If only ...

I get stuck in this "if only" thinking. Like right now I am thinking, I would be in a VERY good mood each day if only I could sleep at night, if only I could get rid of these awful headaches, if only I could find a way to make some money ....
and the if only's go on and on.
Someday I will learn that instead of thinking about the if only's I should just think about the here and now.
And I am trying so hard to do that. I am, I mean it.
When I feel rested and when my head is not ready to explode on me I am actually quite pleasant to be around. I actually feel happier with life in general than I have been in a while. Like I have accepted somethings and stopped freaking out so much over every little itty bitty thing. And wow, this is the way life should be all the time.
But then wham. I get hit with these headaches that seriously make me want to cut my head off. Sometimes tylenol helps, sometimes it doesn't. I had my eyes checked, I visited my doctor. I don't know - maybe the headaches are tied to the lack of sleep that I've been feeling. Maybe it is stress. Things are stressful, despite me coming to terms with a lot of it, it is stressful. I just want the headaches to stop.
And I want to get sleep! Babyboy is a great baby, except for the fact that he has no sleep pattern and generally is up until 1,2 maybe 3 am in the morning. I admit, often times I like just being able to cuddle with him and just chill out with him ... he is becoming quite the talker these days. And he loves to have his toes tickled, and we play and we talk and we cuddle. But then the fatigue catches up to me and well, it's not quite as cute as is would be if I could sleep! LOL!! Not to mention, well, my daughters like me to be awake during the day. He can't stay awake all his life. Someday I'll sleep ...
If only that were tonight! LOL!!