Thinking ....

I have this idea running around in my mind. It's sort of a crazy idea and it might not be entirely practical, but interestingly enough, my husband is supportive of this crazy idea. Which might actually be bad because it encourages me further. LOL!

I'd like to move. Move away from here - because, well I don't think living here sits well with me anymore. I mean, I do love living here because I have a lot of family around me and I do love my family. And I love being close to them. But I don't know - something about the suburbs is just feeling less and less comfortable to me. We don't have much land. My dh works his ass off, and actually brings in a decent pay check, but it doesn't go very far out here. We have been talking about him possibly getting a new job, and if he's going to get a new job, doesn't seem like a good time to completely uproot our family and move half-way across the country?

And I think I know where I would like to move, but I (and the kids) haven't spent much time there so before we decide to settle there, I want to have an extended visit out there. So I am honestly considering sometime next winter (November/Decemberish) to pack up the children and stay out there for about 6-8 weeks. This would all happen with the hopes that my husband could get time off of work and stay with us over Christmas/New Year.

Yes, it will be quite lonely without him there. The kids will either love it or hate it, or probably start out loving it and then grow to hate it. And it means I will be a single parent for that time, although we do know someone out there and I'm sure I can get a few breaks.

But it leaves me with questions ... where does one live when they only plan to be there for 6-8 weeks? I can't imagine the 4 of us staying in a hotel room, (plus wouldn't that be expensive)? But if rent a house/apartment, then there is the need to pay for 2 households and can we really afford that? I'll need to have the ability to cook - because we certainly can't afford (with money or our health) to eat out all the time? And how do I know what to bring with and what to not bring with? How many pieces of clothing, how many pots and pans, how many books, how many toys, how many movies, etc, etc. And the how the heck will I entertain myself and 2 kids for that time? Well, okay, that's part of the reason I want to do this - to find out about the area, to discover what is there (or not there) before we decide to make this sort of decision.

And these questions fill my mind. And although if we did do something like this
it would be 10-11 months away, I'm really assuming I can't just make arrangements a few days before I want to leave. But I just don't know where to start. I'm going to have really spend a while thinking about all of this and really deciding if in fact this is something I really want to do because when I see a plan on paper, it looks really hard. Of course, maybe it will end up being easy. And that would be a sign that it was all meant to be ... right?

Crazy or Adventurous?

Well, we are either crazy or adventurous! Earlier this week we booked train tickets going from Chicago to Boston - at which point we will then rent a car and drive to New Hampshire, spend the night, and head over to Maine!

For most of the trip, Little Man and I will be in a little sleeper room and hubby and girls have regular seats. I imagine though, aside from bribing getting him to sleep, that wild boy will be busy exploring the train and the sites that surround us. Or hopefully there will be some empty seats and we will be able to spend some time with the rest of the family during that first part of the trip.

I personally can NOT wait. I think it will be fun and exciting, albeit a bit stressful as well. We did ask the girls if they could pick, would they fly to vacation or take a train to vacation and both of them immediately said train! Now that those tickets are booked, I am getting more excited about this vacation!

I have to admit, at first, I was quite hesitant about it all ... I was really thinking we couldn't afford it (although, my in-laws are very graciously paying for our transportation out there and also for the cabin we will all share while we are there), that we really needed to stay home and that 2008 would be the year for extreme penny pinching to eliminate as much debt as possible. Not to mention in the next 13 months we have: 3 weddings to go to - 2 are out of town and 1 has both my daughters as flower girls (which also means 3 bridal showers), several baby showers, 3 or 4 graduation parties. And that's all we know about now. It's only January! And I feel like there will be a lot of travel and lots of money to spend. I also feel like I should be getting a job somewhere, but seriously, how can I get employment and expect to keep the job when I know that I will have to request so much time off? Ugh.
But I am starting to feel much better about it all. Of course dh's raise helps alleviate some of that worry. But there are still some worries there. And I will definitely be looking to get some work at some point this year, but I might have to be a bit more creative about it.
And of course, I was right about watching every penny we spend, but of course for about the first half the year it will be to fund traveling and then for the second half it will be for debt repayment. But I am feeling much better about how the year will play out. And I can't wait for all of these great things to happen now!

(would it be too nerdy to admit I am already starting packing lists and picking which knitting projects to bring on the train as well?!)

6 weird things ...

Smoov tagged me earlier to tell you 6 weird things about me. Although you might learn 6 things about me, I'm afraid what you'll really learn is how boring I am LOL!

"THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the "6 weird things about you." People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

1. I recently decided I want to live on and work a (very) small farm. Which is funny because my parents are farmers and growing up all I could think was I don't want to be a farmer LOL!

2. I hated school, until high school. Not much made sense before then and all of a sudden in 8th grade, things finally clicked. And now I love school. And I love learning things. I have a feeling I will be back at school again someday, but now isn't that time.

