Big decisions ahead ...

Well, vacation was so much fun that it might leave more of a lasting impression than just memories and photographs. Dh and I have been talking and talking and talking and talking ... lots of talking lately, about picking up the family and moving to the New Hampshire/Southern Maine area. This would be quite the move and jump for us - going from a Chicago suburb to New Hamshire. Dh doubts my ability to actually survive a move like that, given most of our family (I'd say 90%) is here in the Chicago area. That said, we know that we will probably face a lot of negativity from said family in the area if we were to pick up and move.
But I have to tell you, moving out there seems right to me now and even dh agrees.
We have a lot to think about though - I've never wintered there, and we have a lot to research:

• job market,
• cost of average homes
• homeschooling there,
• doctors,
• dentists,
• will my teaching certificate transfer,
• what is the average income vs. cost of living,
• finding new friends for us and the children,
• what if my dd is in fact dx with something that will require therapy and intervention - can the services be found out there as well
• can I survive without my family close
• how often will we be able to fly back here
• how often will they be able to fly out there
• etc, etc, etc.

That's a lot of things we need to figure out. We also have that we were pretty set on buying the house we are in now if we could. But here's the deal, if we bought this house we would be SO straped for cash that would it be worth it if we had a nice house but had to eat pb&j half the month? I don't know. I'm not sure that dh knows either honestly.
But I tell you what, I am excited at the possibily of moving out there! It excites me. I think this area is just, I don't know, not for me anymore? Anyway ... we'll see what the future holds for us. We should make a decision about by Halloween. If we do move, then we will probably end up parting with lots of our things, so we would want to start trimming then and keep Christmas light if a move is coming in the spring like that!

Back ...

and refreshed.
Last week the family and I had a much needed vacation. It was fabulous and wonderful and full of so many great things (including a lot of new experiences for me as well as the rest of the family).
Let me tell you - this has been one rocky summer for me, for my dh and I, and well we've hit a lot of low points lately. This trip provided a much needed break from the daily grind as well as a good time for dh and I to reconnect.
I am back refreshed, re-energized, and a lot happier than when I left. I am so glad we took this trip (which we almost passed on when it was first discussed).
But we had a wonderful time and I'm back and ready to take on life again! Yeah!
Anyway, more vacation details to come soon I hope! =)

So much ...

to say .. no time to say it! Lots of updates coming after the holiday - I promise! =)
Until then ...
Happy Fourth of July! =)

Here we go again ....

with my 3 year old that is.
So, you know how sometimes you're just skipping along, thinking everything is all dandy and then WHAM! someone blindsides you with what you weren't expecting (or maybe didn't want to hear)?
Yep. happened today.
My 3 year old has a sort of long history - therapy, they thought she was autistic, then not, blah, blah, blah.
Well she has been having a lot of feet issues. So we took her to a podiatrist (sp) to get them looked at. And obviously gave her history (especially that she had been in physical therapy before and blah blah blah).
Went for the follow-up today. So doc says that she HIGHLY advises us to take her to a pediatric neurologist to be evaluated. She sees autistic tendencies in my 3 year old, that she has very low muscle tone, a lot of podiatry issues in kids are linked to neurological disorders and was frankly kind of shocked we weren't advised to do this before.
Well, we were advised to do that before. But we are also advised to take her in to another major hospital in the area and have her evaluated there. So we did. And they said there she was fine and no pediatric neuoroligst visit was needed for her. So we cancelled the appointment.
Boy, isn't hindsight 20/20?
And here I was just thinking recently how far she has come and I was so proud of where she is today given where she was not that long ago in her short little life. And then this. And so tomorrow I will call and take her in, and this time no one can talk me out of it.
And of course as I'm thinking in my head how stupid that is and she doesn't need a neuologist and dh and are I talking, we start to talk about some things. And you know what, when we really step back and look, well, yeah, there are still some issues present. And there are some things going on. And having her looked at is the right thing to do, but man. I'm worn out. One day one doctor is telling me there are issues and the next they are telling me there isn't any. I just don't know what to think. And sometimes I feel like I'm trying desperately to get the doctors the see the issues I see, and on other days I'm desperately trying to understand what issues they are seeing because I don't see any.
It is all very frustrating, and I feel like we are starting all over again with this merry-go-round of dealing with everything. And oh yeah, they want her back in physical therapy, and apparently intense therapy - like maybe twice a week? Holy cow. So I guess tomorrow I will be calling to schedule an appointment with a neuorologist (which I'm guessing it will take like 3-4 months to get in there) and I'll call her old PT for just an evaluation of where she is to see what she thinks of all of this.
But I don't know ... I'm not ready to be back in all of this again. To have to deal with it all again. To face the possibility that there is something going on with her. It's just so draining to do it all honestly. And I think, it's not like her issues are that bad - but yet, that's almost part of the problem ... she's probably a borderline patient .. and do we assume she falls on the side of the line that says she needs help or assume she falls on the other side and not help her?
Well ... I'll figure it out I guess after getting her in to see several doctors I guess.

Random utterings ....

So, life here has been okay. Some minor bumps in the road. I've found a house to move into ... and it's only a little more than double what we could afford. But gorgeous none the less, and of course reminds me even stronger of how much I want to move right now. But it can't happen at the moment. I have mostly accepted that fact. Mostly. But I still dream.
I have been trying to "simplify" life around me. Well, I guess basically I have been cutting back a LOT on some things - my computer time is probably less than a tenth of what it was a month ago, hardly any TV. But I've been filling time with being with my family - imagine that ;-) And crafting. We are spending huge amounts of time outside these days - walking, playing. I've discovered some areas around us that are great fun. And of course, I've been cleaning. The grandma still doesn't really want me to cook (well, the basic reason is the gp's don't like my cooking basically. Oh well. So I don't even offer anymore. It is met with no's and the few times I have cooked here, they haven't liked it, so I don't believe I will ever cook while they are home and we live with them). Eh, more time for me to do other things - which I have been baking. And so far everyone has enjoyed my baking so that's good ;-) And of course, cleaning. I hate cleaning. I really really hate it. I probably would do it a lot less often if we didn't have other adults living with us. But we do, and they want things clean. So I have been pretty good about keeping the house pretty darn good these days. I'm sure it's appreciated by the gp's as well as my family as well.

I'm happier right now than I've been in a while. Which is good. I have almost kicked drinking coke too ... big step. I won't even admit here how much I was consuming, but let's just say a good day was drinking only 3 cans. :X Yeah, pretty bad. Now I have one a day. And well, I feel much better doing that. And probably I won't even drink that much anymore, but instead of just not drinking it at all, I dropped to one a day and now I'll just drink one if I want one, which I haven't even really wanted one the last few days. So very good.

I think I got caught up in too many things - most of which was being upset about the living arrangement. And I was so caught up in being upset about it, I forgot to do something about it. I also think I tend to get stuck on this computer without meaning too and then half my day is gone. And really, not a good thing for anyone.

Anyway, that's life right now.
And before I forget - today dh and I celebrated our 7th anniversary. =) And I love him now even more than I did then, and I got to say, we are both still in love with each other as ever and that's great. We thought about it, in 7 years of marriage we have:
- had 3 kids
- bought a house
- had a college graduation
- sold a house
- bought a car
- started a business
- aquired a ton of debt
- paid off a ton of debt (about 95% of what we had is now gone WOO HOO!)
- stayed committed to each other
- and we still love each other and have passion for each other.
Overall, I'd say, I'm pretty glad I married such a great wonderful guy. And I plan to stay by his side until death do us part, through thick and thin. It's a good place to be in. No matter what else happens, I know he'll stand by my side, and I'll stand by his. So even on those days when I'm not very happy with him, I still love him and I know we'll get through that bump together. And for that, I am truly a very lucky and blessed person. =)

Some days ...

my children are trying to make me have a heart attack.
Today it was my 6 year old's issue.
The background:
At a relatives house. House in on a lake. On teh way there tell ALL children lake is off limits today and to not go near it or else.
Getting ready to leave: Ask 3 year old to go around back and tell 6 year old time to leave. 3 year old goes back and comes back and tells me "I can't tell A because she's on the boat right now." I say "You mean her and K are playing in the boat on the sand right?" She says "No, they are on the lake."
I'm totally thinking that the 3 year old is mistaken and so I go around back. 3 year old is not mistaken. My 6 year old dd and her 6 year old cousin are on the lake in a paddle boat, with no life jackets and without having anyone's permission at all.
Um. Yeah. That's a problem.
Okay. Trying not to just start screaming and sounding like a raving lunatic at her.
Bottom line is we went home. She spent the rest of the day inside. She will not play wiht her game cube for a week. She may not go on the lake (with permission, life jacket and adult) next time we visit even if the other kids are out there having fun.
And then it was big talk time with the parents - and we were honest and up front and did scare her a bit. We talked about what happened if she fell out of the boat in the middle of the lake (she can't swim and her cousin can't swim either). We talked about how if that happened she could have drowned, which means she could have died.
She was very repentant. She cried a lot. She said she was sorry. We told her we loved her and wanted to keep her safe and that was all we were trying to do.
In short. I think she got it. I doubt we will see her pull that stunt again. And well, I hope that next time we are over there said boat is maybe chained down and that even if she wanted to do it again (which I don't think she will after today) that she can't do it either.

A kind of peace ...

