Thursday, November 30, 2006

Snow Day?

This is the forecast we are looking at for late tonight and tomorrow morning.

36-Hour Forecast

Tonight Tomorrow Tomorrow Night
Tips to Stay Warm

Heavy Snow / Wind
Heavy Snow / Wind
25° F
Becoming windy with snow showers and a steadier and heavier snow developing late. Low near 25F. Winds NNE at 20 to 30 mph. 4 to 6 inches of snow expected.

Snow / Wind
Snow / Wind
31° F
Windy. Snow during the morning followed by a few snow showers during the afternoon. High 31F. Winds NNW at 25 to 35 mph. 4 to 6 inches of snow expected. Winds could occasionally gust over 40 mph.
Tips to Stay Warm

14° F
Clear skies. Cold. Low 14F. Winds W at 10 to 15 mph.
Sunset: 4:21 PM
Sunrise: 7:01 AM
Sunset: 4:21 PM
Get more forecasts: Hour-by-Hour 10-Day

4-6 inches tonight and 4-6 inches by noon tomorrow! One weather station is not going with the 8-12 inches from midnight to noon, but instead saying 10-14 inches from midnight to noon!
I am supposed to go to the doctor tomorrow - just a chiropractor for a first visit. Dh is going to wake me when he leaves for work and if it is as bad as they are predicting I'm picking up the phone and cancelling!
I am all set at home to remain holed up for a few days if we have to - thank goodness I shopped through Monday night this week! I have all that I need for food. We have plenty of paper goods and water. We are all set unless we lose power. And then I will cry! LOL!

Sleep Update ....

I know, I've been doing a lot of sleep talk these days, but it's the big issue around this house right now!
Tonight, all on his own - no need to turn off all the lights and lay in darkness. Tonight at around 10:00 my son came up and wanted to nurse, and then he fell asleep. It is now 10:13 and he is in crib, tucked in, all asleep, and I am so extremely excited it's unbelievable.
I think we'll see how the next few nights go. Next week I'd like to take him to the bedroom, turn off lights and lay him in his crib and try to get him to sleep that way. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the fact that we are getting him on a sort of schedule, that we didn't have to do it through tears and crying but did it in a more gentle manor and that I have not permanently screwed up my last child through the course the last year (which has been my fear as my family's life for the last few years has spent more time revolving around other people's needs and not our family's needs all the time).
And now I can rest easy knowing that all is not lost, there is hope, and I can now look back fondly on the last few years and focus on the good times instead of thinking about the negative.
Life is good indeed right now.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Busy Bee ...

I have been quite the busy bee this whole week. I suppose when you return to being the only woman of the house, that happens!
Cooking is all me again ... which hasn't been so bad this week. I told dh though by next week I'll be sick of it. Sad but true! I haven't had to cook dinner (except 3 times I think) since April/Mayish? And I wasn't even cooking too much when grannie came home from Florida since dh was doing most of it as I was busy with the baby. So I really haven't truely cooked on a regular basis probably since April'05. That's when dh took over when the morning sickness made me puke 2,515 times a day - then grannie came home, then she left and a week later I had a baby and then dh mostly did the cooking until grannie came home again and cooked!
I will admit, right now I am enjoying the cooking. This week I've pulled out 2 of my old favorites and tonight tried something new that I've been wanting to try for about a year now! [The bummer was that it wasn't really that good, but at least it wasn't bad!]. I have the entire menu for a month planned and it is full of old favorites, some other new ones I have been wanting to try and I even will attempt one of the favorite things grannie makes!
I have also been reorganizing, cleaning, decorating, schooling, listing a few items on e-bay and trying to train a a baby to go to sleep this week. I even managed to make it to the Y today which felt wonderful to work out (but I admit towards the end I wasn't sure if I could make it to the end, but I did YEAH!)
It's been a good week so far. Tomorrow I have a moms club board meeting in the am, and a friend coming over in the afternoon, sometime there I need to get to the library, and we are slated to get a kind of big snow storm ... at least 6 inches. Of course the predictions are changing every 10 minutes so we'll see if that pans out.
I'm thinking the library trip should be in the am though, just in case the snow hits - the kids and I can stay home and we'll have plenty of books to keep us busy!
But now, well now I am off to watch Oprah on rerun and sit and knit for a bit. I haven't had a chance to just sit and relax at all this week - too much to do and not enough time to do it all ... so since I have successfully put baby to bed, I am going to steal a few moments all for me!

I just have to say ...

It's 10:47 and for the second night in a row, my child is asleep before 11:00.
Last night he went down at 10:58.
I can not even begin to tell you how exciting this is for me!
Both nights I have shut everything down at 10:30 (when the news ends) and it is fabulous to see him responding to it so well. I think he's getting it - when the lights go off, it's bedtime.
Why, oh why, did I not think of this sooner?

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

3 precious hours ....

Today I had 3 precious hours of some kid free time.
I was so very excited when my aunt called and offered to take the children for a few hours. Horay! Horay! I thought about all the wonderful things I could do ... read, knit, sew, just relax.
So she picked up the kids and first thing to do was take a shower - I was overdue. Which seems to be a common theme these days.
Then write the grocery list. Then off to one grocery store. Then to grocery store number 2. Then home to unload the groceries, work on some laundry, clean the living room and a bit of the dining room. And then I had a whole 5 minutes to relax before I needed to start dinner so it was ready when dh came home with the children.
So much for 3 hours of fun.
But it was nice to grocery shop without children. And I cleaned in at least half, if not less, the time it would have taken me to do it had I had children running around me.
So it was a good day none the less. And that means tomorrow I should hopefully have time to fit in some knitting during the day ... maybe during babyboy's nap time. Since I won't have to clean. Or worry about groceries. And that will be nice too =)
Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Shocking completely!
If you read my blog at all you are probably shocked about these results as well!
I suppose this goes to show you when I blog I am not really paying attention 100% to how I am typing. It also goes to show that you can know all the correct answers to a quiz and not quite get what you are being quized over as well ;-)

Grocery shopping ....

So last week, when we were waiting to here "They've accepted your offer" dh and I put together a budget to live off of when we get a mortgage.
Of course, they didn't accept our offer, we are still searching for a house, HOWEVER - I have decided that I should start trying to live by the budget anyway because it would be good practice, right?
So we decided that the grocery budget should be 500 a month (in a 4 week month) which gives us 125 a week.
Before we moved in here we were spending roughly 80 a week on groceries so this seemed pretty reasonable to us. Surely sounded good to me!
So for this weeks groceries, I have spent 180.00. Oh. My. Gosh.
How did that happen? The really sad part - is I planned my meals, bought what we needed, only a few extras (approximately 15.00 worth of "extras"), didn't get any paper products or diapers or anything like that.
I need to figure out a way to cut that grocery bill! I'm hoping that maybe some of what I bought today will last longer than one week (i.e. I bought a ton of lunch meat/cheese) which might get us 2 weeks. I stocked up on fruits and veggies. So maybe that will last 2 weeks?
Ugh. I guess our budget needs a bit of tweaking. And I guess I need to figure out a way to save more money!

On other news:
Babyboy made it al night in the crib (once I got him to sleep that is LOL!). I thought for sure we were headed for a night of up and down and up and down. He woke up two times and just needed to have his pacifier given to him - once pretty soon after I layed him down and at 4am the second time. Then he was out until 7:30 where he woke up and wanted to eat. He looked around like where am I? What am I in? Get me out mom!!
So that was good ... now if we could just get him to go to bed earlier I'd be pretty happy with where we are headed with him ....

Sleep Issues ....