3. Mostly because of the above, I feel that academics really can be delayed until later in childhood - which is pretty contrary to what I see going on around me. But since I homeschool, I can do what I want with my kids and we are very relaxed with structure and formal education with them right now - they are young. They learn more through reading books they've picked from the library, playing games and using those pretend situations to "solve" things, and what not. More than one person has voiced concern about our path (but surprising a few people have actually agreed with it!)

4. ALL I wanted to be when I was growing up was a school teacher. Once I got my degree - all I didn't want to be was a teacher. (homeschooling doesn't count because I don't have a boss LOL). When I have to pick a career, I will be taking some time to explore more options and really wish I had done this while I was still in school some time. Oh well. Good thing we are allowed to go to college for more than one degree! LOL

5. I take everything very literally. Which means I'm easy to trick and often don't get sarcasm. My mom says I was like this even at a quite young age. Apparently, I haven't been able to outgrow it?

6. I hate going to parties/gatherings/etc and having to talk to people. Just hate it. And get very nervous about it, which usually means I spit out kind of stupid things. Ugh. Have I mentioned I hate it? Because I really hate it.

So there you go, 6 weird things about me ... but I'm not sure I'm not all that weird ... but maybe you'll think otherwise!
I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you read this and want to play, please do - and leave me a comment so I can come read it! =)

Not much to say ...

I am feeling really sick. The kind of really sick that makes you just want to rest and relax and not do anything at all.

So since I have nothing to say at all, you must click this link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/library_of_congress/
The library of congress is putting pictures up at flicker and I think it is SOO neat. There are some incredible photos there. I haven't looked at it much, but what I have seen is so awesome ... really, go look!

Answered Prayer!

Oh we got fabulous news tonight
My husband got a raise!! It's not a "end to all of our problems" kind of raise but it's a "yes, we can actually breath again and not have to worry how we will pay it all because now we can and there will be a tiny bit actually left over" kind of raise.
We weren't even expecting it - and certainly not today. He called to tell me that he was late because he had his review. My heart lept. And he said "Can't talk now, see you when you get home" because, well he was calling from work.
Between the time of that call I just prayed, please be 20 dollars a week, please be 20 dollars a week (his company is hurting a bit right now so ANY raise is a blessing and I didn't want to aim too high here folks). But yes, it is even a bit more than $20.00 a week!
I am so excited.

The cost of our insurance rates increased this year, so his first paycheck of the year was actually less than the last one of 07. That was depressing. His raise will take us back to the original pay, plus some.

Ugh. I am SO happy about this.

Of course, I still don't think he is being paid what he deserves - but I'm not sure I will ever think they are paying him what he deserves LOL! ;-)

Checking in!

I am here. I am alive.

I have had an interesting month to say the least. I think I began the month depressed, feeling very much like doing absolutely nothing. I am doing much better right now. And it feels good to be out of that period. But I admit, I also feel like I need to cut back, do fewer things (but do those few things better than I have been). I like to do a million things, but I believe part of what happened was I had TOO much to do, too many places to be, just too much on my plate.

• I closed my etsy store (maybe temporarily but maybe forever)
• I limited activities and places to go to with the kids (this is definitely temporary but I needed to do this)
• I have bowed out of some internet groups and similar on-line things I had participated in.
• I have realized my family does not need 5 star dinners each night (which I've never been good at but I always plan these grand meals and then feel guilty when they don't happen. I plan simple, easy, but mostly healthy meals. I can do that without feeling like I'm rushing or being pulled in too many directions or getting frustrated if it doesn't happen. It's easy to substitute spaghetti for another simple meal that didn't happen that day.

I think this will be good for me.

I am trying to focus on:

• keeping the house clean (I've never been good at it, but not I have time to focus on it!)
• the children's schooling (which got a little lost with the holiday rush)
• budgeting and saving money (because well, this year will be EXTREMELY tight financially. Every cent I can save is a HUGE help to the family)
• learning to enjoy life more. I am too anxious. I need to relax. I need to unwind. I need to laugh more and enjoy more. I need to focus on the good and not only the bad.
• being healthy

And so, those are my goals for a while. And those will be where my focus is for a while. I truly hope I can get a better handle on all of this - I don't want to be perfect. In fact, I already know I won't be perfect, but I want to be better.

