with my 3 year old that is.
So, you know how sometimes you're just skipping along, thinking everything is all dandy and then WHAM! someone blindsides you with what you weren't expecting (or maybe didn't want to hear)?
Yep. happened today.
My 3 year old has a sort of long history - therapy, they thought she was autistic, then not, blah, blah, blah.
Well she has been having a lot of feet issues. So we took her to a podiatrist (sp) to get them looked at. And obviously gave her history (especially that she had been in physical therapy before and blah blah blah).
Went for the follow-up today. So doc says that she HIGHLY advises us to take her to a pediatric neurologist to be evaluated. She sees autistic tendencies in my 3 year old, that she has very low muscle tone, a lot of podiatry issues in kids are linked to neurological disorders and was frankly kind of shocked we weren't advised to do this before.
Well, we were advised to do that before. But we are also advised to take her in to another major hospital in the area and have her evaluated there. So we did. And they said there she was fine and no pediatric neuoroligst visit was needed for her. So we cancelled the appointment.
Boy, isn't hindsight 20/20?
And here I was just thinking recently how far she has come and I was so proud of where she is today given where she was not that long ago in her short little life. And then this. And so tomorrow I will call and take her in, and this time no one can talk me out of it.
And of course as I'm thinking in my head how stupid that is and she doesn't need a neuologist and dh and are I talking, we start to talk about some things. And you know what, when we really step back and look, well, yeah, there are still some issues present. And there are some things going on. And having her looked at is the right thing to do, but man. I'm worn out. One day one doctor is telling me there are issues and the next they are telling me there isn't any. I just don't know what to think. And sometimes I feel like I'm trying desperately to get the doctors the see the issues I see, and on other days I'm desperately trying to understand what issues they are seeing because I don't see any.
It is all very frustrating, and I feel like we are starting all over again with this merry-go-round of dealing with everything. And oh yeah, they want her back in physical therapy, and apparently intense therapy - like maybe twice a week? Holy cow. So I guess tomorrow I will be calling to schedule an appointment with a neuorologist (which I'm guessing it will take like 3-4 months to get in there) and I'll call her old PT for just an evaluation of where she is to see what she thinks of all of this.
But I don't know ... I'm not ready to be back in all of this again. To have to deal with it all again. To face the possibility that there is something going on with her. It's just so draining to do it all honestly. And I think, it's not like her issues are that bad - but yet, that's almost part of the problem ... she's probably a borderline patient .. and do we assume she falls on the side of the line that says she needs help or assume she falls on the other side and not help her?
Well ... I'll figure it out I guess after getting her in to see several doctors I guess.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Random utterings ....
So, life here has been okay. Some minor bumps in the road. I've found a house to move into ... and it's only a little more than double what we could afford. But gorgeous none the less, and of course reminds me even stronger of how much I want to move right now. But it can't happen at the moment. I have mostly accepted that fact. Mostly. But I still dream.
I have been trying to "simplify" life around me. Well, I guess basically I have been cutting back a LOT on some things - my computer time is probably less than a tenth of what it was a month ago, hardly any TV. But I've been filling time with being with my family - imagine that ;-) And crafting. We are spending huge amounts of time outside these days - walking, playing. I've discovered some areas around us that are great fun. And of course, I've been cleaning. The grandma still doesn't really want me to cook (well, the basic reason is the gp's don't like my cooking basically. Oh well. So I don't even offer anymore. It is met with no's and the few times I have cooked here, they haven't liked it, so I don't believe I will ever cook while they are home and we live with them). Eh, more time for me to do other things - which I have been baking. And so far everyone has enjoyed my baking so that's good ;-) And of course, cleaning. I hate cleaning. I really really hate it. I probably would do it a lot less often if we didn't have other adults living with us. But we do, and they want things clean. So I have been pretty good about keeping the house pretty darn good these days. I'm sure it's appreciated by the gp's as well as my family as well.
I'm happier right now than I've been in a while. Which is good. I have almost kicked drinking coke too ... big step. I won't even admit here how much I was consuming, but let's just say a good day was drinking only 3 cans. :X Yeah, pretty bad. Now I have one a day. And well, I feel much better doing that. And probably I won't even drink that much anymore, but instead of just not drinking it at all, I dropped to one a day and now I'll just drink one if I want one, which I haven't even really wanted one the last few days. So very good.
I think I got caught up in too many things - most of which was being upset about the living arrangement. And I was so caught up in being upset about it, I forgot to do something about it. I also think I tend to get stuck on this computer without meaning too and then half my day is gone. And really, not a good thing for anyone.
Anyway, that's life right now.