I think I have acheived a sort of peace within myself this week.
I'm glad I can finally feel this way, and only hope it isn't just a short lived phase!
I think 1)I got a lot off of my mind lately - amazing how far that alone took me. And 2)babyboy has gained a slight sense of independence these days. Mainly he can sit - and quite well - I'm talking 15-20 minutes at a time. Which means I no longer have him attatched to my hip all day. Maybe about half the day right now, but still, a HUGE improvement from where we were just last week. I also believe he too is enjoying his newfound bit of independence. I plop him down, give him some toys, do something and usually talk to him a lot - but sometimes not even a lot depending on what I am doing. Not only that, but his two big sisters will plop down next to him and play with him too. That is super-duper handy for me. So I do some cleaning, putting away, organizing, laundry this way. But I also get some reading time, knitting time, sewing time, or work on a jigsaw puzzle just to do something I enjoy once in a while.
Someone recently commented that they don't know how I have time to do all those "fun things" like I do. I felt kind of stunned by it at first - like they must have this picture of me sitting all day and doing my fun stuff (only in my dreams!) and then I chuckled a bit and said back "If you knitting as much as you spent in your car driving around - you'd make 10 things to my every one!" And you know, she laughed back with me and said I was probably right. Then it dawned on me, she wasn't saying it to be mean or imply I don't do anything around here. I think she just said it to honeslty see how! And thankfully it's someone I know so I know she is in her car A LOT every day. I actually do not envy that at all! I think she spends more time in her car than out of it (4 kids, baseball, soccer, doctor's appointments, preschool, 2 in el. school, one in high school - yes, she is one busy mom for sure!) so I was able to say something light hearted adn funny and avoid getting all defensive and riled up too mcuh anyway.
I guess that's kind of how I have to start viewing more things around me. And I need to keep this kind of peace I now have inside me. And the bad days will come. But at least I now have hope for the good days and I know they will follow soon. And if not, there can't be more than 14 days until I get to leave the kids and take a break anymore LOL!

Taking a break ...

from a lot of things right now.
Mostly computer time - but I think it's a good thing for me right now.
I need to take time to unwind and not be so uptight. I need time to just absorb everything around me and learn to deal with some things I wish I could change, but can not at this moment.
BUT, the good news is that in an attempt to speak up, to say this is what I need, well I went to dh. And mostly told him nothing new - that things are not working right now, are not going well that something needs to be changed. Of course, I am ready to move. He is not. So it's an issue. But, as I said, this time I didn't just let it end there. I kept talking. I said well something has to happen. And I had an idea.
I now will have a sitter every 2 weeks for one night - from 3pm to 9pm. From 3-6 I get to do whatever I want, however I want to, wherever I want to. At 6 dh is welcome to join me, or find something to do by himself, or go get the kids and spend time with them if he so choses. The best part is that the kids will be babysat not at home. And here is why - many things I like to do, I would want to do at home - my sewing, scrapbooking, knitting, being on the computer, or just catching up on much needed sleep. Now, even with a sitter, the children would still be right there. So the kids will be away from the house. And I can decide to also be away, or to just stay home.
Nice, eh?
And yes, I realize some people might look at me and think I'm a spoiled housewife. I stay home and play with the kids all day and now I get to have a babysitter? Well, fine if that's what someone wants to think. I know that's not the case and I have decided that is all that matters. I know what I need to do for me and for my family and frankly, well, people who will judge me based on only knowing 1)I'm a sahm and 2)I get to get away every 2 weeks, well, hey, their opinion doens't really count ;-)
So that in a nutshell is life around here. Things are crazy. I am stressed. I have a lot going on, but I think I can manage to survive it. And next weekend (my first night of being able to get away) I will get a much needed break from it all and hopefully that will go a long way to helping me relax for a bit.

Thinking about ...

changing the name of this blog.
I am not skipping along anywhere these days.
I don't know ... I'm even contemplating deleting this blog all together. I feel an incredibly strong drive to just pull away from well, basically everything. Last time I felt this way, I did delete my blog. Just up and took it off the internet one day. Then I got brave and started this one up again ... but now I think all I do is whine and complain and well just how fun is that? Not very. And I feel very anxious and exposed and I want to run and hide. And the question should be from what exactly?
The whole like 3 people who stumble upon this blog by accident each day?
I don't know ...
things are just not fun over here anymore. They are not going well. And I am definitely not skipping along these days ...

Untitled

So far as a parent, I have been okay with what I have done. I might hem and haw and over think things, but in the end I've always been pretty sure that in the end my kids will be okay. And yes, sometimes I do wonder if I'm doing the right thing, but usually in the end I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right thing for my kids and me.
I do not fell that way anymore. I feel deflated, I feel like a failure. I am worried my kids will grow up hating me, that they will be dysfunctional in this world and I will be the one to blame. I'm starting to wonder if they will even survive childhood. Heck, I'm starting to wonder if I will survive the week.
Why now? Why do I feel so completely lost and baffled and confused and like I'm screwing up? I don't know. Could it be that my 5.5 month old still wakes up an average of 4 times a night? That I can't put him down for more than 5 minutes during the day without him crying? Or maybe it's because my 3 year old cries at the drop of a hat? Is still too rough with her baby brother - and often when "playing" with him makes him cry and upset? That my 6 year old can't sit still for 2 seconds? That she asks the same freaking question 3,482,971,582,563,937 times before I snap? (Is it snack time yet? Can I have a snack now? What will we have for snack? Is it time to eat a snack now? Is it snack time? Now is it snack time? Can we eat a snack now?) No. And if you ask me one more time I swear you will never be allowed to eat a snack again for as long as you shall live! Okay, so I don't say that to her, but I want to. Is this normal 6, 3, and 5 month old behavior? I don't know anymore.
My neighbor commented today that it's time to "take the boobie away" from my baby. Then told me to just let him cry. Neither of which I'm prepared to do, and neither of which do I think will have him sleep through the night if I were to do it anyway. He takes after his oldest sister ... she didn't start to sleep through the night until 18 months - despite having weaned at 12 months and we did attempt to try the CIO method before I knew better. Neither of which affected her ability to sleep through the night.
I feel like I don't know anything anymore. Like I'm just struggling to survive the day. I do this: I'm tired. I'm very tired. I'm physically tired and I'm mentally tired. I'm tired. That's the long and short answer as to what is going on lately. I'm just tired. Tired of so many things. I could sit here probably for a long time and list all the things I'm tired of.
I don't want to be tired anymore. I want to be a confident mother. A confident wife. A confident woman. I want to have a smile at the end of the day that isnt' forced. I want to yell at my children a little less and teach them lots of things each and every day. I want to be happy and vibrant and full of energy. I want to do all these things so badly. But I don't even know where to begin or what to do or how to do it.

The bump ....

Last Saturday I felt a little bump. Just short of an inch below where my bra band would run almost centered, but off to the left. It was tiny - very small. I could only feel it by pressing.
I made dh feel it to make sure I wasn't imagining it. He did feel it and told me to keep an eye on it. Wait a week and see what happened.
Thursday night I noticed it was bigger. It actually felt like a misquito bite - my skin was raised, but yet, I could tell it was under the skin just like I had originally felt it.
I admit it made me very nervous. I didn't like that something was there. I didn't like that it was bigger. I didn't like it's location. I was very upset about it all. Okay, I was a nervous wreck. I was thinking all sorts of not good thoughts.
Friday I went to visit my doctor. I fought bought tears when they asked why I was there (becuase I am a cryer. I cry a lot) and explained. And so I laid down and pressed the spot where it was.
Except, then it wasn't there anymore! And so I felt around and around and around. She probably thought I was a tad crazy. I was also there becuase lately I have been feeling very naseous so she started to ask me about that when I found that little bump again.
So she felt it and I braced myself .... what would she say? Thankfully, she said it was a cyst. She doens't even think we need to do anything unless it does get bigger ... which it really didn't the night before. The little (and it is truly tiny) thing moves around with my position - hence it can be hard to find or easy to find depending on apparently how everything else inside me is squishing it around.
So that was out of the way, I felt relieved and she went back to asking me about feeling naseous.
And then she said it "Well, I assume you've already taken a pregnancy test and know it's not morning sickness."
Uh. Huh? What? No, never even thought of that as an option. I said well no, I didn't. But I mean, I don't think I am. Of course she asked if I was sure. Well, no, when put on the spot like that, no, I'm not sure. But I mean I'm pretty sure ... my dh had a vesectemy (although we haven't had two clear samples yet), I'm nursing, still no period, and well we usually use other protection forms. She said, well, okay ...
then it's acid, told me to take over the counter zantac, and then tossed in there that if things don't improve in a week, then I should probably take a pregnancy test just in case.
Umm, okay.
Now, I'm not worrying about a bump near my breast but I'm wondering if the bump in my abdomin will grow. And I'm thinking about it. And I'm thinking about it. And I feel even more naseous Saturday and then today I couldn't take more than a few bites of anything.
My dh went out to buy my zantac, and brought home zantac and two pregnancy tests. I immediately took one of them (come on, admit it, you would have too!) and I looked. One line. Oh thank you!!! Not pregnant .... dh looked very relieved as well.
So for now, I have no bumps, or lumps, or anything like that to worry about. ::phew::

Misc. Updates ...