So far in this new year I have almost completely cut out sugar from my diet. I am truly proud of myself because of this. Beyond proud. I won't tell you how I lived before January 1 - but it includes multiple cans of soda, lots of cookies, candy, snacks, and other crap. Aside from a few slips (which truly have been IMO minor) I have had no sugar each day - aside from one can of coke. Okay, so maybe not the best, but it's my favorite and I figured if I gave up everything I would be dooming myself to fail. But I am serious about this - I haven't eaten bread. Well actually I have given up wheat, dairy, gluten, peanuts, and all fruit. (mostly I am having yeast issues and I needed to cut ALL sugar, even those from healthy sources). This is interesting. I am essentially on the same diet as my 5 year old so I can really see things from her perspective. It's not that bad, although sometimes the cravings are SOOO bad! Although she does get fruit and I don't limit the sugar because most things that are safe for her have very little in them anyway and she's already given up soo much food.
I have been doing this for 7 days now. I still get a bit of craving, but they have tapered way off. I will not lie - the first night I woke up at about 4 am with one fo the worst headaches ever and my first thought was to get a can of coke, a cookie, some cake and then eat candy! My body did not appreciate the withdrawal like that.
I do not plan to stay on this diet forever. I believe in February I will start to bring back the wheat and dairy and sugar (it's in most breads people!) but I hope that I will have reset my palate enough to trust myself to eat it in moderation and get my sugar from my fruits and non-junk food items. We'll see how the yeast stuff is going though, because I can't bring it back until that is going better.

I have also started a gratitude journal (on paper with a real pen). I think this is good. My goal is to write just one thing each day that I am grateful for. Nothing fancy, just simple and nice and easy. Right now I am trying to take the "bad" parts and turn them into something to be grateful about. An example - Friday my husband had to work late. I was quite unhappy about it. But on Friday I wrote “Today I am grateful for my husband’s job – even though he is coming home late tonight – it is his job that pays our bills, houses us, clothes us, and feeds us. And we are lucky to that we do not have to worry about unemployment at this time”
I think this will be good for me. It will force me to think positively, if only for the five minutes I spend writing in it.

I believe I am starting 2008 off on a good foot. I hope I can keep this good footing for the entire year. I am still scared to death about how we will afford to survive this year (of course it doesn't help we are taking a vacation in July even though we technically shouldn't - but it's too see family. Important family and since tomorrow is promised to no one, we are getting really good at justifying the expense even though I still have no freaking clue how in the heck we will pay for it.) But I also think it is the right thing to take this trip and I am hoping something will happen.

Maybe my husband will actually get the raise I think he is due soon. Maybe his company will do so well this quarter that there will be a bonus. Maybe I will get another part-time job. Maybe I will get so good at saving money on groceries I can cut out grocery budget in half (so far this week I have cut it 75%!) and we can save money that way. Maybe we will get a tax return that we can stick into savings and label it vacation. Maybe my husband can sell his side business! Maybe winter will end early and we won't be paying a high as bill for as many months as we should. Lots of maybes are still floating out there. Lots of options to help cut spending (although just a little bit in a lot of categories, but it still all helps!). And I would like to think that at least a few of them will manage to happen to help us out. And I am trying to remain optimistic in this sense. And who really knows ... even the time to vacation (7 months!) so much can happen! And between now and December - again, so much can happen! We are not anywhere near where we were 12 months ago. We are in completely different spot than we were 6 months ago! So I try to remain hopeful about it all.

I'd like to think that as strongly as I feel taking this trip is the right thing to do, that something will happen to help us pay for it. Of course, I'm not sitting back waiting for money to fall from the sky, but you know, I just think that it will all come together in the end, so I am trying to not worry about it too much. Of course January is hard because the insurance deductibles reset, it's been cold so the gas bill will be high, gas prices have gone up, and all that jazz. My only comfort is that we did not overspend Christmas. We stayed within our budget. And when the credit card bill came in (with the holiday spending on it) we paid it without flinching. We simply have to transfer the Christmas funds from the savings account to the checking account. We also have been saving every month for car insurance and life insurance - both due this month. And again, it felt SO good to not have to worry about them. To just pay the bill and transfer the money over from savings.

For having the foresight to do that brings me so much joy (and we've never done that before, but the Financial Peace classes we took, talked about this very thing and I'm so glad we got it). This has to be one of the first times we haven't had to scramble to pay these yearly/twice yearly bills. That feels so incredibly wonderful to me.

Anyway, I have rambled so much tonight. I apologize for that, but there was so much on my mind, so much to share, so much to talk about it to get in this blog!

a new year

Well a new year is coming - and very soon!
I am having a difficult time deciding if I am excited or very nervous about this. I believe the next year will bring a lot of new things in our life. I am honestly not looking forward to many of these changes. I want to be happy about all of these changes. I want to view them as exciting new adventures. I am trying. I hope that I can feel this way and soon.
we'll see what the future holds though!

For now, I wish everyone a healthy and happy 2008!

Merry Christmas!

I hope that each and everyone one of you are having a fabulous Christmas time with your family/friends/loved ones =)

Enjoy this wonderful time of year!

And ... of course, I wish you a grand 2008! That it is a year filled with much happiness, good health and lots of fun times! =)

Howdy all ...

