Thursday, April 19, 2007

I'm trying ...

really. I am. But today is just not a good day.
Really. It's not. I really feel like I'm going to snap. I keep eying the door wondering if I run out will any of the children notice right away? Or will I have enough of a head start to make a clean get-a-way? Truly though they would know right away because my son is officially Mr. Crabby Pants today. Nothing is making him happy. He doesn't want to be picked up but he doesn't want me to set him down. And it's like that with everything.
I have many things I need to get done and would like to get done. I can't do anything at all. I won't even tell you how many times I had to walk away and come back just to type all of this.

What really is the most upsetting is that I have I been trying to get out, to get away, to get a break. And the last few times I have tried, my dh has had excuses as to why I couldn't go out. Mostly because he was too tired to take the kids @@ Um, hello? Why the heck does he think I want to get away? I am not supermom. I can not be with the kids 24/7 and still keep my sanity. And now, today, today, it all comes forth, I am ready to burst. The kids are crabby. This is what we call a recipe for disaster.

Soon I will pack the kids up and seek some sanity at a McDonald's Play Place. I will hand two of the children over to someone else and drive home with Mr. Crabby Pants. And then I shall try very hard to not yell at him until dh arrives. I will get through today. Tomorrow will be better. I will try to relax. I will try to not get so frustrated. I will tell myself that childhood flies by very quickly. That the days of toddlerhood are brief and that someday, although it's hard to think now, someday I will actually miss this time. The kids will be grown and I will miss the days I had home with them. Hopefully my memory will be kind and I will look back on these days through rose-colored glasses and with a fondness for times long past ....
For now, I will take it one minute at a time.

3 comments:

Mike said...

Feel better soon, and get that break you wanted.

Mike
http://somethingaboutparenting.typepad.com/

Damselfly said...

Aw, it's tough, and you're right about needing a break. Maybe instead of your husband a relative or friend could take the kids for a while? Blessings and peace....

Laura said...

Oh man. I really hope you get that break! I've been there a lot the past week. There and back and there again. The baby is sick and the toddler is spending every other two minutes crying in full scale screams about who-knows-what. I am ready to run. But then, who would take care of my precious little kiddos?? Other than my husband (who simply cannot handle the stress of the two of them on his own), I know no one here to have watch them for a few minutes, hours, days, weeks (just kidding on those last two) so I know that disaster recipe well.

Last night, I told my toddler I needed a time out and put her in her room during another scream fest....and shut the door. I was sure the neighbors would hear her (and we live on an acre!) and call the cops. Part of me thought someone should because it felt so mean, but I desperately needed she and I to have some space from each other for five minutes where the screaming would at least be dulled by a door, rather than pierce my ears and sanity. I told my dh last night that I didn't even have a last nerve left to have anyone get on. Today was better with the toddler at least and maybe tomorrow will be too. At least there are days like these to offset those other no-good ones.

Sorry to have vented here - just wanted you to know you are sooooo not alone here (at least emotionally/mentally). You could ship your kids off here once I get sane again (should be any second now) so you can get a few hours to retrieve all the pieces of yourself that those days seem to unravel... :)