only scary thing is that my mom is already talking about how she can't wait to go on another cruise this time next year. Now that scares me ... I don't know if I can do this again! ROFL!!! ;-)

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Blah, blah, blah

Over the last 2 days I have heard that I am stupid and I am mean. I am hated by one sister, unfair, mean, and not as nice as mommy ... apparently the kids can't go too long without being called names by their parents before they miss them @@
I know I shouldn't roll my eyes. Really I do. And don't do it to them, so I should get a break, but seriously, I'm so frustrated at so many things ...

Yesterday, while helping the 11 year old find her library card, I came across papers. One in which she basically wrote out how stupid, ugly, dumb, etc, etc, etc, she was. That people who know her should cry themselves to sleep, that people who don't know her should rejoice, and that the world would be a better place without her. She also had a lovely drawing of herself labeled "alive" with a bunch of frown faces and boo-hoo on it, then a drawing of herself labeled "dead" with smileys and some yeahs on it. WTF is that? Seriously, what the hell was I supposed to do? I just didn't have a freaking clue what I was supposed to do. She has begged me not to tell our parents ... which I don't blame her. My guess is they will be pissed off than try to, oh, I don't know ... GET HER HELP!
She is seeing a therapist. I took the liberty of calling him, but apparently he is the most busy doctor in the world as the message says it will take a week to get a call back. I was so not expecting anything like that to happen. And wtf is wrong with my parents? They seriously can't not know. I mean, it doens't surprise me - she says it all the time. She scratched herself up this fall (on her hand) and apparently the school called social services about it. You would think that would be the wake-up call my parents needed ... but no! I think they are still living in a dream that everything will be okay and it's just a phase and blah blah blah. Seriously, my sister will be like the next person toting a gun to school with her. And I'm not kidding. That is the scariest part. Ugh. I wish I could do more to help out. But yet at the same time, I want to take my family and run - far, far away, becuase when all the shit hits the fan, I don't want to be here to be a part of it. And someday it will happen. And you know what, I bet when my mom finds out I called her therapist, she will call me and yell at me and be pissed off at me for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. Watch. It will happen. I'm positive. And I'm tired of having to be in the middle of it. Maybe if she does call all mad at me, I finally get a backbone and tell her what to do with her anger. I didn't volunteer to take care of them, I was asked. And so if I felt like the call needed to be made when those notes where found, then I had the right to call. And ifit's an issue, she is welcome not to ask me to babysit anymore!

Well, phew! That felt good to get out ....

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Lessons from my 5 year old ...

Isn't it amazing when a child can teach you a lesson that is so profound and deep, yet in that child's innocence they have no idea the power of her own word?
Today we watched the movie Radio Radio (2003) Movie Preview - Cuba Gooding Jr., Ed Harris, S. Epatha Merkerson, Riley Smith, Debra Winger, Alfre Woodard, and ...
She is enjoying the movie. Right away she was appalled by the first act towards Radio. We talked about being nice, and all that jazz. I was kind of waiting for her to ask about Radio, ya know, maybe why he didn't talk a lot at first, or other questions like that. She didn't ask, so I asked her if she noticed anything about Radio she wanted to ask me about. She just responded, "Yeah. He is nervous around people until he gets to know them better. But, I'm nervous too." And that was the end of that.
Yeah. I felt all of about 2 inches high. It seems as adults we are programmed to right away notice the differences, but she instantly found something she had in common with him. And that folks, is our lesson of the day, courtesy of my 5 year old.

Monday, February 07, 2005

Today I ...

did math problems where I had to add and subtract using different denominators. Then I got to read about galaxies, novas, nebulea, and other such science-y things.
This was all done in an effort to help the 11 year old with her homework. She, well, she struggles tremendously with her work. She still uses fingers to do basic addition. So all of her homework needs to be checked, then rechecked and sometimes checked again.
Tonight was probably her heaviest amount of homework since I have been the "temporary guardian." So basically I check all her work, and mark the incorrect ones. Most of her math she was able to correct well enough, but a few problems I needed to guide her along with. The science reading had 2 incorrect answers. So I circled the paragraphs with the answers and she was able to correct them.
This is all so wierd for me because no one really did that for me when I was in the 6th grade. I'm not even sure that anyone checked my homework earlier either.
Partly I feel badly for my sister. School was never that much of a struggle for me. School was never very hard. I could pass tests without studying, I could spit out papers at the last moment. And yet she struggles so greatly, and I really don't know how to help her that much with it. I'm just trying to be patient and with her and not make her feel that she is doing everything wrong, which, she isn't. :-( Sometimes I wish I could do more for her, but alas, all I have is this one week. Hopefully it will be enough. She was very happy today as she was only one of two who received an A on a worksheet. What a great confidence booster for her!