So, I want to change the sleeping habits of my darling baby - who will be one very shortly and who I think needs a lot of help with getting to bed.
The past several nights I have basically shut off all lights, other than a simple nightlight and laid down myself. I don't really speak to him at this time, unless he lays down next to me and then I try to talk in a very soothing voice, explaining it's night-night time and giving him a bit of a massage (he likes to have his tummy or his neck rubbed!). If he gets up I don't lay him back down, nor do I tell him to lay back down. In fact I don't speak to him at all.
Generally he walks around a bit. Then he climbs on me (remember I'm laying down). Tonight he sat on my back and stayed put for a while for him. Then I think he was too tired because he kind of slid off of me, but sat and leaned back against me, and then laid down.
The first night I did this, he was awake for over an hour. Last night it was just about an hour. Tonight it was 20 minutes.
Before anyone thinks, wow, it must be working. Last night we started at 11:00 and he was asleep roughly midnight. Tonight we started at 11:40 and he was alseep at roughly midnight.
I think that the other night he probably was asleep at around midnight too.
Don't get me wrong ... I ddin't think we'd be going from midnight bedtimes to 9pm in a few days, but I would have felt much better if he wasn't staying at midnight ... even 5 minutes earlier tonight would have been nice.
Although I suppose I should have started sooner, but I lost track of time. :-(
I want to change his bedtime, but I don't want to do it by putting him in the crib and letting him cry. For one, he has yet to sleep in his crib (but once I post this I will be carrying him up and putting him in it for the first night ever). And 2, I don't think it's fair to let him have his own sleep schedule for almost 12 months and then say "well it ain't working for me, so into the crib you go and if you cry, you cry! Deal with it!" Partly because I don't think it's fair - I have taught him the habbits he has so why punish him (by making him cry) and mostly because we tried the cry-it-out method with my oldest when she was a bit over one. And it was Horrible. Horrible. It was even HORRIBLE. It was just awful and it didn't work. Basically it upset her and upset her beyond the point of being consoled and beyond the point of falling asleep. She hardly slept at all for 3 nights straight. We are talking, awake for almost 8 hours straight. It was terrible. It didn't work. We tried three nights thinking it would get betterand it didn't. It only stayed the same. And so we went back to the routine of rocking her to sleep and trying to gently move her to her crib and within a few months she learned to go to bed on her own thankfully.
However, she was never this bad. She was not up until midnight when we tried it. She was up until maybe 10, and we wanted her down closer to 9 and we wanted her down without needing to be rocked or held. But she wasn't ready - and certainly not at all to have it happen with the crying it out method.
And now here I am, 6 years later, with my son. Who is like her in so many ways, trying to figure out this whole sleep deal. But this time I'm trying it in what I hope will be a more gentler way. And I hope it really works. I have no idea if it will or not. So far being in almost complete darkness doesn't phase him - he keeps roaming around the room like I didn't just turn all the lights off.
If someone, anyone has any other ideas to try that don't involve crying at all, please, please, I beg you, shar them with me!
I am one tired mom. One beyond tired mom. Who is looking for a way to fix what I started nearly 12 months ago ....

Monday, November 27, 2006

Weekend Update

So I haven't even talked about my weekend.
Thanksgiving was lovely - simply lovely. We went to my moms where there were I think 18 other people there I think? Well, give or take a few. And it was simply a wonderful time. We ate, we talked, we played Apples to Apple (which I have never played but did enjoy tremendously). It really was a very grand time - I'm so glad we went. It was a great day to celebrate thanksgiving that is for sure. And really, really, truely, dh and I just couldn't get over how blessed we are. I mean, really, we are so grateful for all that we have, all the wonderful people in our lives, the wonderful things we have. It really was such a grand day on so many levels.
Then we stopped off at dh's dads house. Talked for a bit and then made our way home to pack for our short trip to St. Louis.
So Friday we hopped in the car and meandered on down across our wonderful state of IL to go visit "pop pop" and l. It was an uneventful drive I think. I wasn't really conscious during it. That dramamine really does a number on me and knocks me out so I slept most of the way there.
We got down there. Dh took the girls to pool to swim and babyboy and I hung out in the room.
Off to go see pop pop and l. They have a quaint little place. I loved it! I told dh we could retire in a similar style when it was our time. =)
We visited with them and then were all off to dinner together. At an interesting restaraunt - wasn't so fabulous, but not awful either.
Back to visit some more.
Let me just interject here to say that I just love both pop pop and l, and so do the kids. I loved being able to spend time with them, even if it was just a short stint. It was absolutely fun and wonderful.
So back to the hotel where everyone basically immediately fell asleep, except of course babyboy. Of course.
We spent Saturday with pop pop and l and a few other extremely nice people. Who despite just meeting us, opened up their home to us, children and adults and even fed us some yummy food. They also happened to have a girl just a few months younger than my oldest and the two were connected at the hip almost immediately. A good time for all I believe.
Then just a short time more to spend with pop pop and l and back into the car.
We were home around 10:00ish Saturday night (so we were gone almost exactly 36 hours).
It was a great time, just too short. Hopefully we will get back down there in the spring. As I said, I just love spending time with pop pop and l and I miss them. I wish they were closer to us so we could spend more time together. But alas, we have to make special the time we do get together.

It's just another manic Monday ...

Well today has already been an interesting day and it's not even lunchtime.
The gp's left for Florida today at 5:30. Myself and my oldest woke up to them getting ready and so we decided to say good-bye to them - hugs, kisses, well wishes, etc.
And then we promptly went back to bed where we overslept her classes. Oops. Not a great way to start the week for sure. But I suppose it might be for the best, as babyboy has had diarhea a few times this morning all ready. So that would have been a pain to take care of there, and could be part of the virus my middle had last week. So for all I know we are quite the contagious family right now and I wouldn't want to pass on illnesses to anyone.

It's a weird feeling having the entire house just to ourselves again. Dh will probably move into their bedroom. Babyboy and I will probably move into mine and dh's room. I can pull toys and books up to the first floor and not spend most of my time in the basement. Later today I will go buy a few babygates to help reign in my very active babyboy (who did for the first time fall down the entire flight of stairs yesterday. Which broke my heart and made me feel like crappiest mom of the year. However, not one red mark, bump, bruise, scratch, nothing on him. Dh and I checked and rechecked because we couldnt' believe it!). I will start to cook again. Family members who are here all the time will come over less. I wil feel more comfortable having some of my friends and my children's friends over at the house. It will be wonderful, but it will be sad to not have them around. If I ever wanted to just chit chat, grannie was around to listen. If I wanted to run quickly to the store, the older two could stay home and it would just be babyboy and myself. We all will miss her cooking because it's yummy and I will also miss her cooking since it now mean I will have to cook!
But it will be nice to have more room, more freedom, more space, more privacy.

This morning was also bittersweet because hopefully we will not be living in this home when they return from Florida for the summer in several months. And so, today marks the end of an era so to speak. We will move out and they will be alone again. In the long run I think this is the best for everyone, but yet it is sad. We will miss each other's company. We will miss the ways they help us out (which were plenty) and I assume they will miss the ways we helped them out. I have watched my children grow pretty close to their great-grandparents and I hope that after we move and when they return to the house, I can still maintain that relationship. Because it would be so sad to see it slowly fade away.

Christmas shopping ...

Almost done.
I did most of it today on-line.
It was nice. No crowds, no lines, no getting up early, no needing to park, no worrying about either babysitters or dragging kids with, no need to even take off my pajamas!
And I got about, oh 75% of my shopping done. The things I didn't get on-line (because they were out of stock) are popular items this year apparently and I'm not sure that I would have gotten them today anyway.
DH did a bit of shopping today as well. Between the two of us we are almost done.
It's such a nice feeling. We will go out Thursday night to try to find what we couldn't today - mostly because the girls will be at Awana so it will be easy to shop since we still need a few more things for them.
The best part of it all is that we are coming in right at budget. I have been known in years past to spend a bit too much money at Christmas time ... not like I've put us into debt, just gone over what we have planned to spend.
This year I have done a very good job. Mostly because I know the better I do with the Christmas budget, the more I have to spend to decorate whatever house we buy LOL! It's pretty darned good motivation truth be told.
I think we are set to have a pretty nice Christmas overall. A few nice things for each of the kids - enough to be a great Christmas, but not too much to make it overkill. The girls are each getting 3 presents just for them, 2 that will be for both of them and then stockings. Babyboy I spent a whopping $35.00 dollars on - although I need to get a few stockign stuffers for him.
I think it's just perfect ... not too much but not skimpy either. I did splurge on my dh big time. Every year he never asks for anything. This year he asked for stuff! I was so overwhelmed that I picked out some nice things for him! I can't wait =)

We pulled all the decorations out today so I'll start that tomorrow. Along with cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning! I will have a MOMS club board meeting here Thursday and would like the place to look mostly clean ;-)
And I'm planning a grand Christmas party at the moment too! I think it will be a grand time for sure! =)

Sunday, November 26, 2006

House Update ....

