Oh dear ...

It's been a rough night here. Dh and I took a trip down my memory lane and talked about some pretty unpleasant things tonight. It wasn't easy. Not that I didn't reveal information he didn't already know, but yet, the conversation was different. We discussed event a before and event b before .... etc, etc, but tonight I put them all together for him in words (and well, tears). It wasn't easy for me to do. He said it wasn't easy for him to listen. The good news through this very rough evening is that dh has a new understanding, a glimpse into the why's of how I operate and how I feel. I think he gets in a way he's never gotten it before. And luckily for me, he's translated that into an even stronger committment to be there for me. And I dearly love him and dearly appreciate that. Becuase sometimes I think most people would be scared and want to run as far away from me as possible.
It's not easy to take these trips back in time with him, with anyone, with just myself even. But I know in the long run, this is worth it. I feel that I have to get through this to be the person that I want to be.