Well, things are going so-so over here.
There are a lot of things going on. Dh and I are having a disagreement on what is kind of a major issue. Right now he is winning for a variety of reasons. I'd rather not go into detail just quite yet, but, well, I'm afraid of where this disagreement may take us by the end of summer.
We are in the midst of having a huge garage sale - well it would have been huge had it not decided to rain off and on today. Oh well. We'll end up with a few bucks when it's all said and done on Saturday.
As far as my sister goes, well, we won't be talking about that here anymore. Everytime I think things will change and start to improve for her, well, something happens (and mostly things out of her control) and I can't take this roller coaster ride. I suppose it's mean and it's the coward's way out, but I'm leaving this ride. Mostly because according to my mom not too long ago, her relationship with me is an issue @@ (she claims my sis's therapist told her that, but I don't believe her and actually told her to tell that doctor to call me and I'd GLADLY talk to him about our relationship. Yeah, phone still hasn't rang - surprise surprise). Well, I don't know what to do anymore. I can't have my sister stay with us. We don't even have our own home @@ (which don't get me going on that issue) so what can I do? I refuse to ride this ride anymore. My mom wants to blame me? Fine. Let her blame me if it will make her feel better. In the meantime I will continue to be there for my sister doing what I can when I can. But aside from that. I'm off the ride. I do not agree with what my mom has decided to do. I do not think the health care professionals in my sisters life are advising her to do these things either. And so I'm done listening to it. I can't anymore. I'm not strong enough to bare her burdens and my own. Call me weak. Maybe I'm a bad sister. Maybe I'm a bad daughter. But my family and me has to come first and I can't be in this battle anymore.
I think that about sums it up for now.
I know, things don't sound good in this post, but I'm feeling extremely stressed right now. And I don't do stress. Once I'm able to calm down and step back, things will be good again, but at this moment, I'm struggling to keep emotions under control . I will survive. I know I can. And when I feel this way again I will handle it a bit better and a bit better and someday I might actually feel like a normal person who is capable of dealing with life ;-)

Happy Birthday

to me!! =)
Yep, it's my birthday! And I LOVE birthdays =)
So I love today!! And we had a great day. Just did our normal Tuesday routine for most of the day. Then around dinner time, we made a cake - yum! =) Then we ate dinner, opened presents and ate our yummy cake.
So here's the loot LOL!!:
Actually, Saturday going to Wicked was my present from my momma.
My mil and her dh sent me a nice big strawberry bag (which will probably be the perfect size for an in progress knitting blanket!), a zipper sweater, and a gorgeous antiqued-silver oval picture frame. It is simply calling out for a black and white photo of the kids!
My dh and girls gave me a lamp to put by my sewing machine, which I have been needing and it's all set up adn now I can see when I am sitting at my sewing table! Yeah!!!
But we hung out and loved each other all day, and that was awesome. Especially given that my dh was not supposed ot be home tonight (which I admit bummed me out). But then today he called and let me know that he was going to be home afterall! WOO HOO!!! That was probably the best present of all. Becuase I love your birthday and I love to spend it with my family most of all. So it was a perfect, wonderful day! I'm so excited and so glad to see another birthday come and a bit sad to see it go! LOL!
=)
Hope everyone else had a great day as well!

Happy Mothers Day!

Today was a grand old day for me and my family. We all had a blast ... me especially! LOL!
It actually started out at midnight last night ... about the time I arrived home (went downtown last night to see Wicked! It was absolutely wonderful and marvelous and great. My momma took me for my birthday - which happens to be Tuesday. Dinner, the theater, we went down in a limo - fabulous) So get home from being away from babyboy since 2 am. Let's just say I grew like 2 cup sizes while we were out LOL!! And I needed to pump ;-) So, I'm pumping and about 10 minutes alter babyboy wakes up and wants to eat. So I'm feeding him and dh and I are talking about things. And then we hear screams and crying. So he goes up. g3 woke up and threw up all over the place. So I get babyboy fed and normally he would fall back asleep, but not last night - he was wide awake. So I get him in my room with g6. And I go comfort g3 while dh is cleaning up the mess. Poor thing was so upset by it all.
So dh took them to a birthday party yesterday and apparently they ate whatever they wanted to eat @@ No wonder the kid threw up all over the place.
So get her to bed, get 6g to bed, then get babyboy to bed (finally LOL!).
This am started off pretty well. I recieved breakfast in bed. Love it! I had waffles, eggs, apple and chocolate milk =) My family rocks! LOL! So after a few minutes we moved to the safety of the kitchen table without one spill in the bedroom.
That's when I got my present - a mop! LOL! Which fits in with another story I may tell another time ... needless to say it made me smile.
And then I got another present ... the Magic Bullet. Now if you haven't seen this infomercial yet, well you are missing somethng LOL! We first saw it maybe 2 years ago and my oldest immediately fell in love. She HAD to have it. She's been wanting us to buy it for a long time now. So, that's what they got me for Mother's day! Tonight we made chocolate mouse in it! yummmmmmmmy!!! Oh. So good. Amazingly good. And way to easy to make - I'll have to do it more often. Tomorrow we will probably make either a shake or a smoothie. Double yum! =) Then we have had a lot of fun just hanging out and cuddling and loving each other. Babyboy has been an absolute doll today. The girls have had fun hanging out!! We just love it!! =) We've have a grand day!
So happy mother's day to all my fellow mothers out there =)

I need ...

to learn to relax. I need to do it. Not today but yesterday. I try so hard to relax ... but I suppose that's the problem - trying so hard. How can you relax when you are worrying you arne't relaxing correctly?! See, I can't even relax about trying to relax. It's awful. It's terrible. I'm going to kill myself from stress if I don't learn to do it soon though.
And I really don't want that to happen.

Plugging along ...

Still here. Still plugging along.
Some things are still down. Some things are up again. I am trying very hard to keep my sanity and some days are easier than others.
I think I will have to learn to a) lighten up b) go with the flow and c) and to simply plan for a worst case scenario pretty much this entire summer so my expectations will never be let down.
Yes. That is my plan for the summer. Becuase I'm still not quite sure I will survive it. But I think, I think if I try really hard to not explode I will succeed. Or at least I won't explode in front of anyone and I hopefully won't bitch out anyone. And if I can at least do that, then I think it will be safe to call this summer a success.

Bumps in the road ...

No, not even bumps. Big, deep, wide potholes in the road today.
First my babyboy just started screaming. Crying, screaming, upset, didn't want to be held, didn't want to be put down, didn't want to eat, didn't want to rock, had on a clean diaper. Just screaming and red faced :-( Checked him over for a hair wrapped somewhere or clothes pinching, and nothing. So I gave him tylenol and chalked it up to teething.
Then my 3 year old (I think I'll call her 3g from now on - get it 3 year old girl?) fell off of her bike.
Cried, calmed, sent off to play. Not too long after, my 6g accidentally smacked 3g in the head with a bat. Not just a fake, not really playing, bat, but a metal bat, as she was practicing trying to hit a homerun. So, yes, there was a LOT of pain and crying. And a swollen ear :-( Shook her up a bit. Poor thing. Finally get her settled.
Along came the big bombshell. My mom called. Bad news with my youngest sister. She took 13 of her anxiety pills last night. About a month ago she took 9 at one time I think? So, second time for od'ing in a month. They have to take her out of school and put her into some intensive day therapy intensive therapy program. My heart is breaking for her. And yet, half of me wants to ask her "What the hell were you thinking?!?!?!?" I guess the good side of it all is that the doctors don't believe these are suicide attempts (although she has threatened to kill herself in the past). Here's the kicker ... she 13. 13 year olds. She just turned 13 not even a month ago, so she's a young 13. Ugh. I feel sick for her. But I feel sad for her. I want to hug her tightly and protect her. But I also want to grab her and shake her and tell her "You scared me! Dont' you EVER do that again." (Sort of like what a lot of parents do when kids get lost or run into the street). I talked to my mom on the phone for quite some time today. She is upset about all of this too. Ugh. I have a lot more I could say about this, but won't for now. But I guess if you have a moment to spare, please send my sis some good thoughts? And pray that we can figure out what is driving this and finally finally get her some good help.

These are the days continued ...

Some more memories
The flowers I recieved from my darling daughters today. So sweet - I love them =)

These are the days ...

Despite having issues with other people in my life, my family continues to be my joy and strength and love.
As Knittymama writes about with a baby there are three kinds of days in the rocking chair while disaster strikes around you, getting a ton of things done quickly usually while baby is sleeping or just a combo of the above two.
I feel like I rarely have any super-mommy days anymore. heck, I hardly have a super-mommy day these days. But this weekend I really was tied to the rocking chair while disaster struck all around me (well, yes, the disasters had a lot to do with my rant yesterday and a mini-vent not that long ago). But my babyboy needed me and needed me to rock him and hold him tight. Although I hold him often - he generally wants you to walk while you hold him, so I don't actually have many days in the rocking chair (although days where it seems nothing gets done happen quite often). But this weekend, I had lots of cuddle time partly becuase he demanded it (demanded by crying and fussing and acting positively miserable if we didn't) and I looked at my husband at one point while babyboy was sleeping in my arms, a smile across his face indicating some nice dreams - my 6 and 3 year old was running around outside with a friends and their laughter could be heard in the living room, him sitting on the couch just chatting with me. And I realized this is it. This is that moment that so many people dream about. That perfect moment - all kids are happy and content, dh and I chatting (while also gazing into each other eyes). For those precious moments, life seems just perfect and full of bliss. And I thought it was a picture perfect moment - not becuase it would have looked perfect for that instant, but for that moment all was perfect in our life. And life was good. And that one moment made all the sleepless nights, all the arguments I have to break up between my girl, the little tiffs dh and I get into, all the less than perfect moments - it's okay that we have those, that we go through those bumps, becuase every so often we get these perfect moments. And life is sweet and good. And I just thought I love my family so much - and not just at that moment when it was all perfect, but I was full of love when moments later, dh got up to do work, the laughs from outside turned into a little spat about who's turn it really was for some toy, as babyboy wiggled in my arms becuase someone threw open the door and walked in loudly.
I do. I am in love with my family. I am in love with them so much ... I just couldn't believe how much it hit me right then. Don't get me wrong, I knew I loved them before that, but all of the sudden I just had a deep love and an appreciation for them - the good and the bad, the ups and downs.
Have I lived a perfect life? Nope. Far from it. Has life always been cheery and rosey? Nope. It hasn't. Would I trade it for something that was "better"? Nope. Not in a million years. This family is stuck with me forever!