Hello everyone.
I'm sorry I went MIA there for a while. Honestly, I'll probably be MIA for a bit longer, but just wanted to say hi to everyone ... and thanks for the e-mail/messages asking if everything is okay.
Things are okay, just busy and over-whelming and it was time to cut-back and hence this blog was on the list of things to cut back on for now.
I am hoping after the holidays to find more time and get back on here on a regular basis ... until then, have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the month of December! =)

Sleep ...

It should come so easy, but it does not. Once again I was tossing and turning late into the night last night. I finally fell asleep a little after 4 am. That was after laying down, tossing and turning, getting back up, laying down tossing and turning, waking up my husband who had to try his "cure" for not being able to fall asleep (and yes, his cure $ex), more tossing and turning, and finally falling asleep.
Not being able to go to sleep is really and truly starting to piss me off beyond belief. It is so frustrating to be tired and yet not being able to sleep. Really, what is up with that? I don't know.
Before he fell asleep last night he begged me to go to see a sleep doctor. I'm pretty sure a sleep doctor isn't what I need, but who knows, maybe it is? Next week I should be getting a "natural" sleep aid that I am praying and hoping will work and help me out tremendously ...

Until then I am just one very tired momma who is awake FAR too much.

Ramblings of an insomniac ...

My insomnia has come back with full force. It has brought me to tears. Also, my tooth infection is starting to flare up again. If this post sounds a bit like a tired, irritated, crazy woman is writing it, well, it's because that's just about how I'm feeling right now!

A bit ago I mentioned some problems my dd is having with the neighbor girls. Unfortunately, it seems that for the moment, she will need to distance herself from these girls. She has cried twice now because they tease her (most recently about her spelling). One of the girls, who was playing quite well with my dd before, now comes over to play and lets my daughter know the other girls talk about her behind her back (and no, I have no idea if it is true or neighbor-girl is lying to my daughter or what). I do know that my daughter has a broken heart and isn't sure what to do about it all. She wants to tell the girls how they are hurting her feelings. Honestly, I encouraged her to NOT do that. IMO, that will simply give them more fuel to tease her with. I told her that with a best friend or a good friend, you could do that, but I didn't think these girls were close enough to really listen to her heart. I feel bad, like I shouldn't have discouraged her, but honestly, I don't want them to tease her anymore either! And I don't think her explaining to them about how hurt she is will make it stop.

So, anyway, yesterday she couldn't sleep because she was upset about all of this. I felt bad. So, last night, as I layed in bed tossing and turning, I prayed that God would somehow help us out with this (which I understand might be a weird thing to pray for for some people, but my daughter's heart is hurting and I want to find a way to fix it so yes, I prayed about it!). I also prayed that somehow we could find other people to play with. The girls here are a bit older than her and they all go to the same school, church, extra-curriculars, and frankly, I just think my dd will always be the oddball out because of that (and also because they picked on another girl prior to us moving in and now she is in the little clique and my dd is the target). Anyway, today, I called an old friend who we have talked to once in, oh, 2ish years? And we weren't really close, but I knew they lived very close to us and we had an open invitation to call. Well, the mother and I ended up chatting for an hour or so! We have a play date set up for next week. And she told me about a homeschooling group that meets 3 blocks from my house. Not only was it awesome that she remembered me, that we had such a great conversation, that we are going to play over there, but we will now have an opportunity to meet 12 other families in our town because of the info she gave me. Seriously, I just had to send some thanks up to the Big Guy because really, I had goosebumps and felt like this one phone call was a HUGE answer to prayers.

My insomnia is awful bad right now. My chiro (who is also my angel for helping get my youngest daughter on her diet that is making life so much better for her) is going to put me on melatonin to help, but it's a pill that has some other things that will help. Trouble is that I can't pick it up for about 2 weeks. But I have some plain melatonin here that I will try and see if that helps. Speaking of our chiro, who I also like to call Awesome doctor who made my daughters life 1000 times better than it was prior, I found out today she will no longer be doctoring where we go. In fact, she is leaving the state completely because they laid her off. People, I teared up when she told me that. Ugh. I then had to tell her how much she has changed our lives and blah, blah, blah. And then she teared up and told me I wasn't allowed to cry. And I said, I don't sleep anymore an so I cry all the time and this was sad and I couldn't help it. M is quite sad to see her doctor leave as well. Next week will be our last visit with her and so I need to think of something to give her as a farewell gift because she honest to goodness changed our lives. And well, truthfully, I will probably leave the practice now too. It's 30 minutes away and we have one about 5 minutes from our house. I have been thinking about leaving because it's a decent chunk of time to go there, but I really liked her and wanted to stay with her because she is awesome. The other doctor there is pretty darn good too, but well, I don't have the emotional pull to him to drive that much. Blah. I hate good byes, even if it is just a doctor, but she honestly changed my life.