They didn't want to come down enough in their price, and we weren't willing to jump up to what they wanted.
Long story short: we have no house right now. They are still holding a house to sell.

Next weekend dh and I will go out looking again.

I am very bummed. It was one of two houses that I actually liked from what I have seen so far. The other one sold.
However, the good news is that dh and I have decided to bump up our top dollar amount. We will search for a house at the price they decided they wouldn't go below because we are certain we can get something better for that price.

Oh well ... I guess finding a house in 3 days was a bit fast ... maybe now we'll find something even better?

Keep your fingers crossed!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Cross your ...

fingers, legs, toes, arms, whatever you can cross for us.
In about 9 hours we will call and make an offer on the house dh and I both like!

Then we are heading out of town ... so who knows when I will be able to update you ... maybe Sunday? Maybe Monday?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving day, a day we are supposed to reflect and think about all the things we are thankful for.
Despite all the whining I do on this board, I am really quite thankful for many things.
A husband who loves me dearly and also loves our children dearly
Three children who are kind of caring, and of course brilliant and gorgeous!
Good health for everyone in my family - granted we get our very fair share of viruses and sicknesses, but let's face it: a stomach virus is nothing compared to hearing one of my children has cancer. I'll take the little colds and viruses anyday.
That we don't have to pick between food and medicine, or food and shelter, or that none of our needs go unfulfilled.
For family and friends who are there to help out when I need some help - even if it just means taking one (or all) of the children for a little while.
That my dh has a pretty secure job - no threat of strikes, or lay-offs, or downsizing or anything like that.

Along with those things, I am thankful that we are in a position to splurge here and there, that I can spoil my children without going into debt, that we have 2 working cars, both in pretty decent shape, that I can go shopping and pick up a few things that have caught my eye if I so desire, I am thankful that we have the ability to not only have what we need, but also to get some of our wants as well!
I'm grateful that I get to stay home with my children, that I don't have to work to provide for them. I am thankful that if I ever decided I wanted to work, my dh would support me in that choice.
I am glad I have family near-by. I am glad my children are close to most of their grandparents (but a bit sad I can't say all of them), that my children know their great-grandparents and are pretty close to them.

I am even thankful for the internet, where I feel connected to so many people around the world through their blogs, through message boards, through e-mail. I am thankful that I have friends who challenge me to think about things deeply, that I have some friends who make me laugh and smile, that I have other friends who I can cry with and moan about life with, and that I have friends period.

I have a lot to be thankful for. It's good to remember that - I should remember that more often instead of whining and complaining for that "more" I always want (but probably once I got it, I would want even more still).
But I'm glad despite that flaw, and certainly many many more, there are people who love me, who care about me, and who like me even still! And that makes me pretty darn lucky I think.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Maybe ....

Just maybe ....
Maybe we found a house. I don't know.
I don't want to jinx it. I'm afraid it will sell tonight.
It has 4 bedrooms, basement and sub-basement. The kitchen was just redone. The floors in the main area are new. It has a upper deck and lower deck. It has a pool. It has a decent yard. It is in a nice neighborhood. It backs up to woods.

The windows aren't in great shape. The furnace/water heater aren't new. The paint in the bedroom area needs to be redone. Probably the carpet in the bedroom area needs to be redone. The deck needs to be stained/protected. Aside from the windows, all pretty easy fixes I think.

The house doesn't scare me. The neighborhood doesn't scare me. It's kind of smack in the middle of all the places we go.

I have seen it twice now. Dh has seen it once. Tomorrow we will drive there again. We have slated an hour to an hour and a half just driving around the area - seeing are there parks, where are the stores, is it close to shopping, places to take the kids, to the library, the park district, etc, etc.

I am very excited about this. The more I think about it, the more I want that house.
Dh didn't like it very much. We showed him another house in our price range (not half as nice) and he got it. And he now likes it too LOL!

We'll see ... stay tuned for more details.

Time to spare ....

I am sitting here with not much to do ...
oldest is out of the house, middle is resting on the couch and babyboy fell asleep. I have to leave in an hour to go look at a few more houses. I can't do laundry because it won't be done before we leave and I can't really clean what needs to be cleaned because I don't want to disturb granny, so I am sitting here with not much to do (okay, really, if I looked I could find plenty to do. So I guess technically, there isn't anything I want to do)
For fun I went and looked back at some old entries ... soon I will be upon my 2 year blogiversary (is that even a word?) of this blog and so I went back to read some of my earlier entries.
I came upon something extremely interesting ... my resolutions for 2005.
Let me share them now:
*Finish A's baby book (100%) NOT DONE
*Start M's baby book (100%) NOT DONE
*Finish Disney scrapbook (50%) NOT DONE
*Go to bed earlier (50%) NOT DONE
*make puppet stage for kids (75%) NOT DONE
*Organize some distinct spaces in basement for us
(25%) DONE
*drink more water (50%) DONE
*gossip less (30% LOL!) NOT DONE
*read more (60%) I DID IN 2005 BUT NOT THIS YEAR
*label pictures (80%) NOT DONE
*journals for kids (25%) NOT DONE
*worry less (25%) NOT DONE IN 05 BUT THIS YEAR
*relax more (25%) IN PROGRESS
*get wallpaper off the walls (100%) NOT DONE
*less time on the internet (20%) UH, NO WAY!!
*work out a few times a week (20%) JUST STARTED THIS ONE

Okay, apparently I am bad at sticking to my new year's resolutions! I swear I enter into these ideas with the best of intentions, but that follow through is what trips me up. I wish just thinking about things would mean they would get done. But alas, it doesn't work that way!
The sad thing is that in another month or so I'll sit down and make another list to try and follow for next year. And who knows, maybe next year I'll do better - I'll get more done and at the end of the year, I'll have the ability to cross out lots of things.
But for now, I'll be content with creating a long list and only getting a few things off of it each year. Besides, I enjoy making lists, creating them, thinking about all the things to do and organixing it on paper. It's fun. I don't like looking at the lists at a later date and actually doing what's on it though!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Day 2 ....

Today was even worse than yesterday.
I didn't know that was possible.
Our price range isn't even the bottom of the barrel .... but apparently it is. Because some of these houses I saw today had obvious issues - as in the windows would need to be replaced, carpet replaced, appliances very old, etc ....
Which, let's be honest, all that stuff is very do-able, but we are looking near the top of our budget. We would buy the house and not have money left over to do windows, carpets, counters, appliances, etc, etc, etc ....
It is very depressing.
The thing that really makes me sad is my dh and I are not poor. Especially considering the fact that we are a one-income family, we are doing pretty well. And yet, I can't find any decent houses - that would be mostly move-in ready in our price range. To get something like that, we'd need to add another 40,000 to our budget. To get a really nice house, we'd have to add about 100-200,000 to our budget! This is insane!

My only hope right now is one house we passed today that is for sale by owner. The house called out to me as we passed. We can't get in to see it until tomorrow at 5. Of course the house looks too good to be true for the price, so it either has something majorly wrong or is such a good deal it will sell tonight!
I am crossing my fingers. The outside spoke to me. The outside said "I am gorgeous outside and inside" and the info paper said it was in my price range.

