I think I have acheived a sort of peace within myself this week.
I'm glad I can finally feel this way, and only hope it isn't just a short lived phase!
I think 1)I got a lot off of my mind lately - amazing how far that alone took me. And 2)babyboy has gained a slight sense of independence these days. Mainly he can sit - and quite well - I'm talking 15-20 minutes at a time. Which means I no longer have him attatched to my hip all day. Maybe about half the day right now, but still, a HUGE improvement from where we were just last week. I also believe he too is enjoying his newfound bit of independence. I plop him down, give him some toys, do something and usually talk to him a lot - but sometimes not even a lot depending on what I am doing. Not only that, but his two big sisters will plop down next to him and play with him too. That is super-duper handy for me. So I do some cleaning, putting away, organizing, laundry this way. But I also get some reading time, knitting time, sewing time, or work on a jigsaw puzzle just to do something I enjoy once in a while.
Someone recently commented that they don't know how I have time to do all those "fun things" like I do. I felt kind of stunned by it at first - like they must have this picture of me sitting all day and doing my fun stuff (only in my dreams!) and then I chuckled a bit and said back "If you knitting as much as you spent in your car driving around - you'd make 10 things to my every one!" And you know, she laughed back with me and said I was probably right. Then it dawned on me, she wasn't saying it to be mean or imply I don't do anything around here. I think she just said it to honeslty see how! And thankfully it's someone I know so I know she is in her car A LOT every day. I actually do not envy that at all! I think she spends more time in her car than out of it (4 kids, baseball, soccer, doctor's appointments, preschool, 2 in el. school, one in high school - yes, she is one busy mom for sure!) so I was able to say something light hearted adn funny and avoid getting all defensive and riled up too mcuh anyway.
I guess that's kind of how I have to start viewing more things around me. And I need to keep this kind of peace I now have inside me. And the bad days will come. But at least I now have hope for the good days and I know they will follow soon. And if not, there can't be more than 14 days until I get to leave the kids and take a break anymore LOL!