In other news, we've been blessed again. I have 10 dozen ears of corn in my garage right now waiting to be frozen. I'm given 2 dozen away for a friend to freeze and then I will begin working on my stash. After I blanch and freeze it all, I'm also giving some to granny and gramps (who won't be making the normal trek to Florida this winter) and I will probably have enough left over to give out to lots of other people too! I have also been giving out ears of corn to other people I know. My parents have another 15 dozen that they don't know what to do with and I'm so afraid it will go to waste so I want to single-handedly keep as much of it from the dump as possible. But again, I will have enough corn to see us through many many meals and frankly, that is just awesome IMO. And I am so grateful. I told the people at the farm this week that have and will single-handedly save me a LOT of money on groceries and just how thankful I am for that. And then I teared up again because I'm all freaking emotional these days.

Speaking of being blessed, I have a job! I can work from home. In my pajamas if I want or late at night when I suffer from insomnia! LOL! I will be working for The Motherhood, which even if they weren't going to be sending me a paycheck I would tell you is a WONDERFUL site and I love it. Although my paychecks will be small, they will be paychecks. That is wonderful. I can now feel like I contribute financially to our family and the tightness we are feeling will get a little bit less tight (although, we will still be very budgeted and still in a position to watch every single dollar we spend). But this is good news for us. And it's a step in the right direction. And I am so thankful and it's a website I would be active on even without the paycheck, and can you have a better job than one you enjoy so much you would do it for free? Nope! I don't really think so! =)

Anyway, that about sums up my life right now.

In a funk ...

Again. :-(
I think I'm ready to just cut my entire mouth out at this point. I also think the medicine he's got me on is too much for me.
Unexpected bills came in today that will really really strain us. I know, I'm sort of a sissy girl, but I just cried when we sat down to figure it all out. We will make it, but well, the rest of October will mean spending absolutely as little as possible. Good thing we just stocked up on groceries over the weekend I guess. I think I could feed us the rest of the month and only buy milk and some fresh fruit/veggies. Which is a blessing, because I can not imagine the pain of wondering how to feed your family. Ugh. Just thinking that there are moms out there worried about that tonight really breaks my heart and makes me wish I was a millionaire just so I could give most of it away.
Tomorrow is a very busy day, and I'll be honest, I seriously wish I could just crawl into bed and sleep all day. My body is so work out. It is just craving sleep so badly right now. Which, obviously isn't helping my mood at all.
My husband assures me this will pass. That life will be tough for a bit, but it will get better. I have a feeling the selling of this house will happen though so we can have a bit more breathing room. And it does break my heart. I do know though, that this house is just a structure, and a home will be wherever we make it, but boy, it is hard of thinking of leaving.
And we are so blessed, that I don't want to come here and whine. Because I really am thankful for what we have. And I am thankful for what we have been giving (and even now I know that there will be some clothes coming for my kids that someone is graciously passing down to us). And I am grateful that my family is healthy.
I do try to hold onto all of that, but boy is it hard when you are looking at the budget and going "Okay, if I only drive when I absolutely have to, we can funnel 50 from gas towards that bill. And we're stocked up on groceries so next week let's slash the grocery budget in half and put the rest towards the bill. And the kids have enough jeans to make it until November, so we if do the winter shopping next month, the clothes budget can go towards the bill. And yeah, we were going to put x into savings, but that will all go towards the bill" well, it's hard and the reality of the financial picture is really hard to miss.
But as my dh said, we have food, we have clothes, and we are so very lucky for that. We are not going without. We are just going without more. We have enough to get by. And so, I'm trying to keep dh's words in my head and his spirit in my head right now
(on an interest note, last week he was the one who was saying we can't make it and I was being the cheerleader for him! I figure as long as we get bummed about it at different times, then we will survive this time!)
Anyway, that's what is on my mind tonight.

I NEED chocolate!

Ugh. I so need chocolate. Like 5 hours ago.
My tooth is infected again. I am on a stronger antibiotic this time. We attempted to finish the root canal on Wednesday. We didn't. I have to go back (hopefully) in 2 weeks to finish it. But all that work made all the pain come back. Yesterday it seemed tolerable enough (with the aid of some advil) but I knew we were headed for pain when I woke up this morning because of the pain. And it's not the tooth so much, as there's a cyst or something below the tooth - so it's actually below that tooth along the jaw line where the pain is. Not only that, but I can feel whatever is in there if I touch it - which stupidly enough I keep trying to feel it which makes it hurt more! Yes, I'm an idiot at times.
Aside from that dh has been gone a lot this week. The kids miss him. I miss him. He works so hard though so it's not like I'm mad he hasn't been around. I just miss him. We've hardly had a chance to talk much. Our longest conversation this week - was on the phone today.

