Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Not listening ...

Today I had the chance to read this over here:
Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
[emphasis hers ]

I suppose I should have read that and felt better about everything. I should have put a smile on my face and thought, that's a great verse and just when I needed to read it!
Instead I read it and thought yeah, well apparently I am not very leadable because I don't feel anyone is doing any leading of my these days and certainly not gently.
Which of course leads me to believe my issues these days are probably stemming from my attitude more than anything else. Although I'd rather I could blame it on the never-ending illnesses, the stress of buying a house (which happens tomorrow) with the packing and cleaning nad organizing and all that jazz.
And the even sadder part, is right now I'm just too crabby and tired to even think about how to change it, which makes me slightly depressed.

So in another note, we happened to be watching Little House on the Prairie today - the one where Laura is getting her dd baptised and has asked Mr. Edwards to be the Godfather, while not knowing he is struggling with alcoholism.

So my 7 year old asked me who her godparent was and we chatted about how she hasn't been baptised yet it's something she must do. And she said "Well, I already asked Jesus to be my Savior mom, so I'm probably ready to be baptised."
::blink, blink:: So I casually remarked "you did?" thinking she was mistaken because surely I would have known (and secretly wanted to be a part of that prayer). And so she explained to me that a while ago, when she was having trouble falling asleep and was thinking about what she had learned at church, she prayed to God to ask Him to be her savior and told Him that she believed He sent Jesus to earth and He died on the cross for her sins and she wanted Him in her heart.
Oh. I didn't know.
Now I feel like a person with a bad attitude who is also a crappy mother, because surely, oh surely, I should have known she prayed this. So on one hand I'm thrilled she did that, and she understood what she did and she did it on her own, not waiting for someone to lead her through it - but really thinking and deciding to do it.
On the other hand, I'm sad I wasn't a part of it, that I didn't get to talk to her about it and share that moment with her and then celebrate with her. I wanted that moment. Yes it was very selfish of me, but it's the truth - and I'm not about lying here just to look better to the outside world.
I think she picked up on my feelings because as she was holding my hand she said "Don't worry mom. Someday you can help M and maybe even C pray their prayer."
I suppose I shouldn't be too shocked by this all. She always has been independent. And I have always been a bit saddened by it. I dreamed of helping and teaching and guiding. What I find is mostly she is already 5 steps ahead of me and I'm in the background fumbling to keep up.
But I love her and I'm glad she did it, even if it wasn't with me, it's a good step for her to have taken.
And now, we will start discussing baptism. And this time, I know she needs my help because the church won't do it without me! LOL!

Monday, January 29, 2007

The show must go on ...

So today we had oldest daughter take a huge nap, suck on cough drops/throat lozenges, drink warm tea with honey - which was quickly switched to warmed lemonaide-flavored crystal light with honey.
Then as we got closer to show time, it was a dose of tylenol and a dose of cough medicine.
This was all because drama teacher said bring her to the play if at all possible.
I think she mostly made it tonight because of the long nap she took. I do not thing she was healthy, but she went anyway. The teacher said the other kids in the show are exposed to more germs every week at Sunday school or the grocery store or trips to the library and basically said don't worry about germs. So, if you were there tonight and your child gets sick - do NOT blame me! Ha!
In the end, my dd was very happy she made it. She has worked hard on her play and her choir stuff. I am secretly glad she made it, but just wished it hadn't been under these circumstances. Overall, she did really well too, but *I could tell she wasn't up to her normal self.

I wish I could look back and say all the illness our house has fought has taught me a lesson. That I can look back and know the reason for it. Some people have the ability to turn every situation - good and bad - into fabulous life lessons.
I do not have that talent. All I know is that all this illness has left me quite crabby, quite rundown and quite tired of illness. I hate the few people out there that gasp "Your kids are sick again" with that look that says obviously I must be a inferior mother and my children must be inferior children because of it. I am also sick of the people who say "Oh, your kids are sick again" as their eyes light up, they drool slightly, and they are pulling out pamphlets and start marketing the all healthy cleaning supplies I can get only from them for a merely the cost of my normal monthly gorcery bill and that will make all my kids healthy again! I will say however, there have been plenty of people who simply look at me with lots of kindness and offer up hopes and prayers for healthy little people in our home and I do appreciate it very much.

