Sick of

sickness!
I am so sick of sickness.
Babyboy had to go to the doctor today. It sounded to me like he was wheezing, and yep, he was. So now instead of one medicine twice a day, we have 3 medicines to take twice a day. Here's hoping he gets over it pretty quickly.
I had hoped that this winter might go a bit smoother than last winter health-wise for him, but if this is any indication of how it might go, well, we are in for a long winter full of many many breathing treatments.
So, having a sick baby and a husband who won't be home tomorrow as he's working, means no church. And you know what, I was looking forward to going to church. Me! I wanted to be there tomorrow. I'm so bummed. I've thought about going but not taking him to the nursery and sitting outside of the actual chapel, but where I could still listen, but you know, it's not fair to whomever may pass us by at the exact moment babyboy decides to cough. So alas, we will be staying home tomorrow morning and not going to church. I admit I'm sad, but I also know they will be offering the sermon on CD the next week, so that makes me feel much better. I can listen, even if it's just a recorded copy, I can still hear the message - which is about terrorism so I'm very curious to hear this particular message and what they will say about that topic!

In other news I am on a quest to reorganize all our junk in the basement. I am going this week to buy storage bins. I will sort, organize and repack everything very nicely. Dh says we have too many things (which is true) and there isn't enough room for the things we have (which is also true with how things are now). But I think if I reorganize and in the process get rid of a few things that I think I can part with, that we will be okay and dh won't make me take a bunch of things to storage ::crossing fingers::
And I'm also parting with baby things we have .... that we will sadly never need again. So that will free up space, but at the same time, it does kind of break my heart! Oh well, no more babies for me, but many more great memories to be made with my children as they grow, change, mature, and turn into fabulous adults!

Time waster ....

So I found this game today: Escapa and had to get over 18 seconds.
After a few minutes of playing I hit 19.675 seconds. Yeah. Now the world will continue to revolve! (My average is 11-13 seconds).
So, have some time to waste, go give it a try!

From bad to worse ...

So things went from bad to worse today. Why does it seem like that is the current trend these days? I don't know ...
Anyway, babyboy was playing in the kitchen with his favorite toy, his great-granny's walker. Granny was in the kitchen working on dinner. This happens generally twice a day - during lunch and dinner. I used to pull him out asap but granny always said he was fine, there were no problems, etc, etc. So I became lax. I sat back. I let him play. I slowly hovered around less and less.
So what do you think happens today? I bet you can guess where this is going ....
babyboy pushed the walker, walker bumped an unsteady granny and down went granny. Falling backwards hitting her head on the fridge, knocking the walker back into babyboy. Babyboy immediately starts to scream.
Myself, grandpa and cousin all at the kitchen table about 7 feet away jump up and go to her.
It was surreal. I mean we were there. We watched it - it seemed so slow, but yet, it happened in an instant.
I feel like complete and utter shit and crap. I knew it was going to happen. I told dh more than once, one of these days granny is going to trip over babyboy or one of the toys or something. She's going to fall and it's going to be because of us.
And it happened.
Granny says she is fine, has a knot on her head, but is fine otherwise. Babyboy stopped crying pretty quickly. So, it could have been a lot worse. I get that - because my dh keeps telling me that over and over. But if we weren't here, it wouldn't have happened at all. Ugh. I feel so awful.
I am ready to move right now. I don't want her to fall again. I don't - she doesn't need to be worrying about that kind of thing.

I guess from now on, I will NOT let him in there when she is in there - I won't (and I know she'll say I'm over-reacting and it's fine, really, but really, it's not fine). And I will be more diligent. I will not let my guard down again.

Here's praying granny doens't wake up in the morning with a huge headache. Because that's what I'm afraid will happen :-(

Day 4 ...

of sick kids ...
today, well actually about 1:30 am this morning, we realized babyboy was next up on the sick list.
Poor kid had trouble breathing and woke up a ton and is running a bit of a fever currently.
He is positively miserable ... and just wants someone to be holding him, craddling him, loving him, pretty much 100% of the time.
Poor guy. But my oldest seems to be okay ... so it was about a 48 hour thing for her, and here's hoping it's about 48 hours for babyboy. And also hoping it hits neither myself nor dh.

Bummer ...

