Friday:

To Do List

• Sleep in late


• Pick up spilled sewing basket


• Vaccuum


• Sweep/mop


• Dust front room


• Reorganize dining room


• Pump two times


• Pack for overnight tomorrow


• Cut out pattern for needle bag


• Learn to make border on cardigan


• Begin baby cardi


• Read


• Relax


• Laundry


• Clean out girls room


• Stay sane

Update:
Despite not finishing everything I wanted to do, I did get farther today than I had anticipated I would! Of those I did not accompish: the reorganizing I did get about halfway through. Babyboy was not content hanging out in that area of the house though. And I needed to get that room organized to get the dusting done.
The pattern for the bag is 75% cut out.
The reading and knitting were purely for fun, and well, no time for that today! LOL!
I did manage to do a lot though, and for that I am happy. Woo-hoo!! And I am hoping to start knitting up that baby cardigan for a little bit here tonight before heading to bed.

And tomorrow morning, I will be going away until Sunday. I'm so sad about leaving my babyboy :-( I just don't know if I can survive with. Ugh. I'm just so sad, but I also know my girls and I will have fun too.

So until Sunday .. bye!

Random Updates

So just some random updates.

So we went and saw the asthma/allergy doctor today.
Doc is putting us back on pulimocort and will babyboy on it until at least the end of May. He did check babyboy for some food allergies. It all came back negative though so we don't have to worry about that right now. He does think babyboy has reflux and he said there is a slight chance that reflux can cause wheezing. He said we'll keep an eye on it for now. The doc also said he feels that babyboy will probably outgrow it but obviously, that's really just an educated guess.
I left feeling better about where to go from here for my little one and I am glad we went.

Now the bad part of our visit, is this particular group of doctors has several offices. We showed up at the wrong one :X Oops. So we had to drive to the other office, which made us 40 minutes late. But they were very kind about it all and still had atime to see us (thankfully).

My girls are at my moms - left yesterday around 7ish. My plan for tomorrow is to sleep as long as babyboy will let me (which hopefully will be sometime between 9 and noon). Woo-hoo. Then I will clean as much as I can - we had last night for dinner: 7 adults, 2 teens, 4 middle kids (between 5 and 9), 3 toddlers and 1 babyboy. We did basic clean-up last night and I was out most of today, so I need to vacuum/sweep/mop/etc. And the kids, bless their little hearts, knocked over my sewing basket. So my dining room has pins all over the place and I need to clean all that up. I'm not looking forward to it.

Since Tuesday night I have pumped 24 ounces of milk. There is 28 in the freezer which right now puts us at 52 ounces. That should tide babyboy over while I am away on Saturday and part of Sunday, and I will add some more tomorrow adn maybe pump one time before leaving Saturday too. So no worries there. And of course I will have to pump when I am away (that or my boobs might just explode) so when I come home we will have milk to put in the freezer so hopefully we won't be at zero stashed away come Sunday night.

We were given bunk beds from relatives - they are a nice, sturdy set, came with a few dressers and best of all, were free! So dh put the bunk beds up tonight. We need to figure out the dresser arrangements. I think they gave us two? And then we have one in there. Right now my 3 year old has all her clothes on shelves int he closet - the ones above the hanging rack so she can't reach them. If we can get two more dressers in their room, her clothes can go in one and we can put babyboy's in the other. The bunk beds are standard twin size - and will replace my 6 year old's full size bed and my 3 year old toddler bed, so we have freed up a lot of floor space in their room. For fun we bought them Dora sheets and Tinkerbell sheets. So when they come home Sunday they will be happy to see that! If we do buy this house, I have other plans to further rearrange their room, but it requires taking out built-in desk/shelves so we can't do that just yet.

Speaking of the house, the gp's will be coming home at the end of April ... so we need to start "ready"ing the house for their arrival. Should be okay - last year we struggled to do it because on April 1 I discovered I was pregnant and not long after began puking all the time. Which of course ... just think, one year ago today I did NOT know I was pregnant. I knew we had a year of change heading our way, but didn't know quite how much change there would be. I discovered I was pregnant on April 1, but did't really even think that I was until that morning. Kind of wild! But I couldn't be more thrilled with my little arrival and we are all just in love with him. I'm so glad that he is here now ;-)

For fun ...