On a side note, today I discovered why I was plastered to the rocking chair with babyboy most of the weekend - his first tooth came in today. And as if one big thing wasn't enough today, he also apparently learned to sit up by himself while I was holding him all weekend too!
These are the days =) And I couldn't be happier.

I am so tired ...

of people who don't help out. Not because they can't ... because they don't want to. Because it won't be fun. Because apparently I was put here on Earth to do things while they sit and watch. And not only do they sit and watch - but they also tell you all that you are doing wrong.
I'm so tired of people who think me being a SAHM means that I do nothing all day long and so must have the ability to do things for them instead. And they don't ask me to do these things, they just assume I can do them. After all, I stay home. I must have nothing better to do.

There. Rant over. Move on with life. I will attempt to do the same. But one day ... one day soon ... I may be posting about how I just freaked out and let loose on someone in my life because I just couldn't take anymore. And should that happen ... I'm not so sure I would even feel sorry about it ....

Mini-vent ...

Well, maybe it's not a mini, but it's a vent.
My aunt has 4 kids, now her oldest is 15 so not a problem there, then there is 9, 6, 3. Well I have a 6 and 3 myself. And her 6 and 3 and my 6 adn 3 like to play together - following along so far?
Anyway, we watch each other's children if we can. She'll call and ask if I can watch her kids for something and I'll do the same thing. Which is great. It's nice to have someone to call and do that with.
So, now here's the vent ... it's a bit one-sided these days. I have extra children A LOT. She's in the process of moving. And I totally get that. And I'm so glad I can help her out - becuase it's not fun packing with a bunch of kids running around. And for the most part, when the kids are here they are well behaved. But yet at the same time, part of me wants to say NO! Keep your kids home for the next two weeks. I need a break. I need a cool-off period. Then start calling me. Which, probably in two weeks she'll be all moved and then I will be watching them less.
Well, here's part two of the vent. Now that gp's are home. She'll call and talk to the grandma about the kids coming over. Grandma will say yes, then ask me ...
Now, it makes sense she talks to grandma (it's her mom afterall LOL!) and of course grandma wants to help (it's her daughter and grandkids afterall) but let's face it. I have like 75% of the actual watching of the kids duties ...
I guess my point is, I don't really mind watching her kids in the big picture of things. Yet, at the same time I need to vent a little so that next time she asks, I do NOT look at her and say NO! I can't do it anymore!
It's just that her 9 year old plays a lot of sports. She likes to leave the younger two here if she can. And it sometimes feels like I'm running a daycare. Seriously, if I were charging hourly, I'd have a lot more spending money these days!
I guess really I feel conflicted. I want to help. I like when she watches my kids. But I'd like a little break from her kids (heck, at this point I'd like a day off from my kids LOL!!).
But in the end, I'll keep on saying yes when she asks. My kids will have fun playing with her kids. And I'll survive ... although you might hear my grumble under my breath from time to time ...

Time of Day ...

What time of day are you?

You Are Sunset

Even though you still may be young, you already feel like you've accomplished a lot in life. And you feel free to pave your own path now, and you're not even sure where it will take you. Maybe you'll pursue higher education in a subject you enjoy - or travel the world for a few years. Either way, you approach life with a relaxed, open attitude. And that will take you far!

What Time Of Day Are You?

They're back!

Grannie and grandpa arrived back home today =)
It was sooo good to see them again! The girls were thrilled. Dh adn I were thrilled. Babyboy, well he was fussy today ... poor guy :-( But he fell asleep and then grannie held him for a little while.
Anyway, although we are glad to see them back, we had to do hte great migration of things to the basement, which includes the laptop I am currently working on. Which means less computer time for a while as chances are I'll not be in the basement too terribly much. Just not a great place for little babyboy at this moment.

On other notes:
Baseball season started Saturday (well, okay it technically started last Tuesday but we missed practice for for us it was Saturday! LOL!) We showed up. A plus this year is we have the same two coaches and most of the team is the same as last year. Last summer, however, I was not the social mom who talked a lot to other parents. I know it seems wierd but it's so hard for me to talk to people. I constantly worry about what to say, am I sounding stupid, what can I talk about, etc, etc.
But this weekend, I actually talked to other people! I even exchanged numbers with one mom. Wow. I discussed car pooling with one mom. One mom saw me knitting and mentioned she wanted to learn so I'm going to do that with her during some practices! I'm so proud of myself (and yes, that may seem odd to get - I'm proud because I talked to people LOL!) but it's not an easy thing for me to do. I have a feeling it will be a good baseball season this year! =)

All is well ...

Last night dh came home and told me I looked nice. Well, I love him, but he doesn't generally just say that out of the blue. So I kind of figured he was still trying to make up and smooth things over.
So, yeah, I've decided I like him again ;-)

Other than that, gp's should be home in a few days (Sunday to be exact). Today my children have dentist appointments, I'm watching one cousin. Tomorrow are baseball pictures and a practice and then a birthday party. And of course last minute cleaning for the arrival of the gp's. Hopefully Sunday will just be relaxing and consist of us hanging out as a family - just the 5 of us one last time before sharing the house again.

Speaking of family, our nights with babyboy are getting better. He is pretty consistently going to bed between 10 and 11. I'm so glad. Still waking up - althoug for the last week I've been giving him the pacifier and making the bassinette rock first. Most times I can get him back to sleep that way (and we nurse maybe twice). I am hoping what will happen soon is that it won't be worth it for him to wake up since he isn't getting nursed each time. But, you know, we are making great progress overall so I'm not complaining too much! LOL!

Okay ... well, enough for now!

So mad, so sad ...

Last night dh and I had a little fight. Okay, well, I wanted it to be a BIG fight, but I kept my voice low as the girls were sleeping and the thought of them waking up to shouting parents wasn't on the agenda for the day. Well a fight with my dh wasn't on my agenda either, but it must have been on his - since he started it. And yes, I realize saying he started it makes me sound all of 6 years old. But it's the truth. He started it.
He said something very hurtful. And then, just to add salt to open wound he dared me to prove him wrong. I'm not kidding. He said, and I quote "Go ahead. Prove me wrong." I bit my tongue very hard. Very hard. While a bunch of not nice words ran through my head. While visions of me screaming very loud at him ran through my mind and while I was inside my head compiling a list of every wrong he has ever committed in an effort to not make this little fight a one-sided bashing of moi. And instead I sat quietly. Okay I stood. Silently. Which he took to mean I couldn't prove him wrong and thus his hurtful comments were okay.
That's when I had to set him straight. That's when I told him if I even attempted to open my mouth to prove him wrong than we might not speak to each other for a few minutes. That I was fuming inside. And instead of saying something, okay, really instead of SCREAMING something I would regret the next day I was going to remain silent for a while.
I am proud of myself for knowing when to hold my tongue. I am proud of myself for not flying off the handle and screaming. I am proud of myself that when I finally did speak I did not sit there and attempt to "prove him wrong" by listing a bunch of crap, but simply said to him, "If you do not honestly believe I am doing the best that I can, then nothing I can say will convince you right now." Because, well, it's the truth. We've been married almost 7 years now. I truly believe that.
So last night I was mad, beyond mad, just furious and ready to fight.
Tonight I am sad. One, he never did apologize for the hurtful things he said. (In his defense he did come home and say the house looked nice and was being very sweet today whcih I get is his little way to try to right the wrong, but I wanted to hear him say sorry I wanted to hear him acknowledge he said something hurtful). I am also sad because tonight we talked about how being here, in this house, trying to get ready for the gp's to come home, was a BIG part of what happened last night. In fact, if they werne't comign home - no fight would have happened. Or if we were in our house, it wouldn't have happened. BUT then he said he didn't want to think about moving now. Ummm, okay. Being here is becoming an issue for us, but he doesn't want to move? Okay ... so what's more important, the house or us? I don't know ... I know he doesn't really think the house is more important than me, but yet at the same time, I am ready to move. I am ready to start house hunting. I am ready to be in our place, with our own space, and all that jazz.

I guess the good news tonight is I don't really hate my dh anymore. And yes, I did sort of kind of hate him yesterday (although I still love him). But I'm not sure I like him yet again ... maybe that will come tomorrow.

Happy Easter!