My other dd is sick now ... fever, cough, tired, the whole works.
And babyboy is sounding very stuffy ... so I'm guessing he will be next.
::sigh::

Needless to say, we are taking a few days off this week from school. Eh, we'll do some weekends while dh is working to make the time pass and it will be evened out soon enough.

I still need to find a language arts program. I know which one I am leaning towards, but I'm going to try to get out to a store to see what I can see and buy something in person and not over the internet. I just feel more confident when I can see things as opposed to just ordering them. So a few days break now won't be so bad in the long run.

Anyway, off to nurse the sicklings. Poor things! My oldest, who rarely ever sits still is now on day 2 of cuddled under the blanket on the recliner just hanging out. It's how I can guage how sick she is - by how much she stops bouncing around!

You can ...

Please all of the people some of the time, please some of the people all the time. But you can't please all of the people all of the time ... so the saying goes, but I'm learning you can't please some people ever. You can't do it. Don't try.
No matter what you say or do, it's wrong or bad or must be stupid. They question your every statement, every movement and make you feel like an idiot should you actually have to ask a question of them! As if you don't know it all, which apparently they do.
Oh well ... such is life ... I will survive ... just going to have to learn to let things roll off my back!

In other news ... my car is broke :( And it's at the shop. And I miss it. :-(
My dd is sick and that's never any fun to deal with. She doens't actually feel bad, but well, she is having stomach issues and it's not making her throw up. But in between rushing to the bathroom she's dancing and running around like nothing's wrong! Which, I'm glad she is feeling okay despite whatever else is going on.

I can't believe Sunday it will be October. When in the world did October get here? I am so not ready for fall to be here and October to be here! I wish I could just freeze everything around me or gain one extra hour each day! What I could do with one extra hour - I should say, one extra kid free hour! LOL!

Anyway, I guess tomorrow and probably Wednesday we will just be hanging out around the house and waiting for the car to be all better.

Church ...

So even though 2 years ago I promised to find a church to attend, I have not yet. I tried once and went to one I didn't like. And then sort of gave up ...
But my children, my children have been going to church with their Aunt. They love the church they go to. They also go to Awana there.
They have been going, and I haven't been the one to take them.
Well, last week I took them to church.
And let me tell you, I was glad I did!
The church had a special speaker in, Dr. Michael Rydelnic and he spoke about the situation in Isreal. Very interesting to say the least. It was part one of a 2 part sermon, so tomorrow I will be going back with the kids and listening intently to what he is saying.
And I think I will be going back next week. I will be interested to hear the actual pastor speak and get a feel that way.

Although, (and there is always an although), they have for this year completely revamped their Sunday School program. Instead of doing Sunday school they are doing something called adventure club. It is sort of like Vacation Bible School each Sunday - the kids all start together, then split off and do craft, game, story, snack, and back all together.
The catch is, around here Vacation Bible School is usually about 3 hours long. Sunday School is 1.5 hours long.
My 6 year old came home last week and told me they didn't really talk about the Bible or God. They did an art project, played a game, some kids were given candy for the points they had last week, and it was time to go home. Hmmmm ... now, it could be she wasn't listening. I thought that was surely the issue, but another child told me the same thing.
My aunt says they are still trying to work out the kinks and figure out how to make this work (last week was the second week) and so we'll see ....
The other issue I have is this new point system. The kids get points for coming, bringing donations, bringing friends, doing work they are sent home with, etc, etc. They get candy based on how many points they had the previous week. I do NOT like this. I do not want my child to think she has to do things to get candy and points.
Hmmmm .... I will have to see how tomorrow goes. I will have to see what she says and what I can feel out from others about it.
But I don't know ... wouldn't it be terrible if I decided I enjoyed the adult church service, but really didn't like what was going on with the Sunday school program?
:::crossing fingers::: that last week wasn't how it will always be.

Current Events ...

