Today has been a better day. It truly and honestly has!
I think I felt a weight lifted off of my shoulders yesterday. I think a lot of things clicked in my head that never clicked before. I've never told my story beginning to end - always short fragmented pieces and it's amazing how just getting it all out, in one sitting, in one telling, made things click in my head that just hadn't clicked before. And as I wrote and the thoughts were coming to me, I wrote them too. I know when I look back over what I wrote it is not at all what I thought I would write. I thought I could get it all out in a few lines, just skim through it, move on and forget I wrote it. But I didn't. And I think it was much better the way it happened (and I think I am saying and a lot tonight! LOL!)
Anyway, it was good. It was quite therapeutic for me. And the best part of all? Just like I thought, it lost some of it's power. I can tell already. Seriously, amazing! Just amazing. I really wasn't sure if it would or not. I thought for sure I'd wake up in a panic attack this morning, sprint to the computer and instantly delete the post and thing what in the world did I do yesterday?!?!?!?! And instead I woke up pretty dang calm.
So anyway, I've said it. That is out of the way. I don't have to dance around it or skirt around or feel like I have this big shameful secret locked up inside me that I'm struggling to keep hidden.
That said, I don't really want to make any of that the focus of this blog. And I will go back to posting really boring, mundane, this is what I did today type posts! And maybe if it's relevant, I might bring it up again. And then again, I might not. Really, I don't know. I do know that it actually felt good when I posted yesterday. And I never saw that feeling coming. Because I can guarantee this, if I thought it would have helped, I would have done it a long time ago!