Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Yet another ...

one of those days.
Those days you hope to never replicate again. Those days where you hope no one is secretly taping you or else they will discover that you are not nearly as perfect or collected as you try to pretend in public. It's one of those days where you hope you haven't scarred the children too much or haven't caused enough damage to permanently screw up their development from this point forward. Could it have been worse? Oh yes .... basically I just lost my cool, had a short fuse, was talking very sharply to my children and probably siad something not so nice to them (but not so terrible either). It was one of those days where I couldn't wait for my husband to come home because I couldn't wait to retreat to our bedroom and just be alone.
And when he called today at about 5:30 to say he would be very late -- right after we had spent an hour combing the house for a missing library book (one that I distinctly remember putting away but someone else must have pulled it out) and being sort of mean to the kids about how they lost it, right after my 5 year old discovered she was missing her newly lost tooth and was crying becuase now the tooth fairy wouldn't come and telling me I was right when I told her not to touch it today, but she touched it anyway becuase she didn't believe me and now the toothfairy wouldn't come, and I was feeling guilty because instead of telling her that it was okay and we all made mistakes I just said, well hopefully you'll find it before bedtime in a somewhat snotty voice -- I wanted to just scream, very loud, while stomping my feet and telling everyone to LEAVE ME ALONE ... but instead I just cried.
Then I made dinner. Then we found the missing tooth. And when my dh came home, I didn't retreat to my bedroom as I planned. I cleaned! Then I went and hugged my children tightly and gave them kisses as I silently promised to be a better mommy to them tomorrow.
Then I was civil to my dh ... honestly, I feel like there is a storm a'brewing between the two of us ... but I'll save that for another day .... and for the moment remember that tomorrow is another day to start again.

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