Aside from all that whining, I was able to get my house pretty clean this week! It looks messy now, but that's just things out of place. Most surfaces have been scrubbed, dusted, vacuumed, mopped, swept, washed, wiped, and just cleaned! That feels good. I've planned my meals for next week. Tomorrow I will go shopping and probably do a trip where we will bulk up on items. I've found I tend to do two weeks of bulk shopping and then 2 weeks of light shopping. And we are running out of all those things I bulked up on a few weeks ago!

Tomorrow I have to work! I haven't had a pay check since - well, I think since 6ish years ago? Crazy! Just a few hours in the evening for my parents selling tickets. The nice thing is that between crowds I can pull out some knitting. Definitely a perk for sure!

So incredibly blessed!

Dh and I have been so incredibly blessed lately, it is amazing.
First of all, twice in the last two weeks we've been given almost a complete meal for free from my family's business. Sometimes they close without food being sold (hamburgers, hotdogs, brats) and twice they've give the leftovers to him. Since it's about a 15 minute drive, they are actually slightly warm when he brings them home! We merely pull out some chips and fruit from the fridge and eat dinner! Hotdogs and hamburgers may not seem like a big deal, but really, it is.
Then on Sunday night he brought home an entire box of apples for me to make applesauce with. I finally got around to doing it tonight. I had to toss about 25% of the apples because they were "seconds" and didn't feel like waiting until tonight to be messed with. The rest though, were still beautiful and I till can't figure out how they were considered seconds! I made enough applesauce to fill 12 1-pint jars up! Combine that with the 6 already in my freezer, and that should last us at least 4 months. And I have children who LOVE applesauce. This is an incredibly blessing for us.
Now, it gets even better! He was also given 14 ears of corn (that had been grilled already but not sold). So we cut off the kernels and froze it. I have enough corn for at least 4 dinners in my freezer now.
Honestly and truly, this is incredibly wonderful for us! The awesome thing, I can get my hands on another box of apples pretty much once a week until the end of October!
I am so incredibly thankful for these gifts.

Now, don't get me wrong ... because I don't want to leave anyone with the wrong impression. We would be able to put an adequate amount of food on the table without these gifts. But, regardless, this truly helps! Because we are trying to fix the mess we made of money over the course of this year. And we are at the point where every little dollar counts. And so this is tremendously wonderful!

Lately ...

I've been spending time going through all our digital pictures (which date back to 2001!) to delete all the blurry, heads missing, bad shots, etc, from the hard-drive. No need to store pictures I absolutely would never print up. Plus, I have a terrible habit of taking a series of 7 pictures in a row in the hopes of getting one good one.
I am not completely done and have already freed up a lot of space on the hard drive LOL!

Aside from the feeling of getting a little bit more organized around here, it's been an interesting trip down memory lane. I can't believe how little the girls look in those pictures! Little Momma was a newborn in some of them! We have a few of Little miss really young, but most pictures start around her 3rd birthday! She has changed so much and it really struck me how much she has "grown up." And even Little Man, who granted is only 21 months old now, but to see his newborn pictures ... It is so amazing looking back on them.

But I noticed a few things:
1. I have so many pictures of Little Momma laying down ... on the couch, on the floor, just laying and hanging. Not to say I don't have any pictures of her playing, but they are a small percentage of them. I have her laying and looking at books, I have her laying and holding dolls, I have her cuddling with blankets. She truly has changed the most of all my kids - you wouldn't know today that she had extensive therapy from about 18 months to 3 years old! And thank God for that truly. I am so glad how far she has come, and she had to work hard to get here and I am so thankful we are where we are today with her.

2. I have tons of pictures of the kids painting, exploring, playing dress-up, playing with rice and beans (yes, I have buckets of both for my children), of them helping me cook, of walks and parks and all sorts of fun things. But something has changed .... I don't do those things so much anymore with the kids. And that makes me feel sad truthfully. I don't know if moving into another house stopped some of it and then being sick while pregnant made some more of it stop and then having a very high maintenance child stopped the rest of it ... that's my guess. But it is time to get it back!

So I've been trying. I took the kids out last Saturday to a (free) event locally that the girls at least enjoyed. I pulled out the box of beans the other day and all three kids went crazy for them! Of course there were quite a few spills with Little man in the mix, but I didn't let that bother me! I am letting Little Man help me out more often (which is helping in two ways, I can actually accomplish housework and he's too busy "helping" me to whine about not getting my undivided attention 24/7). I have been playing blocks and barbies and trains and school with the kids. We go outside, we work together, we talk, we have more fun. We are still going in small steps but I am trying hard to get that back. And given what feels like an endless supplies of art stuff in our basement and the tight budget we are on right now, I have a feeling this is exactly the sorts of things I need to bring back before the winter weather really sets in and we are feeling housebound when the temperatures are in the teens for a week at a time!

