Lately I've been struggling, mostly with myself. And for the life of me, I can't figure out the cause of this struggle or how to tame it.
It really isn't a fun feeling truth be told. I think that's where a lot of my anxiety, worry, and crabbiness is stemming from. And if I could just get to the root of what's going on, I think I could fix a lot of that.
And I can't figure it out. And really, truth be told, there is a part of me that doesn't want to figure it out. I think there is a lot going on that I need to face, but am terrified to face and so I keep shoving and pushing it back down in the hopes that if I stuff it hard enough and long enough it will disappear. Of course, what happens is it causes more and more trouble and more and more problems and it gets me stuck in these foul moods. Or it causes me anxiety - extreme worry that has me fretting over every single little thing.
My husband is trying to help me with this - he offers advice with a sincere heart. But what he says is all wrong and generally leaves me feeling worse than better! And then I feel bad because he truely and really is trying to help. I don't know who else to turn to. I can't really pick up the phone and call someone else and ramble on about this - I'd probably scare people away very quickly. But yet, I feel like what is going on is eating me alive and pretty soon there won't be much of me left. And I don't want that to happen.
::sigh:: I need to figure this all out. I need to find a way to get through this, to face it head on and just deal with it all and move on with life. I just don't know where to start ...