Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Holy Tired ...

I am so tired today it's not funny.
Babyboy did not sleep well last night. I'm actually not sure if he slept at all or not. We were up until very late - around 1. From about 10:30 to 1 he pretty much cried, screamed, whimpered, cried, etc, etc. Then he fell asleep in my arms. Every time I tried to move he would jump and scream.
So I held him for about 90 minutes all the while dozing in and out myself. At that point I nursed him and then managed to get him to sleep in his own bed - but he was up so often.
Today we actually had places to go, people to see and things to do - which is rare for us. So I could not catch a cat nap here or there as time allowed.
And he's been quite fussy all day. If he sees me, and I'm not touching him, then he starts crying. It's been rough with him for the last 24 hours.
So tonight dh says "let me try to put him to bed for you." Oh sure, because he's been so crabby today and dh thinks he just put him in his bed and he'll go to sleep. So I'm rolling my eyes as dh takes him upstairs - ready to go up and get him when I hear those first cries. And you know what? The kid laid down and apparently went to bed for my dh @@ Okay, I'm thrilled he's sleeping. I'm thrilled I'm getting a break from a clingy child. But hello! What does dh have that I don't have? Actually the question I should be asking is what doesn't dh have that I have. I'll tell you - breasts. Dh doesn't have them. So when babyboy looks at me he thinks: food! I must eat! Feed me now mom! Now! NOW! WAAAAHHHH. When he looks at dh he thinks: daddy! Haven't seen you around all day. Let's play.
I love feeding my baby. I love knowing that I can provide his nutrients and his food. I love the time we get together, when he eats and he looks up at me, pauses eating, and smiles, and goes back to eating. I wouldn't give it up unless I absolutely had to. But I will tell you this. I do not enjoy being thought of as a giant boob that must constantly provide milk for him.
But this time will end. He is my last baby. Once he weans, I will be forever missing those moments with him. I just also need a break every now and then. I know that and I can admit that. ::sigh::
I'll get it - I told dh he can choose to take baby Friday night or Saturday night - I don't care which, as long as I get one night of uninterrupted sleep. Which will be glorious and wonderful!

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