from a lot of things right now.
Mostly computer time - but I think it's a good thing for me right now.
I need to take time to unwind and not be so uptight. I need time to just absorb everything around me and learn to deal with some things I wish I could change, but can not at this moment.
BUT, the good news is that in an attempt to speak up, to say this is what I need, well I went to dh. And mostly told him nothing new - that things are not working right now, are not going well that something needs to be changed. Of course, I am ready to move. He is not. So it's an issue. But, as I said, this time I didn't just let it end there. I kept talking. I said well something has to happen. And I had an idea.
I now will have a sitter every 2 weeks for one night - from 3pm to 9pm. From 3-6 I get to do whatever I want, however I want to, wherever I want to. At 6 dh is welcome to join me, or find something to do by himself, or go get the kids and spend time with them if he so choses. The best part is that the kids will be babysat not at home. And here is why - many things I like to do, I would want to do at home - my sewing, scrapbooking, knitting, being on the computer, or just catching up on much needed sleep. Now, even with a sitter, the children would still be right there. So the kids will be away from the house. And I can decide to also be away, or to just stay home.
And yes, I realize some people might look at me and think I'm a spoiled housewife. I stay home and play with the kids all day and now I get to have a babysitter? Well, fine if that's what someone wants to think. I know that's not the case and I have decided that is all that matters. I know what I need to do for me and for my family and frankly, well, people who will judge me based on only knowing 1)I'm a sahm and 2)I get to get away every 2 weeks, well, hey, their opinion doens't really count ;-)
So that in a nutshell is life around here. Things are crazy. I am stressed. I have a lot going on, but I think I can manage to survive it. And next weekend (my first night of being able to get away) I will get a much needed break from it all and hopefully that will go a long way to helping me relax for a bit.