We survived Easter weekend. Barely LOL!
No, it wasn't that bad - just hectic to say the least.
Friday we had a blast ... the kids and I went downtown to the American Girl Place. We went with 7 other family members. It was a blast! An expensive blast, but so worth it. Of course we came home with lots of things (to be expected since my mom was with us). My six year old came home with her second American Girl Doll - Elizabeth, 2 outfits for her, one matching outfit for herself and a bunch of other things! My 3 year old came home with her very first American Girl doll - Felicity, a wagon for her Bitty baby twins, and one outfit for her doll with the matching one for her. And babyboy, well, he came home having been admired by about 20 new people ;-)
I'm glad we went. Still not sur emy 3 year old should have a doll that expensive, but it was from grandma, so what an I do?
Saturday we hung out at home. Well, we didn't hang so much as we worked. First we emptied garage and cleaned it. And then we started to get leaves out of the yard. Yes, we have lots of leaves - stuck in all the bushes and in places that should theoretically have flowers this summer. So we started cleaning all that out. Something we did neither last year nor was probably done for a few years prior. I am determined that we will put in flowers this year, so I need to work on teh yard as much as possible. Of course, babyboy wanted to be held by mommy and wasn't just content to sit and watch. Well, it was a delicate balance to accomplish anything.
Then time for fun to go to my mom's for my baby sisters birthday. She's 13. A real live teenager now. I can't believe it!!
Then home. And that's when the fun began. Well, to sum up what I could make a long story - I finished a skirt for someone. I finished it at 3:30 am. ::yawn:: And so I was exhausted. To top it all off, it didn't even fit @@ In my defense, I didn't starte it - I finished it, so it's not my fault ROFL!!! Thankfully I was able to nap this am. Yeah for babyboy for cooperating with me.
Then time for the family gathering this afternoon. Which is always fun and the kids got more candy! LOL!
So, there is my weekend wrap-up. And now time for a busy week! Birthday party tomorrow night, classes tomorrow, classes Tuesday, first t-ball practice on Wednesday, ballet/awana Thursday, baseball pictures and practice Saturday and the gp's home Sunday. Yikes! So if I disappear it's because I went crazy and just exploded! LOL!

Spoiled?

Are you?
(stolen from Cathy at Just Me

If you have more than 40, you’re spoiled :)

Do you have:
(1) your own cell phone -
(2) a television in your bedroom
(3) an iPod
(4) a photo printer
( ) your own phone line
( ) TiVo or a generic digital video recorder
(5) high-speed internet access (i.e., not dialup)
( ) a surround sound system in bedroom
(6) DVD player in bedroom
( ) at least a hundred DVDs
( ) a childfree bathroom
( ) your own in-house office
( ) a pool
( ) a guest house
( ) a game room
( ) a queen-size bed or larger
( ) a stocked bar
(7) a working dishwasher
(8) an icemaker
(9) a working washer and dryer
( ) more than 20 pairs of shoes
( ) at least ten things from a designer store
( ) expensive sunglasses
( ) framed original art (not lithographs or prints)
( ) Egyptian cotton sheets or towels
( ) a multi-speed bike
( ) a gym membership
( ) large exercise equipment at home
( ) your own set of golf clubs
( ) a pool table
( ) a tennis court
( ) local access to a lake, large pond, or the sea
( ) your own pair of skis
( ) enough camping gear for a weekend trip in an isolated area
( ) a boat
( ) a jet ski
( ) a neighborhood committee membership
( ) a beach house or a vacation house/cabin
(10) wealthy family members
(11) two or more family cars - two
( ) a walk-in closet or pantry
(12) a yard
(13) a hammock
( ) a personal trainer
(14) good credit
( ) expensive jewelry
( ) a designer bag that required being on a waiting list to get
( ) at least $100 cash in your possession right now
(15) more than two credit cards bearing your name (not counting gas cards or debit cards)- we have 3!
( ) a stock portfolio
( ) a passport
( ) a horse
( ) a trust fund (either for you or created by you)
( ) private medical insurance
(16) a college degree, and no outstanding student loans

Do you:
( ) shop for non-needed items for yourself (like clothes, jewelry, electronics) at least once a week
( ) do your regular grocery shopping at high-end or specialty stores
( ) pay someone else to clean your house, do dishes, or launder your clothes (not counting dry-cleaning)
(17) go on weekend mini-vacations
( ) send dinners back with every flaw
( ) wear perfume or cologne (not body spray)
( ) regularly get your hair styled or nails done in a salon
( ) have a job but don’t need the money OR
( ) stay at home with little financial sacrifice
( ) pay someone else to cook your meals
( ) pay someone else to watch your children or walk your dogs
( ) regularly pay someone else to drive you taxis
( ) expect a gift after you fight with your partner

Are you:
( ) an only child
( ) married/partnered to a wealthy person
( ) baffled/surprised when you don’t get your way

Have you:
(18) been on a cruise
() traveled out of the country
( ) met a celebrity
(19) been to the Caribbean (on the previously mentioned cruise!)
( ) been to Europe
( ) been to Hawaii
( ) been to New York
( ) eaten at the space needle in Seattle
( ) been to the Mall of America
( ) been on the Eiffel tower in Paris
( ) been on the Statue of Liberty in New York
( ) moved more than three times because you wanted to
( ) dined with local political figures
(20) been to both the Atlantic coast and the Pacific coast

Did you:
() go to another country for your honeymoon
( ) hire a professional photographer for your wedding or party
( ) take riding or swimming lessons as a child
( ) attend private school
(21) have a Sweet 16 birthday party thrown for you

So, apparently I'm not spoiled. I guess I need to fix this situation! LOL!

Tid bits ...

So Monday I went out and bought 5 shirts for myself. I have not bought that many clothes at one time in a while! LOL!! I did have children with me, so I did not try them on in the store. I need to return 3, but oh well. I will be exchanging them for other things. I need clothes. My tops do not fit. My pants fit fine now - but shirts are another problem. Apparently my body is making tons of milk to feed my babyboy and well, becuase of that, almost every shirt I own now looks about 3 sizes too small in the bust area. I don't particularly care for that kind of look to tell you the truth.
And since we are now officially done having children (well, okay, my dh needs to go and get tested but he had the big v on friday the 7th) I have decided it's time to start buying some clothes. Of course for the moment I merely bought a few shirts on sale at Target, but that's okay. At least I now have 2 new shirts to wear! It's a start ;-)

Aside from that, well, I don't know, life is pretty good overall right now. My bbayboy is pretty gosh darn fussy lately. I feel badly for him. ::sigh:: I don't know. He could be teething, and I'm kind of wondering if maybe we need to persue the issue of checking him for reflux. He just spits up every day, and it's becoming more and more and lately I notice he cries when he is spitting up. :-( So yeah, something else to get checked out on him - poor guy.

The gp's will be home soon. Slowly but surely we are getting the house ready for them and slowly but surely my anxiety is going up. We will be very tightly squeezed in this house. This summer will be interesting to say the least. And I just hope I can get my babyboy feeling better so I don't have to worry about him crying and wanting ot be held all the time. I don't mind doing it (okay, sometimes I mind and sometimes I want a break and a lot of time my back hurts from him!) but I mean, I can hold him all day and get things done when dh gets home and during nap time, etc, etc. I'm afraid that grannie will want to do things during the day instead of waiting until later like I currently do. I think she will want to help out and try to do more than I think she should be doing. I want to be the one taking care of the house and I want to be the one helping her out! My dh says not to fret about it. And he thinks as long as grannie wants to help out and it makes her feel good, I should graciously accept it and not worry! But I will feel so badly about it :-( I'm hoping maybe babyboy will let grannie rock-a-bye him while I do lots of things! And I have to say my 6 and 3 year old are all of sudden wnating to help a lot around the house too! Which is (usually) great for me. but sometimes them wanting to help means more work for me! But I don't tell them that becuase I like thier attitude and want to encourage it! =)

Impromptu Fun!

So about 4:30ish my mom calls to see what we are doing and asks if we want company - we were doing nothing honestly. Kids were playing, dh is recovering, I was just kind of doing odds and ends around the house. So, hey, why not?
They come over, we order YUMMY mexican food. Beyond yummy - I just love it. Umm ... it filled more than one craving while pregnant with babyboy. So my kids show my sisters the SuperMonkeyBall II game and they start to play. And then my mom is watching and we are all watching and then before I know it, we start a new game with my two sisters, my mom, and myself! Everyone else is watching and we are just playing and having a blast and a good old time =) All of us - now keep in mind my sisters are 15 and will be 13 next week! So, generally, hanging out with their mother and older sister aren't exactly the most fun things they can think of to do these days. So the fact that we were all playing, all having fun, and just generally enjoying ourselves is just wonderful. One of them even said "This is the most fun we have all had together!" Seriously, just warmed my heart =)
We also ended up making a cake and eating it too!!
It was just a grand night overall.
And now they are gone. And I'm sad. Before moving here we lived roughly 10 minutes from my parents. Now we are 45 minutes, with traffic. So these kind of impromptu visits don't just happen that often.
I told my dh it did make me wish we lived closer to them so we could have nights like this more often. Well, I guess if we don't end up buying this house, we will probably try to move closer to them. And I guess even with a bit of distance between us, we just need to make sure we do have fun and hang out with each other and try to create more grand memories :)

I flunked!

I flunked my weekly to do list. I'm not sure I actually finished one thing on the list ... I'd have to go back and check it honestly to know ... actually I will do that right now ...
Okay, so I did do some things on the list. Not enough to be satisfied though. And I did actually accomplish a few things not on the list, so that is good. I'd guess I didn't flunk, maybe a D+ would be a good grade though! LOL!
It was a rough week with babyboy though. I don't know what the problem was, but he was on the fussy side and very needy and wanting ot be close to momma, and well, what can I say? I indulged him. He's not even 4 months old yet and I think if there is a time in life to be indulged it's when your little and when you are obviously not feeling like yourself.
However, that means this week I need to get butt in gear with things around the house. The gp's arrival has been pushed back a week though (yeah!) so I do have next week to get ready too.
So, here, ready for next week is my list:

• Work on garage


• Clean woodwork


• Send letter to get copies of kids med records


• Organize dining room


• Organize areas in basement


• Start on two bags I want to make


• Figure out what classes kids will take this summer


• School for 3 days


• Eye doctor appointment for me


• Finish skirt!

