I think I might be sick ...

Dh and I went over the budget tonight. I mean we really went over it and dissected it and crunched numbers.
It is not a pretty picture at all. In fact, things look positively awful. Something has to give soon or else.
I am so terribly upset and sad right now I can't believe it.

And I feel pretty damn stupid for not seeing what was coming sooner - as in before we decided to buy a house. Really, someone needs to come in here and ask me what the hell we were thinking when we did this. And why, please tell me why, were we approved for this loan? Actually, we were proved for a much larger loan - really? I can't even imagine right now what we would have done with an even larger loan.

Anyway, all that aside. I'm kind of pretty sure that we might have to in fact sell this house and move. Which leaves me so torn. I know, I know, it's just a house. We can't take it with us. But I love my house and I love my neighborhood, and the kids are so happy here and when we bought the house I was just filled with a feeling that was the house for us.

Ugh. I guess the good news in all of this is we are figuring all of this out before things got really bad (as in lots of debt or losing the house or whatever). The good news is that a house is a house - as long as my family is in it we can make it through. We theoretically could stay in this house. However, to do it without going further into debt each month, we would have to: cancel our cable, cancel the landline, spend nothing on entertainment, hobbies or fun. We'd have to drive my van as little as possible (essentially pretend we only had one vehicle except for very important things), we'd have to become VERY good bargain shoppers and pretty much not save money at all each month. So basically, we'd have this great house but nothing else. Well, frankly, if that is what it takes to stay here, I don't want to stay here. I want to have fun in my life. I want my kids to have fun. I'm not saying I want to vacation in Europe twice a year, but people, I need some money to spend on fun, not needed items.

Of course, as my hubby told me tonight, we can't make any rash decisions. We need to really take a week and make sure we have all the info we need to make any decisions at all. He also said to give him a few days to make a plan. Okay. Unless he has a secret stash somewhere, well, I'm not sure what sort of plan he might come up with! LOL!

Anyway, we are walking a tough path here for a while. I know, I just know it will all work out. I also know that it won't be easy.