Pure Nerd 78 % Nerd, 21% Geek, 43% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. Congratulations! Also, you might want to check out some of my other tests if you're interested in any of the following: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Professional Wrestling Love & Sexuality America/Politics Thanks Again! -- THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 89% on nerdiness You scored higher than 19% on geekosity You scored higher than 77% on dork points

Link: The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test written by donathos on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Moo!

I joke and moo at myself when I have to pull out my handy dandy breastpump. Hooking myself up to a machine to squeeze out some milk in order to leave baby alone for a while, but still providing breastmilk for him is a bit comical to me, but also something I am grateful that I can do.
And in Milk Me by Emily Bazelon, she states a breastpump is like a Blackberry for nursing moms. It gives mom some freedom, but still allows child to have nature's perfect baby food. I agree. Don't get me wrong, I love my children, but sometimes it's nice to go out without them - either by myself or with my husband. And it's nice to not have to watch the clock ... as in okay, I have 20 minutes left before darling baby will probably want to nurse again so I better hurry up and get home.
As a matter of fact I am leaving darling babyboy for about 36 hours this weekend to take my darling daughters away for some fun with mom. I partly feel sad about this - I mean, he's only 3 months old. I've never left a baby overnight that young before. But on the other hand, my daughters will get some mom time without me having to stop to nurse or change diapers or juggle a baby in one arm while trying to help them with the other. And my dh will be staying home with babyboy so it will give them lots and lots of bonding time. So the girls will go away to play and the boys will stay home to hang out.
And all this is possible becuase of my handy dandy breastpump. And the price of the pump (300 which I bought when my second one was born) is worth the bonding and fun I will have with my girls and yes, I admit it, although I'll cry on the drive to leave my husband and babyboy, Saturday night when I don't have to wake up 3-4 times to nurse the baby, well, I will be smiling inside!
So hook me up! Call me Bessie! Shout moo! But I have to admit, despite being hooked up to a machine isn't exactly glamorous, this momma at least is thankful for the option.

::sigh::

Today just needed one big sigh. I sighed more today than any day recently.
First of all, my child had an awful night.
A terrible terrible cough. And not only did this child cough, after he finished coughing, he wouldn't breath. Okay, so the lapse probably lasted a few seconds in reality, but when you are the mother and the child is your child, a few seconds feels like a lifetime. One time I actually reached over to his bassinette and poked him. Of course the big gasp for air came. As I sat in bed trying to not have a heart attack. ::sigh::
Tonight I started to work on a skirt I want to make for myself. And when I bought the pattern I planned on making it one size bigger than I normally would. I mean, afterall, I just had a baby 3 months ago, so a little extra room is in order. Just on a whim I decided to measure my waist/hip to be sure. One size bigger is not going to work. 2 sizes bigger is not going to work, 3 sizes bigger is not going to work. Oh no ... 4 freaking sizes bigger than where I was a year ago. ::sigh::
In an amazing stroke of luck, all three of our children fell asleep at the same time tonight. That has never happened before. In order to celebrate (and dh was trying to make me feel better about being a few sizes to big) we attempted to have sex. Nope. Babyboy decided he didn't want to be asleep afterall. Not that our sex life is generally exciting, but that makes us 0/2 on the last two attempts. Our efforts being thwarted by the children. ::sigh::
A day full of lots of sighs.
On the upside, my friend came over to visit today. That was nice and of course we just talk talk talk ;-) And I have a sitter tomorrow. I get to go to a yarn store alone. And my 2 dd's will go to my mom's from Wednesday afternoon to Friday morning. (Granted it's becuase we meet with the specialist for babyboy Thursday and they said plan on a 3 hour appointment).
Yeah, I think this will turn out to be a good week afterall. And hopefully, Thursday's appointment with the specialist will help us out with dealing with babyboy's problems. I can't take many more of these no breathing spells LOL!

If only ...