That should be more than enough to keep us occupied this week - given we are out of the house most of Monday, half of Tuesday, and all day Friday!

Unwanted opinions @@

Yes, I needed to give a big eye roll yesterday.
We were at my 6 year olds ballet class. One mom knows we homeschool, the other didn't. Mom A (who didn't know that) was complaining about her first graders homework - how she like 1.5 -2 hours of homework a night and how they just don't have enough time to do anything fun anymore and blah blah blah.
Mom B, who has a dd in kindergarten (which my 6 year old would be in as well) said that it all sounded overwhelming and looked at me and said you must enjoy your schedule a lot now huh? So I said yes and I was glad we didn't have a schedule like that. Mom A looked at me funny and I said well we homeschool, so we just fit in schooling when we can during the day and it's nice.
Then she proceeded to tell me how the curriculum in our district was very intensive and it would be hard to get that at home.
Okay, seriously I just wanted to scream. First of all, this district's curriculum matches that of the surrounding districts, so it's not like we are living in a special district that has standards ten times higher than other districts. Secondly, I am very aware of what the district is doing because my cousin in in kindergarten here and I peek through waht he is doing just to see how it compares. Thirdly, if I wanted my dd to do exactly what they were doing in this district, I wouldn't keep her home so frankly, I'm not even that concerned about how we compare to the district kids. And lastly, we are doing just fine thank you very much for your concern.
I just hate the attitude that we must not be teaching our children as well as the district can, or people assume if they are home they must do much easier work.
Ah, but lest you think this only applies to non-homeschooling families, sadly it doens't. I have also been told by other homeschoolers how they are doing very in-depth, intense programs and the little workbooks my kids use don't compare @@ Yeah, the "little workbooks" my kids use, well, some of them are the same thing school districts buy and use in their classrooms, so I doubt they are all that much different.
Ugh.
I am very confident in our decision to homeschool. I am very confident in the materials we use. I think what we use is pretty much the same as what everyone else uses, just with a different cover, and in 30 years, my kid will probably be in roughly the same point in life that those using "more intense" programs will be in honestly.
Sometimes I just need to vent so that next time someone has to question what we are doing or imply I am somehow not giving my kids as good of an education as their kids are getting, I don't explode and tell them to bite me!
And yes, I know, a few years ago, I would have been the person with their mouth flapping open talking about how their child wasn't going to be as good as mine. But see, I've grown and learned and changed and matured some since then I guess. But I'm still pretty darn opinionated and stuburn and more immature than mature.
I do know for my kids, staying home is the best thing for them so far. If that changes, I'll change what I'm doing. I also know the curriculum we are using is not any worse (but not any better) than what the school 4 blocks from here uses or what Jane Smith homeschooler in Florida is using. But I will say this, it's not so much the curriculum you use, but rather how you use it and how well your child responds to it. Curriculum Y may work great for Jonny but flop for Betty. And that has nothing to do with the curriculum per se, but rather how well you can match your childs needs to what you are using.
Anyway, I guess I just needed to babble on about this for a few minutes to feel better about it. And like I said, my kids are doing great! =)

Yeah!

Well at least one member of my family has accomplished something! My daughter finished yesterday 100 Easy Lessons.

Woo-hoo!
She is so proud of herself, and I am proud of her too. Granted, we hit lesson 80 in about Novemberish ... but it taking so long is my fault, not hers. Let's just say it's taking a while to get into a groove since after adding babyboy! LOL
Anyway, I think we are back into a rhythm, back into the groove, and we are going along. Of course she is still smart as a whip - I wish I were half as smart as her! LOL! But, really she is amazing and I'm so proud of her =)

Week half over?

Man, the week is half over! Where in the world did it go? I just can't believe it's Wednesday already. Nuts ... and I haven't really accomplished a lot this week already. Althouhg we were out most of the day Monday nad yesterday I had a baby that was just not happy and needy and well, the only thing I did actually accomplish yesterday was running away from home after dinner! LOL!
And yes, I did - I went to the local B&N for a Stitch n Bitch gathering, except I was th only one who showed up! Oh well.
I knitted for a bit, then decided to browse around. Walked out with one math book for my girls, one knitting magazine for myself, and a how to draw book for my girls.
Fun!
Today was better ... we were outside for several hours. Babyboy was mesmerized by so many things ... her sister riding her trike, the kids on a swingset, trees, grass, dirt ... it was a whole big world out there and he just loved it!

And now for a stupid thought for the day ... the models on Deal or No Deal? Do you think they ever get annoyed at all the talking between picking cases? Maybe they are thinking, shut your trap and pick my case so I can sit down now. Well, I would be! I can't imagine trying to stand in one spot like that through all that banter. Eh, I know, what a weird thing to think! LOL!

Weekly To-Do List ...

Although this may be rather boring to read to anyone else but myself, it really does help me get things done, so for the whole, I don't 5 people who actually visit here, sorry!

• Organize dining room


• Pack up to small clothes for babyboy


• 4 days of school


• 3 Easter/Spring crafts with kids


• My table in basement organized


• Sewing area (area is used very loosely here LOL!) organized


• Set garage sale date


• Start working on garage clean-out


• Clean woodwork around house (i.e. doors, paneling)


• Library trip


• scan in knitting patterns


• general cleaning (dust, vaccuum, kitchen floors)

Being Punished?

I think my son is punishing me! He is very cranky for the last day and eating ALL the time. But he latches on, starts to eat, starts to cry and gets mad. :-(
I don't know if he is wanting the bottle again since he had so many with dh this weekend or if we are hitting a growth spurt here. It could really be either based on what he is doing. I don't know, but I feel like all he's done today is eat, cry and had a catnap or two. I hate days like this because really, almost anything I do is wrong and I hate feeling like I can't make him happy! But hopefully this too shall pass and tomorrow will be back to things as normal!!

On the other hand, my dd's are in love with dh and I. We can almost do no wrong right now. You see, we put a bunk bed in their room while they were with my mom last week. So Sunday they came home to bunk beds and 2 new dressers (well, new for us anyway!). And they are just in love with them. And my dd has been rearranging things (pictures, piggy banks, etc) on the shelves and just loving it. The six year old just loves being on the top bunk and now goes up there to hang out and listen to her music. I love being so great in their eyes right now LOL!!!

The countdown is on ....

to when the grandparents come home. They will not leave prior to next Sunday but they will be home before Easter.
Which means we have anywhere from 8-13 days until they are home.
Yikes! Time to get the house in order for them. I think I need another start another to-do list .... it was helpful on Friday that's for sure! LOL!
Although, I've really been getting a hang of this whole being domestic thing ... yeah, yeah, I've only been a mom for 6 years and married for 7 ... but I'm just now getting the hang of it and falling into a groove of taking care of house, home, family, etc. But, I have been cutting out other things lately - one of those cut backs being the internet. I'm not so active on message boards and playing on-line games. It's kind of strange, I miss some of the mb's I used to post on a lot. But at the same time, I was spending too much time on-line and that needed to change. Someday I'll figure out the balance and be able to juggle it all. But for now I have to focus more on the family and the house.
And for the next 8-13 days I will be scrambling around to get the house back in order!

Survived!

Well, we all survived the weekend.
I had a good time out with my girls. My husband had a great time with babyboy - apparently babyboy is a very patient, sleepy child with his daddy. Of course! Of course he had a good night for daddy. Although my dh did say it was hard to accomplish much because babyboy does indeed need to be held often when awake.
But, back to my time away: arrived at the hotel around lunchtime. Went swimming with the kids. Then to the room around 4ish to rest - and both kids actually wanted a break. Then we went to see a movie. This was not a part of the original plan. I really didn't want to go, but there were 13 people total, so we went and saw Ice Age II. Great movie - but not for a 3 and 6 year old. I am so mad. I didn't know the movie was PG, I assumed it was G and didn't check since a movie wasn't part of the original game plan. I know, I'm probably an up-tight mom, but I disliked the language in the movie and 3 year old was very upset/scared with some parts. Ugh. I wish my girls and I had stayed at the hotel and played in the pool. We had a lot of fun in the pool earlier.
Then after the movie time for dinner. We had fun, but we were there for a long time! Then back to the hotel. Tried to swim again ... the pool my 3 year old could be in without someone having to hold her to keep her from going under water was closed. So she didn't really want in. My 6 year old played with the other kids and 3 year old and I cuddled and I painted her nails! Then 6 year old came out (yes, this was like 11:30 pm at night! Yikes!) And we painted her nails, and they fell asleep watching a movie.
I stayed up with the otehr adults until about 1:30, that would be the time prior to the time change! Spent some time pumping and off to bed.
Okay, my 3 year old talks and moans and laughs and grunts and does all sorts of noises in her sleep. Holy cow - she woke me up twice! Well, needless to say, sleep was not an easy thing to find. And then the time change ... forgot it was coming! Oh vey!
Anyway, woke up, dressed, check-out and off to breakfast. And then at noon it was on the road back to home.
It was fun. I'm glad we did it. I wish I could go back and tweak it a bit, but you know, like I said I had a good time. My girls had a lot of fun too. And really, wasn't that the point of this mini-trip? Yep. So all's good!