And before I forget - today dh and I celebrated our 7th anniversary. =) And I love him now even more than I did then, and I got to say, we are both still in love with each other as ever and that's great. We thought about it, in 7 years of marriage we have:
- had 3 kids
- bought a house
- had a college graduation
- sold a house
- bought a car
- started a business
- aquired a ton of debt
- paid off a ton of debt (about 95% of what we had is now gone WOO HOO!)
- stayed committed to each other
- and we still love each other and have passion for each other.
Overall, I'd say, I'm pretty glad I married such a great wonderful guy. And I plan to stay by his side until death do us part, through thick and thin. It's a good place to be in. No matter what else happens, I know he'll stand by my side, and I'll stand by his. So even on those days when I'm not very happy with him, I still love him and I know we'll get through that bump together. And for that, I am truly a very lucky and blessed person. =)
I have been trying to "simplify" life around me. Well, I guess basically I have been cutting back a LOT on some things - my computer time is probably less than a tenth of what it was a month ago, hardly any TV. But I've been filling time with being with my family - imagine that ;-) And crafting. We are spending huge amounts of time outside these days - walking, playing. I've discovered some areas around us that are great fun. And of course, I've been cleaning. The grandma still doesn't really want me to cook (well, the basic reason is the gp's don't like my cooking basically. Oh well. So I don't even offer anymore. It is met with no's and the few times I have cooked here, they haven't liked it, so I don't believe I will ever cook while they are home and we live with them). Eh, more time for me to do other things - which I have been baking. And so far everyone has enjoyed my baking so that's good ;-) And of course, cleaning. I hate cleaning. I really really hate it. I probably would do it a lot less often if we didn't have other adults living with us. But we do, and they want things clean. So I have been pretty good about keeping the house pretty darn good these days. I'm sure it's appreciated by the gp's as well as my family as well.
I'm happier right now than I've been in a while. Which is good. I have almost kicked drinking coke too ... big step. I won't even admit here how much I was consuming, but let's just say a good day was drinking only 3 cans. :X Yeah, pretty bad. Now I have one a day. And well, I feel much better doing that. And probably I won't even drink that much anymore, but instead of just not drinking it at all, I dropped to one a day and now I'll just drink one if I want one, which I haven't even really wanted one the last few days. So very good.
I think I got caught up in too many things - most of which was being upset about the living arrangement. And I was so caught up in being upset about it, I forgot to do something about it. I also think I tend to get stuck on this computer without meaning too and then half my day is gone. And really, not a good thing for anyone.
Anyway, that's life right now.
And before I forget - today dh and I celebrated our 7th anniversary. =) And I love him now even more than I did then, and I got to say, we are both still in love with each other as ever and that's great. We thought about it, in 7 years of marriage we have:
- had 3 kids
- bought a house
- had a college graduation
- sold a house
- bought a car
- started a business
- aquired a ton of debt
- paid off a ton of debt (about 95% of what we had is now gone WOO HOO!)
- stayed committed to each other
- and we still love each other and have passion for each other.
Overall, I'd say, I'm pretty glad I married such a great wonderful guy. And I plan to stay by his side until death do us part, through thick and thin. It's a good place to be in. No matter what else happens, I know he'll stand by my side, and I'll stand by his. So even on those days when I'm not very happy with him, I still love him and I know we'll get through that bump together. And for that, I am truly a very lucky and blessed person. =)
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Some days ...
my children are trying to make me have a heart attack.
Today it was my 6 year old's issue.
The background:
At a relatives house. House in on a lake. On teh way there tell ALL children lake is off limits today and to not go near it or else.
Getting ready to leave: Ask 3 year old to go around back and tell 6 year old time to leave. 3 year old goes back and comes back and tells me "I can't tell A because she's on the boat right now." I say "You mean her and K are playing in the boat on the sand right?" She says "No, they are on the lake."
I'm totally thinking that the 3 year old is mistaken and so I go around back. 3 year old is not mistaken. My 6 year old dd and her 6 year old cousin are on the lake in a paddle boat, with no life jackets and without having anyone's permission at all.
Um. Yeah. That's a problem.
Okay. Trying not to just start screaming and sounding like a raving lunatic at her.
Bottom line is we went home. She spent the rest of the day inside. She will not play wiht her game cube for a week. She may not go on the lake (with permission, life jacket and adult) next time we visit even if the other kids are out there having fun.
And then it was big talk time with the parents - and we were honest and up front and did scare her a bit. We talked about what happened if she fell out of the boat in the middle of the lake (she can't swim and her cousin can't swim either). We talked about how if that happened she could have drowned, which means she could have died.
She was very repentant. She cried a lot. She said she was sorry. We told her we loved her and wanted to keep her safe and that was all we were trying to do.