I am really crossing my fingers and toes on this one. Hopefully dh will meet me to go see it because if it is nice, we will put in an offer right then and there. We will not wait. Oen of the houses I saw and liked yesterday sold last night. A few houses dh and I found on-line and wanted to go see, sold already. It seems that for a while now houses have been sitting and sitting on the market and then when dh and I decide to buy, they start selling!

Anyway, let's hope this house I look at tomorrow is gorgeous and beautiful and not already under contract.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I had hoped ...

to come back tonight and gush about several houses that I saw. To say I found at least one house that I couldn't wait to show to dh. That one of the houses spoke to me and said "Buy me. Now."
But the houses that spoke to me today said "Do NOT buy me. I'm a terrible house" or "I'm an okay house. There is nothing special about me. I could work for your family, but well, I'm a house and a roof over your head."
Now don't get me wrong, a roof over our head is a grand thing - and I am grateful that I can afford that. But, I still want a house that I am excited about, that I want to show off to people, that I walk through and think "I love this part the most." And then round the corner and say "Oh, I like this part the most!" And just really love every part of it.
I didn't find that today.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I will go look at another round of houses. If nothing jumps out at me, then I suppose maybe Sunday dh and I will go out together to look? Or sometime next week.

I suppose the other part of this might be that I have to readjust my wants. We don't have an endless supply of money ... we can't buy the biggest, the best, the nicest. I probably need to accept that fact. But who knows, maybe tomorrow I just might find something that excites me more. I will be crossing my fingers in hope that there is something out there. My dh is convinced there is a house that is perfect for us out there and that I need to be patient and we will find it. I sure hope he is right!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

In the blink of an eye ....

the weekend just flew by! I can't believe that it's Sunday night already.
I hate the end of the weekend because it means dh will be back at work. And I quite enjoy having him around the house.
So yesterday was a pretty good day - slept in late (woo-hoo!), went to a birthday party with the kids, then the drive into downtown Chicago to the Museum of Science and Industry, where my dh's company had a holiday party. It was so much fun! The kids really enjoyed themselves and dh and I had a good time. We've been doing this party for the last 6 years (minus 2002) and I have to say, last night was the most fun we've had at this party and I firmly believe it's because I have changed so much recently in not being so nervous/anxious/worried, and being more relaxed and just having fun! I rather like not being so anxious. I wish I could have grasped this feeling long before just recently.
So a good time was had by all - plenty of mingling with coworkers (and bosses LOL!) and playing with the exhibits and all that jazz.
We made it home and laid all the kids down. For the first time in almost 2 weeks, babyboy and slept in our bedroom. Which started out pretty well but he woke up more often than he has in almost 2 weeks (so we are back in the basement for tonight). It wouldn't have been so bad that he woke up more frequently, except that around 1am, my 4 year old started throwing up. We thought at first it was probably because today was a day full of lots of treats. But then she threw up again. And then again and it continued until 11am. Poor thing. Thankfully she has not had any more episodes today, but she has had nothing by liquids today and all in small amounts so as to not upset the tummy anymore! And it sounds like babyboy is getting sick so we up'd his breathing treatments again today.
Ahhh ... it's never boring around here, that's for sure!

Now, in between all the sickness and illness and laundry and clean-up, dh and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Bears win their game today! Woo-hoo! It's always nice to watch the game when your team is winning!

Tomorrow I will go look at a few houses (provided no one else gets the little stomach virus 4 year old had today). The kids were supposed to sleep at my mom's, but we've cancelled that just in case someone else gets it. I can't wait to actually go inside houses and look at them and maybe fall in love with one! I've been ready to buy a house since January so this will be VERY good to go looking =)

Friday, November 17, 2006

Good day!

Today was a good day. It was actually a great day truth be told!
First I went to the YMCA and had a "commit to be fit" appointment.
I did the eliptical for 10 minutes (went .79 miles), the treadmill for 15 minutes (went .97 miles), and the bicycle for 15 minutes (went 3.1 miles), and then did some nice stretches.
It was good! I have to do this at least 3 times a week for 2 weeks and then I will have another apointment to add some weights to the routine.
It was nice to go work out. It was even nicer to take a shower afterwards AND blowdry my hair. That doesn't happen much at home these days! The girls stayed home and babyboy went into the nursery and I had a break.
The only downside to this whole thing is that babyboy did not appreciate being in the nursery. He did not let the staff put him down once and cried off and on. :-( That broke my heart. He started that on Sunday at the church nursery - being so upset with being left. It wasn't his first time in the nursery, but the first time he got so upset. I do hope this is just a small phase that will quickly pass. It breaks my heart to see him so upset. But yet I feel like I need this time.

So, back to good news ... came home to a waiting lunch and my aunt offered to take the girls to her house and I said YES! Babyboy and I ran some errands ... went to target and finally purchased my first Christmas present for the season (yes, I am feeling quite behind right now!). Got the perfect birthday present I was searching for.
Went to the local Jo-Ann Fabrics to get some yarn (which I have been trying to get for ages now) and they had it in stock! Woo-hoo!! And to top it off, they were giving free massages there - yes, I know it seems odd, but there is a "Advanced Physical Medicine and Therapy" place near-by (they have physical therapists and chiropractors) and they were doing a promotion. It just so happened that babyboy fell asleep in the cart, so I said, sure! Give me a free massage! How could I pass it up? I simply couldn't. So I got my free massage ... I will say this about me though - hook. line. and sinker. I bit the bait ... I have an appointment with them - I get two free appointments - and yes, I did get it in writing and there is no fine print or little astericks so no surprises when I go. The therapists there today said they have had luck with TMJ patients in the past, so I figure it can't hurt! They will even check my insurance coverage at my first appointment should I want to go back. I figure if I can get some help for my TMJ and have insurance cover it, well, why not try it? So far no dentist has offered relief and so it can't hurt to try.

Looking back, it's been a pretty darn good day. I'm excited tonight. I feel happy and up-beat and it almost feels like things are coming together pretty well. Very exciting overall.

I'm still bummed about moving, but we will try to stay as close to this area as possible when we search - which my first outing is Monday so hopefully we'll see some great houses, with the right price, in the right location! Please pray that it all comes together nicely for us if you have a moment. Thanks!

Thursday, November 16, 2006


It hit tonight.
Tonight I realized what moving will really do, how it will really affect us and change our lives in so many ways.
We will probably move about 30-45 minutes away from where we are, if not even longer.
That means if my kids want to continue going to church when we move, it will be a 45 minute drive. Awana, long drive. The YMCA, a long drive. The homeschooling co-op we attend, a long drive. My children's friends, a long drive.
OMG! Now I kind of sort of don't want to move. We have set up a life here. We have friends, activities, things to do, places to go, people to see.
We will move just far enough away that it will be so temting to make these drives, for about a week or two. That would mean that given what our weeks look like right now, to get to and from activities, we would spend at least 8 hours in the car and that wouldn't include just getting together to play with friends.
The fact is we can't afford to stay around here. I am so sad now. I mean I guess I knew it would happen, but the implications didn't click until tonight.
I finally felt like I was figuring out this area. I finally started going to church, just got more active in my moms club, joined the y, really started to make friends I could talk to. And now, well, now we will be moving from it all.
:-( I'm sad. I will miss it and I know my children will miss it as well.
Boo hoo hoo.

Shut Up and Let Me Love You!

I am a pretty self-conscious person. I'll be honest here, I don't think I'm all that pretty. I would describe myself as a plain jane kind of person. I have some extra belly flab ... I could stand to lose a few inches because I hate my rolls and apparently to be healthy we should all be under a 35 inch waist and I will tell you what ... my waist is not smaller than 35 inches!
So, anyway, I don't really like my body all that much.
Which sometimes can interfer with, oh how to say this delicately, trying to get romantic with my husband. Because it's hard to let someone see those fat rolls or heaven forbid attempt to touch those fat rolls. So my poor dh hears a lot of don't look at me, don't touch me, turn off the lights!, and other things from my mouth - which as you can imagine do wonders for the mood.
Apparently last night he had enough of it from me. Because as I was telling him to stop touching my fat waist area he looked at me and said "Shut up and let me love you!"
And so I was shocked for a moment, and then I shut up, and just tried to enjoy the moment with him instead of worrying about all my imperfections. And in the end, I did let him just love me. And it was nice.
Apparently, he should have yelled at me several years ago!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Things ....