Movies ...

I believe in the past 2 weeks I have seen more movies than I have seen in the past 2 years LOL!! It's really kind of sad when you think about it, but I'm trying to catch up. Mostly, I've watched a string of movies that weren't that great:
Stepford Wives, Ella Enchanted, Day After Tomorrow, 13 going on 30, Love Actually, The Prince and Me, Open Waters, and The Forgotten!
Tonight I am going to the video store again (courtesy of my parents!) and then Wednesday 2 more Netflix movies should arrive, with another arriving on Thursday! It is all a bit insane! But I feel so far behind that I need to catch up! Besides, soon spring and summer will be here, and the last thing I will want to do is be watching movies! So I need to squeeze in as many as possible now! LOL!

And the winner is ...

The Patriots!! Woo-hoo!!! Just in case you hadn't heard yet ... Yahoo! Sports - NFL - Patriots 24, Eagles 21
Of course, we had a success here as well ... our party went quite well. I was happy with it. We had enough food, enough drink, and plenty of fun! Some of the people that came we hadn't seen since last year's party! So it was overall a great party!
It's always great when it's such a good success ;-) And the even better news is no anxiety attacks getting ready for it! But, boy! I am tired today! I'm not used to waking up sooo early, but had to get the sister to school this am. And I needed to be the responsible adult who woke her up with time to get ready without rushing. Ugh! This is totally why I'm going to homeschool from now on! No waking up to catch the bus ....
Just in case, I'm totally kidding! That is not why we are homeschooling, but I sure won't miss it! ROFL!!!

Saturday, February 05, 2005

So far so good ....

Well things with my sisters are rolling right along. That's nice. I was worried. If you had ever visited their house before, you would have been worried as well! I'm just so glad that things are going well.
Just one sad moment ... yesterday 11 year old asked me "Why are you being so nice?" I was simply treating her the way I would treat anyone. I suppose it's something she isn't used to. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but their house is simply an explosion waiting to happen. Big blow-ups can happen often and generally over what I would consider little things. So even when I visit there, it seems even I'm on pins and needles just waiting for the next argument to break out. Even my 5 year old has said that there is too much yelling there.

Aside from that, tomorrow is our big superbowl party. I'm not as ready as I thought I would be at this point. Oh well ... it doens't start until 4 I think,so I have a lot of time to get ready tomorrow. And you know what, I don't think anyone will care if all the glass isn't perfectly cleaned tomorrow! I know we are having a good food spread and we'll have the game on, and we have plenty of drinks ... what more really do I need? Here's hoping that tomorrow goes well though and that we all have a good time!

Thursday, February 03, 2005

And they are off ...

This morning we waved good-bye as my parents pulled away in their stretch SUV limo that took them to the airport. Although I am excited for them, I am now responsible for my 2 darling sisters. They are 11 and 14. There are a lot of hormones coming from them right now!!
No really, it hasn't been so bad at all. They have so far,and of course so far only includes from after school to bedtime, been very nice and helpful and wonderful so I can't complain. Yet.

Anyway, last night we slept at my parents house so we could send them off on their vacation properly. My parents have the temperpedic mattress. You know the foam one, developed by NASA? Well, I don't get it. What is the big deal about this mattress? I didn't think it was that comfortable. Nor did I sleep extraordinary well on it. I just don't get it. I don't even think it was equal to my other mattress (which is just a regular spring mattress).
Well I'll get another opportunity or two to try it out before they return home, but frankly I'm not excited by it! I found it rather uncomfortable if I do say so myself ....

Speaking of things I say ... well really think. I now think in my head a lot WTF (which for those who are not up on their internet lingo means What the Fuck). This is a recent development due to a bad influence of some other internet friends ... yeah, you know who you are! LOL! Some people on a message board I post on use WTF and now I think it a lot! However, when I think it, I actually picture the WTF in my head! I know, I'm a nerd! One of these days though, the phrase is going to fly out of my mouth and well, there a few people who will hear it and then stand stunned while their jaw hits the ground! Not something I have used in the past, but even I can admit I know a few situations where there just isn't something better to say! LOL!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

On a mission ...

