Monday, February 14, 2005

So far ...

on this blog I have yet to delete any entries, go back and edit anything I have typed or just completely delete the entire blog!
That may not seem like much, but I've had 4 other blogs before this one ... one others knew about, 2 others did not. And in all of them, I continually deleted entries, revise entries to take out what I considered too much information, or too personal, or too negative. I used to continually right out entries, then delete everything before I could post it.
I am learning to be more open with people, to be more honest - say what I really think, and just try not to always create this world of perfection around me. It is actually quite difficult for me to do. It's hard. I kind of grew up learning that it was best to not say what you were thinking, to not get too personal with people, and to simply pretend that life was happily ever after all the time and nothing was every wrong. But as time passes, it gets harder and harder for me to keep that facade up. I want to tear it down before I completely crack from it. I'm getting there - little by little, an inch here, an inch there. It is scary for me. No, nothing completely terrible has happened from me sharing, but I admit, I have cried a few times. I have had a lot of urges to just completely delete this entire blog - not just one or two entries, but the entire thing. Gone. No more thoughts to share - and to go back hiding everything I want to hide from everyone.
But alas, the blog remains. I try to open up and share every now and then.
Of course, it's pretty easy considering I get a whole 5 hits a day on the blog! That makes me feel a bit safer. I might be having anxiety attacks if I knew more people were reading ROFL!! ;-)

3 comments:

Tina said...

Writing is a good outlet...and sometimes something becomes clear to me while I am writing it.
I understand about being careful what you share. I have to be sooo careful. I also understand the deleting thing, although I haven't done that yet...it's not out of the question for the future...
I hope you keep writing though. I like stopping by here.. : )

Debbie said...

I'm glad you've resisted the temptation to delete because, like Tina, I like coming here, too. :)

Mel said...

You must not delete your blog without express written permission. From me. So, keep writing!