Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The EEG.

Yesterday was my dd's EEG.
I have to tell you, I wasn't a bit worried about it. After all, when the doctor told us to get it, it really was just to double check although he didn't think anything would show up on it. I think it was really just to 100% rule out things that he didn't think were a problem anyway.
And then yesterday we got there - to the big children's hospital. And it hit me. My daughter was getting an EEG. I'm not sure I know any other children who have gotten one. This isn't a routine test. Most kids will not be sent for an EEG. Most kids don't need to have their brains checked out like this. And I started to get a bit nervous. I suppose it could be because we were only allowed 4 hours of sleep the night before. So being tired doesn't help the frame of mind.

I have to interject here to say she did fabulous. She stayed up late without a fuss and woke up extremely early without any problems. I was more crabby when the alarm went off than she was! Dh went in for the actual EEG with her - only one of us could go. And he said she followed directions beautifully and did everything she was supposed to do. So she did a good job of it. And I shouldn't be worried, but ...

on the way home, dh and I were talking about it. He told me we could call the doctor in 2 days to get the results. I commented that hopefully we'd get some good ones back and he asked me what I thought good would be. Of course, hearing her brain is working just fine would be good results! Right? Well, then he mentioned that frankly he was hoping they would find something so at last we would know what was going on with her. Then he told me he thinks she is regressing and know that she's at the age where academics come into play he is noticing things that have him quite worried.
Huh? Excuse me? No, he did not just throw all that out there like that. Because let me tell you - through everything we've been through for her, he's the one saying "Well, yeah she's quirky but I don't think it's anything to worry about like you do." As a matter of fact, when we first went to see the neurologist, he didn't think it was even necessary, but did it mostly because I think he thought the neuro would tell me my dd was fine and within norm ranges and that would be the end of it.

But now, now it has all changed. He sees it now too. And he thinks it's getting worse. And he is very concerned about her and everything going on. And on one hand I want to scream "See! I told you so! I told you so! But you didn't believe me and now HA! I was right the whole time!" but the other half of me is saying "No, no, you don't see it. And you are the one who makes me feel better and really gives me hope that I'm being too paranoid and that everything is okay and I need that back because it gives me hope."

And so now I wait. I wait for the results of the EEG. And if they show nothing, then where do we go next? And if they show something, something bigger than what we expected, what do we do? Hopefully by tomorrow night I will have some answers. Except I'm not really sure anymore what answers I am hoping to get.


Jungle Mom said...

Praying for you all!!! Puts my problems in perspective.

Jenny said...

I know how you feel wanting an answer. Praying for your dd's health and for peace for you.

mama2dibs said...

I will be praying for you. Just remember, whatever the EEG shows the doctors...God is in control. He knows what is going on and He is in charge of it. Keep going to Him for the answers...even if it seems like He is being silent.