Well, I have to say, tonight I am feeling better about it all.
Today did get a bit better - it's slightly because I made myself get up and stop being full of self-pity. But it's mostly because I talked on the phone to a friend - and not just any friend, but a friend, who bless her heart, has some similar struggles and feelings. A friend who does not try to be perfect because she wants to be real and talk about what's really going on in her life. A friend who vented a bit to me, listened as I vented a bit to her, then vented a bit to me, and listened as I vented. Someone who was not judgemental when I said I was have a few days where I wanted to run as far away from the kids as fast as I possible could, who didn't bat an eye when I told her I was still in my pajamas, despite it being 2 in the afternoon. A friend who understands that even though I complained about my dh, I love him deep down and do appreciate him tremendously. A friend who, had she come to my house, wouldn't have cared that the house was not spotless and there were dishes sitting by the sink.
And bless her heart really because talking with her, did in fact make me feel better. It made me feel less alone and it made me feel grateful that I had her on the phone and able to talk to her about things without fear of judgement. And holy cow, really, thank God for that. I mean, really, does it get any better than to have a friend like that?
And tomorrow we will get together and eat some nice fattening food and talk and laugh and she'll watch as I unpack boxes in my new house and offer to help a million and one times and I'll refuse a million times, since she is pregnant, and then that last time I'll maybe give her towels to fold just to make her stop asking ROFL!!
It also helped that dh came home
(and I have to admit I did wonder if he read my blog today. Not that I would care if he did, but I really didn't think he did so it was interesting to wonder about. And I asked and he said no, but I still kind of wonder a bit .... anyway, back to what I was saying)
and tonight told me lots of really nice things, things that helped me feel better and made me once again think to myself I really do have the greatest husband ever and even if the world did crash down around us and even if things do get tight, and even when I get into my funky moods, as long as he's here as a part of our family, we will get through it and chances are, he'll turn it into some fun game that will make it seem much more pleasant than my mood generally allows me to see things. Which, really, is fabulous. And I should probably focus on thoughts like that more often than on the ones that make me feel a bit depressed and a lot anxious.
Anyway, the point of this rambling is that tonight when I go to sleep, I will be feeling a lot more calm and a lot less anxious than I have for a bit, and it will feel very good. And so I have a great husband and a great friend for helping me reach that place.