In short. I think she got it. I doubt we will see her pull that stunt again. And well, I hope that next time we are over there said boat is maybe chained down and that even if she wanted to do it again (which I don't think she will after today) that she can't do it either.
Today it was my 6 year old's issue.
The background:
At a relatives house. House in on a lake. On teh way there tell ALL children lake is off limits today and to not go near it or else.
Getting ready to leave: Ask 3 year old to go around back and tell 6 year old time to leave. 3 year old goes back and comes back and tells me "I can't tell A because she's on the boat right now." I say "You mean her and K are playing in the boat on the sand right?" She says "No, they are on the lake."
I'm totally thinking that the 3 year old is mistaken and so I go around back. 3 year old is not mistaken. My 6 year old dd and her 6 year old cousin are on the lake in a paddle boat, with no life jackets and without having anyone's permission at all.
Um. Yeah. That's a problem.
Okay. Trying not to just start screaming and sounding like a raving lunatic at her.
Bottom line is we went home. She spent the rest of the day inside. She will not play wiht her game cube for a week. She may not go on the lake (with permission, life jacket and adult) next time we visit even if the other kids are out there having fun.
And then it was big talk time with the parents - and we were honest and up front and did scare her a bit. We talked about what happened if she fell out of the boat in the middle of the lake (she can't swim and her cousin can't swim either). We talked about how if that happened she could have drowned, which means she could have died.
She was very repentant. She cried a lot. She said she was sorry. We told her we loved her and wanted to keep her safe and that was all we were trying to do.
In short. I think she got it. I doubt we will see her pull that stunt again. And well, I hope that next time we are over there said boat is maybe chained down and that even if she wanted to do it again (which I don't think she will after today) that she can't do it either.
Friday, June 02, 2006
A kind of peace ...
I think I have acheived a sort of peace within myself this week.
I'm glad I can finally feel this way, and only hope it isn't just a short lived phase!
I think 1)I got a lot off of my mind lately - amazing how far that alone took me. And 2)babyboy has gained a slight sense of independence these days. Mainly he can sit - and quite well - I'm talking 15-20 minutes at a time. Which means I no longer have him attatched to my hip all day. Maybe about half the day right now, but still, a HUGE improvement from where we were just last week. I also believe he too is enjoying his newfound bit of independence. I plop him down, give him some toys, do something and usually talk to him a lot - but sometimes not even a lot depending on what I am doing. Not only that, but his two big sisters will plop down next to him and play with him too. That is super-duper handy for me. So I do some cleaning, putting away, organizing, laundry this way. But I also get some reading time, knitting time, sewing time, or work on a jigsaw puzzle just to do something I enjoy once in a while.
Someone recently commented that they don't know how I have time to do all those "fun things" like I do. I felt kind of stunned by it at first - like they must have this picture of me sitting all day and doing my fun stuff (only in my dreams!) and then I chuckled a bit and said back "If you knitting as much as you spent in your car driving around - you'd make 10 things to my every one!" And you know, she laughed back with me and said I was probably right. Then it dawned on me, she wasn't saying it to be mean or imply I don't do anything around here. I think she just said it to honeslty see how! And thankfully it's someone I know so I know she is in her car A LOT every day. I actually do not envy that at all! I think she spends more time in her car than out of it (4 kids, baseball, soccer, doctor's appointments, preschool, 2 in el. school, one in high school - yes, she is one busy mom for sure!) so I was able to say something light hearted adn funny and avoid getting all defensive and riled up too mcuh anyway.
I guess that's kind of how I have to start viewing more things around me. And I need to keep this kind of peace I now have inside me. And the bad days will come. But at least I now have hope for the good days and I know they will follow soon. And if not, there can't be more than 14 days until I get to leave the kids and take a break anymore LOL!
I'm glad I can finally feel this way, and only hope it isn't just a short lived phase!
I think 1)I got a lot off of my mind lately - amazing how far that alone took me. And 2)babyboy has gained a slight sense of independence these days. Mainly he can sit - and quite well - I'm talking 15-20 minutes at a time. Which means I no longer have him attatched to my hip all day. Maybe about half the day right now, but still, a HUGE improvement from where we were just last week. I also believe he too is enjoying his newfound bit of independence. I plop him down, give him some toys, do something and usually talk to him a lot - but sometimes not even a lot depending on what I am doing. Not only that, but his two big sisters will plop down next to him and play with him too. That is super-duper handy for me. So I do some cleaning, putting away, organizing, laundry this way. But I also get some reading time, knitting time, sewing time, or work on a jigsaw puzzle just to do something I enjoy once in a while.