So, yesterday I was flipping through the channels, when I happen to catch Hugo Chavez speaking to the UN. And I stopped when I really registered what he was saying.
I admit. I was sat there in shock, in awe. The words he was saying were powerful to me - saying the US was on it's way down and will be done soon. I also caught the bit about the UN needing to be replaced with a different organization. And he kept talking about smelling sulfur!
[then the kids interrupted and I only read today about him calling Bush a devil].
I was so blown away by what he was saying ....
And apparently it has blown everyone else away too because it's all over the TV today (although I would like to note, I could not find any information about the story in my paper today but I did only get to glance through it quickly while the kids were eating breakfast, but I live by Chicago and I expected to see something. I will go back later and look again and see what I can find).
So today I have seen people say things like we need to stop using Citgo gas, since it is owned and operated by Venzuela and we don't want our money going there (of course, boycotting them has been something people have been calling for prior to the speech, but it's gaining ground now) and I've heard that only Americans should be allowed to criticize Bush, and I've also heard that his comments were "not becoming for a head of state," and blah blah blah.

But let's just stop and think for one minute.
Is calling someone a devil worse than calling people evil? Or accusing countries of being part of the Axis of Evil? I don't know ... certainly I want to say, yes! Of course it is! We are better than they are! But are we really? It certainly makes me want to stop and think.
And really, can only Americans criticize Bush? If that's the case, then we as Americans certainyl must stop criticizing other countryies' leaders as well, correct? Which means we should say nothing about Iran or North Korea or heck, for that matter, apparently we can say nothing about Saddam Hussein. Afterall, we do not live in Iran or North Korea or Iraq.
Or maybe that was the point of all of Chavez's speech ... we have one set of rules for us and another set for the rest of the world. Is that fair of us to do? Well, the toddler in me says no way! It's not fair ... if he gets to do it, I get to do it too!!
Let me state this very clearly though, I do NOT agree with what Chavez said or the way he went about doing it.
And yet, we are reacting as if we have never done any name calling of our own. Or that we have never criticized other countries.
Are we over-reacting? Do we as a nation hold other nations to different standards than what we feel we should follow?
I guess it's all food for thought .....

That aside, I do not like what Chazev is doing in his own country and I do not particularly care for him as a leader. But I think we have bigger concerns right now rather than worrying about his criticism of the US, Maybe I'm off base here.

Did you miss me?

Probably not, but I'm back.
I didn't even get to take a break for anything fun ... just trying to do life things. Busy with the kids, with the house, etc, etc.
Just trying to keep up with life and right now we seem to be stuck in a busy period of life.
Oh well, this will pass and I will find a moment to breath. I'm assuming that will happen once either a)babyboy stops getting into trouble about every 2 minutes or b) we get our own house and I can actually babyproof and not have 95% of everything in his reach be things he isn't allowed to touch.
Babyboy certainly gives me plenty of exercise each day just from chasing him and running around and keeping him out of everything he is not allowed to touch.
My oldest has been throwing me for a loop the last 2 days. She is declaring school "boring" and I'm "mean." Eh, okay. It bothered me yesterday, we had these long drawn out talks about attitude and learning and was she really bored with school (she threw a fit because she found out a show she liked was on tv @@). So it was a long day - emotionally taxing.
So today she was about to start the same thing and I just said, fine throw your fit in your room. Come out when it's over. She is a month from 7, no way should she be throwing fits like that. And amazingly enough, after a minute it was done. Phew. So hopefully tomorrow there will be no fits at all. I mean, really, I do try to make school really fun and let her run around and move as much as possible.
Someday I hope she'll know that I did try my hardest to keep school fun and exciting for her.

On other school news, my 4 year old has been writing letters lately and then asking me what they spell. What is important to note here is that 1) we don't practice the alphabet with her (those of you that think all kids at 4 should know the alphabet may now pick their jaws up off the floor) and 2) We've never taught her to write any letters either. And yet, she is doing it, on her own and learning it just from books we read, hearing her big sister, talking to us and playing and having fun. So, there was a reason I didn't feel the need to sit down and purposefully work on the alphabet with her. She was just learning it from the surroundings we've created in the house.
Yes, I do feel proud of her.
I am thinking now we will start to do some activities with her. She is desiring it now - asking us to "read" what she writes, she asking how to do things, and very interested in what's going on around here. So that's my sign. She is ready for a bump up in what we do. And so now I will have to add that to my pile of things to accomplish around here each day LOL!!!

Someday I will come back and talk about news and current events. There is so much going on right now. I am trying desperately to keep up with it all as well as make sense of it all. Someday I will come and try to talk about it. Someday ... but for now my children are calling me back to the land of motherhood and out of the land of blogging!