So just some things going on in our house right now ...

1. We have taken a break from school. I just haven't figured out the route I want to take this year 100%. We have time to take this break, so we are and we are enjoying it for the most part. It does feel wierd to completely stop "school" as it would be such a no-no were we not homeschooling, but I think it's doing us a world of good around the house. I imagine we will be on this break until after Thanksgiving at this point and I am okay with that.

2. I made an appointment to get a "fitness consultation" at the YMCA for Friday. So hopefully I can get something started and actually follow through. That follow through part will be the hardest part of it for sure. But I will go Friday. They will get a brief medical history (to make sure I'm okay to use machines) and then teach me 3-4 cardio machines. Then in one week I will go back and learn the basic weight machines. Then a week after that I will return to learn more of th e weight machines and design a program to keep me good for several months. How fun. I am actually excited. But mostly because this stomach flab has got to go.

3. I am trying to find out my middle child's passion. So far I haven't struck a chord with her, but I am determined there has to at least one thing in this world that excites her and we need to find that. Because maybe if she finds something that is so fun she can't stand it, it will allow us to break through whatever is going on in her unique little self. We'll see where this takes us ... so far we keep traveling down dead ends, but pretty soon I know we will make it to that highway!

4. My oldest dd is not digging Awana Sparks this year like she did last year. I blame this on the girl who listens to her recite her Bible verses each week.
[For those who don't know, Awana is a club to learn about God and the Bible and all that jazz. This year she can earn 4 red jewels and 4 green jewels.]
Several weeks ago my dd earned green jewel 1 and was so proud. The girl listening to her recite them passed her (which she should have since she knew them all) but then told her she did it all wrong and that she needed to go home and learn the red jewels first because it was the right way to do it. It clearly states in the book that it does not matter if you learn the red or the green ones first, that you can learn them at the same time or switch back and forth between them - the onle "rule" is that for the red jewels you must go in numeric order - red jewel one first, red jewel 2 second, etc, etc ... but aside from that there was no order requirement. We did double check with someone else who had no clue why my dd was told she had to complete all the reds first, but we decided to switch to the red jewel. So she finished red jewel 1, then did green jewel 4 and began red jewel 2. 2 weeks ago she didn't learn any verses - we were busy and she is ahead. She got yelled at again for not having any done. She came home crying about it (and also because she was hungry and another child there hit her a couple of times so really it was a bad night all around). And was told she needed to learn at least 2 verses for the next night. So she worked on her two verses and went to Awana last week. The girl passed her on 6 verses. Because she read them once and my dd repeated them instantly. By the time she returned home she couldn't remember the last 4, but she passed them there and earned red jewel 2. She now has half the book done and we are in November only. So this week she told me she didn't need to practice too hard that she was sure she can pass a bunch just like last week. I for one, do not think remembering soemthing for one minute equates memorizing, but now I think she does. We did manage to practice 2 here and she has them down pretty good. But she was so excited ... for the first few weeks she was learning 4 verses or so a week, and now the spark just isn't there for it. Let's hope she is in a lull and will bounce back soon because she used to love it, love learning the verses and saying them! I want to see that again, especially since if we move this may be her last year with Awana, and how sad to end on a not good note!

5. Since I talked about the other two, babyboy is doing well. He "talks" to us all the time! It's so funny. Who knows what he is saying but he just babbles and babbles away all the time. He also climbs almost all the time. The climbing is no where as cute as the babbling. I keep waiting to a big spill to happen, but so far we have been lucky. But he is all over the place - up, down, over, under, climbing, sliding down, and just on the go!

Okay, I think that sums up life here!

Blah, blah, blah ....

I don't normally get a lot of phone calls. Really, it's because I don't have a lot of friends and telemarketers haven't gotten my number just yet. So my phone harldy rings. My mom calls. One aunt calls. And then once a week I might get a call that is not my mom, or aunt, or husband.
This week, I have racked up roughly 20 messages on my phone and it's only Wednesday! Apparently a memo went out that said to call me, except everyone keeps calling when I'm in the bathroom - either for me or a child, changing a diaper, nursing a baby and can't reach the phone or when I'm on one floor of the house and the phone is on another.
So I have all these messages. And then I call people back. Some of them I got right away and some are playing tag with me (yes, I have two people have been exchanging phone messages with me).
Holy moly. I am not sure what to do with all these calls I am getting. Be happy I guess? Yes. I will be happy. Several are from moms club members that I had to call as part of my duty as president.
I have an appointment to go house shopping now. I am trying to set up a play date for my 4 year old. We have a kid party to go to tomorrow. A card party I am trying to plan for here. Working on setting up a board meeting for moms club here. Trying to put together a dinner with some people we know.
All of a sudden I feel so busy. And so talkative. And so I will talk away as the phone rings and the messages come in and plans get made. I'm kind of enjoying this new-found business. But yet at the same time, part of me wants to turn the phone off and not talk to anyone for a few days!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

In which I try to look good ....

Today I was on a mission. A shopping mission. A mission to find the most perfect outfit to wear to my dh's company holiday party on Saturday.

[Yes, some of you may have noticed that I tend to do all my shopping only a few days before the event I need to wear the clothes to. Life would be too boring if I could plan ahead and get out with more time to spare. ]

So off to the mall I head, with all three children with me. Yes, a baby in the stroller, a 4 year old and a 7 year old. They came with because they needed some clothes as well. Okay, that's a lie. They came with because I couldn't get a babysitter and I wanted to go shopping soon in case it was hard to find something.

So off we set to the mall. We met my mom there, ate lunch and bought clothes for the children. It was all good. Then I announced we would be looking for some mommy clothes. All of a sudden the 4 year old was "too tired to walk anymore". The 7 year old was "hungry". And the baby who had been peacefully napping in his stroller awoke with a start.

But I was insistent that everyone shape up because we were shopping no matter what! Tiredness, hunger, wanting to climb out of the stroller and run free around the mall - those things would not stop this mission.

So we visited Gap. They had nothing that remotely fit the description of what I wanted. I didn't want formal, but I didn't want jeans and t-shirts.
Next stop Express. They have nice trendy items in their store. In high school I shopped Express a lot, so I thought it would be worth a shot. I picked out a few tops and tried them on. That's when trouble hit. A sales rep offered to help me. Poor thing. Didn't know what she was getting into. About a dozen tops and 3 pants later she asked another sales rep to help me out. What exactly does that mean when the sales rep passes you off to someone else? She said it was because the pants weren't fitting me properly and she didn't know which size to put me in. I think it was because she was tired of hearing me say "It doens't fit" or "Not my style" or "It looked awful on me!" Sadly, she agreed with a few of my it looks awful assessments.
So along came sales rep number 2. She brought me a few tops and a pair of pants. Told me I'd probably need any pants hemmed since they were all too long (yes, I am short). Then asked me if I had to wear pants. "Why no. Actually, I prefer skirts to pants anyway." Oh. No one ever asked and I forgot to mention that before then apparently. So away she went again and came back with a bunch of outfits.
Now - during all this trying on and taking off of clothes, my oldest danced around the entire store. My 4 year old asked if htey had any clothes she could try on. My baby almost feel out of the stroller, attempted to wipe snot on all the black pants I was trying on, crawled out of the dressing room under the door when I was mostly naked, 2 of the kids had cried, I nursed babyboy once, my 7 year old loudly announced that one shirt made me look really fat and another one showed too much of my boobs and basically felt like I was loosing my mind.
And then she came with a whole nother round of clothes to try on. I instantly pulled out a few outfits that would require strapless bras - which do not IMO work when you want to discreetly nurse in public. And was about to tell her thank you for trying but I give up and I will take my loud children who are wandering around your store with me before one of you kick me out for good, when I noticed an outfit in her hand that I decided I needed to try on. So I calmly turned the children and said "I will only try on one more thing. If it doens't work we will go home right now. Please, just be patient while I try on one more thing." and took it out of her hands.
I tried it on - a tank top, a shirt over it, a suit jacket, and a simple black skirt. Eh. Remove suit jacket. Hey now. Oh. I like this! Ask 7 year old - she liked it. Ask 4 year old - she liked it. Look in mirror again. I liked it.
Sales rep comes back and I tell her I love it (yes, in a mere minute I went from liking it to loving it). However, I don't like the jacket with it. That it's just not "me" but I love it without the jacket. She nodded, but had that look that said she didn't think I was making a wise decision.
Then I checked the skirt price. Yeah. I lied. I told the sales rep "and to top it off, I have a black skirt at home very similar to this that will look fabulous with the top!" She was excited about that.
So I took my tank top and shirt up to the register. I apologized for the kids being loud, for trying on so much and buying so little, and came home with a smile on my face.