I get stuck in this "if only" thinking. Like right now I am thinking, I would be in a VERY good mood each day if only I could sleep at night, if only I could get rid of these awful headaches, if only I could find a way to make some money ....
and the if only's go on and on.
Someday I will learn that instead of thinking about the if only's I should just think about the here and now.
And I am trying so hard to do that. I am, I mean it.
When I feel rested and when my head is not ready to explode on me I am actually quite pleasant to be around. I actually feel happier with life in general than I have been in a while. Like I have accepted somethings and stopped freaking out so much over every little itty bitty thing. And wow, this is the way life should be all the time.
But then wham. I get hit with these headaches that seriously make me want to cut my head off. Sometimes tylenol helps, sometimes it doesn't. I had my eyes checked, I visited my doctor. I don't know - maybe the headaches are tied to the lack of sleep that I've been feeling. Maybe it is stress. Things are stressful, despite me coming to terms with a lot of it, it is stressful. I just want the headaches to stop.
And I want to get sleep! Babyboy is a great baby, except for the fact that he has no sleep pattern and generally is up until 1,2 maybe 3 am in the morning. I admit, often times I like just being able to cuddle with him and just chill out with him ... he is becoming quite the talker these days. And he loves to have his toes tickled, and we play and we talk and we cuddle. But then the fatigue catches up to me and well, it's not quite as cute as is would be if I could sleep! LOL!! Not to mention, well, my daughters like me to be awake during the day. He can't stay awake all his life. Someday I'll sleep ...
If only that were tonight! LOL!!

Bummer ...

I'm home. I've been home all night. That means I didn't get to go visit the new baby :-(
Baby's mom called and said they had a long day and really wasn't in the mood for company. Well, I've btdt so I said we could meet another day when she was feeling better. I do hope all is well though and maybe baby just didn't let htem sleep much over the last few days.

On another sad note, my child is off the meds now. Has been for 24 hours now and already congestion is back and we are noticing the breathing is starting to get that labored feeling to it. :-( This stinks. So tomorrow I will be calling the ped and I'm guessing she will say to put him back on the meds. I feel bad for him. Poor kid just can't catch a break it feels like. On the good side, he's still (mostly) his happy go lucky self, although we noticed here tonight he won't let us set him down again. He wants to be held and cuddled and loved. So probably it's a good thing that I ended up staying home. Well we see the specialist in exactly one week from now so that's good. I just want to make him better and make all these issues go away.

Just another manic ...

Thursday.
It's a crazy Thursday around here.
It's one in the afternoon. Since the start of the day today (meaning midnight), I have: attempted to put babyboy to bed 3 times (finally got it right at 1:30 am), attempted to have sex with my husband (I say attempted becuase apparently at 2 am my 6 year old decided to go potty and heard us talking so she opened the door - thankfully saw nothing, but did a GREAT job of killing the mood), nursed babyboy 5 times, gotten dressed three times, been pooped on once and I don't mean a little bit, apparently it all flew out of the diaper and onto me and the couch, completed one load of laundry, cleaned the kitchen twice, boxed up clothes that babyboy has grown out of, unpacked a box of clothes an angel sent me.
Ugh. I'm tired already. Although that probably has more to do with the fact that I didn't get much sleep last night as opposed to what I have actually done so far today.
But the rest of the day will be hectic as well. And part of me jsut wants to curl up in my bed and pray that babyboy takes a huge nap and that the other kids play nice.
Oh well! Welcome to the real world!!
But tonight I get to go visit the newest member of my family - my cousin's little boy who is just shy of 2 weeks old. So that will be fun nad I can't wait!!

Yippy Skippy!

Today I got contacts. I know, I know, just contacts you are probably thinking. Lots of people have them, they are available pretty much anywhere.
But you see I have had glasses for I want to say 7 or 8 years now. I never have worn contacts before.
One time I tried out contacts. It was at a Lenscrafters. Let me tell you, don't use lenscrafters for anything other than buying glasses.
They had the secretary help me with the contacts. Her qualifications: she wore contacts. I tried them on. I could hardly see. The world was a blurry whirl of colors. The woman helping me couldn't figure out why. She swore up and down she had the contacts that matched my prescription. Well, probably she didn't. But I had already been there for 3 hours, I was frustrated and I said forget it, paid and left and vowed to NEVER use lenscrafters for anything other than getting glasses again honestly. (and yes, I get that htey are independently owned I probably visited the one sucky location and the rest are not like that, but you know what, oh well!)
Anyway, today when getting my eyes checked I decided to try it again. And someone who knew what they were doing helped me out. And I got one contact in - and I could see! And I got the second one in - and I could still see!!! Yippee!!! I'm so excited.
And so now, over the course of the next few days I will start to wear my contacts and hopefully get used to them and fall in love with them!
But my poor babyboy ... he wil have nothing to grab off of my face anymore!