Finally ....

we have some answers regarding my newly turned 4 year old.
We've struggled with some issues we noticed for a long time ... even as an infant, she was slow to lift her head, slow to move, slow to do anything at all .... after a doctor change, several evaluations she recieved therapy through Early Intervention. She was graduated from the program at 3 (because the program ends at 3 and her therapists all thought she was doing well).
Well, she was doing well, well so we kind of I think tricked ourselves into thinking.
So, we booked the appointment with the neuorologist, at the request and prompting of her foot doctor. Dh and I really were surprised at first when foot doc recommended this, but then we thought about it, and yes, there are things still going on! And she had come so far I think we were willing to overlook what was still there.
Then we started to notice things became more prominently over the summer and were glad we had the appointment.
Anyway, today was said appointment. I am so glad we went. The doctor was fabulous. Really listened to our concerns, took us seriously, and has come up with what I feel pretty sure describes her.
He did agree that she is an intelligent child and probably seems like everyone else most of the time. But when we started to look at some behaviors more closely, he agreed, things were not right. He then explained most kids are diagnosed by checklists - checklists for ADHD or for Autism, etc ... you can just go down the list, check off symptoms and spot quickly what is going on. He said my daughter is NOT a typical case, nor could her issues really be spotted on checklists used by most doctors. Yeah, we figured she was not a "typical" anything!
First he thinks she has Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NLD). I have only looked at a few sites on it, but it has me going, yep, uh-huh, that's her, oh yes, that's her too! I feel very confident that this may in fact be a large part of what is going on with her.
He also thinks she may have word finding difficulties. Apparently this is extremely rare in anyone under the age of 8 (in fact when I tried to find out more about it tonight on-line I was only able to find information for kids 6 and over!). So, she will have a full blown speech evaluation to really try to pinpoint if that is what is going on with her speech.
We will also go out for an EEG to make sure there isn't anything going on in her brain that could be causing any of these issues.
I feel glad to finally have someone say here's what going on with her, here's what we do. It's very helpful to 1)know I'm not crazy, there are things going on with her and 2)we have probably identified the issue and have a plan in place to deal with it now.
Yeah! We have a plan to follow now. Although I admit, I am dreading doing an EEG with her. We are going to do it at a children's hospital and he said they are pros at getting hesitant children to do it. So, hopefully it will all work out in the end.

Sad day with some brightness sprinkled in ...

I did not handle 9/11/01 very well at all. It scared me significantly and really shook me up a lot. Frankly today, I didn't really watch any of the coverage of it, I didn't watch any of the news channels that replayed the original 9/11 coverage. I had no intention of listening to it on the radio.
I did listen to part fo it on the radio - unintentionally. Dh last drove my car and put it on a serious news station. I get in, expecting my top 40 music station, and hear "traffic is just backed up, at a standstill. People are panicked and worried, blah, blah ..." and immediately thought Oh no! It's happening again! Why? Why? Jacked up the volume and listened for about 5 mintues before I realized they were replaying original coverage. BIG sigh of relief and a quick change of the station. I still can't believe what happened 5 years ago. Nor do I fully understand it. I mean, I get other places do not agree with America and Americans and things our country has done, but to take planes into buildings and kill that many people, no, I'll never understand it. I just won't.