My dh actually also loves the shirt, which is good. Sometimes I love something and bring it home, and he hates it.

But then I realized. I don't really have a black skirt here. Oh. Guess I'll have to fix that by Saturday at 3 pm ... but I won't pay 70 bucks for whatever black skirt I wear. No way. I may want to look good, but I am still cheap deep down inside!

Happy news ....

Tonight I spent way more time than I should have looking up houses on-line.
The good news is that I actually found a few I want to go look at that are in our price range. I was positive there would be absolutely nothing and dh and I would have to completely readjust what we were searching for in a house.
It seems though we need to only do some minor tweaking and hopefully we will get something close to what we would like.
It will be interesting to see what the market does though ... we keep hearing that it's a buyer's market and might end up becoming more of a buyer's market as winter nears. Of course that is good news for dh and I.
Obviously we know the top number the bank will approve us for and the top number we want to spend (which is interesting because the bank has pre-approved us for a number higher than the highest we want to go because we'd rather not end up in foreclosure in a year or two - I wonder if the banks try to set us up for failure). But I even managed to find a few homes that are below our top number. Which would be even better because that means there would be money left to decorate and furnish the house we might possibly want to buy. And I think furniture would be super and decorating would be good.
I feel happy with how things are. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I don't have to wonder anymore. I know. I know we are going to move. House hunting has begun. Dh filled out the papers to pre-approve us and I'm calling the realtor tomorrow.
I feel like we are sitting pretty right now.
Hopefully soon I will be writing about actual visits to homes and possibly talking about offers and contracts and packing and moving! YEAH!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Finally ...

a decision has been made.
We will definitely be moving.
The gp's have changed their mind about wanting to sell their house. Part of the problem was that they were afraid to tell us that fact. They thought that we would be upset if they told us that.
Of course, dh and I are of the opinion that as long as we know what the plan is, we are happy. So now the house hunting can begin. We can search in the open. No more wondering or waiting for someone else. We know where everything stands and that is, imo, a great place to be.
So now I'm excited and anxious to look at houses. Of course I will have to really reset my "dream" house to fit the house that we can afford. But it will be very nice to be in our own space again for sure. And who knows how wonderful we can make things then. Both dh and I are feeling a strain between us right now.
I realize this has been a common theme in my blog lately - but it's the sad truth. Being here has put a huge strain on our relationship. But, let's hope once we get into our own space that things will get better. Not that things are bad, they just aren't good. I'd like good. Hey, even better, I'd like great! That would be a nice treat ;-)

Anyway, the official house-hunting is underway. We'll see where that leads us .....

In a completely unrelated note, I have to admit I have new tv show that I feel hooked on - and I'm embarassed to admit what it is. I will hang my head in shame when I say this, but I'm hooked on Laguna Beach. I think that show is for teenagers. And I sit here and watch it. Real. Nice. I think I need to find something else to get hooked on. It's such a stupid thing to watch, but yet, it's a nice brainless activity and I think that's the draw for me now.

Friday, November 10, 2006

Lazy Day ....

Today the kids and I are having a "Lazy Day."
All of us are in our pajamas and it is 4:30 pm. We have hung out, not doing much, watching too much tv.

We have had a busy week - we had a few last gorgeous days and so we were outside a lot running around, burning energy, being out and about ... and today we have rain, dreary skies - it's a very blah day. So we are behaving very blah-like!
I kind of like today.

Of course tomorrow I will have to do laundry, clean the house, clean up my desk, do some other things I need to take care of. But that's okay. I don't mind being a busy bee tomorrow. Today the kids and I were able to just sit back, relax, and have almost no cares.

It was completely worth it truth be told. I loved today just hanging out with the kids, cuddling on the couch, snuggling under blankets, just laughing and loving and having some care-free fun with no where to go, no where to be, nothing to do.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Remember ...

when I complained about not being able to sleep much with this baby of mine?
Well, we found a solution. I say solution with a hint of sarcasm though because it is by far not even close to what I would consider a long-term solution, but for now, it will do ....
He sleeps beautifully on the basement floor. Yep. The basement floor. The carpet he is on in the pic, well that is simply one of those rectangle pieces dh bought from some home store (menards, home depot, one of those places). There is no pad under it. There is however, a concrete floor under it. I sleep next to him on the pillow. I can't fathom why sleeping on the floor is better than sleeping in his pack n play - but he sleeps well here - we're talking 5 hour stretches people. Five. Hours. Of. Straight. Sleep. Heaven. It's heaven.
Despite the fact that I hate the basement floor and I kind of hate the basement at night with most of the lights off, but at least I can sleep for more than an hour or two.

Soon, a bedroom will open up and hopefully we will have a crib set up and he will sleep in the crib like he sleeps in the basment. And then this momma can sleep on a bed. But for now ... the floor is where we will sleep!

Interesting conversation ...

Monday I had an interesting conversation with another mother.
Our children are in a co-op together (although our children take different classes due to age differences). It so happened that Monday was the day we had to pay.
The OM (other mother) commented that she just completely forgot it was pay day and so would have to leave to go get money, come back and pay. And asked me if I remembered it was pay day.
Well, yes, I told her, I actually had. She was amazed it seemed that I remembered. So I explained when the calendar was sent out in August I promptly went to my home calendar and put in all the dates otherwise the information would surely be lost be the end of the first month!
She thought for a moment and said that was a great idea and she just might go home and do that as well.
Then she thought again and said that she always felt like she was one of the mothers that were always behind. It seemed that so many mothers were always "one step ahead" with regards to school, extra-curriculars for thier kids, with work, with their house - that she knew this whole group of mothers that appeared so perfect and just made her feel like she had no chance to keep up with them.
I completely know exactly what she is talking about. There is a group of mothers out there that just absolutely perfect. Their children are always dressed so nicely, the diaper bag has everything you could need but it's a nice small size, they look flawless, never have to yell at their kids, have tons of grand ideas, know all the answers from how to get a child to sleep through the night to how to deal with the latest teenage crisis.
I know those mothers as well.
And I told her I knew those sorts of mothers, and for a long time, my goal in life was to be one of those mothers. And oh in public, did I appear to have it all together! I was so on-top of the game. We always looked nice, I never forgot anything. I showed up early to things and had extras of whatever it was we needed. Need a dozen cookies? Well, I showed up with 2 dozen, made from scrach with glorious decorations on them 15 minutes early with 2 girls dressed in only the best of clothes! I never complained - life was good. No, life was beyong good, it was perfect! And I had a lot of people fooled. But the most important people, I couldn't fool.
My children weren't fooled by my act - they knew that wasn't our real life. In fact they must have thought I had split personality. In public I was this perfectly put together mother. But at home, well, it was a completely different story.
I was stressed, frazzled, always running around to get the 345,937,247,234 things I had promised to do done - and not just done, but well done without any mistakes. I was short with the kids, yelling too much, and too busy trying to keep up appearances to really be there for them.
I look back and I feel badly for them. That the price of being perfect in public, was a pretty cruddy home life. They probably wished we left the house more often than we did because I was a lot more fun when we were out.
It finally dawned on my one day (okay, so it didn't just dawn on me, I had some therapy and lots of conversations to get it) that in the long run I was really short-changing my children and well, not enjoying my life either. I am not cut out to be a perfect mother. I make mistakes. My cookies aren't always perfectly round. Sometimes I even buy store bought cookies because there isn't time to bake any. I've even gotten somewhere and realized that the diaper bag is still at home. Oops.
I have come to terms with the fact that I am not perfect. That I make mistakes. That I forget things. That I am not one step ahead and some days I'm 5 steps behind. But I'm a better mom because of it, and my kids will have a better childhood because of it. So it's okay.
I'm not perfect. But I am a mom who I hope my kids can count on and can look back and have more good memories than bad ones.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Dear bloglines