My new blogging friend ...

is Bloglines
I like it because I can add the blogs I like to read to my feeds. When those blogs are updated, then it lets me know. That means I don't have to check the blog daily for updates. When it gets updated - whether it be hourly or monthly, I can see it in my blogline feeds.
Anyway, I recommend it to anyone who likes to visit several blogs often.
The other nice thing is blog clippings. Now I read a lot of knitting blogs and get ideas of future projects from other bloggers. Well it gives you the option to save one blog entry - which I am using to save, all those great knitting ideas!
So, ther you go, there's my plug for Bloglines

Babyboy Update ...

Ped said he sounds all clear today! YEAH!!!
We'll keep him on meds for 3 more days, then stop them and see what happens.
She thinks the sleeping is just a fluke OR he wasn't sleeping before becuase the illness was interferring with it - He slept like 8 hours last night? And it's noon right now ... from 6:00 to now, he has only been awake for about 45 minutes. Usually he's only been asleep for about 45 minutes.
We were also advised to keep him out of public places and crowds for an indefinite amount of time. It won't be that hard to do, but yet, it will be. My 6 year old takes classes on Monday. I'm supposed to stay with her, but that is definitely one place we should avoid with him at all costs - we are in a gym with anywhere from 30-100 people in it (most being other children who are running around and want to see the baby and all that jazz). That will be hard. Tonight I will have to be making phone calls to see if one of the other parents can be her responsible adult if I just drop her off and then pick her up. I have a few people in mind, but they aren't there for all 3 of her classes, only 2 of them, so I we may have to pull her out of one class. We'll see - I don't want to do that to her, but at the same time, one child's medical issues have to trump one child's fun things, kwim?
But I am thrilled to hear he's all clear. And for now I will enjoy all his sleeping - until he starts sleeping through meals and not peeing enough which I'm praying doesn't happen - and yes, I will attempt to keep him in a plastic bubble for a little while. If it means he won't be sick again and on a bunch of medicines and that he's healthy and happy, I'm doing it!

My poor baby ...

He's still pretty ill. :-( He's been sleeping a ton over the last few days too. however, he is doing this be awake for a while, eat, and then sleep for a little while, etc, etc, etc ....
His cough is picking up too. And now he does this lovely choking thing which scares the crud out of me. I think I might have a heart attack from this darling child of mine. And of course, all i want is for him to be better and healthy.
Crud .. he just choked again. Hold on while I remind my heart to beat and my diaphram to work ....
Okay, so, I feel badly for this little guy. :-(

On a more positive note, we went out to celebrate my dh's birthday last night. He turns the big 30 on Thursday. So last night we headed on over to a place called Medieval Times. I actually parted from my child and left him with a babysitter. The place was great - but not for infants. We all had a lot of fun and enjoyed ourselves. My dh liked the GameCube I bought for him (yeah) and well, he got another VERY nice gift from someone else and that's all I'll say about that (think $$$$$ which we were surprised, shocked and totally not expecting).

Okay, well babyboy is starting to fuss so I need to go get him now ...

Ugh.

So we went to the doctor today.
Today was the day we were supposed to take babyboy in and he would sound clear and the doctor would tell us to stop the medicine and bring him back next week to see how he was sounding.
Except he wasn't clear today. He also developed a runny nose and an awful cough. And he's still retracting. He's not wheezing thankfully, but you know what, we have to continue to treat him. He's still breathing fast and hard and his heart rate is still high.
So our peditrician looked at me and said that there is something going on with my little guy, but she doesn't know what it is. And she is sending us to a specialist because she doesn't like what is happening. And she wants in to see the specialist sooner rather than later that SHE is calling to make his appointment. Because she doesn't want us to have to wait to get in to see him. It's an allergy/asthma specialist. On one hand I feel like, that is great - she's not going to just try stuff to make it look like she is saving the day, she is being honest, upfront, isn't going to let this go on without doing something and sending us to someone who should be able to help us. On the other hand, I'm freaking out on the inside! What is going on that she can't tell us what it is and why can't we fix it right now and why do we have to go see a specialist? And what if they find something really wrong with my baby? Why is he retracting? Why is he breathing so hard? Why is heart rate up? Why is all of this happening? I just want to sit and cry and I want to give my baby a kiss and make it all better. :-(

