My third child is by far getting my best parenting ever. I hate to say it - but it's true.
It's not that I didn't try with my first two. On the contrary, with my first I think I tried too hard. I wanted to be perfect. I hemmed and hawed over her every move. I was anxious and nervous. I constantly wondered if I was doing things "right" or "wrong" and if I was being the perfect parent. So much energy went into that, that I don't think I enjoyed her babyhood as much as I could have if I decided to relax and just take it as things came.
With my second, I was in a high stress situation and just felt overwhelmed until she was almost a year old. I had so much going on, I felt like my head would explode most days and, again, I missed out just enjoying her.
This time, I don't have that anxiety or worry about what is normal or not. And I don't have the stress in my life I had with my second. And it's so much more enjoyable this time around for those reasons. I really wish I could rewind time and go back to when my other two were little and find this sense of enjoyment. I feel like they were cheated somehow with their babyhood years.
Like today, my oldest was taking a bath, my middle was in her room dancing and singing, and babyboy and I were just hanging out in our room. Laying on the bed, talking to each other - okay cooing at each other. And I just realized that it was so fun and I loved having that moment with him. And I remember having moments like that with the other two, but I have these moments with him several times a day. I love it. I just absolutely love it. I can't get enough of him or these little moments.
Andnow of course, I'm not sure I want to stop at three kids anymore. Yes, you can imagine how wonderfully excited my dh was to hear that from me. I know he will be my last one, of course unless something happens like an oops moment at the exact right moment that conception could take place, but I doubt that might happen again.
But I love this. I am finally in a place in life where I am able to enjoy life a little more. Things aren't so overwhelming, I'm not so anxious, I'm not getting so caught up in the details and how-to's of life to miss what is actually happening around me. And it's a good place to be.
I'm getting all these moments with my baby that I can't get enough of.
I'm connecting with my 6 year old, despite it being hard to watch her grow up, and I'm loving my 3 year old.
Life is good over here. I'm still tired and pretty worn out, but I'm feeling all of that physically and not emotionally - and that is such a difference for me.