Maybe someday I will look back and there will be some higher meaning to all of it. For now, I feel very worn-out. Which is not good for the family - my children or my husband or on a more selfish note - for me!

Anyway, we'll see what happens. I am hoping this last round just might be it for us.

Calgon ... take me away!

You may have noticed I'm not posting much these days.
It is because for almost the entire month of January I have had at least one sick child. Our house is being swamped by colds and viruses and coughs and fevers and runny noses.
We go through about a box of kleenex a day. We have humidifiers going, medicine dispension down to a science, the crib at an angle, a stock of children and infants tylenol, motrin, advil, cough medicine, runny nose medicine. We have tried to bribe the children to take echanacia (and no, it did not work), we have pushed water, sprayed more lysol and other disinfectants, washed sheets, rewashed sheets, vaccuumed several times a day, prescribed rest and relaxation.
My kids are still getting sick. Primarily the younger two have bounced it back and forth. Which stinks, because little man has asthma, so any cold he gets goes straight to his lungs. And when he gets sick, he gets crabby and needs to be held and needs to get a lot of attention. The middle one, I always thought she got sick because she still sucks her thumbs and thanks to the sensory issues is terrified of soap.
And now, yesterday, my oldest was hit with a cold. Of course she was. Because tonight is the play she is in and her choir concert. The child can not go more than 30 seconds without coughing. She hardly slept last night. She sounds terrible, looks worse, and is miserable. So, you know what the means? It means this afternoon I will be scrambiling around on the phone, talking to the choir teacher and the drama teacher and explaining to them why Abigial won't be at the performance tonight.
Yesterday we forewarned her that she might miss the show (as we were also trying to bribe her to chew up her yummy echanacea pill which she didn't think was yummy nor did she ever eat after gagging and spitting out 3 of them we gave up trying) and she was so upset.
Today I told her since she is only getting worse and not better I didn't think she would be there and she kind of looked at me, said "okay" and then looked off into space somewhere again. Now I know without a doubt this child is sick.
I am losing my mind. There wasn't much left to begin with, but all this sickness is making me go crazy.
I have a feeling it has to do with the odd weather we had to start off this 2007 new year ... but my kids who have never had strong immune systems to begin with, just can't get over it.
I am starting to wonder if I am making them sick, if I am doing something wrong that is making them get it. Dh said aside from putting them in a medical bubble and never ever letting them leave the house again nor allowing anyone else to come in contact with them, there isn't anything else he thinks we can do. We push the fruits and veggies, we limit the sugar, we have a mostly clean house, we wash hands, we get fresh air, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And yet, they are sick. It seems like they are always sick. And I'm starting to lose my mind. I have hardly left the house this month. It seems 90% of my excursions out of the house are to the doctor. I have already paid several hundred dollars in medical expenses - and we aren't through the first month of the year!
If you happen to be of the praying sort, would you please pray that we could have a few weeks of a healthy period - especially with the move we will be making over the next few weeks? Thanks ... this one step away from completely losing it mom would really appreciate it!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Changes ...

Lots and lots of changes happen over here ... thankfully all good changes that everyone in the family appreciates!

First, we are less than a week away from closing. At first we thought we would take our time moving into the new house. Afterall, we theoretically have this house for 2 more months. But as we approach the closing date and the thought of having our own house and own space is much, much too appealing and I think we will be moving in there pretty darn quickly. At this point I think we are planning on being moved in in 2-3 weeks. I can NOT wait. I am packing, packing, packing what I can.

Secondly, I am falling asleep earlier and earlier each night. I have to say, I'm still laying in bed awake for over an hour each night, but you know what ... my dh was right. It is so nice to go to bed with him. We talk, we laugh, we goof off, we feel connected because we crawl into bed and have that time just for us to talk and catch up and I am loving it. I admit, I am still missing my time at night, however, I am also waking earlier and earlier each day. I am still waking with the kids (who, managed to somehow also all decide to wake up earlier over the last few weeks!).

Not only has this change forced me to bed earlier and allowed to wake up earlier without being grumpy, it has changed how our days flow. I used to be one of those people who looked at the clock at 5:00 pm, realized dh would be home in about an hour and scramble around to tidy up, finish dishes, clear the table, while trying to make dinner and deal with the kids. Which usually meant, the time before dinner wasn't exactly everyone's favorite time around here. But now, I am getting things done much earlier in the day. One day last week I got up to make lunch at 10:30 in the morning! I have to say, it is giving our days a nicer flow and things aren't being squished in a few afternoon hours.

