Monday, January 10, 2005

Practice what you Preach ....

This is what people should say to me everytime I give advice out!
It seems I have a knack for giving really good, sound, practical advice. I enjoy giving people advice. I am a bit egotistical and believe that I have a good knack at reading people (well, most people anyway) and that I somehow just know what to say.
Here's the problem: I deal with a lot of the same issues people ask me about. Somehow, I can formulate good advice, that even I would benefit from hearing said to me. Yet, I can't bridge that gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it.
I want to be able to bridge that gap, yet at the same time, it would require change. Change is uncomfortable for me. Change scares me. It makes me heart race, my palms sweat and my stomach do flips. Thinking about change makes me uncomfortable as it, and actually adjusting to change makes me a bit crazy some days.
Making changes is harder in the short term, but I recognize in the long term it would be very beneficial - not just to me, but those around me.
And yet, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to change the things in my life and how to change myself and my thought patterns and the patterns that, although may not be the best, feel comfortable and known to me.
This is definitely something I want to struggle through, something I want to change and overcome ... but there is that word again. Change. Change. Maybe if I typed it out 500 times it would seem less scary? Maybe if I shouted it out for all to hear,it would seem less scary? Maybe I shouldn't think about changing, but instead think about improving myself.
That doesn't work. It still means change. Well change, enjoy the power you have over me now. Becuase you won't keep that power much longer. Your power over me will change soon. Soon, I won't fear change, but hopefully I will be able to make changes in babysteps, and convince myself that it's not so bad afterall. That it makes things better and happier nad more fun. And then change will not have such a hold over me!

No comments: