Thursday, August 09, 2007

Talking to God ...

Okay, so I do pray. Maybe not as often as I should, but yet often enough.
I've never really felt like I have had a conversation with God though. I know some people pray and they say they hear/feel God talking back to them - with a feeling or something happens right away or some meaningful animal walks/flies/something by them. I've never felt that way. (Although one time I prayed about being so exhausted I thought I would die and was just in tears wanting to get some good sleep and I did instantly feel relaxed and calm and was able to sleep - and as much as I loved it and was so thankful, it felt like God did me a favor and was not conversing with me).
So, maybe this will seem weird to some one, but tonight I think I had a conversation with God. I was praying while I was driving but I still had the radio on. And I was sort of babbling along and having a hard time articulating what I was trying to say. So I finally just said well, I can't get the right words but You know my heart so that's okay. And then this song came on and when I listened I thought those lyrics are EXACTLY what I am trying to say and isn't that just a coincidence! And so I started talking again, using the words to the song as a help point. And then I started moving to the point that maybe I was expecting too much from God. Let's face it. Chances of me getting a check tomorrow for about 10,000 dollars is pretty slim (not that I don't think God could do that) but I'm sure dh and I will weather this latest round of having to really control spending and my guess is when it is all said and done, we won't lose our house or lose our ability to feed the family so really, with that set, well, the extras we can live without. Then this commercial for some conference came on and they played a clip of the guy who would be talking and he said something like
I told my neighbor that Jesus did love her. And she said, 'yeah, well if he loves me, then he needs to show me' And I thought he is showing you through the kindness of others and she just hasn't realized it yet
And I thought - YES! That is what I'm thinking. I'm moping around waiting for Jesus to show me he loves me by instantly making my dd better, sending us big fat checks, and making my life happily ever after! And really, is that so realistic! So I am in the process of learning to find His love in the other things in life, through the everyday "miracles" that might not make the news miracles, but are important enough to our lives to be miracles to us.
At this point I thought, wow, that's two coincidences, maybe I should turn up the radio ...
And so then I prayed how I was scared about how to go forward from here and how I felt I was in this huge storm and this out of control tornado and everything was just raining down on me and I was just going to drown and although I could say I know things will be okay in the future, I wasn't sure how to get to that future. And this song came on the radio ...

I got chills ... the chorus:
So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

I mean really. How can I come to this blog and not tell you that God spoke to me today through my radio? I know. It sounds crazy. God spoke to me today through my radio. I swear I am not crazy. But I know, I just know He was talking to me. And I know that I can get through this. And I will get through this. I just have to stand firm, but really I need to stand in Him. (I'll admit though it feels sort of cheesy to type that, but I don't know how else to say it!)
Really though, how amazingly cool is that?

1 comment:

MissKris said...

Oh, sweetheart...I so totally understand what you're saying here and I, for one, KNOW it was God reaching out to you. After 33 years of high points, low points, 'maintaining' points...deep valleys, mountain peaks, and walks along the prairie...well, as trite as it sounds, "This too shall pass." As awful as they are to go thru, we learn so incredibly much from the hard trials we go thru. You may not see it while you're in the midst of the storm, but someday you'll look back and marvel at how God got you thru it. The first two years we were Christians everything that COULD go wrong DID go wrong...and yet now we look back and those were some of the sweetest times ever. Dear Hubby had a kidney removed, he lost a job, we had no medical insurance when our 12-pound son was born and yet the hospital forgave our entire bill because, as horrible as it was then, Jamie got a serious case of staph infection in the operating room when I delivered him by c-section. So...hang in there. Keep conversing with God. Even when you think the walls of Heaven are made of brass, don't let the devil fool you into thinking that because God DOES hear and he DOES care. (((((HUG)))))