I also want to say I paid 90 for a physical for the doctor to tell me the only thing wrong with me is lack of sleep. Which I knew, but at the same time, I wanted to be sure.
Oh, and just to top it off, they were letting the girls do the eye exam. Great? Right. Wrong. My 3 year old apparently couldn't see past the 3rd line (normal vision is the 6th or 7th line) so the nurse suggested we get that checked out. Oh sure. Let me add it to my list. I guess better to find out sooner rather than later. But dude, I feel so overwhelmed right now.
Well I have an appointment myself Wednesday so I guess I'll just call nad see if I can get her looked at at the same time.
::sigh:: I'm ready for bed!

It's a miracle!!!

I think my brain tumor has shrunk in size! ROFL!! I woke up today without a headache! It was a wonderful feeling. Of course, last night I had the best night's sleep in over a week now ... I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. ;-)
I am still feeling a ton of stress. Although, my dh put the carpets back down in the basement (we had the hole patched today so :::crossing fingers::: no more water). Most of my fabric has been washed and the icky smell is gone. I have some cross stitch things I need to wash.
The biggest blow this week, however, is not the water issue. We had planned on buying the house we are in right now (dh's gp's house). We can not afford to buy it on our own. Dh had a plan, we talked about this plan, we talked to the people who would help us with this plan (basically it was to take the bank loan for what they would approve us for and borrow the rest from someone else). Well, the people who we thought were going to be able to help us, are not able to help us. Apparently there is no money for them to help us (that or they just don't want to help us and don't want to tell us that.)
So, basically that means we are leaving this house this summer. And I'm sad. I love this house - I love the location, I love the size, I love the history. I'm so bummed we can't afford it and that we can't stay here. On the other hand, staying here would have severely put a damper on the financial situation. We would have literally had to have watched every single penny. That would have been hard. But I hate to have to move again.
And of course, our plan now is to buy hte most house for the least amount of money and then move up in a few years. Which means not only do I have to move this summer, but I will be probably moving in a few years as well. I so am not looking forward to that at all. But financially, it's a smart move for us and will put us in the best financial situation.
So that will be a bummer.
And I know my 2 girls will hate it. They will just hate it when we tell them and when we have to move. And it will be sad for everyone. The gp's wanted to keep the house in the family and we wanted to buy the house. It seemed like a win-win situation for everyone ... but it was not meant to be.
:::sigh::: But, i guess I get to start looking on-line for prospective houses. That can be fun ... although I always fall in love wit the ones that are twice what we can afford ROFL!!!

I think ...

I have a brain tumor. @@ (Yes, I'm rolling my eyes at myself LOL!)
Two, or three days ago now, I just got this killer headache. I still have it. Tylenol isn't really helping and I'm not supposed to do advil with the nursing.
Not only that but I've been feeling naseous - not overwhelming so, just liek that slight naseous feeling. Enough to be annoying, if that makes sense?
I'm sure it's a combo of a bunch of things - the no sleep, I know I need ot get my eyeglass prescription changed, my jaw problems spark headaches for me.
I just don't remember having one that has lasted to long and been unresponsive to meds.
To top it off, my moods have been crazy the last few days. Like, I don't feel like me. I also feel like I'm not me - if that makes sense at all.
But that coul dalso be from lack of sleep and having a killer headache.
Both dh and I have noticed that for a few weeks now I'll be talking and just all of a sudden have no freaking clue what I am talking about. Or I'll try to say a word and I can NOT for the life me remember the word and I do the whole umm, umm, umm, and give the definition - and I feel like an idiot. We keep saying it's becuase I have the kids all day and I'm not sleeping so of course I'm bound to do those things. But now I have this headache and I'm sure it's a brain tumor.
Dh thinks it's stress, lack of sleep, the eye issue, the jaw issue, etc, etc. Of course, he's not a paranoid, anxiety ridden person so he's probably got the more accurate description.
That said, tomorrow I am making an appointment with the orthodontist for my jaw, optometrist for my eyes, my therapist for my anxiety. Friday when I take babyboy to the doctor for a check-up, I am also going to have her give me one too.
I dont know .. maybe the dx will by hypochondriach (no, I can't spell that word) and I can get some sugar pills and feel better LOL!