Moving on ...
my dd started her classes today at our co-op. She had a great day. I had a not so great day. While she is in classes, we basically sit in a big gym. Half the gym has tables and chairs, the other half is left open for children to run around, play basketball, etc, etc. Combine this environment with curious 9 month old and what do you get? Trouble! LOL! But I am surprised to say he only got hit with a basketball once and tripped over once (I surely thought it would happen a few more times than that honestly). But basically this meant aside from when he nursed (3 sessions at about 5 minutes each because really, how could I expect him to eat with all that going on) and he did fall asleep finally about 20 minutes before we left ... I did not sit for 4 hours. I chased him up and down, and held him and walked until he wriggled out, and followed him, and made sure he didnt' get bopped with balls, stepped on, or start unpacking other peoples bags, coolers, etc, etc. I am worn out. I do not know how I will survie a year of this. In the future it will get worse before it gets better because tonight little man took his very first steps. On the day he turned 9 months old, he took his first steps. So now I will be chasing a shaking toddler among kids, balls, bags, adults, tables and chairs. Oh. Joy. I. Can't. Wait.
However my 6 year old LOVES her classes. 2 of them she took last year, and has the same teachers so she knew she would love it. But she also requested Spanish. And today it began. She liked it a lot. She couldnt' remember any words when she left class except that rojo was red, but hey, it's a start!
So we came home, where upon little man continued to sleep (crawling around for 3 1/2 hours surely wore him out as he took the longest nap I can remember him ever taking coming in at 2 hours 20 minutes) which meant I also took a nap!
Then it was off to 6 year olds first day of basketball. At first she didn't want to sign-up ... I pushed the issue, she resisted. I saw the error of my ways and told her that if she didn't want to go I wouldn't make her so I wouldn't sign her up (and I did it geniuenly not as some reverse pyschology trick). She heard that and cried abotu how she really wanted to go and I was so mean to not sign her up! 6 year olds! Crazy ... so we did sign up and turns out she truely loved her first day. 6 boys, 2 girls. Her and the girl kind of became instant buddies =) WOnderful for her!
My now 4 year old all day told everyone she turned 4 last night at her birthday party (cute how she thinks she turned 4 at the party so I guess it's a good thing we had one and on the actually birthday to boot!) She saw some old friends from the co-op last year and had fun catching up with them. While her sister was in basketball, her and I played on some mats (with little man) and she especially enjoyed doing that!
All in all, really, despite being such a sad day, it was also a very wonderful day full of fun and exciting things for my children.

But I say all those who lost lives in 9/11 or were profoundly affected by it in other ways, you still remain in my prayers and thoughts.

Happy birthday

My darling daughter was born 4 years ago today! I can't believe it's been 4 years.
She is such a sweet girl. She loves to cuddle. She loves to draw and look at books. She has the best imagination ever. She loves to play with her kitchen set. And her babies ... oh, she takes such good care of her baby dolls.
She is full of a giving spirit and such love. Oh, have I mentioned she LOVES to talk. She will talk about anything to anyone at anytime pretty much anywhere. She likes to talk to people in the grocery store, in the mall, at the park, all the time!
But it's cute ... her speech isn't perfect and sometimes I just love to sit and hear her talk but I admit I don't always listen to what she is saying.
I can't imagine life without my little M! She is just precious beyond words. She has also challenged my as a parent in ways my other children could not have. And yet, I see so much of myself in her (sometimes good and sometimes bad) but I connect her so well it's sometimes scary. And then there are moments where I have no idea how she comes up with the things that she does!
So, today on her fourth birthday I say to her - keep your wonderful spirit. Don't lose it ever. Keep the joy you carry inside of you shining bright on everyone around you. I just know you brighten so many people's days and lives just by simply being you. And I love that about you. It's hard to not smile when I'm with you - even when you are not listening! I admit it, so many times, I have to laugh a bit first before I can discipline you sometimes! But I love you - always have, always will!

love,
your mommy

My dad ...

My dad is a big, strong guy. 6'1" 190 pounds. He's a farmer - he's physically active on the job and also works out in a gym.
But tonight I saw him and all I could think was that he looked weak and old.
He is in the hospital. He has a blood clot in his lungs.
My dad is a big, strong guy. He mostly thinks doctors are for sissies, and he never misses work. Tuesday he was sick and did not go to work. Wednesday he asked my mom to take him to the ER. They went. he was sent home. Thursday he went to his doctor. They said to rest and sent him home. This morning he again asked to be taken to the hospital.
My dad is a big, strong guy. He rarely complains. Pain isn't in his vocabulary. His work depends on him to keep going, even if he's sore. Tonight, despite having pain medication pumped into his system, he said it hurt. He said he was in pain. He asked if it was time for the next shot because it hurt that much.
I am not big. I am not that strong. I am terrified of what might happen. Of what could have happened. The ER sent him home once! His doctor sent him home once! What would have happened had they not caught the clot today? What will happen with his recovery? And how in the world did he even get a clot? He has not had surgery, he is not inactive, he did not just take a long flight, he is not pregnant, did not give birth, does not have cancer, didn't have a stroke or a heart attack, none of the things most websites list as causes fit him. So where did it come from? What caused it? What will his life look like in 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years?
Right now I am just praying that he starts to feel better soon. I am praying they don't discover he has cancer that we didn't know about that caused the clot, or other disorders/diseases/etc.
Mostly I'm just praying he feels better and is home soon and is out of pain.

