Monday, June 25, 2007

So many ...

thoughts floating around in this brain of mine, that I don't even know where to begin truth be told. All I do is think about things and "write" blog entries in my head. I think of tons each day. Then I sit at the computer and wham. All of a sudden my mind is blank. Or I change my mind about sharing something I should share, or the kids interrupt and my thoughts leave, or it's so late I'm too tired to think ... stuff like that. And for the life of me, I can't think of anything worthwhile to say. ::sigh::
Anyway, here now, I present to you, random thoughts/updates/etc from my much too tired brain ...

  • dh and I both have a print out to track our spending. We have to know how we are spending to create a budget. So we'll start now and look it all over at the end of July and figure out how to tighten things up and what we can eliminate. We already have a few ideas of ways we can save (ie I will go to the local goodwill for clothes for the kids and only go to other stores should we not find anything there)
  • I have (sadly) a lot of hatred in my heart for one person. She has hurt me, stung me, upset me, caused problems for me far too many times. I have decided that I can not talk to her about this at this time but that I can not also be around her either (because frankly I doubt she will change her behavior until I let her know just how hurtful it is and that's not a step I am willing to take at this point). Lest you think I'm innocent in all of this. I am not. I have done things to hurt her. My biggest contribution is the gossiping I do and also I probably am too sensitive to the things she says now (always assuming her goal is to hurt, criticize or make me look like a complete @$$ as many times as possible. Probably she only does that half the time (okay, really that was a joke!)). For now I will avoid her at all costs, get my half of the issue together and then decide if it's worth it to try and mend things or not ...
  • What made me think about all this was the sermon on Sunday was about conflict and how to fix it. And the whole time the pastor talked, her name was in my head. Like God was saying FIX THIS NOW. And I really felt like the pastor was just talking straight to me and I was supposed to really listen and get something out of it. And I really wanted to. But I'm not ready to confront yet.
  • I have been highly strung lately. The stress is starting to gang up on me. I am also currently in the process of biting off more than I can chew. As soon as all commitments currently in progress are finished, I will have to say no more often. Or say yes but tame down what I do (i.e. if I need to bring cookies somewhere, it's okay to buy store cookies. I do not need to bake them from scratch and then meticulously decorate each and everyone to perfection. That just is not necessary at all!)
  • This week I need to make a bunch of chocolate and whip out a handmade item for a baby shower that is Sunday. This is an example of the over-boardness I was referring to above. I should have bought the chocolate and the gift (although the truth is that making it is much cheaper and given our current budget, I really did do the most financially feasible way)
  • I am supposed to have a scrapbooking night at my house tomorrow. I forgot about it until someone rsvp'd me today that they were coming. Although, really, that is only one rsvp and if it's just her then I'll be fine. She's awesome and won't expect a completely and totally clean house with 52 choices of snacks to have. And probably if even 1-2 more people decide to show up, I'll be fine. I will, however, be in trouble if say 5 more people decide to come. Because I don't have the table space for that many people to scrapbook.
  • My dd has golf tomorrow morning. It starts at time before we usually wake up. Which means little man will be quite crabby for most of the day. We were invited to also go swimming. Which would be nice, except I'll have a crabby little man and he isn't a fan of the water oh so much these days. And I want to go socialize with everyone, I just don't want to chase a screaming, crabby, afraid of the water but wanting to grab the toys that are floating in the pool and so he stands too close to the edge to try to reach them and might almost fall in a few times toddler around the pool. And yes, we have tried it before. And yes both times I left in a huff with a crying toddler and two unhappy girls who didn't want to leave the pool and their friends because of their baby brother.
  • I have one more coke left in the fridge and that is all. I puposefully did not buy anymore. I need to stop drinking it. And when it is the house, I drink too much. Plus, coke is kind of expensive. Almost no stores ever put it on sale anymore. So I need to stop drinking it for money and health reasons. Although, tomorrow, knowing I have company coming over that likes coke, I'll probably pick up another 12 pack and extend my need to stop drinking it for a few days (then I might make dh hide most of those cans so they are on hand but I can't access them). I know, I know. It's so sad. I don't mean to drink it. I just like it. And when it's here it's what I pick. But I've been drinking a lot and I'm in the habit. Once I break the habit, it can be around and I'll be okay. But I think I need to go cold turkey to get there.It's so sad to me that this is how I feel about coke ... although I could think that about things that are much worse and coke is my only vice really. So it's not that bad, and at least I don't drink like 5 cans or anything like that a day. Really, it's just 2 (okay 3 on a bad day) but it would be better if I was drinking 2 or 3 a week instead of a day.
And that concludes this rambling list. I really should skedattle off to bed now.


Hind's Feet said...

You sound like a tired mommy... You also sound like you have some really great thoughts in your head about how to deal with various issues... friends, food, company, etc. Having planned a homemade baby gift, which is still in pieces on my floor due to a broken machine... and having just celebrated the FIRST BIRTHDAY of the intended recipient... I have learned to either purchase gifts or give Lamaze classes as a gift (I am an instructor). Makes life much easier. Hang in there... Blessings, Kim

Smoov said...

On the coke thing....I had to go cold turkey. That was the only way I could kick the habit! Now we never buy soda, well except for the rare Ginger Ale for sick people. Milk, OJ, Water. That's it. I have not had a coke in about 6 months and when I tasted one it was way too sweet for me. You'll get there.