One tired momma

I'm tired. I'm just plain tired.
Between everything going on here - there is no time to sleep.
I feel like I'm going to just pass out from sleep exhaustion.
Hardly any sleep this weekend trying to deal with baby being sick. Dh was busy painting a room, so he was little help in the childcare area.
Monday we woke up to water all over the basement. Ugh. I cried. I literally cried. We worked very hard Monday night to get things out of there and get the water out.
My child isn't sleeping. He is up all the time at night.
I've been telling dh for over a week now that I was sooooo tired and just plain exhausted. Saturday morning he let me sleep in for 2 hours ... so he asked me Saturday night "But you're all caught up from this morning, right? I mean you aren't really that tired are you?"
Ummm .. hello? I haven't slept more than a few hours at a time in like 3 weeks he thinks 2 hours are going to fix it all? Did he not listen to me each time I told him how just pure exhausted I feel? Apparently not. @@
I hate to complain because overall he's a doll .. I love him. However, he has been pulling tons of hours at work the last 2 weeks. He was doing so much to help me out around here - laundry, cooking, helping with the kids when he got home ot give me a break. That hasn't happened. He barely comes home in time to say good night to the girls and then he has a million other things he needs to get done.
I don't doubt his intentions are good, but he's not here for me and honestly, he's not really here for the kids either. And I'm so freaking exhausted.
Today my babyboy cried - no screamed - for like 2 hours. I held him, rocked him, tried to feed him, tried to give him a pacifier ... nothing helped until he cried himself to sleep.
I seriously wanted to cry with him. I am just so tired. The house is falling apart around us, there are still things to fix from the flood, I have tons of laundry to do, kids to school ... and I am feel like I'm drowning in it all.
The good thing is that somehow, despite feeling this way, I am actually able to cope with it all without going completely nuts. This may not seem like a big feat to most people, but for me it is. I have worked a long time to not completely go nuts and to learn to deal with feelign like this.
Now I just need to get sleep again and things will be peachy-keen.

My poor baby ...

My babyboy is sick again :-( He is getting nebulizer treatments again. I just feel bad for him. The thing that just makes me most nervous is that 2 days ago, he was fine, yesterday he was congested and today he was wheezing and retracting. It just seems to happen so fast. Our ped said if we didn't have the nebulizer at home already she probably would have sent us to the hospital today to get him some treatments. Well, I'm glad we have it here! We came home and started the treatments up (after digging it out of storage). I guess we won't store it away so quickly this time. She also told me that we need to watch him for asthma as this point if this happens again.
Yikes! I don't know what to do. 50% of me wants to keep him in a bubble. The other half of me doesn't want to over-react and keep him home if it's not needed. Not to mention the other 2 kids who have things they want to do and places they want to go. :::sigh::: I mean, health issues will trump the fun things, but I am praying it's not asthma. That he just picked up another virus and it's close to the last one he had just by pure coincedence. Well, I guess we'll see what happens with him in the future. I guess I shouldn't start worrying about it yet.
The good news is that he is actually pretty happy overall. Just smiling and laughing, although he wants to be held pretty closely. Which is nice. He has no fever so that's good too. And despite being on albuterol, he hasn't been overly-hyper (which I guess happens to some kids).
I just feel bad and I hope he does get better ... I'm keeping a close eye on him though just in case.

3rd time's the charm ...

