Tuesday, March 07, 2006

3rd time's the charm ...

My third child is by far getting my best parenting ever. I hate to say it - but it's true.
It's not that I didn't try with my first two. On the contrary, with my first I think I tried too hard. I wanted to be perfect. I hemmed and hawed over her every move. I was anxious and nervous. I constantly wondered if I was doing things "right" or "wrong" and if I was being the perfect parent. So much energy went into that, that I don't think I enjoyed her babyhood as much as I could have if I decided to relax and just take it as things came.
With my second, I was in a high stress situation and just felt overwhelmed until she was almost a year old. I had so much going on, I felt like my head would explode most days and, again, I missed out just enjoying her.
This time, I don't have that anxiety or worry about what is normal or not. And I don't have the stress in my life I had with my second. And it's so much more enjoyable this time around for those reasons. I really wish I could rewind time and go back to when my other two were little and find this sense of enjoyment. I feel like they were cheated somehow with their babyhood years.
Like today, my oldest was taking a bath, my middle was in her room dancing and singing, and babyboy and I were just hanging out in our room. Laying on the bed, talking to each other - okay cooing at each other. And I just realized that it was so fun and I loved having that moment with him. And I remember having moments like that with the other two, but I have these moments with him several times a day. I love it. I just absolutely love it. I can't get enough of him or these little moments.
Andnow of course, I'm not sure I want to stop at three kids anymore. Yes, you can imagine how wonderfully excited my dh was to hear that from me. I know he will be my last one, of course unless something happens like an oops moment at the exact right moment that conception could take place, but I doubt that might happen again.
But I love this. I am finally in a place in life where I am able to enjoy life a little more. Things aren't so overwhelming, I'm not so anxious, I'm not getting so caught up in the details and how-to's of life to miss what is actually happening around me. And it's a good place to be.
I'm getting all these moments with my baby that I can't get enough of.
I'm connecting with my 6 year old, despite it being hard to watch her grow up, and I'm loving my 3 year old.
Life is good over here. I'm still tired and pretty worn out, but I'm feeling all of that physically and not emotionally - and that is such a difference for me.


Leslie (Jedi4sweet) said...

: ) Brandie, sounds like stuff is going so well...... that's awesome! : ) And your 6 yo has a crush ... omigosh, I can't get over how CUTE that is!! = ) I'm hoping that your posts about how well your walks are going will inspire me to get sweaty on my treadmill today. Well, I'll think about it anyway. *lol = )

Smoov said...

I think that you will find so many things to relish with all three of them that you won't need to look back and feel bad for the way you parented them as infants. And when they are grown up, they aren't going to remember their infancy anyway! You should give yourself more credit than you do, clearly your children are the focus of all your attention and energy, you are doing a fine job, and much better than thousands and thousands of women I am sure!