I just want to say ...

I don't care at all about seeing Tom and Katie's baby.
I can't believe the release of her photos is making headline news @@ I think it speaks volumes about Americans and what we think is important. It makes me sad.
Put the pictures on entertainment news and magazines designed for entertainment, but when it comes in national news "war in Iraq, pictures of Suri Cruise, nuclear capabilities in Iran, Is Angelina pregnant again, fighting in Afghanistan picking up again"
Ugh. It makes me sick.
No wonder people felt "blind sighted" by 9/11 and so "shocked and unprepared" for gas prices to increase. It's because most of the "news" we listen to, read, etc, isn't really true news IMO. And then when something happens (that if we had been paying attention wouldn't have been so shocking) we'd understand or even be able to do something to lessen the blow.
It's sad. People know more about celebrities than what they know about our government.
Okay, I feel better now. I just had to get that out. I think all this hoopla is just crap though. They had a baby. Guess what? I've had 3 of them! Millions and millions of woman have had millions and millions of babies. It happens every single day! I don't get why people care so much! Maybe someone can enlighten me ...

On homeschooling ...

We have completed 2 weeks so far. And I have to say, I'm pretty unhappy with it.
Not unhappy with the choice to keep the kids home, not unhappy with their work (my oldest is doing quite well if I do get a chance to brag a bit!). I'm unhappy with the direction we are taking. Frankly, most of what we are doing is boring. I want it to be fun and exciting. I want my kids to be enthusiastic about learning and doing their schoolwork.
So I think, I'm going to take a very big directional change with how things go around here from now on. I want to have a LOT more reading going on ... reading, reading, reading ... my goal is a minimum of 2 hours reading total a day. I also want to incorporate more creativity into our day. Painting, drawing, sketching, writing, acting out plays, singing, building, etc, etc, etc.
I really think my kids will not only have more fun with this, but blossom more and learn more in the long run. I still want to do all the academics - writing, math, science, social studies, but yet I want to do more than just that.
I originally kept them home because I did not like the classroom setting as a whole nor do I think my oldest especially will do as well in that sort of environment. It occurs to me that over the last two weeks, we've recreated a classroom here - just with a lot less children! Well, if that's the case and all I'm going to do, it's silly to keep her home, IMO. So I'm going to jazz it up a bit, change things around.
Fall is coming upon us. I dream of going to the park, doing some reading, maybe some math, then observing the nature around us, drawing what we see, writing poems about it, running around the park, playing on swings, do some more artwork, have a picnic lunch, do some reading, and play some more. Now maybe I won't have something that sweet going on here, but I sure will try! So, here's hoping this week we can get the essence of that vision in what we do. We have already started a few painting projects, my oldest has a purse on the loom, the youngest is creating collages, and I think we are off to a great start honestly.

In other news, this week should actually be a hectic one! We have several errands to run tomorrow, I think my g3 will start gymnastics Wednesday, Saturday we will do family pictures (FINALLY! LOL!), my g3 will become g4 Sunday (boo-hoo!), next week the girls start some classes, Awana starts back up, my moms birthday is coming up, I have about 2 million projects myself to finish in the next few weeks, and blah, blah.
I hope that I can find some peace and quiet with the kids through my newfound direction in schooling them.
DH starts his third job in two weekends, and next weekend is packed with activity ... so I'm also trying to mentally prepare for him to be working 7 days a week, minimum of 12 hours a day. This time of year is always hard on me, but this year, I already feel stressed to the max and so I'm nervous about getting through it in one piece. I have decided to go to the Y this week, check it out, and start my membership. That way I can start working out (and hopefully start working out frustration) as well as getting a brief break from the kids each day when they are in the childcare room. It will also give me a place to go when things get too stressful around here. Dh wants to wait until November to start the membership - um, yeah, cause he will be working every day from now until then! I want to start now so I can find a mini-get away while he's busy working each day! LOL!