My third child is by far getting my best parenting ever. I hate to say it - but it's true.
It's not that I didn't try with my first two. On the contrary, with my first I think I tried too hard. I wanted to be perfect. I hemmed and hawed over her every move. I was anxious and nervous. I constantly wondered if I was doing things "right" or "wrong" and if I was being the perfect parent. So much energy went into that, that I don't think I enjoyed her babyhood as much as I could have if I decided to relax and just take it as things came.
With my second, I was in a high stress situation and just felt overwhelmed until she was almost a year old. I had so much going on, I felt like my head would explode most days and, again, I missed out just enjoying her.
This time, I don't have that anxiety or worry about what is normal or not. And I don't have the stress in my life I had with my second. And it's so much more enjoyable this time around for those reasons. I really wish I could rewind time and go back to when my other two were little and find this sense of enjoyment. I feel like they were cheated somehow with their babyhood years.
Like today, my oldest was taking a bath, my middle was in her room dancing and singing, and babyboy and I were just hanging out in our room. Laying on the bed, talking to each other - okay cooing at each other. And I just realized that it was so fun and I loved having that moment with him. And I remember having moments like that with the other two, but I have these moments with him several times a day. I love it. I just absolutely love it. I can't get enough of him or these little moments.
Andnow of course, I'm not sure I want to stop at three kids anymore. Yes, you can imagine how wonderfully excited my dh was to hear that from me. I know he will be my last one, of course unless something happens like an oops moment at the exact right moment that conception could take place, but I doubt that might happen again.
But I love this. I am finally in a place in life where I am able to enjoy life a little more. Things aren't so overwhelming, I'm not so anxious, I'm not getting so caught up in the details and how-to's of life to miss what is actually happening around me. And it's a good place to be.
I'm getting all these moments with my baby that I can't get enough of.
I'm connecting with my 6 year old, despite it being hard to watch her grow up, and I'm loving my 3 year old.
Life is good over here. I'm still tired and pretty worn out, but I'm feeling all of that physically and not emotionally - and that is such a difference for me.

My Children

My 6 year old has her first "crush"
My 3 year old told her first blatant lie today
My 3 month old is apparently into nonfiction books.
Oh dear.

Today my 6 year old asked me if I was ever to shy to talk to other kids when I was growing up. We chatted about being shy, things to say, but I was in my head thinking "since when is she shy?" Then we get to where her classes are and she says "There he is mom. I don't know his name yet though. I'm nervous to talk to him." He? He? There he is! Yes, that's when it hit me. In between her classes she spotted where he was, asked someone else his name, etc. I'm guessing he's about 10/11 years old. She is 6. Then it was time to leave. She sighed "I never got to say hi to him." Oh boy. When we got to the car, I just asked her (not in a laughing tone or mocking tone) "Dear, do you have a little crush on this boy?" She turned red, giggled a little and said yes. Okay, when did she learn the word crush? She is 6. So we chatted for awhile. I've discovered she's at that age where friends are girls, and boys aren't really friends unless you like like them. But she doesn't really know what that means either. I think we've hit a point where boys and girls no longer look the same in her eyes. But she is 6. I am so not ready for even that to happen. What will I do when she has a real crush? My dh at first didn't like that I asked her that question to begin with though. I am. If we can't talk about things with her at 6, what will happen when she is 14? And she understood the question ... so it's good to talk about it and not freak out and to just chat and figure out what she's thinking. Right? He agreed with me then, but I hope I did the right thing.

My 3 year old got one of those fuzzy posters that you color. She asked me to open it tonight, very close to bedtime so I said no, we would do it tomorrow - too close to bed, blah blah. So she walks maybe 5 feet to my husband and says "Mommy said you can open this for me." Umm. Nope. So my dh asked her if she was sure. And she said yes, she was. I said "Emma that is not what I said." And she turned around, pointed her finger at me and said "No mom. We open it now." I think my jaw hit the floor. I believe that is the first tine she has been quite so defiant and she was blatantly lying. So off to time out she went ... with tears in her eyes and promises to never do it again.

My baby is really into nonfiction these days. I was reading Krakatoa : The Day the World Exploded: August 27, 1883 out loud to him because he wanted to have someone pay attention to him and I wanted to read. He liked it! He was smiling, kicking, cooing. Tonight we repeated this with The Colony : The Harrowing True Story of the Exiles of Molokai .
He's brilliant ... definitely will grow up to be a genius LOL! ;-)
Oh yeah, he also pooped through 2 outfits today too. Yep. Future genius on my hands!