Thursday, July 27, 2006

Wasting time ...

I made a list of all the things I would like to accomplish by roughly Halloween - yes it was a LONG list - and yet, here I sit on the computer wasting time.
Procrastination has been my specialty lately. I have procrastinated on pretty much every little thing and even a few big things that I'm actually quite embarassed about procrastinating on :-( But I don't know, I'm having a hard time actually facing the things i have to do. It seems we are in a period of huge transition and a lot of what I need to do represents change coming or loss of something or gain of something. And the losses are sad - very sad, but the changes and the gains aren't sad. They are just different and well, different scares me. It terrifies me to the point of paralysis. And although I'm kind of speaking figuratively, I'm really not. I mean, I write these lists. I think about doing these things. I want to do these things. I start to do these things. Then I stop because I can find something else to do or something else that should be done first, or that isn't the most important thing so I'll stop that to start this, but this isn't the most important thing so I'll stop this to start the other, etc, etc.
Hopefully though, my HUGE list will be my motivation. I'm calling it my "Fall To Do List" and so hopefully my making such a broad list that spans a few months it will give the ability to do things slowly, in my own way, but yet allow me to finish them and feel a sense of accomplishment. Well I can hope anyway!

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