Friday:

To Do List

• Sleep in late


• Pick up spilled sewing basket


• Vaccuum


• Sweep/mop


• Dust front room


• Reorganize dining room


• Pump two times


• Pack for overnight tomorrow


• Cut out pattern for needle bag


• Learn to make border on cardigan


• Begin baby cardi


• Read


• Relax


• Laundry


• Clean out girls room


• Stay sane

Update:
Despite not finishing everything I wanted to do, I did get farther today than I had anticipated I would! Of those I did not accompish: the reorganizing I did get about halfway through. Babyboy was not content hanging out in that area of the house though. And I needed to get that room organized to get the dusting done.
The pattern for the bag is 75% cut out.
The reading and knitting were purely for fun, and well, no time for that today! LOL!
I did manage to do a lot though, and for that I am happy. Woo-hoo!! And I am hoping to start knitting up that baby cardigan for a little bit here tonight before heading to bed.

And tomorrow morning, I will be going away until Sunday. I'm so sad about leaving my babyboy :-( I just don't know if I can survive with. Ugh. I'm just so sad, but I also know my girls and I will have fun too.

So until Sunday .. bye!

Random Updates

So just some random updates.

So we went and saw the asthma/allergy doctor today.
Doc is putting us back on pulimocort and will babyboy on it until at least the end of May. He did check babyboy for some food allergies. It all came back negative though so we don't have to worry about that right now. He does think babyboy has reflux and he said there is a slight chance that reflux can cause wheezing. He said we'll keep an eye on it for now. The doc also said he feels that babyboy will probably outgrow it but obviously, that's really just an educated guess.
I left feeling better about where to go from here for my little one and I am glad we went.

Now the bad part of our visit, is this particular group of doctors has several offices. We showed up at the wrong one :X Oops. So we had to drive to the other office, which made us 40 minutes late. But they were very kind about it all and still had atime to see us (thankfully).

My girls are at my moms - left yesterday around 7ish. My plan for tomorrow is to sleep as long as babyboy will let me (which hopefully will be sometime between 9 and noon). Woo-hoo. Then I will clean as much as I can - we had last night for dinner: 7 adults, 2 teens, 4 middle kids (between 5 and 9), 3 toddlers and 1 babyboy. We did basic clean-up last night and I was out most of today, so I need to vacuum/sweep/mop/etc. And the kids, bless their little hearts, knocked over my sewing basket. So my dining room has pins all over the place and I need to clean all that up. I'm not looking forward to it.

Since Tuesday night I have pumped 24 ounces of milk. There is 28 in the freezer which right now puts us at 52 ounces. That should tide babyboy over while I am away on Saturday and part of Sunday, and I will add some more tomorrow adn maybe pump one time before leaving Saturday too. So no worries there. And of course I will have to pump when I am away (that or my boobs might just explode) so when I come home we will have milk to put in the freezer so hopefully we won't be at zero stashed away come Sunday night.

We were given bunk beds from relatives - they are a nice, sturdy set, came with a few dressers and best of all, were free! So dh put the bunk beds up tonight. We need to figure out the dresser arrangements. I think they gave us two? And then we have one in there. Right now my 3 year old has all her clothes on shelves int he closet - the ones above the hanging rack so she can't reach them. If we can get two more dressers in their room, her clothes can go in one and we can put babyboy's in the other. The bunk beds are standard twin size - and will replace my 6 year old's full size bed and my 3 year old toddler bed, so we have freed up a lot of floor space in their room. For fun we bought them Dora sheets and Tinkerbell sheets. So when they come home Sunday they will be happy to see that! If we do buy this house, I have other plans to further rearrange their room, but it requires taking out built-in desk/shelves so we can't do that just yet.

Speaking of the house, the gp's will be coming home at the end of April ... so we need to start "ready"ing the house for their arrival. Should be okay - last year we struggled to do it because on April 1 I discovered I was pregnant and not long after began puking all the time. Which of course ... just think, one year ago today I did NOT know I was pregnant. I knew we had a year of change heading our way, but didn't know quite how much change there would be. I discovered I was pregnant on April 1, but did't really even think that I was until that morning. Kind of wild! But I couldn't be more thrilled with my little arrival and we are all just in love with him. I'm so glad that he is here now ;-)

For fun ...

Pure Nerd 78 % Nerd, 21% Geek, 43% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 89% on nerdiness You scored higher than 19% on geekosity You scored higher than 77% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Moo!

I joke and moo at myself when I have to pull out my handy dandy breastpump. Hooking myself up to a machine to squeeze out some milk in order to leave baby alone for a while, but still providing breastmilk for him is a bit comical to me, but also something I am grateful that I can do.
And in Milk Me by Emily Bazelon, she states a breastpump is like a Blackberry for nursing moms. It gives mom some freedom, but still allows child to have nature's perfect baby food. I agree. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, but sometimes it's nice to go out without them - either by myself or with my husband. And it's nice to not have to watch the clock ... as in okay, I have 20 minutes left before darling baby will probably want to nurse again so I better hurry up and get home.
As a matter of fact I am leaving darling babyboy for about 36 hours this weekend to take my darling daughters away for some fun with mom. I partly feel sad about this - I mean, he's only 3 months old. I've never left a baby overnight that young before. But on the other hand, my daughters will get some mom time without me having to stop to nurse or change diapers or juggle a baby in one arm while trying to help them with the other. And my dh will be staying home with babyboy so it will give them lots and lots of bonding time. So the girls will go away to play and the boys will stay home to hang out.
And all this is possible becuase of my handy dandy breastpump. And the price of the pump (300 which I bought when my second one was born) is worth the bonding and fun I will have with my girls and yes, I admit it, although I'll cry on the drive to leave my husband and babyboy, Saturday night when I don't have to wake up 3-4 times to nurse the baby, well, I will be smiling inside!
So hook me up! Call me Bessie! Shout moo! But I have to admit, despite being hooked up to a machine isn't exactly glamorous, this momma at least is thankful for the option.

::sigh::

Today just needed one big sigh. I sighed more today than any day recently.
First of all, my child had an awful night.
A terrible terrible cough. And not only did this child cough, after he finished coughing, he wouldn't breath. Okay, so the lapse probably lasted a few seconds in reality, but when you are the mother and the child is your child, a few seconds feels like a lifetime. One time I actually reached over to his bassinette and poked him. Of course the big gasp for air came. As I sat in bed trying to not have a heart attack. ::sigh::
Tonight I started to work on a skirt I want to make for myself. And when I bought the pattern I planned on making it one size bigger than I normally would. I mean, afterall, I just had a baby 3 months ago, so a little extra room is in order. Just on a whim I decided to measure my waist/hip to be sure. One size bigger is not going to work. 2 sizes bigger is not going to work, 3 sizes bigger is not going to work. Oh no ... 4 freaking sizes bigger than where I was a year ago. ::sigh::
In an amazing stroke of luck, all three of our children fell asleep at the same time tonight. That has never happened before. In order to celebrate (and dh was trying to make me feel better about being a few sizes to big) we attempted to have sex. Nope. Babyboy decided he didn't want to be asleep afterall. Not that our sex life is generally exciting, but that makes us 0/2 on the last two attempts. Our efforts being thwarted by the children. ::sigh::
A day full of lots of sighs.
On the upside, my friend came over to visit today. That was nice and of course we just talk talk talk ;-) And I have a sitter tomorrow. I get to go to a yarn store alone. And my 2 dd's will go to my mom's from Wednesday afternoon to Friday morning. (Granted it's becuase we meet with the specialist for babyboy Thursday and they said plan on a 3 hour appointment).
Yeah, I think this will turn out to be a good week afterall. And hopefully, Thursday's appointment with the specialist will help us out with dealing with babyboy's problems. I can't take many more of these no breathing spells LOL!

If only ...

I get stuck in this "if only" thinking. Like right now I am thinking, I would be in a VERY good mood each day if only I could sleep at night, if only I could get rid of these awful headaches, if only I could find a way to make some money ....
and the if only's go on and on.
Someday I will learn that instead of thinking about the if only's I should just think about the here and now.
And I am trying so hard to do that. I am, I mean it.
When I feel rested and when my head is not ready to explode on me I am actually quite pleasant to be around. I actually feel happier with life in general than I have been in a while. Like I have accepted somethings and stopped freaking out so much over every little itty bitty thing. And wow, this is the way life should be all the time.
But then wham. I get hit with these headaches that seriously make me want to cut my head off. Sometimes tylenol helps, sometimes it doesn't. I had my eyes checked, I visited my doctor. I don't know - maybe the headaches are tied to the lack of sleep that I've been feeling. Maybe it is stress. Things are stressful, despite me coming to terms with a lot of it, it is stressful. I just want the headaches to stop.
And I want to get sleep! Babyboy is a great baby, except for the fact that he has no sleep pattern and generally is up until 1,2 maybe 3 am in the morning. I admit, often times I like just being able to cuddle with him and just chill out with him ... he is becoming quite the talker these days. And he loves to have his toes tickled, and we play and we talk and we cuddle. But then the fatigue catches up to me and well, it's not quite as cute as is would be if I could sleep! LOL!! Not to mention, well, my daughters like me to be awake during the day. He can't stay awake all his life. Someday I'll sleep ...
If only that were tonight! LOL!!

Bummer ...

I'm home. I've been home all night. That means I didn't get to go visit the new baby :-(
Baby's mom called and said they had a long day and really wasn't in the mood for company. Well, I've btdt so I said we could meet another day when she was feeling better. I do hope all is well though and maybe baby just didn't let htem sleep much over the last few days.

