my day is not going well ... when baby didn't sleep the night before, when my other two dds were being loud and rambunctious and crazy all day, just when I was about to snap, I get a cold hard reality check. I get news that just breaks my heart and puts it all into perspective.
A friend of mine passed away basically suddenly and unexpectedly today.
A little over 3 years ago she was dx'd with leukemia ... she was 8 months pregnant. Basically they induced her and rushed her right away for treatment. Then she needed a donor. Amazingly they found one that was almost a perfect match. She went into remission. It was amazing. It was a long road though - not nearly that simple. To really tell the storyI would need a lot more time. But through it all,s he was amazing - up-beat, happy, full of love for God and so hopeful. I know if it were me, I would have entered some deep depression feeling doomed and constantly asking why me God, why me?
But not her .... not her.
In mid-December she went for a check-up ... still in remission and things were looking good. She was excited she would see her 30th birthday in January.
Well she did, but recently she had a few complication come up. But I guess I didn't realize how serious they were until today. Today when I found out my sweet friend had passed away. In a horrific twist of fate, it is also her oldest dd's birthday. She leaves behind 2 daughters, one son, and a husband.
I can't believe it. And I'm sitting here thinging why her God? Why her? Of all the people in this world, you had to take her? It's moments like this that I wish to hell life were fair. That bad things didn't happen to good people, that someone didn't make it three years, get a clean bill of healthy a few months ago and then have this happen. So suddenly.
I don't understand it. I don't think I ever will understand it. I know, I know ... there's a big picture out there, blah, blah, blah, we can't see it now, blah, blah, blah, it doesn't make sense now, but someday ti will, blah blah blah ....
I don't buy it right now. I just don't buy it. This sucks. I'm so sad and mad and just full of sadness and anger I just might burst.
But I know I can't. She was better than that and so I must try to be better than that. So I will try to just pray for her family and for her precious little babies.
I will try to not let the sadness out and let the anger go and to remember her sweet smile and her cute southern accent and to keep her spirit alive.