All of this stuff going on is really forcing me to look at myself and think how can I do things better - be a better mother, better wife, better care-taker around the house. Sometimes that can be good and other times, well, there might be some things about me that I just don't want to admit, let alone change! But it's coming. And rigth now, it's making life better. And I think in the long term it will make life much better. And I'm glad for that.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Bears Game

Bears Game
Originally uploaded by brandie160.
Misc. pictures from the game!

To see way more pictures than you'll ever really want to, go here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brandie160/sets/72157594493055786/

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Holy cow!

The bears won and I was there! It was SO much fun! Dh and I had a blast at the game, a few of his co-workers were there as well.
Pictures coming soon!

Friday, January 19, 2007

Some Fun ...

It was very nice to get out of the house on Wednesday! I did have such a fun time with my mom, who by the way, got lots of great clothes. She looked fabulous when she tried on the clothes she got!
I walked away with 3 pairs of corduroys - which are something I haven't worn since I was 8? I am in love with them ... and to top it off, they were extremely on-sale ... we are talking 10.00 a pair. From Macy's. I didn't think they sold a pair of socks for that price LOL!! Of course, I had to buy one great shirt to go with them, and then I got a nice little jacket to wear to make it a complete outfit! Oh, I love shopping with a personal shopper. I don't put things together oh so well, and she does. She's fabulous. My mom liked shopping with her as well.
It was a great day for sure and I loved getting out.
To make a great day even better, I was also able to get out with the gals that evening. We had an interesting white elephant party - basically we all swapped mother-in-law stories. There sure are some crazy mil's out in this world LOL! But we laughed a ton and just had a great time together.
Then yesterday was just another day around the house for me. Well, of course, until dh let me know we were given tickets to the Bears game. It was looking iffy this morning about me being able to go, but I managed to finally find a sitter who isn't already busy and can take the children for the day. I can not wait to take the train downtown and freeze my behind off at the game! Here is hoping that the Bears win it for us and maybe that it isn't oh so cold!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Holy Cow!

My dh was just given two tickets to the Bears v. Saints game on Sunday.
Given them - just like that!
So, Sunday will find me freezing, sitting in the stands of Soldier Field screaming as loud as I can for the Bears and hopefully ::knocking on wood:: they will win the game!
Really, just how amazingly fun would that be? So fun!
I am SOOOOOOO excited! Yeah! Woo-hoo!!!
Go Bears! Go Bears! Go Bears!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Ramblings ...

Just a rambling post out of me tonight ...
I did some more packing today. Not too many things, but enough. Still not enough things packed that you can tell we've packed anything - which is a weird feeling to have so much in boxes and yet, having very few spots look empty. I am not sure this house will look that empty even when we are completely packed and moved. That happens when you are a home loaner and most of the furniture stays here.
The current plan is to empty out our storage units first, get all of that unpacked in the new house, and then pack up all the things we use daily here and move that way. This gives us a couple of advantages - mostly because all the pots/pans/plates/dishes/towels that are in this house, stay in this house. We have our own sets in storage. You know how nice that will be - I will get to move essentially from one full kitchen/bath to another full kitchen/bath! I'm sure this will be the only time that ever happens but it will be SO nice for sure. And to top it all off, we can take our time - we close on the new one Jan 31, and we have this house until April/May. So should the weather stay really cruddy or we get som emajor snow/ice, we don't have to rush to move. So nice. I feel positively spoiled when I think about it all.