Already starting ...

Today my 7 year old came to me pretty sad.
A few girls in the neighborhoods made fun of her clothes. They said her shirts were not "cool." They also teased her because they weren't bought at 2 stored that are apparently in around here. Furthermore, they laughed and guessed her clothes were bought at Target or Kohls.
I knew this day would be coming. And I feel her pain (I never shopped at the right stores growing up either). And it's killing me to know they are are already teasing her about this ... the girl is in second grade! Do kids really care about where the clothes they wear come from? Do other parents buy the clothes the children insist are "cool" without thinking about the cost or the message they are sending their children? Well, apparently kids that young do care about it.
And because dh and I don't believe in catering to what is cool and what is not, my dd will pay the price by having these kids make fun of her.

We did talk about it today. I told her what is on the inside is more important, but that it is sometimes hard to remember that when you are young and trying to be cool. I told her she is beautiful no matter where her clothes are bought. I told her to not let anyone make her feel any less pretty because of it. I gave her a big hug. I told her I was sorry that it was happening. I tried to make her feel better. I tried to alleviate some of her pain. She smiled when we were done. She told me she knew the inside was more important. But she told me it's not fun to be the "uncool" kid.

I can't fix this. And I'll admit ... there is a part of me that wants to run out to the "cool" stores and buy her a few shirts from there so that she can be like the others, but I won't do that. Maybe when the budget allows for it, or we are going just because it is a place to shop, we'll go to them. And maybe we'll buy something ... but I don't want to teach her at 7 to cave into peer pressure!

But folks, my heart hurts for her. And I hope this isn't going to happen often or anytime soon. Because I've been there. And it doesn't feel good. And it isn't easy to remember to judge someone by the inside when you are 12 and the other kids are laughing at you.

CGI

Right now the Clinton Global Initiative is happening in New York.
My friend Emily is there right now (and blogging about it here).
Today she shared the link so that we can watch it live via the web ... go check it out ... here.
I've been able to sneak in a bit between everything else going on here and wow - some amazing things going on there. Lots of good talking. Lots of good sharing. Lots of good ideas. Go, watch, listen, learn and maybe something will spark with you and you will be moved to do something!

I've been neglectful ...

of this little blog here.
Some days I am bursting with 1,001 things to tell you about, and other times, I'm silent - not having much to share.
Right now although I am silent, it feels as if 1,001 things are happening around here. Except I lack the words or the time or the motivation to come and share it all. Sometimes I need to come here and type everything out and other times I need to mull it over in my head for a while and then I'm ready to come type it all out.

We are in the midst of all these changes around here - which seem big to talk about and yet are small in the day to day routine of things. I suppose that's a good thing. Small changes in the routine are easier to incorporate, are easier to make habit and are easier to stick to. We are doing fabulous on our budget. We are spending wisely and "acting our wages" finally. Of course, to really do that well, we will probably be selling out house this spring. It leaves me with a bit of sadness. I like our house. I like our neighborhood. It will feel as if we just got settled and then we will have to move again! We'll see how that goes. I have also started to fall in love with housekeeping tasks and meal planning and grocery shopping and all that jazz - something I've never wanted to do before, much less actually enjoy it! DH was just replaces at his company (but thankfully not fired from it - right now he's training the replacement and will hopefully be moved to another spot in the company). It leaves me a little bit anxious though! What if they decide to fire him in a month? He isn't all that convinced that the other guy will even work out though so maybe he won't stay replaced for more than a few weeks!

My son is driving me nuts. He is just constantly challenging me, whining at me, wearing me out, driving me crazy, and pushing all my buttons - all at the ripe old age of 21 months old! Something has to give here. I am trying to readjust my parenting strategy with him. I'm trying to swoop in and redirect before we get to a temper tantrum point, but well, I'm not always successful with that! Today though he helped me make some applesauce which proved to be a good distraction for him and great fun for us as we watched him try to "sneak" bits of apple from the pot when I wasn't looking! But we're trying .. and I know miracles don't happen overnight.

My Little Momma is doing fabulously well on her diet. I keep waiting for it to stop working (I know, sort of sad) but it keeps on working well! So yeah for that! =)

I suppose I should also tell you that the scrapbooking the other night was FABULOUS. I am so glad I didn't cancel it - we had fun. I finally finished the book I have been working on. I got 3 embroidery orders. And I laughed. A lot. So that was good.

