I think I'm ready to just cut my entire mouth out at this point. I also think the medicine he's got me on is too much for me.
Unexpected bills came in today that will really really strain us. I know, I'm sort of a sissy girl, but I just cried when we sat down to figure it all out. We will make it, but well, the rest of October will mean spending absolutely as little as possible. Good thing we just stocked up on groceries over the weekend I guess. I think I could feed us the rest of the month and only buy milk and some fresh fruit/veggies. Which is a blessing, because I can not imagine the pain of wondering how to feed your family. Ugh. Just thinking that there are moms out there worried about that tonight really breaks my heart and makes me wish I was a millionaire just so I could give most of it away.
Tomorrow is a very busy day, and I'll be honest, I seriously wish I could just crawl into bed and sleep all day. My body is so work out. It is just craving sleep so badly right now. Which, obviously isn't helping my mood at all.
My husband assures me this will pass. That life will be tough for a bit, but it will get better. I have a feeling the selling of this house will happen though so we can have a bit more breathing room. And it does break my heart. I do know though, that this house is just a structure, and a home will be wherever we make it, but boy, it is hard of thinking of leaving.
And we are so blessed, that I don't want to come here and whine. Because I really am thankful for what we have. And I am thankful for what we have been giving (and even now I know that there will be some clothes coming for my kids that someone is graciously passing down to us). And I am grateful that my family is healthy.
I do try to hold onto all of that, but boy is it hard when you are looking at the budget and going "Okay, if I only drive when I absolutely have to, we can funnel 50 from gas towards that bill. And we're stocked up on groceries so next week let's slash the grocery budget in half and put the rest towards the bill. And the kids have enough jeans to make it until November, so we if do the winter shopping next month, the clothes budget can go towards the bill. And yeah, we were going to put x into savings, but that will all go towards the bill" well, it's hard and the reality of the financial picture is really hard to miss.
But as my dh said, we have food, we have clothes, and we are so very lucky for that. We are not going without. We are just going without more. We have enough to get by. And so, I'm trying to keep dh's words in my head and his spirit in my head right now
(on an interest note, last week he was the one who was saying we can't make it and I was being the cheerleader for him! I figure as long as we get bummed about it at different times, then we will survive this time!)
Anyway, that's what is on my mind tonight.