Aside from that, we've just been hanging out around the house lately. Babyboy's asthma is terrible. Just terrible. I don't like taking him out - not because staying home protects him (it doesn't because germs still get in) but because he sounds awful and looks sick and we get a lot of dirty looks. Our two main looks say a) what kind of terrible mother are you bringing out an obviously sick child when you should be at home letting him rest and taking care of him or b) get your obviously sick child away from me and my family. How dare you bring him out with those germs and infect the rest of us!
Sometimes I want to make a shirt that says "I have asthma. It is not contagious. If my mom did not take me out of the house when it is acting up, I would NEVER get to leave my house and I actually like getting out once and a while. My parents are not negligent in bringing me out nor are we infecting you or any of your precious family members at this moment, but thank you for your concern. Have a great day.
I know, I know ... don't let other people's looks get to me and for all I know I could be interpretting their looks completely wrong (well, if you don't count the people who actually will walk up and say something to me about it!).
But still, it's easier to stay home and just avoid the whole ordeal and instead go out when dh is here or get dh to do the weekly grocery shopping or get a sitter and do it all myself.
The point of the rambling is when you stay home all day, for a few days, you get very demotivated to do much at all. Thankfully tomorrow I will get out for a bit - I think I need it at this point. The days are blurring together and I'm fully able to admit I sit typing in the same pajamas I put on to go to bed last night. Really, why change - I didn't go anywhere. I'm saving laundry and hence water usage this way, right? Right. Of course - just smile and nod here people.

Hopefully getting out tomorrow will allow me to feel human again and I am praying that if the weather calms down, babyboy's asthma will get better and not frighten so many people in public!

Monday, January 15, 2007

So True ...

I saw this today over at Literary Cache ... and I have to say, it's so true!

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Snow Day ...

or really we are getting an ice day.
We are supposed to get sleet falling for a few hours here tonight, followed by 3-5 or 4-6" of snow (depending on which station you watch) tomorrow.
So my dd, who has her homeschooling co-op classes tomorrow, is getting an ice day. They called it tonight.
This is fabulous imo! Tomorrow is going to be an unpleasant day I think, and if I don't have to drive in it, let alone, drive with the kids, well, that's good news to this momma!
The only bummer is her play was supposed to be tomorrow night as well. She is currently sleeping in curlers so her hair is just so for the play. And now it is being bumped two weeks. Oh well ... it means tomorrow that she will get to run around with curly hair! And we will probably all remain in pajamas all day.
I have a roast ready to go in the crock pot in the am, I'll whip up some bread for some nice dinner rolls and lounge around as we watch the snow fall.
That should be a nice way to start the week ... of course, dh and I were hoping winter weather would hold off until after we were all moved, but it seems winter took most of November and all of December off, it was time for it to re-appear around here!
I just hope we don't get slammed as hard as OK ... I feel terrible for the weather out there and so sad for what they are going through.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Food For Thought ...

Sort of puts all that whining I've done lately into perspective:

Spoiled brats?

A recent Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3s of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change.

So being the Die Hard American that I am, I started thinking, ''What are we so unhappy about?''

Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?

Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. Whether you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if necessary, send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.

Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home, you may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of having a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This is all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67 percent of you folks unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander-in-chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me?

Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells. Just ask why they are going to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book and do a TV special about how he didn't kill his wife. Insane!

Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.

I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C. Forbes in 1953:

''What have Americans to be thankful for? More than any other people on the earth, we enjoy complete religious freedom, political freedom, social freedom. Our liberties are sacredly safeguarded by the Constitution of the United States, 'the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.' Yes, we Americans of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray that we may hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs.''

I suggest we sit back and count our blessings for all we have. If we don't, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have to explain to future generations why we squandered such blessing and abundance. If we are not careful this generation will be known as the ''greediest and most ungrateful generation.'' A far cry from the proud Americans of the ''greatest generation'' who left us an untarnished legacy.

Blah ...

So tomorrow night my dh is having some friends over to play cards. One of the friends is moving away and this is the last card hand before he leaves ...
Normally that would be all fine and dandy, however, of course, this time it simply is not.
One "friend" will be here who is definitely not a friend at this point. He happens to be someone I don't want to see or talk to let alone play hostess to.
My dh promised he did not invite him, but someone else in the group did - not knowing. So now I have to be here at my home feeling awkward and uncomfortable in my house. He should be the one who feels like a jack @ss, but really, I will feel very uncomfortable. I am pretty sure the kids and I will avoid the areas of the house they will be using like the plague.
But I hate this. And I really don't want him here truth be told.
Maybe he'll feel so idiotic and stupid he won't dare talk to me ... I'm betting though he'll try to apologize (he tried once by calling. I was not able to answer the phone and a message was left. I never called back). I surely hope not, not in front of everyone ... I don't think most people know what happened and if I were him, I certainly wouldn't want people to know the story, since basically he made an @ss of himself.
So anyway, here's hoping I survive tomorrow night, that is if the anxiety I'm already feeling today over it doesn't give me a heart attack!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

On Selfishness ....

