Thursday, May 10, 2007

And yet ...

another good day!
We went out of the house, we met some friends.
I have to tell all you people - I was about as relaxed as I can remember being in a long time. Me. I actually relaxed. Seriously, for those who know me irl, you will know I very rarely relax! As a matter of fact, with having 2 very active children, several people (who are close enough to get away with saying this to me without me getting mad) have commented that they are probably picking up on my anxious/nervous energy and imitating it the way they know how.
But today, I was relaxed.
And you know what happens when I relaxed. Little problems do not seem so HUGE anymore. When something little happens, it does not feel as if the sun might not rise tomorrow. It does not feel like my life as I know will be completely over. It does not feel like the Earth will spin off it's elliptical path around the sun and fly off into oblivion. It feels like, a small problem that I can deal with without freaking out, yelling, getting completely terrified, and screaming some more.
That is truly amazing. A feeling I've been trying to find for several years. (People, I pay way too much money every two weeks for a therapist to help me do this. And God bless him, because he has tried, I just haven't gotten it before. And I've been avoiding things he encourages me to not avoid. Wait until he hears about all of this. I think he might even be a bit shocked ROFL!)
You know what my 7 year old told me today? She told me that I look very happy and she likes it.
Life is good. It is so good right now. I know that it will not always feel like this. I know that I will feel pain and sadness again and I will get stressed and anxious again. It will happen. Life is not perfect nor am I nor are the people I know. But at least when those feelings hit, I can look back on today and know that I can get through it. That I don't have to live like that forever. And that my friends is probably the best thing I've taken away this week.


Jenny said...

I'm so glad things are going better!

Smoov said...

Great to hear! What was different about today, what do you think that you did differently to be more relaxed? Was it a lot of effort or did it seem easy?