Dear Bloglines,

I enjoy blogging on your site, despite the times when you go down without giving me warning.
I don't mind these issues because afterall, I am not paying for this service and of course in the electronic/computer world glitches seem to happen all the time.
However, I really really really really want to be able to swtich my blogs to blogger beta!! Please, pretty pretty please, put that blue button on my dashboard that allows me to switch my blog over!

Thank you

So ...

the democrats took control of the house.
And a lot of people are excited about this.
Honestly, what will really happen? Will the new democratic representatives come in, snap their fingers, and magically all things wrong will fall into place?
Nope. Let's be honest, I don't think our country is where it is today because of the Republicans. It's because of politicians and a public that I beleive isn't truly informed nor do I think a majority of americans want to be informed.
I'm not sure if yesterday I heard more about Britany Spears filing for divorce or voting news. How sad is that?
Okay, I am exagerating a bit here, but still, it really felt like it.
And I would like to know how many Americans voted? I'm not sure I want to know because I fear the numbers are so low. Is it because we don't care? Is it because we don't like any of the choices being presented? Is it because we don't think our one vote will count so we stay home (but if half the voters do that then yes, it does leave a huge impact)? I don't know, but it's depressing to me to think about.
And maybe the change in the house will bring about sweeping changes in this country and it will feel like some one brought in a magic wand and everything is magically fixed, but I don't think that will happen - and I would feel this way regardless of who had control.
We'll see what happens with this new change in the future. I would like to be able to see things change truth be told. But, it seems to me it's not as simple as that, it's not as easy as that. There is red tape, back room deals, blah, blah, blah.
Do I sound a bit cynical and jaded? Well probably because I am.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I voted.
That was about the only semi-decent thing that happened to me today.
I believe at this point no one I voted for actually one, but at least my vote was there (which I only made it to the polls barely on time. The locked the door to come in just as I was finishing my ballot up!

Aside from that, today was a pretty cruddy day to be honest ... I don't really want to talk about it either. And usually I like to come vent here because it makes me feel better, but I'm not quite ready to share at this moment.

I guess that's my perogative with blogging - some days I share far too much and other days information is only given in teeny, tiny doses. Oh well.

I hope tomorrow will be a much better day.

Cooled off a bit ...

I'm a bit cooled down from Friday's meeting.
I am still frustrated with everything and still trying to figure out where to go from here, but I'm not so upset and angry anymore.
I guess that's a good thing really.
And the fact of the matter is that I was given two more places to take M to try to gather more info. Now we just have to decide if and who we want to follow up with.
I will admit the school didn't give me a lot of paperwork to bring home. Tomorrow I will be calling to clarify a few things that was written on the paperwork they did give me (that sort of contradicts what I remember them saying) and to ask for the raw scores on the tests they gave her to share with the neuorologist - since they supposedly showed that non-verbal was her strength area and he thought she had nonverbal issues. I think he should see that in order to change the dx he is leaning towards or to tweek it a bit.

Aside from that, I realized something fabulous today - for my dd's party this weekend, she mostly received non-electronic toys. I think that is fabulous honestly. We are over-loaded on electronic toys around this house at the moment. I'm glad she mostly recieved things that don't require batteries, don't need to be plugged in, or attatched to a television or a computer. Her and her sister have been playing with the Polly Pocket's pretty much all day yesterday and almost the entire time we spent home today. It was so cute to hear them playing and watch them play. The storylines they come up with, the settings, the names they pick, how they decide which outfits to wear to which event that they have planned for their little dolls. I would like to videotape them playing once, just to capture the imagination and the fabulous stories they tell through their dolls!

And another random note, I've been doing a lot for the moms club over the last few days. Phew, this president stuff is taking time. I have a lot I still want to do and accomplish - but the other board members came into this not with the big ideas I have, so I hope they a)don't get upset with me for adding more tasks or b)think I'm nuts to want to do all these things! I hope I can pull some more good ideas together for the group and get everyone on board for pulling them off LOL!

Anyway, that's life in a nutshell over here. For the rest of this week I'm going to try to destress and relax a bit. I want to not be this mom who is so tightly wound that I could snap at any given second! Plus, I am ready to start working with babyboy a bit more at night time, which will require some energy and stamina power on my end I'm sure! But I need more sleep. I really need it. This is not some want or desire, but a need to really function. My 7 year old told me this weekend that I'm not the kind of mom who has a lot of energy and although she loves me just the way I am, she does wish that I had more energy to do things. :-( That made me sad to hear, but yet, glad she felt she could tell me that, and she did it in a very nice way. I want to try to increase my energy level if only just for her - but I need to get some sleep in order to not feel tired all the time!

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Party and Cleaning ....

So yesterday was my dd's big birthday party. I have to say, it was a LOT of fun! Build-a-Bear was the first stop. I have to say they did super there with the kids and making the bears and it was a ton of fun! I think everyone enjoyed their time there. Then we took 16 kids through one the biggest malls in America from Build-a-Bear to Rainforest Cafe - which is thankfully a short walk, but we did have to get on an escalator! No one was lost though ::phew::
Rainforest was so wonderful as well - the staff there did a fantastic job as well! And again, the kids, all had so much fun! It was great. I didn't even feel crazy or frantic or like I was losing my mind. Which, when you have a bunch of kids with you, is a great way to feel. Even dh thought it was a great party, and he's not big on parties in general.

After the big party yesterday, I cleaned and organized and packed and folded and put things away.
Things were packed and given to my dh to take to storage. Fabric, yarn, scrapbooking, books, toys, clothes.
So many things to clean and organize.
What's really sad, is you almost can't tell anything was done. The basement still looks crazy - although several piles on the first and second floor are gone, which I'm sure the gp's appreciate as maybe they didn't want to look at our stuff laying around anymore.
The basement, well, the basement is the basement. I'm not sure there is much hope for any asthetic improvement down here honestly. But at least it's more organized now than it was at the start of the weekend.
Of course, I've decided I'm a plastic tub addict now. Came home from the container store with 4-5 of several different sizes, and well, now I am planning what other boxes I would like to get. I need a few more bigs ones, lots of little ones, a couple more for the kids things, and some more for my crafting things.
I never knew i could be organized. I never knew there were reasons for an accessory box, shoe box, men's shoe box, boot box, sweater box, deep sweater box, storage container, large storage container, underbed box, extra long underbed box! So many boxes ... and that was just the sizes available in the simple plastic boxes. I felt a little overwhelmed when I walked into The Container Store today honestly! They guarenteed me if I grabbed the wrong thing, it was easy to return things and get the right size.
Well, let me tell you, I brought those boxes home at noon. By 6 pm they were all filled and stacked (mosty) neatly away.
I could easily go and buy exactly what I bought today again and fill them all up as well ;-)
That was the good part of the weekend. The bad part of the weekend was that dh and I were pretty stressed in general - not with anything to do with the party - just life, and so there was a strain in the air around this house last night. I kind of starting the cleaning binge out of frutration (which really, I suppose isn't the worst thing to do to get rid of frustration!). Then when dh was awake this am I think he realized how much I did last night and he was motivated to help out, and so today we tackled many tasks around this house.
I have to admit, it does feel pretty good to have so many things done .... but when I look around, I have to admit, there is still so much still to do! Maybe that's for next weekend LOL!! ;-)

Friday, November 03, 2006

Meeting update ...