I am on a mission. It's a small mission. But I am writing the Orpah show every single day. They need to do a show on a topic near and dear to my heart. I wonder if I send in the letter enough times they will eventually cave in and do a show about it?
Of course everytime I submit my idea, I get the form letter back "Thank you for your e-mail! Your message is important to us. Unfortunately, due to the volume of e-mail messages we receive every day, we cannot guarantee that you'll receive a personal response. Feel free to check out our Frequently Asked Questions for additional help.

Thanks again for writing to us!

The Staff

I have to hope that eventually they'll pick my sumnission to read and decide that it is indeed a topic worth talking about. Alas, I am only a week into my quest .... but in the meantime, while we all wait for Oprah to run a show about it, visit Spinal Muscular Atrophy - Families of SMA Home Page and learn about the number 1 genetic killer of children under 2. Learn how you can help. And hey, if your up to it, help me spam Oprah! Sadly, I think so many are unaware this even exists and so my goal really is to just raise awareness for the moment.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Let the craziness begin ...

From tomorrow until next Sunday, I will be going crazy! I will be living out of 2 homes for that time (which basically means a lot of driving back and forth), and I will be responisble for an additional 2 children: my sisters.
While my parents are on their wonderful cruise enjoying the warm, sunny Carribean ... I will be taking care of their very hormonal 11 and 14 year old daughters, also known as my little sisters! There is an hour drive between my house and their house. Any bets on how many times I will make that drive over the next 12 days? I don't even want to think about honestly!!!

On top of that, we are having a Superbowl party at our house on Sunday. So I am trying to get this place ship shape for that. Of course, we have the people coming to repair the basement soon, so it's in a bit of disaray (we had to empty out some storage areas). Hopefully no one will be down there anyway. And frankly, I'm a bit disappointed. It appears we will have an entire 9 people here. We've topped 25 at previous years parties. I guess people are growing up and just can't manage to come to a Superbowl party anymore. I think it's sad ... just until recent years my dh's group of friends have been pretty tight and all of a sudden it's breaking up. There is hope that some people who haven't rsvp will show up and I hope that happens. We haven't seen some people in over a year, despite our efforts to see them more often.

But the next week and half will consist of me running around like made, trying to get a child who hates homework to do her homework, trying to keep all the balls I have at this house in the air, and trying to keep all the balls at my parents house in the air as well. I have 4 children's schedules to coordinate now. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. I wish my mom could have asked someone closer to her to do it, but then again, I agreed to do it! So I can't complain too much ... I'll try to keep that in mind as I'm pulling my hair out! LOL! The plus side is that my parents have a jacuzzi tub in their master bath and I for one plan to use it just about every single night I have to stay at their house! Not to mention for one week, someone else is paying for the groceries, which is actually very helpful for dh and I! And well, it will be fun to get that bonding time with my sisters and I know my kids are looking forward to being over there for awhile because of course, our house gets boring!
So I may be scarce over the next 12 days ... never fret though! I shall be back to normal in 12 days and I'm sure I will have some entertaining stories to share as well!!

A is for ...

apple and airplane and ambulance and angel ....
Today my 5 year old is starting an alphabet book. She is cutting out pictures from old magazines and gluing them to pages. Today we are doing the letter A. She was bored, I suggested it and she said okay!

Of course I immediately thought A is for anger. That nasty little word. At least, it's a nasty word to me. For whatever reason, anger is bad to me. It's a feeling I generally try not to have. If I start to feel angry about something, I try to talk myself out of it ... tell myself all the reasons I shouldn't be angry. And then I push it down, down, down until it's gone. I suppose what I'm in the process of learning is that it's never really gone. When I do that, I'm not making the anger go away ... I'm just temporarily putting it out of my thoughts. I suppose it's much like having a spare room in your house that becomes the junk room. One day you put just a few things in there, and then a few more, and a few more, until one day you realize you can't even open the door ... the carpet is covered with junk and now it's a BIG problem to have to try to sort through everything in there and put it where it really belongs. I guess that's what has happened to all my anger. I've slowly put a little into my spare room and now the room is full. And now it's become a HUGE problem. When if I had just all those times said, I'm angry, dealt with it and then moved on, I wouldn't have this BIG spot filled with anger.
It's a hard habit to get over. It's hard for me to mentally accept that anger is an okay feeling to have. It's hard to seperate the emotion of anger from the actions that some choose to do while angry (throwing, hitting, screaming, breaking, etc, etc). It's hard to not believe that one can be angry without having all that as well. Slowly, but surely, I'm working on it ... and maybe someday I'll get there. And anger won't seem so bad or scary or wrong to me!