Tuesday, January 25, 2005

And here we go again ...

My body is tremedously cruel to me.
Right now I would love nothing more in the world than to be pregnant again, anxiously awaiting baby number 3.
Alas I am not.
However, every 3-4 months, my body goes crazy on me and acts like it is pregnant. It is cruel, very, very cruel. My period comes late - anywhere from 2 to 10 days, my breasts get huge - to the point where it is obvious if you just look (not to mention for a few days all of my bras feel like they are really medieval torture devices designed to squish my boobs into nothing), I get suddenly extra tired and well, a whole host of other things happen.
And here I am again, now 3 days late, very sore enlarged boobs, so tired it hurts, and yesterday it was uncomfortable to hold my 2 year old against my stomach area - oh, the pressure I felt.
And yet, as much as I hope this time it might actually be for real - that I might actually be pregnant, that a tiny baby is growing inside me at this very moment, I realize that in a matter of days my period will rear it's ugly head, and with it dashing my hopes of finally getting that baby I so desperately want.
It is indeed an ugly cycle. I wish all those hormones in my body would take a break, stop playing these silly pranks on me. Let me get my period every month, on time, with cramps and bloating and maybe even a zit or two.
But alas, I'm sure in 3 or 4 months I will be back here hoping that this time I might be pregnant, that this time it won't be a cruel joke my body has decided to play on me ... and maybe early next year, I will get that baby I so desperately wish for ....

1 comment:

helena said...

why do you want to have a baby? don't you live in someone else's house? can't wait until you can manage living on your own?