Here's the thing about selfishness ... it usually hurts the people around you, but you're so busy being, well, selfish, that you fail to notice that. And then, when that happens, the results in the end aren't usually what you expected or hoped for.Here's the thing about selfishness ... it usually hurts the people around you, but you're so busy being, well, selfish, that you fail to notice that. And then, when that happens, the results in the end aren't usually what you expected or hoped for. In fact, they are generally much worse and possibly painful.

Sad to say, this is the lesson I had to learn last night. It was not an easy lesson to learn. I am still sitting here today, feeling awful and horrible and wondering, when did it get so bad? Why didn't I pick up on it sooner? How could I have hurt the person I love most in this world, and more importantly, why was I oblivious to his hurt until he had to really show me his pain?

Of course, it all started innocently enoughly - doesn't it always? Okay, maybe not always - but this time it did.
All I wanted was some alone time, time to do whatever I wanted to do, time to relax ... and I found it after everyone went to bed. And I stayed up late. Then later, then later ... and now I'm usually in bed around 1 am.
My dh usually goes to bed around 9:30ish and wakes up around 6ish to go to work. I stay up late and wake up with the kids around 9 am.

Dh has said in the past, always it seemed jokingly - seriously, but yet not too seriously - that he hates how we are on two different sleep schedules. Every night he usually asks me if I'm going to bed when he goes to bed and I rarely do. I loved my alone time, my time just for me, to do whatever I wanted (well, of course aside from making too much noise!). I need this time - a break from taking care of the kids, and the house, and the cooking and whatever else comes up.

But, my dh needed that time to be with me - to not be alone in bed, to lay there and talk to me about life, about the kids, about what's coming up, about our goals and dreams and all that jazz. And he was missing that time and desperately wishing I would join him.

I, on the other hand, was enjoying my time alone ... I spent it reading, knitting, sewing, on the computer, whatever I wanted! I watched the news, I watched Jay Leno, I watched late night reruns, and was very happy.

Except, last night, dh was very upset - emotionally upset (not yelling at me upset). And he poured it all out. I felt awful. I felt terrible. I felt like I had hurt him so much, when my intentions were just to get some me time. He said he understood that I wasn't trying to hurt him, that I was just trying to find that time. I had only wished he said very clearly to me sooner that it bothered him so much. But then again, he had hinted at it. And if I weren't so eager to get my own time, I would have picked up on it.

I'll be honest, I don't want to give that time up. I like having my alone time. No, I LOVE having that time, at the end of each day to unwind. I want my time - but I also don't want to give that time up with my husband, especially when he needs it so much. Now, he can't really stay up as late as me - he has to work the next day and he has to be there early. So what it boils down to is I need to change my sleep schedule. I need to learn to go to bed much earlier, and in doing that, let's hope that I can learn to wake up earlier - earlier than the children, and I can get my alone time that way. I've never been an early to bed, early to rise kind of person, so this will indeed be quite the challenge for me. But I am motivated to do this .... it will be an interesting transition - I have a feeling I will get a lot of reading done over the next few nights, as I lay in bed for several hours as I think my learning curve will be pretty steep!

Sunday, January 07, 2007


Just as I was about to post this the first time, it crashed and it was all gone. Anyway, last week was so not a good week for us around here. First of all, there was the sick baby to contend with - poor thing, I felt bad, but he basically wanted to be held non-stop. The good news is the girls stayed with my mom for 3 days. The bad news is that I had planned to get 1,001 things done while they were gone and managed to do none of it. I did however manage to watch too much of VH1's America's Next Top Model Mega Marathon. I now know all about being fierce, finding the light and being a model from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes! Now if I could only grom 4-5 inches, lose 10 pounds, tighten all my muscles and get perky breasts, I'd be all set ;-) Aside from a sick child, we were 30 minutes away from our house contract being cancelled, mostly thanks to my lawyer and realtor - which I am SOOO mad at. Seriously, they are driving me nuts. I want to fire them, not pay them, etc, etc. But I *think nothing else can go wrong at this point so dh said to hang in there until we close. Anyway, we talked to the seller on Friday - which is how we knew the contract would be cancelled, since out lawyer apparently ignored a letter from their lawyer that required a response by Thursday at 5. Our guy NEVER responded. I am so mad. They were confused as to why we hadn't responded - they were being told that we were feeling "eh, we can take the house or lose it. No biggie. We can find another one" Which is SO far from the truth! I am so thankful they called to talk to us - they really could have cancelled the contract at 9am Friday since our idiot lawyer never responded. But they didn't and called instead. DH called the lawyer and got him to take care of the issue ASAP. The sellers said that they feel our realtor is misrepresenting us to them, which makes me even more upset with her than I already am. I do think now we are set until closing, so as long as we show up on time with the right amount of money, we should be all good! It was not a good day here Friday though, my son cried almost all day long from not feeling well, I thought we were losing the house, I was stressed and tired and worn out. Yesterday though we went away for the night to Indianna - to the Essenhaus to celebrate Christmas with my dad's family. It was fun and just what I needed after last week! I found out one of my cousins is expecting her very first little one and am thrilled for them. We had lots of food, laughter, games and talking - a good time. Then it was back home to reality today. And tonight we got a swift dose of it ... my 4 year old woke up just an hour ago screaming and coughing. She sounds like she is not breathing so well too. She was fine when we put her to bed at 8. DH and are trying to figure out what to do with her .... I am honestly wondering if it was an asthma-type attack. I swear she was fine just several hours before then, and all of the sudden coughing, raspy breathing, poor thing :-( I hope it is nothing too serious, and that this upcoming week is much more pleasant than the last one!

Thursday, January 04, 2007


So, my son is still sick, but thankfully better. Now my dh tells me the people we are buying a house from said we have too many demands and if we ask for one more thing, they will tear up our contract and move to their back-up offer. Crap. That's soooo not good. If we lose this house, I will cry, I mean it. Just break out into big fat alligator tears and cry. We obviously didn't think we were making too many demands. Well, there is history there - we really did - but it wasn't from dh and I. Our realtor (without our permission) added a ton of things to a letter we sent them. We called and let them know that they should ignore all but the two we cared about and moved on. [FTR: They were upset then as well and also threatened to go to the back-up offer]. This is so frustrating. We are 95% sure the back-up offer is higher than our offer, so I don't know, maybe they are looking for a reason to break our contract? Yet, I don't want to lose this house. I love it. I. Love. It. ::sigh:: Dh told the lawyer to write them a letter saying that it's fine if they decline the latest thing - but really, wouldn't a "no, we won't do that" have sufficed? Instead of a "NO AND IF YOU ASK FOR ONE MORE THING WE WILL RIP UP THIS CONTRACT AND GO TO OUR BACK-UP OFFER AND IN CASE YOU ARE WONDERING THEY DID CALL BECAUSE THEY STILL WANT THIS HOUSE AND SO WE KNOW THEY ARE WAITING FOR IT TO FALL THROUGH!" Please, cross your fingers, toes, legs, arms, etc ... that we survive until January 31 and get this house. EDIT: Apparently they were very unhappy twice today - once this am and once this afternoon. Our lawyer tried to push a change on the contract (that neither dh or I knew about) and dh, in his oh so infinite wisdom tried to push through an item they already said no too. I could strangle my realtor, lawyer and my dh at this point. If we lose the house due to either of those three people, it will not be pretty people. Anyway, they were awfully upset this afternoon, so dh told the lawyer that we will accept all they have said - offered and not offered at this point and hopefully we can make it to closing. We do not plan to bug them again until we firm up the closing time. The only thing that bothers me about this is a)several people did things without consulting me. Hello. I have a say in this too I thought! And b)the neighborhood is tight-knit. I have a feeling we will move in and already be known as huge asses by some of the neighbors. I swear we in no way at all intended to offend the sellers or make them mad. We are buying their house ... we want to make sure all the things that should work do and there is nothing bad there. We get that they want to make the most money possible, but we want the best value possible. I really hope they aren't nearly as upset at us as their lawyer told our lawyer, and I really hope they haven't bad-mouthed us too much to the neighbors. Ugh. I hate this. Hate. This. A. Lot. I'm so nervous something else will happen - since our lawyer and realtor both like to ask for things we don't want them to ask for. I swear, if something else goes wrong, I will explode. All over. Into a million little pieces.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