Today was the big meeting regarding my dd.

I did not walk away very happy about it. I also have to say I walked away in a state of shock!

They said M scored amazingly high on everything - all the tests she was well above average. On the IQ test she scored in the above average - she was beyond 130. Okay, I'm one of those "my children are so smart" moms. But I never would have guessed she was beyond normal smart, if that makes sense. They must have thought I was an idiot because I asked if they were sure it was really that score. I wasn't prepared to hear that at all. Seriously my child is apparently some super-genius according to her IQ score test. Wow. That's all I can say. Well, she didn't get it from me for sure!

Then they told us that there is an obvious learning disability going on. They could not get more specific than that - no specific name for it. And despite them knowing there was a learning disability going on, because her IQ tested so high, they can NOT qualify her for any services or therapy or help.

Please, someone explain to me ... how the heck can they tell me there is a learning disability with my dd, but then turn around and tell me they can't help her?
Because in IL you have to show a 30% delay to qualify, and with an IQ like M's obviously there is no delay. That is the reason they gave me. I'm sorry, but I think that is just wrong. A child should get help no matter what. Ugh. This is so frustrating to me. If there is a problem, let's help her. Let's start now. They all agreed that she is having difficulty with some basic skills that they believe the learning disability is the cause of and could be in a much different place right now were she not contending with this.
On the other hand, all her skills come out average for her age - the issue is that they beleive the skill should be higher. There is a gap in what she showed them she is capable of and what she was actually doing. Well I don't care if she is average today. I want her to be where she should be for her. I would like my dd to have the skills to reach her full potential! Well, really, what parent doesn't want that?

So I asked, okay, you can't put her in your program but what can I be doing at home to help her out? I thought I might get an idea or two. Nope. Nothing. They don't give out home programs, but for 175 a month I could enroll her in the preschool anyway and then they'd be willing to work with us. The last 10 minutes of the meeting felt like a commercial to get me to sign her up for the pay preschool program there.
I tell you what. I do not feel happy with what happened today. IMO, if there is a learning disability they should help - no matter what baseline IQ is. She is still struggling to learn and is not at this point in time able to reach her full potential. I think this whole numbers game of 30% delay is crap.
I am so disappointed with the school, but I do recognize it's a state law and they are following it, but it still upsets me.
So we know there is an issue, but the school will not accept her - unless I put her in the pay preschool, which of course is open to anyone out there. So today I am going to make some calls to other people and try to figure out if I want to a) do private therapy with M b) put her in preschool in general c) put her in there preschool program d) just try to get her set up in a home program where I work with her or some combo.

I guess the issue is that I see her getting frustrated when she can't do things. I see her wanting to do more than what she can. I see her getting upset when she struggles with stuff. And I see her giving up to avoid that frustration. I don't care if she is the smartest 4 year old in the world or an average 4 year old, I wouldn't even care if she was well below average for her age, if she was working at a place that was right for her. I want to see her reach her full potential, I want to see her happier with things. Really, I don't even care too much about the IQ test (okay, I have to admit it did feel kind of nice to hear those nice numbers) but let's be real here - in the real world, her IQ score isn't going to matter at all - her ability to interact with people, to learn new things, to be able to put what she learns into practice - that is what is going to matter. When she goes to get a job as an adult, they won't ask her IQ score, they will ask things like How do you handle stress? What area do you excell at? Struggle with? When she goes to play with other kids, no one is going to ask her IQ score. They are going to see how she talks with them, shares with them, can play games with them. Let's face it, IQ score don't count for much other than maybe some bragging rights for me and dh for a few weeks and well, maybe she'll want to join MENSA one day. Aside from that, it's a number on a paper. And if she struggles to learn, it doens't matter what her potential could be .... if she can't figure out how to learn things, her potential won't be reached. And that seems so sad to me.

Anyway, I still feel like my head is spinning with all that they told me. If you made it this far thanks for reading

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Ready to go ...

crazy. again.
It seems this is the cycle of my life these days ... get past a few days, then start to fall deeper and deeper behind, feel like I'm drowning, and then feel like I've crashed against a brick wall. Which, let me tell you, is not a fun feeling at all.
I don't know ... I keep thinking if I could get babyboy to sleep on a more regular schedule for more than 1.5 to 2 hours at a time.
Last night he woke up 4 times in less than 4 hours. He is almost 11 months old. I'm not asking for a 15 hour stretch each night ... but a 3 or 4 hour stretch, well, would that kill him? Apparently it would!
The 4th time he woke up I literally started crying. Just burst into tears in bed. My dh, a pretty smart guy, then got out of bed, told me to try to go back to sleep, and tried to soothe babyboy. It was successful, but only after some time ... basically when babyboy stood up, he laid him back down, rubbed his back and just let him cry.
Of course, I didn't really fall back asleep. I felt guilty. I HATE letting a baby cry. I just hate it - but even I had to admit, last night it probably wasn't such a bad idea. Because I don't think nursing every 45 minutes when you are 10 months old is such a great habit to encourage. But I still hate that he cried. Probably it took about 30-45 minutes for him to settle down, and he slept for another hour. I suppose an hour is an hour, but I don't know ... I hate making him cry that much just to get only an hour more of sleep.
But dh and I feel torn with what to do. We let him eat a lot during the day - he nurses, he eats solids, he drinks water, he nurses, he nurses a lot, and he eats food. He gets excited to be in his high chair, he eats a bit of food, and then he stops when he is done. So I know at this age, babies can wake a lot as a sign that their food needs have gone up. But, we let him eat - and not just a bite here or a bite there either!
I just keep thinking this too shall pass. But, holy cow batman. I am so tired it's not funny.
Someday, we'll figure out how to get him sleeping through the night I'm sure. And then I won't kow what to do with myself I'll be so rested it won't be funny!
And the gp's are tentatively leaving around the 17th of the month. And then this momma is going to go to the store and buy gates, several gates. And Mr. Babyboy will no longer have free reign of this house. Oh no. He will be kept to a few small rooms. And this momma will sit for a few minutes every now and then.
And Mr. Babyboy will go into a real crib, a real bed to rest his little head on. I am secretly hoping that just putting him ina crib will help him to sleep better. I am sure the pack n play is not very comfortable and maybe a crib will be the trick to keep him comfy and sleeping longer! I surely can wish, can't I?

In other, non-babyboy related news, I have not yet mentioned any houses that I have been looking at and have fallen in love with over the internet. House hunting, that was supposed to begin November 1, is being put on hold. The gp's are talking about staying in Florida through Spring of 2008. I am not sure that they will actually stay down there, so I hate to not house search should they change their mine in May and give us about 7 days notice they are coming home. Yet, at the same time, baring any major interest rate rises, being able to be mortgage free for another 12-18 months, well, that isn't necessarily a bad thing either. So dh and I are feeling torn. I talked to granny about it the other day. She said she didn't think grandpa would make it down there through the summer, but maybe they would. She also understood that we needed more space and commented how well we were doing with the small room we currently had. So I think she at least understands our dilema with all of this. Now, we need grandpa to understand how we are feeling and we need them to make a decision and tell us that decision so we can figure out what to do.

Also, tomorrow I have the meeting regarding my 4 year old and what their evaluations show. I'm a bit nervous about it all to be honest. On one hand I want them to say we will give her speech, ot and pt, but on the other hand, I want to also hear, she is wonderful and bright and smart and no problems - go on about life skipping along! But we will see tomorrow what will happen and what they say.

Okay, enough babbling for now, and I'm pretty sure babyboy just fell asleep so off to bed I should go!