Just when ....

my day is not going well ... when baby didn't sleep the night before, when my other two dds were being loud and rambunctious and crazy all day, just when I was about to snap, I get a cold hard reality check. I get news that just breaks my heart and puts it all into perspective.
A friend of mine passed away basically suddenly and unexpectedly today.
A little over 3 years ago she was dx'd with leukemia ... she was 8 months pregnant. Basically they induced her and rushed her right away for treatment. Then she needed a donor. Amazingly they found one that was almost a perfect match. She went into remission. It was amazing. It was a long road though - not nearly that simple. To really tell the storyI would need a lot more time. But through it all,s he was amazing - up-beat, happy, full of love for God and so hopeful. I know if it were me, I would have entered some deep depression feeling doomed and constantly asking why me God, why me?
But not her .... not her.
In mid-December she went for a check-up ... still in remission and things were looking good. She was excited she would see her 30th birthday in January.
Well she did, but recently she had a few complication come up. But I guess I didn't realize how serious they were until today. Today when I found out my sweet friend had passed away. In a horrific twist of fate, it is also her oldest dd's birthday. She leaves behind 2 daughters, one son, and a husband.
I can't believe it. And I'm sitting here thinging why her God? Why her? Of all the people in this world, you had to take her? It's moments like this that I wish to hell life were fair. That bad things didn't happen to good people, that someone didn't make it three years, get a clean bill of healthy a few months ago and then have this happen. So suddenly.
I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will understand it. I know, I know ... there's a big picture out there, blah, blah, blah, we can't see it now, blah, blah, blah, it doesn't make sense now, but someday ti will, blah blah blah ....
I don't buy it right now. I just don't buy it. This sucks. I'm so sad and mad and just full of sadness and anger I just might burst.
But I know I can't. She was better than that and so I must try to be better than that. So I will try to just pray for her family and for her precious little babies.
I will try to not let the sadness out and let the anger go and to remember her sweet smile and her cute southern accent and to keep her spirit alive.