So Sad

My little babyboy is sick. He has his first real fever, and boy, did he decide to be dramatic. It's highest has been 104.6, which, well, frankly scares me! It's so high ... I know that smaller kids can go higher than adults, but still. I don't like that number. Medicine got him down to 102ish, then after an hour back up. The bath got him down to about 102ish and within a half hour back up. 20 minutes ago I dosed him again and we'll see where it takes him. Dh and I can also feel his heart racing :-( Poor baby. My never-sit-still-always-touching-something-wiggly-constantly-moving child has been pretty much laying all day, mostly on me. Which on one hand, I have to say, well, I kind of liked snuggling with him. I just wish he was cuddling with me without being sick and without feeling like a human heater. Not only does he have a fever, but his entire body is just radiating heat. Poor thing. My doctor, who I called right at closing, after realizing just how high his temperature was, told me if I didn't think I could wait to see her until tomorrow, that we should feel free to take him to the ER anytime tonight. But, well, I don't want to do that if I can avoid it. So I'm crossing my fingers we can get this fever under control and that tomorrow morning I will see some spark in my little man again. I miss his spunkiness! Anyway, I'll probably be MIA for another day or so, until he is feeling better and more himself.

Monday, January 01, 2007


So 2007 is here! And I am ready to face it head on! Last year was an interesting year for me. Not one I really want to repeat to be honest! It wasn't all bad ... but there were a lot of parts that weren't that fun for me. Lots of sleepless nights, lots of being cramped and out of space, lots of sharing when I didn't want to share, and too much putting off what I really wanted because someone else's wants in the house trumped mine! That said, this last year was a year of incredible growth for me! I think this year was good in that I feel like I am finally grown up, that I am coming into my own as a person - and probably knowing who I was and what I really wanted caused a lot of the feeling I was having to delay what I wanted for others, because for the first time I had really clear wants and desires! And this year, in just a few months, I will get almost everything a want - a house of my own. A home that I can decorate how I want, where I can put up my children's pictures, where I can arrange furniture how I want it, where I can childproof and decided what I want to cook for dinner and really just run my house the way I want it. That said, I will miss granny and grandpa terribly. Living in their home has really been wonderful - they are so sweet - I just love them to pieces. My children love them to pieces. And really, they helped us out in so many ways we can never fully repay them! All this gushy-gushy feelings might seem in contrary to what I posted above about the frustration in living here, but my frustrations are not with granny and grandpa, it was simply with the living arrangement in general. They never did anything to purposefully go the way I didn't want to, and the truth of the matter is that had I asked and requested things to be different, they almost always would have changed for me. I rarely asked because it's their house. I felt bad. We moved in here. They have their ways, their likes and their dislikes. I did not want to ask them to change all for me, so I didn't. And I survived! That's the good news in all of this, I survived! And looking back, it never was that bad, but in the middle of it - in the middle of wanting my own space, or to eat at 5 instead of 6, or wanting to put up child gates and locks - it felt a lot worse than it really was. In the end, I think it made me stronger. And I'm glad it never spilled over into being mad at grannie and grandpa - since it was never their fault to begin with. I'm glad I recognized that and could seperate it all in my head (Now, I was quite mad at dh on more than one occasion over the course of the last year, but that has been resolved and now I love him more than ever!). I will miss living here. I will. I will miss the location, the people, the love in this house - but I am even more excited to get into my new house, to make new friends, to come back and visit with the old, to create memories in our new house and to make it a place that is as loving and open and warm as here =) And the new house I believe will consume all the time this year that isn't already taken up by my husband, and the kids, and school, and all that jazz. I imagine it will take quite some time to unpack and decide the best place for all our things, not to mention the shopping to fill the house with furniture and the simple things like towels and rags and decor items (and who knows what else we have to purchase that we forgot we got rid of when we moved here or didn't survive a 2 year storage stay!), and decorating! I can't wait to decorate my house. To pick pictures, get them framed, hang them up and to fill bookshelves and cabinents and drawers! Oh I just can't wait! Happy 2007 and to all of you! I hope that you sit here, looking at a new year coming and feel as much anticipation and happiness as I am right now! =)