On another sad note, my child is off the meds now. Has been for 24 hours now and already congestion is back and we are noticing the breathing is starting to get that labored feeling to it. :-( This stinks. So tomorrow I will be calling the ped and I'm guessing she will say to put him back on the meds. I feel bad for him. Poor kid just can't catch a break it feels like. On the good side, he's still (mostly) his happy go lucky self, although we noticed here tonight he won't let us set him down again. He wants to be held and cuddled and loved. So probably it's a good thing that I ended up staying home. Well we see the specialist in exactly one week from now so that's good. I just want to make him better and make all these issues go away.

Just another manic ...

Thursday.
It's a crazy Thursday around here.
It's one in the afternoon. Since the start of the day today (meaning midnight), I have: attempted to put babyboy to bed 3 times (finally got it right at 1:30 am), attempted to have sex with my husband (I say attempted becuase apparently at 2 am my 6 year old decided to go potty and heard us talking so she opened the door - thankfully saw nothing, but did a GREAT job of killing the mood), nursed babyboy 5 times, gotten dressed three times, been pooped on once and I don't mean a little bit, apparently it all flew out of the diaper and onto me and the couch, completed one load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen twice, boxed up clothes that babyboy has grown out of, unpacked a box of clothes an angel sent me.
Ugh. I'm tired already. Although that probably has more to do with the fact that I didn't get much sleep last night as opposed to what I have actually done so far today.
But the rest of the day will be hectic as well. And part of me jsut wants to curl up in my bed and pray that babyboy takes a huge nap and that the other kids play nice.
Oh well! Welcome to the real world!!
But tonight I get to go visit the newest member of my family - my cousin's little boy who is just shy of 2 weeks old. So that will be fun nad I can't wait!!

Yippy Skippy!

Today I got contacts. I know, I know, just contacts you are probably thinking. Lots of people have them, they are available pretty much anywhere.
But you see I have had glasses for I want to say 7 or 8 years now. I never have worn contacts before.
One time I tried out contacts. It was at a Lenscrafters. Let me tell you, don't use lenscrafters for anything other than buying glasses.
They had the secretary help me with the contacts. Her qualifications: she wore contacts. I tried them on. I could hardly see. The world was a blurry whirl of colors. The woman helping me couldn't figure out why. She swore up and down she had the contacts that matched my prescription. Well, probably she didn't. But I had already been there for 3 hours, I was frustrated and I said forget it, paid and left and vowed to NEVER use lenscrafters for anything other than getting glasses again honestly. (and yes, I get that htey are independently owned I probably visited the one sucky location and the rest are not like that, but you know what, oh well!)
Anyway, today when getting my eyes checked I decided to try it again. And someone who knew what they were doing helped me out. And I got one contact in - and I could see! And I got the second one in - and I could still see!!! Yippee!!! I'm so excited.
And so now, over the course of the next few days I will start to wear my contacts and hopefully get used to them and fall in love with them!
But my poor babyboy ... he wil have nothing to grab off of my face anymore!

My new blogging friend ...

is Bloglines
I like it because I can add the blogs I like to read to my feeds. When those blogs are updated, then it lets me know. That means I don't have to check the blog daily for updates. When it gets updated - whether it be hourly or monthly, I can see it in my blogline feeds.
Anyway, I recommend it to anyone who likes to visit several blogs often.
The other nice thing is blog clippings. Now I read a lot of knitting blogs and get ideas of future projects from other bloggers. Well it gives you the option to save one blog entry - which I am using to save, all those great knitting ideas!
So, ther you go, there's my plug for Bloglines

Babyboy Update ...

Ped said he sounds all clear today! YEAH!!!
We'll keep him on meds for 3 more days, then stop them and see what happens.
She thinks the sleeping is just a fluke OR he wasn't sleeping before becuase the illness was interferring with it - He slept like 8 hours last night? And it's noon right now ... from 6:00 to now, he has only been awake for about 45 minutes. Usually he's only been asleep for about 45 minutes.
We were also advised to keep him out of public places and crowds for an indefinite amount of time. It won't be that hard to do, but yet, it will be. My 6 year old takes classes on Monday. I'm supposed to stay with her, but that is definitely one place we should avoid with him at all costs - we are in a gym with anywhere from 30-100 people in it (most being other children who are running around and want to see the baby and all that jazz). That will be hard. Tonight I will have to be making phone calls to see if one of the other parents can be her responsible adult if I just drop her off and then pick her up. I have a few people in mind, but they aren't there for all 3 of her classes, only 2 of them, so I we may have to pull her out of one class. We'll see - I don't want to do that to her, but at the same time, one child's medical issues have to trump one child's fun things, kwim?
But I am thrilled to hear he's all clear. And for now I will enjoy all his sleeping - until he starts sleeping through meals and not peeing enough which I'm praying doesn't happen - and yes, I will attempt to keep him in a plastic bubble for a little while. If it means he won't be sick again and on a bunch of medicines and that he's healthy and happy, I'm doing it!

My poor baby ...

He's still pretty ill. :-( He's been sleeping a ton over the last few days too. however, he is doing this be awake for a while, eat, and then sleep for a little while, etc, etc, etc ....
His cough is picking up too. And now he does this lovely choking thing which scares the crud out of me. I think I might have a heart attack from this darling child of mine. And of course, all i want is for him to be better and healthy.
Crud .. he just choked again. Hold on while I remind my heart to beat and my diaphram to work ....
Okay, so, I feel badly for this little guy. :-(

On a more positive note, we went out to celebrate my dh's birthday last night. He turns the big 30 on Thursday. So last night we headed on over to a place called Medieval Times. I actually parted from my child and left him with a babysitter. The place was great - but not for infants. We all had a lot of fun and enjoyed ourselves. My dh liked the GameCube I bought for him (yeah) and well, he got another VERY nice gift from someone else and that's all I'll say about that (think $$$$$ which we were surprised, shocked and totally not expecting).

Okay, well babyboy is starting to fuss so I need to go get him now ...

Ugh.

So we went to the doctor today.
Today was the day we were supposed to take babyboy in and he would sound clear and the doctor would tell us to stop the medicine and bring him back next week to see how he was sounding.
Except he wasn't clear today. He also developed a runny nose and an awful cough. And he's still retracting. He's not wheezing thankfully, but you know what, we have to continue to treat him. He's still breathing fast and hard and his heart rate is still high.
So our peditrician looked at me and said that there is something going on with my little guy, but she doesn't know what it is. And she is sending us to a specialist because she doesn't like what is happening. And she wants in to see the specialist sooner rather than later that SHE is calling to make his appointment. Because she doesn't want us to have to wait to get in to see him. It's an allergy/asthma specialist. On one hand I feel like, that is great - she's not going to just try stuff to make it look like she is saving the day, she is being honest, upfront, isn't going to let this go on without doing something and sending us to someone who should be able to help us. On the other hand, I'm freaking out on the inside! What is going on that she can't tell us what it is and why can't we fix it right now and why do we have to go see a specialist? And what if they find something really wrong with my baby? Why is he retracting? Why is he breathing so hard? Why is heart rate up? Why is all of this happening? I just want to sit and cry and I want to give my baby a kiss and make it all better. :-(

I also want to say I paid 90 for a physical for the doctor to tell me the only thing wrong with me is lack of sleep. Which I knew, but at the same time, I wanted to be sure.
Oh, and just to top it off, they were letting the girls do the eye exam. Great? Right. Wrong. My 3 year old apparently couldn't see past the 3rd line (normal vision is the 6th or 7th line) so the nurse suggested we get that checked out. Oh sure. Let me add it to my list. I guess better to find out sooner rather than later. But dude, I feel so overwhelmed right now.
Well I have an appointment myself Wednesday so I guess I'll just call nad see if I can get her looked at at the same time.
::sigh:: I'm ready for bed!

It's a miracle!!!

I think my brain tumor has shrunk in size! ROFL!! I woke up today without a headache! It was a wonderful feeling. Of course, last night I had the best night's sleep in over a week now ... I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. ;-)
I am still feeling a ton of stress. Although, my dh put the carpets back down in the basement (we had the hole patched today so :::crossing fingers::: no more water). Most of my fabric has been washed and the icky smell is gone. I have some cross stitch things I need to wash.
The biggest blow this week, however, is not the water issue. We had planned on buying the house we are in right now (dh's gp's house). We can not afford to buy it on our own. Dh had a plan, we talked about this plan, we talked to the people who would help us with this plan (basically it was to take the bank loan for what they would approve us for and borrow the rest from someone else). Well, the people who we thought were going to be able to help us, are not able to help us. Apparently there is no money for them to help us (that or they just don't want to help us and don't want to tell us that.)
So, basically that means we are leaving this house this summer. And I'm sad. I love this house - I love the location, I love the size, I love the history. I'm so bummed we can't afford it and that we can't stay here. On the other hand, staying here would have severely put a damper on the financial situation. We would have literally had to have watched every single penny. That would have been hard. But I hate to have to move again.
And of course, our plan now is to buy hte most house for the least amount of money and then move up in a few years. Which means not only do I have to move this summer, but I will be probably moving in a few years as well. I so am not looking forward to that at all. But financially, it's a smart move for us and will put us in the best financial situation.
So that will be a bummer.
And I know my 2 girls will hate it. They will just hate it when we tell them and when we have to move. And it will be sad for everyone. The gp's wanted to keep the house in the family and we wanted to buy the house. It seemed like a win-win situation for everyone ... but it was not meant to be.
:::sigh::: But, i guess I get to start looking on-line for prospective houses. That can be fun ... although I always fall in love wit the ones that are twice what we can afford ROFL!!!