The parenting seminar I went to a few weeks ago was good as well - and my church has been doing a small group study that is more in-depth which I've gone to a few times (although we skipped on Sunday). It is good stuff. However, it is really for kids 3 and over - the things we talk about just don't translate to a tiny guy very well (i.e. we talk about having the child change their heart and taking breaks and being able to answer "What did you do wrong? Why was that wrong? What will you do next time?) Although these things are working well with my girls (ages 5 and 7), not so much with the 1 year old. Oh well. We'll get there with him. And hey, it is working with my girls and has lowered the amount of yelling a lot so I'm thankful for that.

Anyway, I think that pretty much covers all of life for the moment. And now I must go tend to the applesauce I am making and which is smelling so YUMMY!

In 20 hours ...

I will be hosting a scrapbooking gathering at my house.
This should excite me - I'll get together with some ladies, I'll get to scrapbook.

However, I am filled with terror and dread!

1. My entire house is a pigsty. Tomorrow somehow I will need to clean, sweep, mop, vaccuum, organize, finish laundry, teach the children, entertain the school and not lose my mind.

2. We have almost no food in the house, about 3 diapers left, no paper towels left. So I have to go to the grocery store. Which is usually a nightmare trip truthfully.

3. My mouth still hurts. I made it to the dentist today to find out in the spot that was hurting - an old filling leaked into the root (or something - I was only half listening), my body saw it as a foreign object and began to attack it. Oh, yeah, that sounds lovely. So we had to start a root canal today. It was not pleasant. I tell you, my mouth does not stay numb long. (This has been on-going since I can remember and also happens with topical numbing creams like lidocaine). They do some work, it starts to hurt, they stick me again, do some work, it starts to hurt, they stick me again. It never fails that we get to the almost done part and I grin and bear the pain instead of stopping to get numb again. And even though I do it by choice, it still sucks frankly.


Anyway, my mouth is still pretty sore and frankly shopping/cleaning/entertaining is not on my list of things I want to do. I will attempt to do it all anyway, because at the end of the evening, I will be glad that I had people over and that I could get that time to work on my scrapbook! But I will probably whine my way through it tomorrow LOL

That is all. Just wanted to get that out there and whine a little to the internet.

Do. Not. Procrastinate.

I am the QUEEN of procrastination. I have procrastinated on nearly everything at some point in my life. Every time I get something pretty close to the wire, I promise to not procrastinate next time. Apparently, I am procrastinating on putting that promise into action! But it seems that each time I am able to squeak by. And I have to say, sometimes the rush of trying to do things in a short time, well, sometimes it can feel good (in a weird way I guess). So far I haven't had anything really bad happen due to my procrastination.
Until this past week. Not only was I burned once by procrastinating, oh no, I was burned twice.
First, I sometimes I procrastinate on laundry - but eventually the cries of my family running out of underwear get me to do it. However, sometimes I put my son in cloth diapers, and sometimes I don't. Apparently last time I put him in cloth for a few days, I forgot and never did that load of laundry. I think the last time he wore cloth was a month ago? Maybe? I won't tell you about it - only that even after washing everything about 10 times, everything in that basket will be thrown away. Actually, if I had found them the night before garbage day, I would have tossed without washing. But since I found it almost right after the garbage was collected, I could not let it sit for another 6 days like that. Really, all I can say is, it was gross. And I'll leave it at that.

Second, when I had my teeth cleaned this fall I was warned about some cavities. A few on one side and a few on the other (yes, I get a lot of cavities and I've discussed it here before but it's just how it is). So I had the one side worked on and promised to come back to get the other side. Besides, I told myself, it's not like any of it hurts or anything. Until Thursday night that is. I was innocently brushing my teeth before bed. I then flossed and even used Listerine without problem. Laid down and approximately 43 seconds later pain was searing through the left bottom of my mouth. I got up, took a few Tylenol, and tried to go back to bed. Tried to suppress the tears, took a few more Tylenol and finally, about 3 hours later fell asleep. Now, the crazy thing is that when I woke up, it didn't hurt. I actually wondered if I dreamed it! But to be on the safe side, I phoned the dentist (hoping to get in the next day or two). Oh no, Mr. Dentist wasn't going to be in the office again until Tuesday. I was told to take ibuprofen next time and call back if the pain increased. So I went about my day and in the afternoon the pain started to come back - but nothing too bad. Until it got really bad and I popped 2 advil, sat on teh couch and just started to bawl! Yes, I bawl and I'm a wimp. Big Man stopped to buy some orajel on his way home. It helped a little bit - but then the advil kicked in and so we decided to go out to dinner (since it was my mommy's birthday). And it was good, until towards the end when it felt like someone walked by and stuck a knife through my tooth and gum. I went to the car (where I bawled some more) and waited for the rest of my family to finish. When we came home, Big Man called the dentist. And I now have an antibiotic in case it's infected and some vicodin to take. And it's helping, but there is still some pain there. And Tuesday feels like it is 4 months away.

So, well, if this won't teach me not to procrastinate, I'm pretty sure there is no hope for me on that subject!