Someone recently commented that they don't know how I have time to do all those "fun things" like I do. I felt kind of stunned by it at first - like they must have this picture of me sitting all day and doing my fun stuff (only in my dreams!) and then I chuckled a bit and said back "If you knitting as much as you spent in your car driving around - you'd make 10 things to my every one!" And you know, she laughed back with me and said I was probably right. Then it dawned on me, she wasn't saying it to be mean or imply I don't do anything around here. I think she just said it to honeslty see how! And thankfully it's someone I know so I know she is in her car A LOT every day. I actually do not envy that at all! I think she spends more time in her car than out of it (4 kids, baseball, soccer, doctor's appointments, preschool, 2 in el. school, one in high school - yes, she is one busy mom for sure!) so I was able to say something light hearted adn funny and avoid getting all defensive and riled up too mcuh anyway.
I guess that's kind of how I have to start viewing more things around me. And I need to keep this kind of peace I now have inside me. And the bad days will come. But at least I now have hope for the good days and I know they will follow soon. And if not, there can't be more than 14 days until I get to leave the kids and take a break anymore LOL!
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Taking a break ...
from a lot of things right now.
Mostly computer time - but I think it's a good thing for me right now.
I need to take time to unwind and not be so uptight. I need time to just absorb everything around me and learn to deal with some things I wish I could change, but can not at this moment.
BUT, the good news is that in an attempt to speak up, to say this is what I need, well I went to dh. And mostly told him nothing new - that things are not working right now, are not going well that something needs to be changed. Of course, I am ready to move. He is not. So it's an issue. But, as I said, this time I didn't just let it end there. I kept talking. I said well something has to happen. And I had an idea.
I now will have a sitter every 2 weeks for one night - from 3pm to 9pm. From 3-6 I get to do whatever I want, however I want to, wherever I want to. At 6 dh is welcome to join me, or find something to do by himself, or go get the kids and spend time with them if he so choses. The best part is that the kids will be babysat not at home. And here is why - many things I like to do, I would want to do at home - my sewing, scrapbooking, knitting, being on the computer, or just catching up on much needed sleep. Now, even with a sitter, the children would still be right there. So the kids will be away from the house. And I can decide to also be away, or to just stay home.
Nice, eh?
And yes, I realize some people might look at me and think I'm a spoiled housewife. I stay home and play with the kids all day and now I get to have a babysitter? Well, fine if that's what someone wants to think. I know that's not the case and I have decided that is all that matters. I know what I need to do for me and for my family and frankly, well, people who will judge me based on only knowing 1)I'm a sahm and 2)I get to get away every 2 weeks, well, hey, their opinion doens't really count ;-)
So that in a nutshell is life around here. Things are crazy. I am stressed. I have a lot going on, but I think I can manage to survive it. And next weekend (my first night of being able to get away) I will get a much needed break from it all and hopefully that will go a long way to helping me relax for a bit.
Mostly computer time - but I think it's a good thing for me right now.
I need to take time to unwind and not be so uptight. I need time to just absorb everything around me and learn to deal with some things I wish I could change, but can not at this moment.
BUT, the good news is that in an attempt to speak up, to say this is what I need, well I went to dh. And mostly told him nothing new - that things are not working right now, are not going well that something needs to be changed. Of course, I am ready to move. He is not. So it's an issue. But, as I said, this time I didn't just let it end there. I kept talking. I said well something has to happen. And I had an idea.
I now will have a sitter every 2 weeks for one night - from 3pm to 9pm. From 3-6 I get to do whatever I want, however I want to, wherever I want to. At 6 dh is welcome to join me, or find something to do by himself, or go get the kids and spend time with them if he so choses. The best part is that the kids will be babysat not at home. And here is why - many things I like to do, I would want to do at home - my sewing, scrapbooking, knitting, being on the computer, or just catching up on much needed sleep. Now, even with a sitter, the children would still be right there. So the kids will be away from the house. And I can decide to also be away, or to just stay home.
Nice, eh?
And yes, I realize some people might look at me and think I'm a spoiled housewife. I stay home and play with the kids all day and now I get to have a babysitter? Well, fine if that's what someone wants to think. I know that's not the case and I have decided that is all that matters. I know what I need to do for me and for my family and frankly, well, people who will judge me based on only knowing 1)I'm a sahm and 2)I get to get away every 2 weeks, well, hey, their opinion doens't really count ;-)
So that in a nutshell is life around here. Things are crazy. I am stressed. I have a lot going on, but I think I can manage to survive it. And next weekend (my first night of being able to get away) I will get a much needed break from it all and hopefully that will go a long way to helping me relax for a bit.
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